More poetry

I get money

I like my Bunches of Oats with Honey

My eggs need ’em runny

The weather, it’s sunny

I drink Dasani and got one knee

Easter time, bunny

I am funny

I like candy, yummy

Dead people, mummy

All y’all my sonny

pc: readthinkwrite

Chip Review

Kettle: Sea Salt and Vinegar

Sitting here in Journalism, eating some Salt and Vinegar chips and writing a blog, so you know I gotta do a chip review. Kettle chips are known to be the best, their immaculate crunch and their explosive flavors. Sea salt and Vinegar is the best of Kettle. The sweet vinegar taste on the chips perfectly contrasts the saltiness, accompanied by the crisp, this chip has reached the utmost peak of all snacks. The texture and sediment on the chip is a small con, as one needs a napkin or a sink nearby to clean their hands, however, it doesn’t put a dent in the pros of flavor and texture. Kettle: Sea Salt and Vinegar chips are the best chips known to man, and nobody can make me think different.

9.8/10

photo credit: Amazon

Post-Chip Journal

I ate the chip.

If you have no clue what I am talking about, you probably aren’t put on. It’s cool though, I’ll put you on. Last week I wrote a blog that laid out the chip challenge I orchestrated for my podcast which you can read here: ( https://ovsjournalists.com/2022/02/08/pre-chip-journal/ ).

My Pre-Chip Journal was full of joy, wonder, excitement for the journey I was about to embark on. I had a ton of ideas that were good in theory: many wheels, games, tests, goofs, and gaffes. Some worked some didn’t. We spun the first wheels and ate the chips in the order decided upon by the wheels. The problem arose when we went to play feud before our next wheel. We staggered our chip eating times, my co-host ate, 30 seconds later the editor ate, and 30 seconds later I ate. This led to my co-host being in a hiccup fit when I began playing. My tonsils and ears started burning, I felt my cartilage melting like some sort of Ear Nose Throat doctor’s office diagram-shaped candle. All concerns about the order and plans I had made went out the window. Eff the spelling bee. Eff feud. I. Am. Done.

I frantically mashed click on the computer connected to the tv behind us, spinning the wheel that decides what we get to drink. My co-host couldn’t open his chocolate milk. My editor opened a milk carton like it was a Christmas present. Milk went EVERYWHERE. I finally got to my chocolate milk and had a drink.

Sweet relief overcame my mouth, I was back to normal!

(please watch this, I am using this as a sentence)

VC: NOID

The pepper was dancing on my grave. It was back just as strong as before.

We spun the next wheel, I got lemon juice, which in my panicked state I poured into my chocolate milk, leading to a sour, coddled, sweet beverage that went down terribly. From here on out I don’t remember much. I was dying. I bit into a lemon, which actually really helped, something about the acid canceling the capsaicin.

I then went to lay on the floor. I zoned out on the floor for a few minutes, and when I came out of my pepper trance, I was feeling fine. The burning had moved down to my upper chest, which hurt far less than my mouth. I then ate roughly 7 mini muffins and the infamous wet bread. Wet bread, for those who yet again are NOT put on, is wonderbread with club soda. I wouldn’t wish it upon my worst enemy.

At that point, the wheel had gone out the window. I began eating a whole onion, my co-host had the entire lemon turned inside out in his mouth, and my editor was still dying.

Our teacher, throughout this whole experience, was anxiously crossing his arms, pacing, and looked like he was about to collapse out of the fear a student’s stomach lining would rip open in front of him.

The podcast is super funny, which I am proud of. I am more pleased though, with the fact my editor had firey diarrhea the whole night, the best form of payback.

One Chip

Recently, we sat down to do a Hill Talk Podcast where we partook in the One Chip Challenge. We didn’t do the real challenge of eating the whole chip because our teacher is liable for our health and safety, but I must say, that shit still hurt. I can’t even describe the chip as spicy, it was just painful. As soon as I bit into the chip, I tasted a disgusting flavor of heat and pepper. The chip was thick, crispy, and dry as hell. Thus making it very hard to chew. It resembled eating sandpaper in my mind. My first reaction to the heat was to hiccup. My diaphragm began to convulse with the power of 1,000 stampeding wildebeests. I could’ve sworn I was gonna throw up. This all happened in a blink of an eye, and as time progressed, so did the pain. The chip lit up my spice receptors like a Christmas tree, it would be safe to say that the only thoughts on my mind were the exponentially increasing pain, and the chocolate milk I was thirsting to chug. Breathing became a difficult task, and speaking became an unintelligible blabber. This one chip fucked me up. If it wasn’t for the lemon juice chemically neutralizing the capsaicin, I’d be a goner. Even with this bitter miracle of fruit juice, the chip still put me on my ass. I could’ve sworn I contacted IBS, I mean, how could a healthy intestinal circuit feel like it’s moving shattered glass all because of one chip. I will rue the day that I participated in the Paqui One Chip Challenge.

