I am going to be in so much debt after college. I’ve gotten a good chunk of institutional aid, and I am still waiting on federal and state aid, but the way things are shaping up currently, I will likely be in six-figure debt at the end of my education.
That’s pretty crazy. I don’t pretend to be any kind of expert in finances or anything, but I’m pretty sure 100k is a pretty unfavorable number of anything to owe.
Do I have it better than someone else? Of course. I know there are people out there paying the full sticker price of college or going to a school that charges a lot more in tuition. I’m grateful I am in the circumstances I am in. However, I’m still going to be in a lot of debt.
How did it get to this point?
Yes, I chose to go to this school, being fairly aware of the cost.
But I mean on a larger scale. In a news report, they said that in the past, a college education had a pretty big percent chance (I don’t remember what, but it was probably 80-90 percent) of helping the graduate make more in the future. However, today, college graduates have about a 50 percent chance of doing better, just because the cost of college is so high that the debt cancels out the benefit in the job market. Isn’t that crazy? You flip a coin. If it’s heads, your college education helped you in the long run. If it’s tails, you just shot yourself in the foot (financially).
I tend to worry a lot. Do they still like me? Are we really friends? Will everything be okay?
Lately, college and school have been at the top of those worries. Along with other more personal stuff I’m not comfortable sharing here. I have to make it, survive my senior year, and graduate. After that then what, I have to get money to afford my school and then go through 4 more years of worries. Why do we do this?
I wish I had the money to travel and not worry about school and life. I wish could see the world, and experience a world without worry.
But even though I worry, I’m alive. I’ve survived this long. I’m fighting and staying afloat. Everything is stable, and everything (god, I hope and pray) everything will be okay. I have amazing friends who make me laugh so hard that I can’t breathe and start to cry. I have two legs that carry me through track practice, no matter how light-headed I get. I get so many opportunities each day and get to experience everything with my own two eyes. I get to have music, which is the only thing that I’ve given everything to, and I’ve gotten everything back.
I’m so lucky. Even in my current situation (which shall not be discussed) I still manage to go to school every day with a smile on my face. I take tests, do mock trials, and run track. I’m surviving. I’m living.
And even though I worry, I will not let that stop me.
PS The only thing that could stop me is college decisions so wish me luck!
This year feels like it’s going by so fast. I almost feel like it’s slipping away from me. Like each passing year feels shorter and shorter. When I asked my mom why that was, she said that it’s because when each year passes it’s a smaller percent of your life. That is so scary to me. If you’re two years old then one year is half your lifetime so it feels longer. Now that I’m sixteen, one year is only one sixteenth of my life so it will feel shorter. I wish I would’ve appreciated my longer years more. But all I can do now is appreciate it more now in the future. The thing is that when I was younger, people would tell me all the time to not grow up and to appreciate everything I had and I never listened. I guess that kinda is a cannon event.
This week was a very slow week. One thing I had been looking forward to recently was going to eat acai bowl on the golf course. I have to say that the acai bowl there are the best I have ever had in my life. I also had my second driving school this week. This time we went out of the Town of ojai and up to the DMV in ventura. The last time we practiced was just going around the same roads so it was a lot of fun this time. I especially enjoyed driving on the highway for the first time. Driving at 100 km/h was fun, but changing lanes at that speed was very scary. I was especially scared of getting in between cars when the distance between them was very close. I am very nervous because I am going to take the test after the next practice session.
I told Alvarez I would shave my head if he lets me join Track. He told me to spare the world from seeing that.
So I didn’t shave my head, but will still be running for OVS.
Today is my first official practice and I can’t wait. I can’t wait to nearly puke my guts out after crossing the finish line. I can’t wait to wake up from a hellish cramp in the middle of the night. I can’t wait to not be able to sit down on a toilet.
But running can give me something that volleyball couldn’t. It has been too much standing and waiting. Now is time to run
The pain will suck, but that’s some real buddhist sh*t.
This school year I have noticed that I have been a mess. I used to put my self-care over everything. I have fallen out of my routine and must start picking up my old habits because they used to bring me so much peace.
