home, sweet home

Everything goes back to normal here, at least it looks like it. 

People are out on the street again, some kids are playing around, some people are running with earphones in, some are waiting at bus station, some are riding bicycles, some are delivering food or other packages……

But every single of them is wearing a mask, even including the baby in the stroller. And they don’t interact with each other but keep distance.

Cars were driven on streets again, public transportations were back as well. Restaurants, supermarkets, malls were reopened. Schools are planning to reopen soon. Even domestic travel has been promoted now.

But no matter what place it is opened, there will be a gigantic obvious sign hanging on the door says “STERILIZED TODAY”, and there will also have a sign right next to it that says “please wait here for the health check.”

PC: timgsa.baidu.com

Disease Prevention Center developed the “Health QR code” to represent the users’ health status at the beginning of February. By now, literally everyone has their own code in their mobile phone, at least in the city where I’m living.

The code has three different colors: green, yellow, and red. Every single place requests to have a GREEN code for entering or leaving. The RED code holder is requested for self-imposed quarantine at home or mass quarantine for 14 days in a row, and shall be eligible to have a GREEN code when he/she has reported himself/herself in normal condition for the past 14 days.

The first free morning after I got out of mass quarantine, my health code didn’t turn into green from red. I had difficulty returning home, the security guard wouldn’t let me enter the community where I live after knowing that I didn’t have the correct color code. 

I thought I don’t need to take my temperature twice a day after quarantine, but it turned out that my temperature is taken about ten times a day now.

Wherever I enter, there will always be someone stop me to take my temperature first and then ask to check my health code.

PC: timgsa.baidu.com

One thing really baffled me: I don’t get it why some people slightly backed off and kept distance from me after they heard I am just released from quarantine. Although I also told them that took two testings, and both of them were negative.

I wrote a blog post about racism after virus two months ago, and now I felt a bit of discrimination in my own country. I think it originated from fear, and I don’t know what I can do about it. 

sharing sadness

Can I complain about the pathetic life that I’m living in recently?

If you don’t mind, keep reading.

[1]

I saw the news today: “SAFER AT HOME” ORDER IS ISSUED FOR L.A. COUNTY

Are they actually gonna shut down the city?

I couldn’t believe it, I was totally shocked and thought it was pretty ridiculous when Wuhan city closed off.

Now I felt the same.

[2]

An extremely optimistic person, that’s what my friends say about me. I will always stay positive no matter what happens, that’s what I thought.

But… I have to say this now, I just can’t hold it back anymore. MY LIFE IS SO MISERABLE at the current situation.

I thought it would have been a minor thing and stoped in China, and that was it. 

But now the WHOLE FUCKING WORLD IS SHUTTING DOWN.

PC: timgsa.baidu.com

[3]

Since the moment I landed in Shanghai, I was surrounded by full-body protective suits. I filled out lots of forms, they took my temperature many times, and other health checks. 

It took me six hours to go through all these AFTER TWENTY HOURS FLIGHT.

After I exited from the airport, the government from my hometown Zhejiang Province provided transportation from Shanghai to Zhejiang.

Then my city government picked me up from where the province bus dropped me.

And the local government from my home district drove me to the hotel, where I received more health checks and quarantine. 

14 days long quarantine. Alone, in a hotel room. Something I haven’t done before. I even can’t stand the feeling of eating alone.

I expected everything will be fine as soon as I get back home. 

But I’m literally trapped here. I didn’t even get a chance to see my mom closely. All I did was wave at her through the metal bars on the windows from the fifth floor.

[4]

I was gonna do my homework today. I opened my laptop, went on safari, tried moodle, AP classroom, and Khan Academy. 

Then… all showed up on my screen was “Safari Can’t Open the Page.”

For distance learning, we literally use google everything: google docs for editing words, google meet for the virtual class, google drive for sharing videos or slides, Gmail for communication……

However… GOOGLE IS BANNED IN CHINA.

I didn’t realize how serious the problem is until now.

[5]

Before all this shit happened, I was on the non-sugar diet with my friends. But now, I have to stop the diet. I really need sugar to paralyze my nerves and slow down the mental break down.

Even before last Friday, my plan was taking SAT on Saturday morning, ice-skating in the evening, brunch and shopping mall on Sunday. 

Boom, everything just happened too fast. I hate when I have to say goodbye to the people I loved. I told myself that we will see each other again for sure, but I am not sure when. Maybe in a few weeks, maybe a couple of months, maybe several years, or maybe never.

[6]

I woke up at three this morning, got out of bed at six. 

I took a shower, got dressed up, did makeup. When I was going to put on my shoes, I suddenly realized that I am going nowhere, I am staying here for the next eleven days. No matter how good the weather is outside, I told myself while looking through the metal bars window.

