I Really Like Sunflowers

Sunflowers are great. They’re pretty, when you plant one you suddenly have 20 popping up in your yard, the seeds are edible, they’re easy to maintain, they’re not toxic to most animals, they symbolize loyalty, and every song with “sunflower” in the title is a bop. I really like them. Sunflowers are my special thing with my best friend, too. If I could just have one plant in my yard, I would choose sunflowers. I don’t really like yellow things, but I love sunflowers. I really want one of those teddy bears that have sunflower print on them. I’d name her Susan after Susan Storm. If anybody wants to get Susan for me, I’d be very grateful.

https://www.milwaukeemag.com/7-sunflower-fields-to-check-out-this-season/
https://www.buildabear.com/online-exclusive-build-a-bear-x-van-gogh-museum-sunflowers-bear-bow-bundle/329739_29738.html

My Daily Motivation

Every day when I woke up I look at those quotes and tell myself that I will get stronger and better than yesterday. I must keep going because I almost achieved my dream. If you are lost, and the quotes below that motivate you; I recommend you to write them down, and look at them every day. Tell yourself you are not weak or stupid. You are good enough, but enough is not enough; become someone you wanted to be.

  1. I know you’re tired, I know you’ve been hurt, I know you’re alone, but You’re making it, keep working on yourself.

2. Aye it’s all good bro. You just forgot who you were for a second. No worries. Welcome back, focus up and stay locked in. We got dreams to achieve.

3. Your next chapter is going to cause people to wish they treated you better.

4. Thanks for taking that extra rest day bro, I thought you were catching up for a second.

5. It doesn’t get easier bro. Growth is painful, but nothing is as painful as staying in the same place

6. Maybe right now your journey isn’t about love, maybe right now your journey is about you.

7. I know you’re tired but get up. We got people to prove wrong.

Photo Credit: arnold schwarzenegger

Golf Practice

My golf game is in a perpetual cycle of shit. I haven’t had a great round in over a year, there is always something going wrong. When I am hitting fairways I am not hitting greens. When I am hitting greens and putting well I am missing fairways. When I am chipping and putting well I am hitting snap hook hosel rockets straight into the ground. Nothing ever goes right.

My driver must live in a state of constant fear due to the amount I fucking throw it. I am in a consistently unhappy angry mood on the golf course. Everything is too complicated, grips, swing length, swing plane, swing tempo, shot aim, wind, and lie all factor into one shot. I have decided to simplify the game.

Every golf practice since I have made the change, I begin by hitting 9 chip shots, iron shots for accuracy, iron shots for tempo, then woods and drivers for accuracy, then I finish with 30 minutes of gate putting to drill in my stroke and tempo. I also need to be sure to not overcomplicate swing changes, instead, I need to implement more subtle changes.

I have decided to really buckle down and focus on playing as well as I can and this practice regiment is hopefully what gets me there.

Mi a leff, Inna di morrows – Navraj22

Baseball is not my sport?

I have discussed this with my friends and feel confident to be on the baseball team. However, after two weeks of practice, my baseball career ends right away. I didn’t practice a lot because I was on a camping trip and then the winter break happened, so I’ve been sitting on the bench for the first couple of games. I started to think about if I should switch my sport to weight lifting instead of sitting on the bench while not practicing for baseball. The game is happening almost every day. I decided to quit baseball because, during the last game, the coach came to me and said: “You will be the pitcher for the next game.” It sounds pretty good, right? The coach is so nice that he is thinking of giving me a chance to play, but do you know it’s impossible for me to be the pitcher. I, as a beginner, can’t even throw a baseball that far or fast and couldn’t catch every ball they throw. Then how do I become a pitcher? Plus, there are only a few practices I will be able to hit and throw. With this short amount of time, it was just impossible for me to be the pitcher. It is kind of him that he gave me hope to push myself more, so I might play in the future. I pretty much enjoy playing baseball and I love it, but I just don’t want to spend the rest of the time sitting on the bench.

Photo Credit: MLB

Goals

I recently joined the soccer team. While at first I was intimidated by both the amount of running and the fact that I haven’t played soccer in 7 years, those nerves are now gone. They have been replaced by a deep sense of regret.

For most of the high school, I didn’t have the chance to play a “real” sport. My first high school didn’t offer league sports, just smaller less official sports teams. Thought I played everything, it wasn’t real. I didn’t feel the camaraderie of a team. Then I switched schools, excited about the possibility of playing sports.

Once the sports seasons started, I picked golf because it was my best sport. I have done golf for the last 3 sports seasons since I began and have enjoyed it. I got food at the golf course, didn’t have to run, and enjoyed playing with my closest friends at my new school. This was awesome, but something I regret.

Just a week into soccer and I am already regretting my decision/inability to not play a real team sport during high school.

Practicing with friends, running, making saves. I remember all of these things from youth sports and middle school, and I miss the feelings associated with them. I miss being part of a team and more than anything, I am scared that this is my last chance to be part of a team.

