Inflation

This weekend I went to Starbucks and Wendy’s. I feel like I have been spending too much money lately and need to be stopped. I had to go out for dinner because I was driving back to boarding school with my friend. our first stop was McDonalds. All I wanted was a shamrock shake. It should be like a dollar or two. It was almost five dollars. Like if I wanted to spend five dollars on a drink I would’ve gone to Starbucks. I was already triggered but by the time I pulled up to Wendy’s, I felt better. My friend and I had twenty-eight dollars in total. I ordered the Bacanator and my friend ordered a Chicken Sandwich. We thought the total would be thirteen dollars or something but no. It was twenty-eight dollars. Since when did fast food restaurants think it was okay to raise their prices so high? There was no good reasoning. Fast food restaurants already make so much money. They are getting too greedy. My Bacanator was immaculate but I was flabbergasted. 

Money Currency” by Andrew Pons/ CC0 1.0

Nostalgia

When I was younger, just a few years ago, I hated to remember things from when I was younger. If it were a song that I used to listen to, a movie I had watched, a picture of me from years before, or even just a memory – I hated it. I couldn’t stand the thought of it. It gave me this unexplainable icky feeling. Over the past couple of years I’ve grown to miss all of the times that I used to not like thinking about for some reason. I never thought I was a really sentimental person until I started missing all of these things. If you know me, you’d probably pick up on me often saying, “when I was younger…blahblahbla” and I understand that is probably really annoying, and I’m sorry LOL. Maybe it’s because there wasn’t too much I felt like I needed to worry about back then, but I think about what life used to be like every day. I am happy that I can look back on those memories as happy ones now, even though I still don’t understand why I had such negative feelings about what once was.

pc:https://media.cnn.com/api/v1/images/stellar/prod/220318173805-nostalgia-games.jpg?c=16×9&q=h_833,w_1480,c_fill

Things no one knows

My childhood memories vary. I have my core memories of smiling and laughter, and I have my traumatic memories I think about and feel sad for my parents. When I went to live with my grandparents, I smiled with happiness when I got to see one of my parents for the first time in months. I like to remember the happy moments with my parents like when my dad taught me how to ride a bike which by chance we got to capture on video. Or the times I got to spend the whole days and nights with my mom. At different times my parents addictions changed in severity. My dad was doing pretty well until he wasn’t. While my mom was fighting with the pain and resistance she had towards herself she always worked hard to battle her addictions for me in the end. At times my dad was doing bad my mom would be do good and vise versa. I moved in switching with both sets of grandparents at around the age of 5. Yes, I remember the times my mom and I would paint for hours out of the day but I also remember the consistent fighting and arguing of the two young parents trying to navigate through adulthood while trying to raise a child as children. When I catch myself obsessing or being upset about something so small I find myself in reflection to what I have witnessed and felt when I was younger. I normally don’t cry about something really important like death unless I am alone but I catch myself crying over homework loads which is impractical. I think when I moved in with my grandparents I faced a lot of unkept promises. Whether I was told I would get to see my mom and then I wasn’t able to or whether my dad didn’t show up for easter and I was too sad to tell anyone why without tearing up. From the piles of unkept promises and the missing of events important to me I eventually became numb to it and felt happy that other people showed up for me. I don’t by any means resent either of my parents I am mainly proud of my mom for the accomplishments and achievements she has fulfilled for herself and me. And as for my dad I am not very close to him and I feel like both him and I have a part in that. I don’t blame my parents for being young and nieve not knowing what was coming. I don’t hold them against their addictions and confusing lives. I am grateful for my grandparents and the efforts my parents put in for me. The love they have for me and the love I have for them. Whether or not the love is direct or unconditional the love is there. My situation is different from a lot of others I am grateful that through their struggles they kept peace between everyone for me and my well being. I usually hold back when I talk about the situation or write about it just because I don’t want either of them to feel sad or like they did something wrong because if none of that happened I wouldn’t have been shaped into who I am now.

Pc: me

quarter grades

This week, my quarter grades will be released, and I’m feeling scared. I’ve never received a C before, but now I have one in Chemistry and I don’t know how my parents will react. In the past, my brothers have had mediocre grades but I’ve only received one B in middle school and two B’s in my freshman year. This year my older brother has been doing well in school and it’s frustrating when my parents compare our grades. When I try to explain that high school is challenging they respond by saying that my brother is doing fine even though he takes much easier classes than I do. It may sound strange but math and chemistry are my hardest classes while English Honors and AP World are much easier for me. AP World is only challenging when I procrastinate doing my notes, but the material is pretty easy to comprehend and the tests aren’t bad. Anyway I hope my parents don’t overreact, but all I can do now is pray.

