california, you’re driving me crazy

i’ve never experienced anything beautiful

the only thing i can remember is riding bikes around this small town with people who are now mundane

biking around before anyone could drive and before things got so complicated and you liked drinking so much and your new friends

when we would go down random streets just to go down them and listen to music that made us fall in love

not with each other although we loved each other but with this silly small town and the feeling it gave us

maybe it didn’t make us fall in love maybe it only made me

you’re much cooler now but we put your speaker in the bike basket and listened to music with girls singing who had much prettier voices than you and had picnics and sat in grass that made me itchy all over

and this isn’t a love story in any way nor am i mad i just wish i was more artistic and didn’t have to read on people who are much cooler than i am to become inspired

i think that’s where all of this sprouts from

my lack of creativity and artistic ability and i try but maybe i’m made to grow up and hate my job

while i’m at it i might as well just quit this whole class along with every other one too

i’ll probably just keep picking the skin off my thumbs and dedicate my life towards the absolute rotting of my brain like all my friends are doing

and i’ll stay in the same shitty town where i listened to shitty music with you in that only made us hate each other probably because your voice was prettier than hers but I would never tell you that

and this town is rainy now and not the good type of rain but the sad type and the places we used to go make me sick and you

you and your new friends exchange presents while i’m sitting there and that makes me feel lonelier than i already did

and i’m not artistic and i have good grades but if i know anything i know i don’t want to work in an office

but my family told me only people who are super motivated to do something else can get bad grades

and they tell me that will never be me

so i guess i’m going to be sitting in a office at a job i detest but if i’m lucky enough i’ll be in downtown LA or maybe new york

or maybe i’ll blend in with the rest and maybe people will think i’m cool on instagram and i’ll sit around my house on the road to fucking nowhere.

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