last night, i cried so hard that my ears hurt.
today, i woke up with my throat screaming,
too dry to open my mouth and let air in.
my pillows were still wet,
my eyes still puffy.
when i plopped out of bed,
my knees and shoulders ached
and i buckled under my own weight.
sometimes you wake up with the difficulties of yesterday.
people will spout condolences or positive, affirming quotes,
but no amount of rainbows and hanging cats
could make my heart stop diving down into
the pit of my hollow stomach.
because, it takes a lot,
a whole lot of courage
to leave your hollow space
in the one corner of your bed
when all you want to do
is build a brick wall around it.
it takes a whole lot of courage
to let prying eyes bore into your soul
wondering what they can do to help.
it’s hard to face yourself in the mirror
and pick out all the things you’d like to change.
it’s hard being blue
in a world of yellows.
and, yet, you get out of bed.
you brush your hair
and you put on makeup.
you put on your brave face,
because staying in bed all day is one way to cope,
but, it takes courage,
not more or less,
to live your life.