School png sticker building illustration“/ CC0 1.0

Regrets

It is very easy to regret things you have done in life. It can be really small things, like answering a question incorrectly in class while shouting it out with full confidence. It can also be really big things that just don’t seem to leave your mind. People say live your life with no regrets, but it’s hard not to. Maybe it’s a way you wish you reacted to a situation differently. Would your life turn out different? Maybe it’s something you shouldn’t of ever shared about yourself, and now people know. I do hope the feeling of regret passes. It’s embarrassing, and if you really regret something, the thought can nag at you all the time. There is acceptance though, too, which helps us as humans move on. It’s difficult but I think it comes with time. We’re ever-changing, and mistakes are alright. It’s about learning, and every struggle we have, I think, shapes us into who we are supposed to be.

pc:https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-7051edff6119b3b479fcf43584ab00b4-lq

Finally Clean

This week, I have put off organizing and cleaning my room. It has been horrific and I couldn’t even walk in it without stepping on it. For me to clean I need a particular mindset. If not, it takes me forever and I dread it. My side table was filled with its drawers overflowing. My bed was covered in clothes. My desk had stuff falling off of it because of how full it was. I could not get ready without having to dig into whatever I needed. The drawers of my desk had stuff hanging out of it. My wardrobe was overflowing with stuff. My floor was covered with my things. Today, I was finally inspired to clean. I started with folding all of my laundry, which took me forever. I then began putting all of my makeup back into my desk. Then I cleared all my things on my desk and wiped them down. I placed everything back in their place. I then took any trash out of my side table. (I’m not disgusting, it was just the packaging of things, not food and anything gross.) I then wiped down my side table and put everything that wasn’t supposed to be on it back. Then, I checked under my bed to see if anything had fallen. I put all my work and pencils back into my backpack. I finally put my shoes back onto my shoe rack and after three hours of work, I am finally done.

Cleaning products“/ CC0 1.0

Moon

The night sky seen from the city of Ojai is very beautiful. The fact that the moon is the same no matter where in the world you look at it is very strange. I think it is mysterious that we share the same thing no matter how far apart we are. I never get tired of looking at the moon, which has a different face every day. Also, the moon that hides behind clouds or lights up the dark streets with faint lights at night is always fascinating to see. In my home country, we use such a moon as an expression for confession. When we express our feelings to others, we sometimes feel embarrassed to say the words directly. Japanese people in the past had such words as well: The moon is beautiful. When Soseki Natsume, a famous writer of the Meiji era , was an English teacher, he was asked how to translate “I love you,” and he replied, “Japanese people don’t say that. You should translate it as ‘The moon is beautiful.” In the past, Japanese men were embarrassed to say “I love you” to the woman they liked, so they said, “The moon is beautiful, isn’t it? Some of those words were, “I want to watch the moon with you.” or “The moon and you are both beautiful.”These are very romantic and can probably only be expressed by referring to the moon.

pc;me

I wish I could…

I wish I could… I wish I could… I wish I could… travel the world. I wish I could find what fumes my random breakdowns. I wish I could read what was going on in someone else’s mind. I wish I could live along the coast with my house on the edge of a cliffside overlooking the water with the mountains on the other side of my home towering over. I wish I could know when I do something wrong. I wish I could be alone. What I wish I could do compared to what I realistically can do is far away from one another. On one hand I can possibly travel the world someday. On the other hand I won’t be able to tell myself why I am upset about nothing or read someone else’s mind. All I can do is hope. I can hope one day I won’t have to question a break down. I can hope one day I can talk to someone directly and they can tell me how they are feeling truly. I wish I could change people’s opinion and outlooks on specific situations but I can’t. I am only human. We wish that we could and sometimes we can but only if we think positively. Forgiveness and forgetness is the key to life in my opinion. If you forgive you might find the answer to your question of why? If you forget you can forgive. I wish I could change time. I wish I could eat a feast without feeling full. I wish I could learn to never make a mistake again rather than continuously making mistakes and learning from them. But none of that is realistic. We live. And we learn. We forgive. And we forget. We have love. And we have loss. I wish I could make everyone believe this.

I’m sorry

I’m sorry, Elizabeth, that you have to read this crappy blog. It’s the last block on the last Friday of the Quarter and I have 20 minutes to fill the blank excel column on your computer that says: “Bohdan Cherkai – Blog #n, missing.” Pardon me, Mr. Westcott, for not paying a blip of attention to whatever today’s Computer Science lesson is about – I have got to meet my deadlines. Taking APs, saying “Yes” to every single camping trip and trying to get your life together is like juggling people’s opinions of you. There will be a moment when you have to throw one of them out so that the rest can stay in the air, at least for another instant.

https://images.saatchiart.com/saatchi/61087/art/2958417/2028310-HSC00001-7.jpg

Attention Spans

You are in the class. The all school has already taken 10 minutes off the clock; you are having a quick chat with your buddy; the teacher has to scan through their notes and wait for the class to quiet down. The majority of students is finally paying enough attention for the class to start. As your attention jumps from the lecture, to talking, to checking your email, half the period has lapsed. You know you can cut out some extra time using the Swiss Knife of your tricks, “May I use the bathroom, please?” you ask. When outside the classroom, you can kill some time on your phone, stare in the mirror for a little bit, and have a quick chat with a passerby. By the time you return, the class is almost over. You beg the teacher to let you get in the lunch-line early successfully shaving the final 5 minutes off the class.

This sort of chaos, present in almost every classroom, turns 55 minutes of alleged “studying” into, at best, 15 minutes of purposeful attention. It’s absurd how inefficient education is, and how much time is wasted.

From my experience, sacrificing quantity over quality is the most straightforward solution. Replace six 55-minutes classes with two that are triple their size. The increase in class length will account for the time necessary for the students to enter the flow state and stay in it for a meaningfully long period.

Focusing on one task for an extended amount of time is more efficient than jumping between multiple ones without putting much attention or effort into any of them.

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