I used to be very strict about hair care. For my hair, I would always oil it before I washed my hair. I would specifically use rosemary and castor oil on my scalp and argan oil on my ends. I would leave it in for two hours in a claw clip and would use my scalp massager to stimulate hair growth. I would always go to bed wearing a silk cap to prevent gaining split ends. I was so psycho about it that I would refuse to let my hair rest on my pillow without my cap. I would never use heat on my hair to make sure I was getting dry hair with split ends. This year, I never oil my hair, use my silk cap, and use heat on my hair every day. I have noticed a significant difference in my hair and it feels so much more damaged.
Last year, I struggled a lot with acne. My skin would look horrific and then it would begin to clear up and break out bad again. It was a never-ending cycle. I had listened to what my dermatologist told me exactly but it didn’t seem to work. There wasn’t one day I would miss my skincare, even when I would go on camping trips. I wouldn’t put any makeup on my face because I was concerned it would make breakouts worse, even how badly I wanted to cover it up. I refused to touch my face without freshly washed hands. I always wore sunscreen when I would go out. I finally switched to a different dermatologist months ago and it has significantly improved my skin. Now that I rarely break out, I don’t take as good a job with my skin. I use makeup products on my face that aren’t that clean and I don’t clean my face three times a day anymore. During the day, I rest my face on my pillow although it isn’t freshly washed which is something I never would have done last year. I never wear sunscreen now. Although my skin isn’t bad anymore, I’m not taking good care of it and overtime I will be able to see it’s damage.
There is so much more self-care I used to do last year that I don’t do as often now. I am an a very clean person still, but putting my self-care first gave me clarity in my life and brought me joy.
I remember when I was little my dad said to me, “Isn’t it funny how there are all of these people here, and we know nothing about them?”
It’s obvious, I know, but it always comes to my mind whenever I am in an airport, sitting and waiting at my terminal, people-watching. Not specifically airports, but really any crowded place. There are so many others around, and none of their faces I have ever seen before. I do not know their story, or their names, where they are going, or why. Are they traveling to see their family? Are they on a work trip? There is an extremely low chance of me ever seeing them again. It really goes to show how insignificant we are as humans (I know this sounds intense). We are so small in a world so big. Everyone has their own individual stories and future paths. Maybe the person we sit next to on the bus could be having the best day of their life, and maybe the person we were in the elevator with was having the worst day of their life. The thing is, we can’t ever know at first glance.
I could sit for hours and talk about everything I love. When someone sits with me and relates with me it makes me even happier. Finding people who appreciate the same things as me is so refreshing.
Organizing: I find it funny that I love to organize so much. I love coding my assignments and taking everything out of my drawers to put them right back in the same place just slightly neater. I think this is rooted in the feeling of everything being perfect after I am finished. Organizing helps me to focus and concentrate while finding a sense of calmness from the aftermath.
Pinterest: I love love love Pinterest. After a long school day, I can relax with a movie and scroll on Pinterest. There is something about the romanticizing and goal setting that just really connects with me as a person. I can see the aesthetics and blessings I have by posting my own photos and finding things that match my personality. Anyways I love Pinterest.
Music and Movies: Whether the weekend is just beginning or the weekend is ending I always can have music to listen to or a movie to watch. I can listen to music while falling asleep or as something to make me feel less lonely while driving around. I can listen to music with my friends and we can all be having the best time ever or I can listen to music and reconnecting with myself. Movies are just so entertaining. Nothing beats the feeling of watching an amazing movie for the first time. If I could there are so many movies I would watch again and get the same feeling I had the first time I ever watched it. Anyways my favorite movies are so calming to lay down in bed with a snack and watch. Some movies heal my inner child while some teach me things I can really use while growing up.
Matcha, Chai, and Water: There is literally nothing like waking up dehydrated and having a glass of ice-cold water. I really just love matcha and chai. There’s nothing matcha and chai really do for me except taste so good. I also love lemonade. But only if the lemonade is like really good. California has some of the best lemonade compared to other places in my opinion. Same with matcha and chai. Matcha and Chai are my pick me ups throughout my days. I am tried, I can get a matcha or chai. I want something to boost my energy, I can have a matcha or a chai. I really love making my own matchas when I have time. Its honestly therapeutic. And I havent found how to make chai yet but thats something I am really interested in learning.
