Day: October 19, 2023

Sports

leapingwaterLeave a comment

I have never really been interested in sports, especially when I was younger. I never played a sport seriously, nor did I have any interest in watching it either. I think the reason why I overall completely avoided sports was because I felt like I couldn’t do it. I felt like every time that I tried to play sports in elementary school I just didn’t have the “skill.” This was a pretty negative way of thinking. I didn’t want to try. I didn’t have any motivation to, just because I thought I was not going to improve if I was not good at it immediately. This caused me to not branch out and try to find something I liked, which actually applied to other areas in my life involving skill as well. I simply lost motivation way too easily. When Covid hit and online school started, I hardly ever exercised. I thought sports weren’t for me. When I first joined my current school, I was nervous about all of the sports options. There were so many things that I hadn’t tried before. I heard many of the girls in my grade that were joining volleyball, and because I didn’t know what else to do, I joined it as well. When I first began to play volleyball, I was very discouraged. I started putting more effort in, and even though I was so terrible, I enjoyed it. I was excited to go to practice. I would talk to parents about it, and how happy and nervous I was to play in a real game. It is my third year playing volleyball, and although I am still in the JV team (and not good at all), I am so thankful that I first tried playing it.

Also, at the end of September, my best friend and I went to go see a baseball game that she invited me to. I have actually been to one baseball game when I was younger, but I can’t remember very much about it. My best friend first invited me to go during the summer, and we were so excited and ready for the day to come. When we arrived, just being in the environment with so many people passionate about this sport made it all the more exciting. We got into the stadium, and my best friend bought both of us matching jackets! I hadn’t even seen the baseball field yet and I was so happy. I had such an amazing time there watching the game with my best friend who made it even more special, and there was even a fireworks show afterwards. I’m really happy that I have come to appreciate not only playing sports, but watching them too.

pc: me

Advanced Procrastination

kittenqueen3Leave a comment

Last night, I talked to my mom about how I used to be an academic weapon, and now I’m an academic victim. This is due to procrastination. I can make up the best excuses for not doing my homework. I used to just go on my phone, clean my room, or maybe make food. But recently, I have been getting advanced in my procrastination strategies. Now, instead of that, I will do an assignment from a different class instead of the one I need to do. I tell myself it’s not procrastinating because I’m getting work done. I actually need to stop doing this, especially with world notes, because it has caused me to do poorly on SAQs, and I also still haven’t done notes from like 2 weeks ago. Overall I’m pretty behind in all my classes, but at the end of the day, I usually get things in on time, but it’s extremely stressful. Last week we had a notebook check, and I was up till 3 a.m. doing notes. Anyway, it’s Thursday and this isn’t due until Friday so technically, I didn’t procrastinate this one.

“Png man running late“/ CC0 1.0

I wish I had a soul tie.

purcyLeave a comment

I wish I had a soul tie. I wish I had a person who was just there for me, and I could be there for. I wish there was someone who understood how I felt when I was alone. I want to know someone better than they know themselves. I know everyone has one, but when do I find mine? I think I’m looking for this feeling of connection that doesn’t actually exist. I really don’t know what it feels like to have that, or maybe I do. Maybe I am romanticizing the idea but it doesn’t actually exist. I keep trying to look at these things on a deeper level, but what if it just isn’t that deep? I don’t ever want to convince myself of something that isn’t real, even though I want so bad for it to be real. Or maybe I should just keep being delulu. 

Feeling Butterflies

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

The butterfly effect is affecting my life. One small change and my whole life is different. New doors opened. New relationships are forming. And new butterflies flutter around in my life. The feeling as if butterflies are flying around inside of me. I feel like running through an open field of happiness. Sadness fled through the field at one point but now the field has drained. New things are coming into the field of happiness. There will always be flood and downpour but sunny days come of it. My mind and me urge to find the good in everything and everyone. I found the good. The good people come to those that wait. The good memories come to those who wait. Even if this is not the peak moment in life…Live as if it was. Feel the butterflies swarming inside of you when you try new things. Let the bad occurrences in life become the butterfly effect. Let the butterfly effect lead you to the happiness. From the butterfly effect comes with loss but a gain in the end. Recently the butterflies inside of me have been overwhelmed of nerves, excitement, and stress. The nerves come from new beginnings. The excitement comes from the recurring dates with the person who makes me so happy right now. And the stress comes from the problems all around. Personally the feeling of excitement or happiness is the best butterfly feeling. The butterfly effect causes the feeling of butterflies from within.

PC: Me