Much like other young to middle-aged men at the beginning of fall, I am now the coach, general manager, and owner of my own football team. This is a serious occupation. I spend much of my time researching free-agent players to see if I can improve my team. I consistently read the injury report to keep my players healthy. I constantly communicate with my fellow coach/general manager/owners to facilitate trades. While some may call this “fantasy” football, it is no fantasy. This is a real commitment, and some people just can’t handle it.
I build a relationship with my players. Forever after the season’s end, I will never forget the players who played for me. I hope Justin Herbert, Chargers QB, will take me to glory this season. The first week didn’t go so well, but I hope to have a strong season. Derrick Henry aka King Henry is my star player, he totaled 8 points in week one, a disappointing performance. He is, however, called King for a reason, so I know he will bring me my crown this season.
On Thursday, April, 28th the first round of the 2022 NFL Draft took place.
Months prior NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell read off the words, “With the first overall pick…” rapper Drake bet 100k that USC standout wide receiver Drake London would be the first receiver to be drafted. Drake posted a screenshot of his bet on his Instagram, captioning the story post, “Drake betting on Drake just feels right” And Drake was right, London was the first receiver taken off the board going 8th overall to Atlanta.
pc: @champagnepapi Instgram
Drake’s bet earned the rapper $335,000.00. London got a kick out of it but he was definitely more excited than he is about joining the NFL
I don’t mean this post to be controversial, but it probably will be. Oh well.
I’m so sorry to every baseball fan. I despise watching baseball. It goes on for so long, and it’s honestly not entertaining to me. Even when I watch my own school playing, I get bored and distracted like 10 minutes in. It’s just not my thing.
Same complaint as baseball that it goes on forever. Literally, there will be ten minutes left in a quarter and the game will go on for forty. It just feels so anticlimactic too. Like, everybody cheers when someone’s running, then they get tackled and have to start all over again. Plus, the fanbase can be a little insane sometimes, but that can be said about almost every sport.
This one is mostly just a noise complaint. I’m super sensitive to loud noises, so I hate that they fire a blank to signify the start of the race. Like, they couldn’t just blow a horn or something? Do they think they’re so cool that they need to shoot a gun? Hate it.
This explanation is going to sound so stupid. I’m acknowledging it in advance. Since it’s in a pool, water polo is almost always played in the sun. I HATE sitting in the sun. You have to sit on hot bleachers with the sun on you while praying that somebody splashes you and cools you down. Not my thing. I think I’d enjoy it more if I actually knew the rules, which I probably should know since my cousin is an Olympic water polo player. Let’s pray he never finds this blog post.
I love watching any other style of riding. Horse racing just is the worst. It’s basically a sport invented for gambling and materialism. Watching horses run as fast as they can isn’t even enjoyable. Especially when you know the way they treat the horses behind the scenes. And if you argue that not all racing stables abuse the horses, they still start the horses when they’re way too young to have riders on them and before they’ve even stopped growing or fully developed their bones. It’s literally just the money that people like about it.
Sure, it’s cool-looking. There just aren’t enough events and not enough variety in the routines to make it interesting to watch for longer than an hour. Let’s let the men compete in cooler events and have nicer routines so that watching them is actually enjoyable.
I hope you enjoyed 400 words of me complaining about watching sports that nobody forces me to watch. See you later.
Cincinnati Bengals vs Los Angeles Rams. Joe Shiesty vs Matt Stafford. I am really not quite sure how this year’s Super Bowl will pan out. Many people believe the Rams will steamroll the Bengals with the elite pass rush of Aaron Donald, Leonard Floyd, and Von Miller absolutely decimating a below-average offensive line. However, I believe Joe Burrow will somehow survive this defense pressure and only be sacked twice. It will be the passing game of the Rams that will win them this game. Having Cooper Kupp and OBJ will cause havoc in Cincinnati’s secondary. I believe both receivers go over 100 receiving yards and each score.
My Super Bowl MVP will go to Aaron Donald who will record both sacks for LA and will also have multiple tackles for loss, as well as a pass deflection and a forced fumble.
The final score will be 38 to 24 in favor of the Rams.
Joe Brrrrrr, Joe Shiesty, Joe Burrow, and the Cincinnati Bengals will storm into Kansas City looking to stun the Chiefs. Last week Burrow threw for 348 passing yards, on 37 passing attempts (completing 28 of them). Pro Bowl running back Joe Mixon ran for 54 yards and a tub as well, while Ja’Marr Chase and Tee Higgins led the receiving game. The Bengals defense also snagged 3 interceptions. While rookie kicker Evan McPherson nailed 4 field goals, including the game-winner.
