“ tell me all the terrible things you’ve done and let me love you anyways”
-Edgar Allen Poe
“And I had a bad, bad feeling that if this girl said the word please, I would give her anything she wanted”
-Nico
“To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.”
-David Viscott
“We are most alive when we are in love.”
-John Updike
“And now my biggest weakness walked outside my body with soft brown eyes and long black hair”
-Nico
“If I ever see a flaw of yours, I’d say my eyes were the flawed ones.”
-Mahmoud Darwish
“It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”
-The Little Prince
“444: 4 Better 4 Worse 4 Ever”
“You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching, Love like you’ll never be hurt, Sing like there’s nobody listening, And live like it’s heaven on earth.”
My latest addiction is acai bowls. My image of them was that of stylish LA girls eating them for breakfast. Acai bowls are full of nutrients and are known as a superfood. Acai also contains three times more iron than liver and 30 times more polyphenols than red wine. Therefore, it is effective in preventing anemia, aging, and lifestyle-related diseases. I first ate it in Hawaii when I was in the fourth grade of elementary school. At that time, I did not realize the appeal of shallow bowls. When I studied abroad in the U.S. in high school, near my school, acai bowls struck a chord with me. They are the healthiest of snacks, cold and happy. My favorite toppings are strawberries, bananas, blueberries, granola, and honey. These days I stock up on acai bowls every time I go out for the weekend. The number one drawback to these is that everything gets all tickly and hard in the freezer. But more than that, I’m a sucker for acai bowls. My dream is to visit different acai bowl stores while I am in the US.
I think I have wished away too much time. I think about it all the time, and yet I keep looking forward to when my life is gonna be “better”. I know that it’s never gonna get better because when I was six I wanted to be seven because that was my lucky number and when I was seven, I wanted to be nine like my friends. When I was nine I wanted to be ten because it meant I would be double digits and I could hold up all my fingers when someone asked how old I was. When I was ten I wanted to be thirteen so I could be a teenager. When I was thirteen I wanted to be sixteen so I could drive and go to parties and be independent and get time away from my mom. Now I’m sixteen and I can’t drive but I do live alone and I need my mom more than I ever thought I would. I’m sixteen, thinking I’m old and wishing I had the time I wished away back. But I’m still wishing the time away. I wish I was eighteen and graduated high school. I wish I was 22 and done with college. I wish I was traveling and getting married and buying a house and having kids. I’m sixteen and wondering what it’s like to be old. I wonder what it’s like to feel so close to death or being told you’re gonna die any day. Do they feel ready? But I don’t have to worry about that until I’ve wished all my time away.
birth. Life, I mean, life starts with birth and ends with death. Life is so strange to me, we are born from two people, at least the physical, but where do our souls come from. What makes us, us? Like our personalities, where do they come from, and the scarier question is where do they go?
I’ve often found myself pondering this exact question, dreading the day I find out. A huge pit would fill my stomach every time I thought about it. The world would close in, and I couldn’t breathe. Later on I would find out this was the first of many panic attacks, although I never knew I had them.
See, my parents had a different approach to parenting, you’re fine! What other kids would call depression or anxiety, simply didn’t exist in my life. I had the opposite of self-diagnosing I would suffer through thinking it was normal. Which depression and anxiety is pretty normal in this day and age, but I never called it that I was simply always scared or sad.
Anyways I’m straying too far from the path.
Life, people spend their whole life trying to find meaning, but what if there isn’t one. That’s not very catholic of me. I constantly feel like I’m losing my life, like I should be doing something more.
When you die, everyone says you have 7 minutes of brain activity which is usually spent reliving your life. I don’t want to have 7 minutes of me sitting in my room crying. I want to have memories. Easier said than done. If i’m being honest I don’t think my life will start till I leave school. I’ve been here forever and honestly, I think I need a change of scenery. Don’t get me wrong, its had its moments, but I need more, a lot more.
I want to do something with my life, and make a name for myself. Which is a lot harder than it sounds. I hope I achieve it, but at the bare minimum, I’d like to be happy. I think everyone does.
I think I’ve come to terms with death although I still worry, and it scares me shitless, it’s not that bad. I hope to be one of those old people who climb Mount Everest and do intense hikes when I want. I want to be that old person who says ” i’m ready to go, i’ve lived a beautiful life and i’m ready”. Actually, I hope to perform till the day I die, maybe sprinkle a movie or two in there. One day I want to find myself in a stadium full of people coming to see me, and suddenly falling silent because the crowd is singing my song for me. Millions of voices intertwined into one beautiful melody being sung to me. That’s when I’d know I’m ready.
Thats when I’d call my life complete.
Anyways as usual I’ve gone way over the 150 words, ciao!
Following up on my last blog although I may not be good at sports I sure do have fun with them. Basketball is the sport I’ve played for the longest and probably am the best at out of all my past sports. Basketball season is two weeks away and i couldn’t be more excited. Over the last weekend me and my brother played basketball together for fun and it reminded me if basketball season coming soon. This is the last good season for our team as our two best players are seinors and are graduating. It’s not the sport I enjoy but more the game. Leaving school early, doing my hair in the bus, talking in the locker room before the game. If theres one thing I am it’s a team player, I derive all my joy from the sport from my team. The bonds i have formed and the memories i have created through basketball have lasted. Many people need a form of validation in their lives wether its athletic, acedemic or for some male its something many crave. I myself used to want athletic validation but once I relized i was very bad at sports and started to play for fun I rediscovered my love for the sport. I’m extremely excited for what this year holds for our team.
