I met with my therapist yesterday. We meet every two weeks.
“So, have you been working on what we talked about last time?” she said.
“yes.” I replied
and that’s the truth.
I stood up to the people that use me, I stopped putting myself in danger to help or get approval from others, I stopped lying to my parents, I sleep in my own bed at night… The list goes on of all the negative things I’ve stopped doing.
“That’s great,” she said “How do you feel?”
I didn’t answer that question honestly
“fine,” I said.
but in reality, even though I’ve cut out the people who hurt me or want me for the wrong reasons, I’ve never felt so alone.
People used to come to me on the daily asking for this or that or let’s do this, or take me to that.
I don’t miss being treated like a chauffeur, or an object, or just being asked to hang out when someone wants me to do something for them.
But I miss feeling like I actually have people who want to be around me.
It may have been for the wrong reasons, but at least I wasn’t alone.
Now I feel like there’s no one, and that feeling is even worse.