The Chief will aim for the 3rd consecutive Super Bowl appearance. Led by quarterback Patrick Mahomes, who torched the Buffalo Bills last week for 378 passing yards, 69 rushing yards, and 4 tubs. Alongside their elite passing offense, the Chiefs have a well-balanced rushing attack, having four players run for more than 20 yards. Star receiver Tyreek Hill had 150 receiving yards and a tub, Travis Kelce had 96 receiving yards and a tub(which was the game-winner in OT).
I hope the Bengals win because I dislike Mahome’s brother and wife because of their A-Hole manner. I think the Bengals win 27-20
San Fransisco 49ers at Los Angeles Rams
The 49ers are led by a solid defense and DeeBo Samuel. DeeBo is a top receiver and running back this year for the 49ers. I honestly do not care about the 49ers.
Now let’s talk about the Rams. The Rams have the best player in football with Aaron Donald, the best cornerback in the league in Jalen Ramsey, the best receiver in football in Cooper Kupp, and elite veterans with Von Miller, OBJ, and Matthew Stafford. After beating the Tampa Bay Tom Brady’s last week I believe the Rams won’t stop playing at an elite level. Although the Rams are 0-2 against the 49ers this year I think that record will change to 1-2 with a win this weekend.
I’m taking the Rams over the 49ers by two tubs minimum with the final score being 38-24
My favorite sport is football. Not the bloodsport played with the oval ball by yanks, but the beautiful game, joga bonito, or if you lack any sense of intelligence and cultural awareness “soccer”. Specifically the Barclays Premier League (also called the English Premier League).
The thing that sets footy apart is the fact that supporters of teams are allowed to be rowdy. Fans consistently scream obscenities, light flares, and heckle the players and opposition supporters.
Partizan Belgrade vs Red Star probably has the most heated rivalry (between fans) in European soccer. The clubs represent their fans’ political ideology and personal identities. These clubs’ fans have literally stabbed each other over support, and fights are a given outside every fixture. Most notably, fans light flares inside the stadium which seems like it should be illegal, but hey…it’s the Balkans.
English fan culture is equally unique. Fans mostly just yell the most obscene and insulting things they can, oftentimes insulting dead relatives and getting into players’ heads. The chants they yell in support of their players are often touching and tailored to their players. For instance, Wolverhampton Wanderers supporters often chant, “Heeeeee’s Koreannn, He’s only on loan for a seasonnnnn, but we think he’s fookin brilliantttt, he’s Hwang Hee Channnnnnnn,” in honor of the Korean loaned star.
These chants unite fans in ways unthinkable to American sports fans. Here is a foreign Man U fan leading the chants, known by all supporters, in a local pub.
I implore you to go explore the world of football chants, fair warning, it can get kind of raunchy.
(THESE ARE THE RAUNCHY ONES PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!)
These fan groups are stems for identity, FC St. Pauli fans broke away from Hamburg SV fans because of the racist, sexist, and all-around toxic supporters, forming their own group that stands for inclusion.
When fans or players are acting a little wild, it’s called “shithousery.” Here are a few examples.
Football > Ovalball. If this didn’t convince you I don’t know what will
This match up should be a good ole fashioned shoot out. The Bengals have arguably the best receiving room in league with Tyler Boyd, Tee Higgins, and Ja’Marr Chase. Along side their excellent receivers the Bengals have a Pro-bowl running back in Joe Mixon. And the man that ties it all together, the gunslinger, Joe Shiesty, Joe Brrrrrr, Joe Burrow. Burrow is becoming a top QB in the league and a win over the 1 seed will solidify him as one of the best in the league.
The Titans may be the least talked about 1 seed in recent memory, and for them, it may be a good thing. They get star running back Derrick Henry back for this match-up (the first time he’s played since week 8). With Henry back, their passing game might actually improve, QB Ryan Tannehill with King Henry in the backfield averages around 10 yards on play-action passes compared to abruptly 6 yards on play-action passes. The Bengals are also the 5th worse defense against play-action passes.
I have the Bengals nabbing the victory over the Titans 45-35.
Buffalo Bills vs Kansas City Chiefs
The Bills are coming into this game hottttttt. Last week they blew out the Patriots, scoring tuddies on their first 7 drives. Led by QB Josh Allen and elite receiver Stefon Diggs the Bills offense is scary and hungry. While their defense has played well as well, they will have a tough task at hand facing TikTok legend Jackson Mahomes’s older brother Patrick Mahomes.
Mahomes, who had struggled early this year, has been playing back at an elite level. Alongside Tyreek Hill and Travis Kelce, this offense is poised to have another deep playoff but they need to get past Buffalo first.
With a rematch from last year, I believe the Bills taking the victory this year 31-21
To preface, I am not a football analyst but my takes go crazy.
New York Jets vs. Atlanta Falcons (-3.5) [London, England]
In this weeks toilet bowl, I’d the Jets with the points. The Falcons are the worst team in football. I would summarize the Falcons with this clip:
Need I say anymore?