Not even able to open the door of my room on my own. 

Am I really a living bioweapon?

[7]

What was also in the news I saw: one positive thing.

The air pollution is going down in China.

diet?

I started non artificial sugar diet again, because my skin condition was getting really bad and I just couldn’t bear it.

And sugar is the one who exacerbates problems to acne and blemish breakouts.

The non-sugar diet is a popular search term on the Internet. But it’s not a branded eating philosophy; it’s a lifestyle. Also called a sugar-free diet, this way of eating seeks to remove sources of added sugar from your daily food intake.

Non artificial sugar means no milk chocolate, no chocolate milk, no cookies, no chips, no syrup on pancakes, no ketchup on hash brown, no brown sugar in oatmeal…

These desserts have become part of my life, and now I realized they are not even good for me.

It was so hard when I just started it, I had the thought of giving up too. And it was Valentine’s day last Friday, I tried so hard to not thinking about chocolate or cupcakes.

It took about one week for me to get used to it. And now I really enjoy my diet.

PC: thespruceeats.com

stay optimistic

Sometimes, things are really not as bad as you imagined.

Recently, I often overstress on every little thing that bothers me.

It affected me deeply.

There were lots of things in my mind, and left no space for my brain normal functioning.

I couldn’t even sleep well, I dreamed a lot, and woke up as I didn’t even get rest.

I didn’t even know what happened to me, but I am trying my best to put everything back on the right track.

I admit that I wasn’t really positive these days, wasn’t as optimistic as usual.

I kept regretting what I have done, and I’m afraid that I will screw things up again.

I’m trying to make things look better, but all I did is the opposite.

Maybe it’s the time to slow down, take a deep breath, clear my mind a little bit, and then keep moving on.

Things will get better with time goes, I hope.

pc: success.com

Viruses have NO nationality

Last week, I went to a basketball game at another school. 

Before the game, my Chinese friend was sneezing five times in a row due to her allergies.

The referee saw her and made a really stupid joke. 

“You got that virus too?”

No one laughed, except him. 

credit by: twitter.com

I saw the news today. 

In the subway station in NYC, an Asian lady was attacked for wearing a mask, and called a ‘Diseased B*tch’. 

I was totally shocked, I just couldn’t understand it. 

I thought mask means protection, for the people who are wearing it. 

But in that news, mask brought her something completely different from protection.

This is a story that my friend told me. 

She is a student abroad in Sydney, and when she called a taxi from the airport to school. 

The first sentence driver said to her: “Are you from China?”

She said: “Yes.”

The driver said: “Don’t open your mouth in the car.”

She was so confused and astounded, feeling endlessly helpless.

Ebola is not an African virus, H1N1 is not a Mexican virus, and the coronavirus is not a Chinese virus.

Viruses have NO nationality.

Racism is the MOST dangerous virus.

Let’s go against viruses together, NOT Chinese.

bicycle

Riding on a bicycle should be a very simple thing, but it is extremely difficult for me. When I was a child, I could ride the four-wheel and three-wheel bicycle very well, and I liked to ride around in my neighborhood. I felt myself was as cool as the police riding on his motorcycle. 

pc: rei.com

However, I cannot ride the bicycle anymore that I rode when I grew up. I started to learn how to ride the two-wheel bicycle, and it is much more difficult than I expected. This kind of bicycle is totally different from what I used to ride, it has no balance at all. Someone told me that you can get balance when you’re riding. So I was trying to pedal and let the bicycle move forward, and it was quite smooth at first, I even could felt the breeze touch my face gently. But, this condition did not last longer than one minute, I felt that I was just like a clown performing acrobatics when the bicycle started to shake left and right. I was too scared to continue pedaling, then the bicycle started to tilt to one side until it touched the ground. Then I was sitting on the cement floor with a scrape on my knee. 

The end of this story is I will never ride any bicycles again, even if it is more than two-wheels. 

IDK

Sometimes recently, I feel completely lost.

I just, I just don’t know anymore.

In the past, I really hated to say the phrase “I don’t know.” Every time when I say that, I feel I am weak. I hate myself being weak.

But recently, I say this phrase more and more often. I really want to avoid it, but I just can’t help.

Saying “I don’t know” is much easier than saying something else. No need to think, no need to explain, no need to worry about the consequence.

And sometimes, I just really don’t know, and I don’t want to find out the answer either.

I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, I don’t know what the future will be like.

I know I need to make some changes, but I don’t know where to start.

PC: gfycat.com

But….. I remember Socrates said that “I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing.”

I guess maybe it’s not that bad to say “I don’t know.”