I am going to make the best of this opportunity and I’m gonna push to get the starting goalie position. I want this experience to be memorable, maybe there will be an in conclusion blog in a few months.

PC: Sports Illustrated

capstone pt. 12

That all changed when she brought me to the ocean

In those rich minutes the light was warm gold,

viscous, she let it in

floating in the sodium and the waves.

Rocking back and forth

I fought the ocean,

that colossal blue,

as it pulled the warmth from my heavy limbs,

Suspended four inches from the plexiglass surface,

blowing fat bubbles that distorted your reflection.

Time changed that though,

and warm gold became cool to the touch

sad skin

No matter how warm

Rubs against mine

Like pruned fingers

on paper

Scheduling

As graduation comes near, I have filled nearly every block in my schedule with events. I’ve needed to purchase more clothes to accommodate the frequency at which I will need to dress up.

With back-to-back formal events, it feels as though we are making up for a year of lost time. Due to quarantine, I have not worn formal attire in almost two years. This schedule is typical for end-of-year seniors, though I often find myself opening my planner a bit too often out of excitement.

Having a filled calendar gives me something to look forward to each day or week. Even if it’s just a final exam, that day has something written on it. My school planner is running out of pages, and the schedule has grown so long that I may need to purchase next school year’s calendar early.

With all of these plans, I hope that the blank days following graduation will not feel empty. I have plans for the summer as well as college to attend, though, while I look forward to the break, I plan to enjoy every day of this busy May.

Image Credit: Quapaw Area Council

Ode to Trees

Watching the world as time flies

From beginning to end

Standing strong in tough times

From cold winters to hot summers

Watching us grow old. 

Swaying in the wind

Providing cover in the rain

And shade in the sun

Providing a place to rest

A place to ease the pain

We don’t appreciate it

How lucky we are

They gave life to us all

The sweetness we cut down with greed

One by one they fall

As will we

Image From Arbor Day Blog

capstone pt.7

This trip turned all that thought inward at times

It forced me to really think about what i was feeling,

and to sit inside my heart

so that my hard wired head could stop

and i became content to be in my own space

content to sit within myself as I moved. 

content to just watch as the world changed around me

merely maneuvering my truck from idea to idea

it forced me to process things by writing them

but it also gave me the space to think things through in conversations on the phone

but that depended entirely on cell service 

the oaks

wrinkles

white walls

metallic beige

flying roaring

cutting

white walls

warm animals 

in half motion

motioning

in motion

you latch on to these moments, these images, as they race in your head, as they take tight turns, as a force like gravity pulls and pulls you away. you find yourself empty save the quiet conversations and the warm silence. the moments that make you you. but how ‘bout I move them? 

how ‘bout i reorganize the pantry

pull the back towards the front

pour it all out

how ‘bout when you feel those candlewarm memories

in your stainless vaccum

you feel them.

you feel the road, the car

the pull

you feel the moment, the memory

fading

into the fog

capstone pt. 14

______

Then on friday

as the sun set I tore down highway 1

past cambria

by hearst castle

frantically searching for a place to get in the water

and even as the sun dipped under the saddles I sped through

I could feel I could find it

and I did

I changed quickly and jogged past multiple signs which thoughtfully informed that this area was the elephant seal’s area not the humans area, I wasn’t wearing my glasses and it was not very bright so I only saw them as I was leaving 

but I saw surfers in the water and the break looked nice enough so I ran through the grass towards the beach 100 yards off

where the grass stopped the seals started

some small but others enormous

big black bodies

pink mouths

and the screaming

but nothing could pierce the orange and purple sky 

I darted through a maze of them

(entirely honestly I don’t know where the courage to do this came from)

but

I sprinted the last 20 feet to the water, threw my board down and paddled hard past the break to arrive at the silent surfers

I was a mess of limbs and heavy breathing but their boards just made small sounds when they breached the swaying surface and i settled into the salt and the sea

it was a pitchy little close out but occasionally the ocean would toss in this fast pulling right that could pick you up at the rocky point and deposit you on the other side of the cove in just seconds, forcing you to take a deep breath while you paddle back past the seals and the sand

I told this guy that I had been looking to get in the water before sunset and I thanked him for sharing his spot with me

“I’ve come here every day for a couple weeks hoping this spot would be breaking”

“oh yeah?” I said, moving closer by kicking underneath my board

“It opens up only a couple times a year, it needs just the right swell direction, if the waves are too big it washes out, and if it’s too small it doesn’t break, oh and the wind blows it out almost every day on top of that.”

A wave came and he tore off down the line

I watched the sun set from the water 

splashed the cold water on my face.

And When i got back to the car I wrote

I wrote for him,

To her.

To her we are all just bodies

Blubbery and black

She pulls and pulls

The heat from our soles

But occasionally she opens up

And gives back

as he got in his truck I ripped out the page in my journal and handed it to him