Anyways, Zach Wilson is the chosen one and if his receivers can catch his magical mormon passes he can torch the Falcons defense.
Philadelphia Eagles at Carolina Panthers (-3.5)
I thing the Panthers pull off the win with Wilson’s predecessor and MONO survivor Sam Darnold at the helm. Need them to win for my fantasy team too so that may play into it slightly. I just think the Panthers have been more impressive so far this season.
Miami Dolphins at Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-10.5)
This week is not an exception to the “never bet against Brady” rule. Bucs by a million. The team he has created in Tampa will prove to be unstoppable, rolling the Dolphins at home.
PC: NFL Combine
New Orleans Saints (-1.5) at Washington Football Team
Famous Jameis is unstoppable. Finally in his starting role I really want to see him do well. The Saints wins have been against more impressive teams than their losses, and I think they will shake off their losses and turn a corner, starting with a win this week. The WFT has had less impressive wins, irking out wins against poor teams. I’d take the saints with the points.
Tennessee Titans (-4) at Jacksonville Jaguars
I don’t know who to take so Im gonna go Jags with the points. Partially because I’m feeling like a bit of a wimp for not taking more underdogs, partially because the points are the safe bet, and mostly because this video of the Titans mascot lives rent free in my head. Kindly disregard the title.
Detroit Lions at Minnesota Vikings (-7.5)
Dan Campbell is the biggest football guy in the league right now. For this reason alone Lions NO POINTS. Lions gonna role. Biggest underdog bet right here.
Denver Broncos at Pittsburgh Steelers (-1.5)
Still resent the Steelers for their tik tok dances. For this reason Broncos with the points. Points=Safety here.
Green Bay Packers (-3.5) at Cincinnati Bengals
Moneybagg Jo takes makes it close. The discount double-check guy will pull off the victory, but the Bengals win on points.
Can you really bet against this man:
New England Patriots (-9) at Houston Texans
McCorkle (Mac) Jones will lead the Patriots to victory in an absolute steamrolling of the lost Texans. It hasn’t been close for them at all this season, things in H-Town haven’t been the same since Deandre Hopkins departure and Deshaun Watson’s massuse scandal. Take the Pats with points, I would take them -20.
Chicago Bears at Las Vegas Raiders (-5.5)
Everyone has the Raiders in this one. Though the Bears pattern of beating lesser opponents and the spread at home and losing to stronger opponents and the spread on the road is in my periphery, I feel like Justin Fields has got something. I think they could keep it close, lose by a field goal or win even. This is my sleeper. Just saying the Bears are a sneaky good pick in this game.
Cleveland Browns (-1) at Los Angeles Chargers
I honestly have no clue at all. No jokes. Just have no idea.
New York Giants at Dallas Cowboys (-7)
I never take the Cowboys, I don’t have a team I just hate the Cowboys. I like the Giants with the points after last week’s win over a strong saints team.
San Francisco 49ers at Arizona Cardinals (-5.5)
Cardinals are hard to bet against, especially because of the QB scenario in the bay. I think the Cardinals well rounded game will be hard for the 49ers to crack, and just don’t think the 49ers are team enough to win this one.
Indianapolis Colts at Baltimore Ravens (-7)
Ravens are a lock in this game. Points and all, Wentz doesn’t have it like that.
NFL Sundays are great, especially in the foggy/misty Fall.
Waking up on cloudy Sunday knowing football is on is truly of the best feelings in the world. And if you are an owner of NFL Network Red Zone that is 7 hours of commercial free football. I start my NFL Sundays with nice balanced breakfast(which is usually leftovers from dinner the night before). Then I’ll turn on a pregame show and read a couple articles or watch highlights of Saturday’s college football games.
10 o’clock hits and it kick off for the morning games. I’ll flip through the various 10am games that are broadcasted on CBS, FOX, and NBC. Following the completion of the morning games I’ll make my way to kitchen to find lunch. Lunch is either a sandwich of now that the Fall is upon us SOOOOOUUUUP! I’m a massive soup guy, chicken noodle, matzo ball, Italian wedding are some of favorites.
Once I find a suitable meal I’ll head back to the couch to watch the afternoon games. Around this time is when I’ll make a deal with myself; the deal is I’ll start my homework during halftime of whatever game(s) I’m watching and I’ll finish it before dinner and Sunday Night Football. This deal fails 11 out of 10 times.
As the afternoon games wrap up I’ll set the table and eat dinner with my family. Following the end to dinner I’ll find myself back on the couch watching kickoff for that night’s SNF game. Once the games reality kicks in, with the sun being down and everyone in the house prepping for bedtime I once again realize that I’m in the same shorts and hoodie from the morning and still have a couple hours of homework to complete.
NFL Sunday’s in the Fall are amazing and I wouldn’t change it for the world.