I am Korean. And, I am Americanized.

My circle of friends varies–Koreans who have never been in America, Koreans who have tasted American culture, Korean-Americans, Americans, and Europeans.

As a high school senior who began boarding in 2003 as a fifth grader at a private school in California, I know what America is. As I get older, I now face some dilemmas within the Korean and American social structures, and I am not alone in this journey of confusion and struggles.

Here is my case:
My mother completed her education in Korea while my father did in America. Weighing the benefits and disadvantages of American educational system, my parents provided me the chance to broaden my insights. Before I took off on my journey to this land of opportunities, they clarified on this one thing–you are Korean. I did not get it because I was legitimately Korean. But the more days I spent in America where the culture vastly contrasts from the one in South Korea, I started to doubt about my manners, logics in English, semi-understanding of American trend, English writing skills, Korean speaking and writing capabilities, and most importantly, adapting to the Korean and American social structures.

I do not know where I will settle to live and work.

But if I stay in this ambiguity of my capabilities and inclinations, my life will surely result in a ugly mess.

Who’s fault is it?

Is it my parents who wanted me to know the world?
Is it me who strives to blend and find my place within these two clashing cultures?
Is it the American culture that holds many biases and prejudices against different cultures?
Is it the Korean culture that demands certain structure and traditions and preserves only the ancient minds?
Or is it just my destiny?

It would be great if I find the solution before I open up a new chapter in my life, college.

If not, I will probably crash at some point and by then, my mind hopefully finds a enlightenment to this problem like the movie “Crash.”