Month: November 2023

Gratitude and Gore

poofypuffyLeave a comment

Recently I’ve been realizing how much I have. I have everything. Right now, I feel like whatever I want to do with my life I have the means to do it. If I want to become an engineer, I can go to school for engineering. If I want to become a doctor, I can go to school and pursue a degree in that, not that I want to because med school sounds too intense and expensive for me. Also, I get really queasy. One time, this facial reconstruction surgeon showed me a bunch of before and after pictures from procedures and they were really disgusting and I passed out. In my defense, he was showing some pretty gross stuff- people with deconstructed eyeballs, two little girls who had their faces mauled by pit bulls, a girl who had a tumor in her head that made her eye stick out of her head, a man that got his scalp pulled off by a machine, a video where he pulled a nail out of a man’s face, etc. That’s a bit of a tangent but I meant that I have the privilege of being able to choose my occupation, my education, etc. I’ll obviously be in debt after college (unless I get a full ride) but I still have the privilege of going to college when so many people don’t even have the luxury of literacy. Wherever I want to go, I feel like I have the means to do it and I kind of feel guilty about how much freedom I have, because I didn’t do anything to deserve any of it. So many suffer so much and work so much harder than I do and never get the opportunities that I get, which feels so wrong. Therefore, my goal is to pay forward everything I’ve been given. 

Picture Credit: Tom Barret

Clarity

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Both of my ankles are hurt, I haven’t showered in 4 days, my palms are bloody, and I am freezing. I am sitting in the cold van, warmed by the rays of the dawning sun and the half-full cup of coffee in my hands. It is nearly unbelievable how joyful these plain comforts can be. Piercing the constant cold and usual discomfort, the bleaks of comfort appear heaven-like. My excitement and anticipation before every sip of coffee seems child-like. In fact, it is. The reason is – I am so dang grateful for that instant of surreal content and satisfaction. I am engulfed by state of what it seems like perfect clarity – a true understanding and love for everything in that blissful moment. That is the magic of a life free of the comforts we have chained ourselves with. A wild life of fully experienced and deeply felt moments – be that intense pain or subtle happiness.

https://www.erinhanson.com/content/inventoryimages/Erin-Hanson-Gaze-of-Dawn-1.jpg

Movie? Anime? Drama?

graypenguinLeave a comment

My roommate and I have a weekly routine of watching movies and dramas together. When I became roommates with her, we bought a projector for our room. We also have a routine of eating ramen while watching them most of the time.
Our latest routine is to watch the Japanese anime” Spy Family”. In this anime, the main character is a girl with psychic powers who can read people’s minds. She has pink hair and is very pretty. However, this new season has less content than the previous ones, and we can see the dark side of the fact they are continuing it only to earn money. With all that said, we still like the anime.
The movie we recently watched is “Seven” It is a story of a murder case based on people’s greed. To be honest, this movie was very fleeting and disgusting at the end.
Perhaps, I am not good at watching dramas and I keep watching them because I get curious about the next chapter. Also, I feel uncomfortable watching a drama that goes on and on, so I prefer to watch a movie that can be completed in one sitting.
Right now, my roommate and I have a long list of movies we want to see.

pc:https://static1.srcdn.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/Anya-Forger-in-Spy-X-Family-anime.jpg

Alabama Hills

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Alabama Hills was so pretty.

I went on the Alabama hills trip and it was so beautiful there. Everywhere we went, we were surrounded by boulders, and the horizon line on all sides was made up of either distant blue mountains or interesting rock formations in the shape of cashews, mittens, or huge stone hands. 

When I was little, I never really appreciated nature much. Whenever I went hiking to a scenic spot with OVS or my family, I focused my attention more on my tired feet than the beauty in front of me. I never saw what was so great about sunsets or mountains.