Amazon.com: Paqui Carolina Reaper Madness One Chip Challenge Tortilla Chip
https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FPaqui-Carolina-Madness-Challenge-Tortilla%2Fdp%2FB01M748NRN&psig=AOvVaw2H6tlDP3Wis_qjLB5n8KQZ&ust=1644354821226000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAsQjRxqFwoTCND4-pnB7vUCFQAAAAAdAAAAABAF

Pre-Chip Journal

This Monday. 10 Am. Ojai Valley School. The last conference room on the right. It’s going down.

I will be orchestrating the show of the century via my video podcast. Myself, my co-host, and my newspaper’s editor will be eating the world’s spiciest chip. On camera. It WILL be the highlight of my year or the reason I get violently ill and have to leave school.

Going into the new year, I needed new ideas for my budding podcast. To be honest, my coverage and predictions about Omicron were shaky to say the least, some would even say disastrous but hey you live and you learn.

ANYWAYS, a ton of planning has gone into this. I had the idea on a crisp Thursday morning at 7:15 am on the toilet browsing Tik Tok. I saw this random old dude force feeding himself for views on tik tok when I saw him down 4 or 5 very spicy chilies, some daused in the world’s hottest hot sauce, followed up by a shot of vodka and him spraying WD-40 down his gullet. The funniest part is he starts with this cute little gag accent which slowly transitions into him moaning, whining, and crying as he forces himself to eat them (attached his so-called highlights at the bottom). Truly enthralling stuff. When I got to Journalism that day, I was instantly bombarded by my teacher and editor about not doing enough during my time between episodes (true but no way I would admit it).

“I’m gonna make my editor eat something so hot, she doesn’t have a tongue to tell me to slack off less,” I thought to myself.

It’s a pretty great plan if you factor our the fact that I will be torturing myself and my co-host for a gag/to see my editor’s face when she eats this chip.

I have created a whole show around the one spicy chip which I will outline:

First, we will chat around for a second, maybe get a cameo on the fourth mic from our teacher, get some other Journalism students to chime in and what not, setting the stage for the main event. Then, we will spin a wheel to determine the order in which we eat the chips. Then, another wheel will be spun to determine how much of the chip will be eaten: 60% for 1/3, 35% for 2/3, and 5% for 3/3. You are gonna hear “another wheel” a handful more times throughout this blog. Get used to it. After this spin, we will eat the chip, and film our reaction for 3 minutes. We will then all play Family Feud while handling the heat. The winner will get first dibs to spin two wheels that are mostly filled with things that help heat like milk and carbs, but also some negatives like tonic water and an onion. The other two will spin this wheel in the order of their points in Feud. After this, we will have a spelling bee, something my editor is impossibly terrible at. After this, we will probably wrap up, and that will be our show.

I am pretty excited, but I hope nobody gets a stomach ulcer leading to me getting sued. I’ll attach the podcast to my next blog so stay tuned.

VC: TikTok Legend

Eggplant

Many people dislike or even hate eggplant, but I think eggplant is good when cooked right. And the dish that I think is cooked correctly is the eggplant casserole that my grama makes.

Gretchen Schuette, my grandma, wrote down her mom’s eggplant casserole and it is delicious. It is the perfect balance of eggplant and tomato. The grated cheese on top is the perfect way to finish the dish.

Ingredients:

1 medium-size eggplant

3 tbsp. butter

3 tbsp. flour

1 can tomatoes or 2 cups of fresh tomatoes

1 chopped small green pepper

1 small onion, chopped

1 tsp. salt

1 tbsp. brown sugar

Grated cheese

photo credit: Medical News today

Recipe:

Dice eggplant and cook for 10 minutes in boiling water.

In another pan, melt butter and blend with flour.

(Cook on low heat for 3 minutes if you use whole wheat flour.)

Add the rest of the ingredients (except eggplant).

Cook sauce for 5 minutes.

Mix together the sauce and the eggplant and put in a casserole.

Cover with grated cheese and bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes.

May be frozen after it is baked for later use.

ENJOY!

NFL Sunday’s in the Fall.

NFL Sundays are great, especially in the foggy/misty Fall.

Waking up on cloudy Sunday knowing football is on is truly of the best feelings in the world. And if you are an owner of NFL Network Red Zone that is 7 hours of commercial free football. I start my NFL Sundays with nice balanced breakfast(which is usually leftovers from dinner the night before). Then I’ll turn on a pregame show and read a couple articles or watch highlights of Saturday’s college football games.

10 o’clock hits and it kick off for the morning games. I’ll flip through the various 10am games that are broadcasted on CBS, FOX, and NBC. Following the completion of the morning games I’ll make my way to kitchen to find lunch. Lunch is either a sandwich of now that the Fall is upon us SOOOOOUUUUP! I’m a massive soup guy, chicken noodle, matzo ball, Italian wedding are some of favorites.