Goodbyes are tough. Goodbyes are vigorous. Goodbyes are sickening. To say goodbye or not have the chance to say goodbye is going to be heavy either way. Losing a family member and not having the chance to say what you wanted to them creates guilt. The guilt that is felt when not having the chance to say goodbye is difficult. Depending on situations goodbyes differ from person to person. Personally within less than one month I did not get to say what I wanted to my lost family member but I did not get to say goodbye to my still living best friend in the time she knew I needed her. So this is my formal goodbye to each of whom I loved with my whole heart. I am going to begin with my goodbye to my uncle right now. My goodbye to my uncle is not an eternal goodbye but a goodbye till we see eachother again. I have no answers for when the time will be when I finally see you in heaven again but I know it will be good. So for now this is a goodbye and a remembrance that you will always be in my heart. I will forever think about your opinion on any boy I bring into my life in a more than friend type of way. On christmas 2022 I finally got the LED lights I had been begging for at my moms house. My uncle being who he is, only caring to make the kids in his life happy and hung my LED lights up for me to perfection and when I say perfection I mean like extremely perfect. The night my uncle died when the paramedics pulled him into my room and broke the LED lights he was so happy to hang for me breaks my heart. I do not normally cry about heavy topics around anyone especially my family. Talking to my mom about the broken LED lights and breaking down seems so stupid but it is truly what I think of when I think of his kindness and love for the people around him. Now my second goodbye to someone who is still alive and did not move away… Her and I did everything together. Where I went she went. Well that’s how it was for a while. There had already been hurt before the fallout but what the fallout did bring was disheartening. During the long winding roads of this friendship there was connection, disagreements, and love. I never got to say goodbye to our friendship but I never wanted to nor thought I would ever have to. Now that it has officially ended it is almost as if I have connected the dots. My friend would never be content with the friendship we had. There would always be better friends and I would always be her second pick. I was always there for her but was she always there for me? Does she feel the same hurt as I do? Was throwing a whole friendship out really worth it to her? I am not really sure to be honest. I would rather keep that question unanswered if I have to feel and hear the hatred and the violent words splurged again. The goodbye she gave makes me genuinely question everything. If she really valued the friendship we had would she have ended it in such an aggressive approach? I am not sure if it was purposeful but the ending of our friendship made me replay every moment as a slideshow. She cut me down to step on me as if I was something she could simply regrow once she needed me again, this time I will not resprout. I will not run back to her as I did every time before. Her words cut deep but my wounds healed back thicker. I can not live with the constant control and judgement she gave to me. But I can live with the memories we had together. I think this might have been the best moment and time to move on, to heal, and to grow. For each of us. I am not sure if she is as hurt by the situation as I am and forever will be but I have found the clarity to forgive and forget. I will forever think of her as my sister and I will forever think highly of her. For now, I am not sure were the future leads to. I am not sure if we will ever reconnect in a positive light but I want her to know I will always care for her and be happy for her even if she can not do the same for me. So for as of now and there seems to be an end at my words of goodbye. I am not sure if we will ever agree on who was in the wrong in our situation. I feel as if us parting was almost for the best, for each of us. I have so much more to say but in ways that are unable to express in any form. So with that I will consider this a goodbye to each of whom I wrote about and love to the world’s end. Goodbye.
Searching for a way to manage my relationships, curricula, activities, toilet time, and college apps, I have been bombarded with countless time-management tips: Eisenhower matrix, Pomodoro techniques and a bunch of other [techniques] that take more time to pronounce than actually save.
Oh yeah, you also need to create a to-do list for every single time you [something generic], set a timer for using the bathroom, and wake up at 3:42 am. If you do all those things, you can finally meditate in the morning, stay on track with 6 AP classes, excel at those college essays, watch an hour of TikTok, and read 20 pages of the book, watch an hour of TikTok. And afterwards burn out and die.
Restart.
I hope you first tested this for yourself, reduced your life-span by a couple years from sleep-deprivation and are now open for suggestions.
First, make your bed. Then, clean your room and throw away all the junk. Next, you need to clean your head of all the junk that you are consuming. Human attention is the gold of today’s age. Corporations are creating more innovative and cunning ways to take it away from you. And you are happy to let them do it.
There is a finite amount of time in a day, and instead of giving it away, you need to set your priorities. What really matters to you? Focus on it. Everything else is junk. You should be hungry for your time. You should not want a single minute to go to waste because it will never come back.
Think about all those dreams that you have. All the things you want to do. Do you think you will ever get to them if you watch TikTok or check your messages every five minutes?
To manage the craziness of my senior year, I had to get rid of YouTube, avoid social media, and focus only on things that matter to me: people, education, sports. Make sure that when you close your eyes, you do not regret what you did today. Because the way your day goes, is the way your life will go as well.
OVS Journalism Blog 