However, on this camping trip, I couldn’t stop feeling so grateful to have the opportunity to be out there, and I couldn’t help taking pictures of all the mountains and sunsets and little caves to hopefully take home a little bit of the wonder I felt out there. There was even a pink moment out there, where all the white stone mountains turned pink in the morning. It was so pretty that it was worth unzipping the tent and braving the freezing air to watch the sunrise.

Picture Credit: Mike Reyfman

Sewing

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

This is just going to be a general blog post. Okay, so basically, I started sewing when I was 6 years old. I lived with my grandparents and would switch houses during the week. Sunday-Wednesday morning with my Nana and Wednesday night to Sunday morning with my Grandma and Grandpa. During my time with my Nana I she taught me how to sew. We would have our weekly sewing lesson, which I always looked forward to. If we didn’t finish our lesson that day it would continue to the next. And we did this for as long as I can remember. Till I grew up. I got busy. Recently I have been pretty into some art things. And I want to pick up sewing again. So I texted my Nana and she got me a new sewing machine. I am so excited to start back up on this once loved hobby. I would make my dolls clothes. I would make Christmas presents for the people I loved. Since I have been excited to pick this back up I have just been looking all over Pinterest and I have so many things I want to make. I am so excited I think this is going to be so fun. Not only can I do this for my own well-being but if I get good, this can be a good thing to put in my college portfolios. Anyway I am just so excited to make cute stuff.

PC: Me

Another camping trip

pottymouth818Leave a comment

The last couple of days I was on a camping trip at the Salton Sea. I had a good time because everyone on the trip was upperclassmen, primarily seniors. I don’t hate the freshmen, I just don’t want to be around them. 

The best part about the trip was destroying myself by falling onto a cement plank and into a pile of thick mud (made up of chemicals and fishbones) that smelled like horse doo-doo. Kate had been filming me on the swing and I was calling her name to try to get her attention to film me jumping off of it when the seat slipped out from under me. I twisted straight off the swing, contorting my back, and landed in the most perfect place. I  don’t remember the last time I fell so hard and so out of nowhere; I never saw it coming. 

The trip was also good because the weather was nice. At night having the weather be pleasant makes a huge difference.  I usually get anxious when I have to stress about bulky layers and staying warm, but this time that wasn’t the case. I wasn’t worrying about when the weather would get to me. 

A final contributor to this good time was the fact that it was only two days long. I didn’t feel like I had to hunker down and prepare for war. It was a quick trip that I was just able to simply enjoy. 

Camping is also a great time because I always love talking to people on my trip. 

Overall it was a great trip and I’m glad I was on it.

“Tent Camping” by Ben Duchac/ CC0 1.0

To be honest,

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To be honest, I don’t think I’m very exceptional, and I wish people knew that. I know I’m not the best and I admit that constantly. So why do people feel the need to bring me down? I wish they knew how much I overthink and how much I know I suck. They don’t and will continue to say stuff behind my back.

To be honest, I think about it a lot. I really do care about what people say.

I hate it.

Why do I care so much? I wish I could just block them out, but I can’t. I always kind of hope they will change and care about my feelings. Anyway back to what I was saying, I am pretty mediocre at things. I really do consider myself a jack of all trades and a master of none. I can do most things, but I’ve never been good at anything. I love playing sports but then again I’m not good at any. There are so many people who are so much better than me at the things I’m “good” at.

My friends are probably my favorite people in the world. I love Liz and Karin. No matter how much I don’t think I’m good or how terrible I believe I have done they always make me feel better. They always cheer for me, and always hype me up. I want you both to know how much I appreciate you. You are the hotel California guitar riff, 2:34 in Pink + White by Frank Ocean, and every beautiful part in every beautiful song. I love you Hahny and Lizzy Pooh. Just a little appreciation to them.

It sucks when I do bad in anything, but especially sports. People have this preconceived idea that just because people are okay at a sport they automatically have a huge ego about it. That’s not always true, just because people say I’m good doesn’t mean I believe that.

Just so you all know I think I suck.