A generic view of a football before an NCAA game
Photo from USA TODAY Sports

Once I find a suitable meal I’ll head back to the couch to watch the afternoon games. Around this time is when I’ll make a deal with myself; the deal is I’ll start my homework during halftime of whatever game(s) I’m watching and I’ll finish it before dinner and Sunday Night Football. This deal fails 11 out of 10 times.

As the afternoon games wrap up I’ll set the table and eat dinner with my family. Following the end to dinner I’ll find myself back on the couch watching kickoff for that night’s SNF game. Once the games reality kicks in, with the sun being down and everyone in the house prepping for bedtime I once again realize that I’m in the same shorts and hoodie from the morning and still have a couple hours of homework to complete.

NFL Sunday’s in the Fall are amazing and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Gimme a Slice!

I would say I am more of a pie person over cake.

Cake is just too much. Too much frosting (I’m allergic), too much sugar, too much cake.

My mom makes the best apple pie, I might be biased. The Schuette family is definitely more of an apple pie family over pumpkin pie. I don’t mind pumpkin pie, but I will get up during dinner to get more than three helpings of apple pie.

We as a family are such big apple pie lovers that my younger sister wrote about the pie.

photo credit: Kristine’s Kitchen

`Recipe:

Ingredients:

1 recipe pastry for a 9″ double crust pie

1/2 cup unsalted or salted butter

3 tablespoons all- purpose flour

1/4 cup of water

1/2 cup white sugar (or slightly less)

1/2 cup packed brown sugar (or slightly less)

1/4 to 1/2 teaspoon of cinnamon- to taste (optional)

8 apples; peeled, cored, sliced (4 granny smith, 4 envy or fuji)

1 lemon; squeeze juice (add sugar to taste, the lemon will go on top of the apples to stop from browning)

Directions:

  1. Preheat Oven to 425 degrees
  2. Melt the butter in a saucepan, stir in flour to form a paste. Add water, white and brown sugar and bring to a boil. Reduce temperature and let simmer.
  3. Drizzle some of the lemon juice and sugar liquid over apples; just enough to make sure the apples do not brown.
  4. Place the bottom crust in a pan or use the one that came in the package. Put apples in a mixing bowl and drizzle less than half of the sugar/ butter liquid on apples. Put the apples in the crust, mound it slightly.
  5. Cover the pie with a lattice and then pour sugar/ butter liquid over the crust. Brush to make the mixture cover the whole pie.
  6. Line a tray with tin foil and place pie on top. During baking the pie might bubble over, this is a preventative.
  7. Cover with tin foil and bake for 15 minutes. Reduce temperature to 350 degrees; and continue to bake for 35-45 minutes or until apples are soft. Take of foil and let it cool for 5 minutes.
  8. Enjoy! It tastes really good with ice cream.

Gobbler

I came home in the early evening to find my stomach hollow

So I put together a dirty dog and placed it in my gullet to swallow,

A hot dog topped with toppings such as cheese, chili, and corn

As I placed it in my mouth I discovered a miracle had been born,

I’m a master of creation

I have the hands of god,

I can change reality like claymation

My life up until now turned to be a facade,

I start to dig in

I’ve become a professional eater,

The food disappears fast

Like I’m accelerating in a two seater,

Seconds have passed

And I’m turning down the heat,

I ate it so fast

I was sure an eating record I had beat.

http://www.pinterest.com

My Favorite Soup

I love soup.

I could eat it for every meal if I had the opportunity. I eat all kinds of soup, from ramen to loaded potato soup. Most mornings I love to make egg drop soup. This type of soup is originally from China.

Egg Drop Soup is really easy to make and very customizable. Different veggies and go in, as well as different forms of protein. You could make full of spinach and crab, or have it plain and add a bit of chili oil. The way I make the soup could feed up to four people, but I end up eating it all by myself.

photo credit: The Woks of Life

Ingredients:

six cups of chicken stock, or veggie stock.

cut 2-4 green onions

2-3 cloves of garlic

Some ginger

four eggs

chili pepper flakes

white pepper

salt

cornstarch

water

sesame oil

whatever veggies and proteins you want to add

chili oil, if wanted

How to make the soup:

Broth:

Boil the chicken or veggie stock in a pot

Mince the garlic and add it to the pot

Grate ginger into broth

Shake white pepper and salt into broth for taste

Egg mixture:

In medium bowl crack four eggs and stir

Dice up green onions, put half into eggs

Add white pepper, salt, chili pepper to taste

Cornstarch slurry:

Add two tbsp of cornstarch into a small bowl

Stir in two tbsp of water

Add chili pepper flakes to the slurry

Soup:

If you want to add any protein or veggies do it now

If the protein needs to be cooked ahead of time, cook it while the broth is boiling

Add the eggs to the boiling broth, let it sit for two minutes

Stir in cornstarch slurry and let sit for another minute

Finished project:

Put soup into the bowl and add green onions

Add some sesame oil and chili oil, if wanted

and ENJOY!