So when I do make a mistake (which is pretty often) they think it’s warranted to make comments on it. There’s a difference between complimenting someone and complementing someone to tear the other person down. Yes, they did a good job but repeating it over and over is no longer a compliment. It’s actually not that hard to do better than me, I’m not good. Please stop tearing other people down.

I hate it because I begin to hate the things I love. So if you take anything out of this let it be one thing. I know I’m not good you don’t have to keep hinting at it. Stop trying to push me off a pedestal you put me on. I’m trying my best.

To be honest, I’m scared to post this but I need something to post so here it goes.

Building the nest: Women's basketball wins opening game
PC:https://stanforddaily.com/2022/11/08/building-the-nest-womens-basketball-wins-opening-game/

Christmas Songs

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I have never liked listening to Christmas music until at least after Thanksgiving. I weirdly grew up thinking that it was bad luck and that it just shouldn’t be listened to until the right time. Recently, I have decided that if its at least November, I can enjoy it. I know this sounds ridiculous, because it is. Today I have been singing and listening to Christmas music with my friends and I can’t wait until December. There is something about Christmas music and the holiday season in general that just puts me in a happy mood. While listening to the Christmas music earlier this evening, one of my friends was talking about how they hate Christmas because they aren’t in a relationship, which is really funny to me. Praying they can find that special person.

pc:https://st3.depositphotos.com/3356953/36769/v/450/depositphotos_367692474-stock-illustration-yellow-smiley-praying-vector-illustration.jpg

Camping trip

graypenguinLeave a comment

I went camping last Wednesday through Friday. I like camping, but not being able to get in the shower is a bit of a pain. I hate feeling like I am dirty all the time. I have a routine before I go camping. I get up two hours before the camp leaves, and first I wash my bedding. While I am waiting for the laundry, I take a shower. I always miss the shower when I know I won’t be able to shower for the next few days.
After the shower, I wash my clothes before drying my hair. Then I get dressed and go.

This is my first visit to Santa Rosa. I had only been to one channel island, so I was very excited because my friends told me that the view from the beach there was exceptional. The morning of the camp was very early, leaving at 6:15 a.m. We went to the harbor early in the morning and spent several hours on the boat to get there.
If I were to describe everything that happened at the camp, this vlog would never end, so I will write about my favorite part of the camp and the hardest part.

My favorite part of the camp was going out at night to take pictures of the stars. The sky was so clear, and the stars looked so clear and beautiful. My friend taught me how to take pictures of the stars, and I feel like we became closer friends. The hardest part of the camp was walking over 13 miles on the second day. It was hard, but I enjoyed talking with my friends and singing with them. I also saw a fox along the way; it was very cute. I also enjoyed napping on the beach with my friends. We also played card games on the boat and on the beach, regardless of where we were. I learned two new card games at this camp.
We also saw whales and dolphins on the boat, both on the way there and on the way back. Those things made us feel like they were inviting us to the island.

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My Issue with Thanksgiving

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I don’t think I’ve ever met someone whose favorite holiday is Thanksgiving. I understand that it is time to reunite with family and celebrate, but it just stresses me out way too much. I always have a big thanksgiving with about thirty people and I feel like I’m being tested the whole time. People always ask what college I’m going to, how I’m doing in school and what my interests are. My cousins, who are older than me, are all in college or have recently graduated. All of them have their thing. They are all basically amazing athletes and students. They all go to really good colleges like USC or NYU and they act like those are really easy schools to get into. I understand that it is important to think about college, but they have been asking me which one I’m going to since I was in fifth grade. My Thanksgiving dinner is way too formal. There is a whole seating chart that separates me and my immediate family, so I’m silent most of the dinner. My final issue with it is the food. I despise Thanksgiving food and I always end up only eating mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, and pie. My family doesn’t really eat on Thanksgiving, so their stomachs are empty by the time we have our dinner, but because I don’t eat that much at dinner, I am hungry the whole day.

“Thanksgiving Autumn” by Element5 Digital/ CC0 1.0