My future: I am the biggest romanticizer I know. Something I definitely think about on a daily is my future. What college will I end up at? Will I be successful in the career I eventually pursue? Where will I live? I love asking myself these questions. Now tying my future to my obsession with Pinterest, can I make my goal of life on Pinterest a reality? Or will I be someone who has a highschool sweetheart that I can grow old with? I would like to say I will and I want to. So I just love picturing my future life. Something I will work for years on achieving.
Homes: I want to go to college for architecture, interior design, or both. I would really want these topics to relate to homes and houses. Being able to learn how to create something I love so much is my dream. I really want to be able to take what I have in my mind and apply it to something I love. I really love going on long car drives and just looking at homes that are truly someones art piece in a way. I want to be able to have the gift to create and area where people will live together, grow up in, and somewhere a family or a person can travel back to and call home.
Travel: I could probably talk all day about everywhere I want to travel and why. I have been grateful enough to get the chances and opportunities I have to travel. I love seeing different places and how different people live. The beauty of the world is in the most silent places. Listening to the birds sing and the wind blows against my skin or watching the blue waters sway back and forth. I get to go to Mexico in October and help a family build a house and immerse myself in the style they live in. Probably my top place to travel to is switzerland just for the natural beauty. But for the best experience I would want to travel somewhere I can volunteer and make connections to make people happy. I could do this by studying abroad or volunteering for a summer. Another traveling experience I want to emerge myself in is study abroad. Being able to make friends and meet people from other cultures is something I really love about the world.
Anyways that’s what I love and want for my life! PS: I love flowers, friendship, and family too!
As you lie there in bed in the midst of some of your deepest sleep, lying comfortable and in contempt, you let your body rest and recover when the alarm you set mere hours ago at 12pm goes off 5 hours later. As you lay there in your dream, being bombarded by the “by the seaside” alarm, when you find the strength to roll over and turn off your alarm, you lay there, your body begging you to go back to sleep and get a good night’s rest for the first time in months, you remember why you wake up in the first place. With barely enough energy how, you get out of your bed still in your pajamas. You go outside into your garage, grab your cold and wet wetsuit and your board, load up the car, head inside for a muffin and a Diet Coke, brush your teeth and finally head out at 5am. The car drive is quiet one. Trying your best to not fall asleep at the wheel, you pop the Diet Coke can open and make the drive to venture. Rolling into the parking lot, you start to feel the energy of the ocean. Stepping out of the car into the cold, opening the trunk to grad the coldest and wettest wetsuit known to man, and forcing yourself to put it on. Despite the cold, you hike out to the beach prepare your body with some light stretches and head out to the water. The first wave hits your feet as you tread amongst the slippery rocks, trying your best not to fall and ding your board. After walking the most painful and annoying walk of your life on the rocks, you manage to get to waist-deep water, where you can start the paddle. As you hear and barely see the first wave coming, you perform a duck dive; as the water submerges your entire body for the first time, the cold hits you like an avalanche, cold and almost breathtaking. As you emerge from the depth under the wave, still in shock, you continue the paddle as the next wave rolls towards you. After repeating the process of duck diving and paddling and getting pushed back you finally make it past the break. Sitting out there on your board, ready for a wave to appear from the darkness, is a feeling unlike another. After time passes and waves roll by, the first light appears, and with it, the waves truly emerge from the dark. As light comes to the sky, if the clouds are just right, some of the most amazing colors emerge, and the sky looks like a fake painting you see in a art gallery. Sitting there on the smooth water with the waves rolling is really the best feeling of your life.
This is my perspective on surfing in the morning. Also, I imagine this being said while talking to someone who has never gone surfing before and telling them about what surfing is like, but the speaker is too excited to really describe it exactly how they want to. Also after they would say something like “you just have to exspeince it to get it”
Recently I have been trying to have a positive self image. I don’t even think I can comprehend what that means, but I’m just trying to judge less. People always think I’m a mean person but I am really working on it. I think I am like that because I’m so hard on myself. It’s easier to have a positive body image but it’s so hard to love your brain. I want to love my brain so bad because I think it would make me so much happier. Its unhealthy habits that make us have negative self perception. It sounds really easy to start good habits and positivity, but it really is the hardest thing to wrap my head around. I hate it when I feel like I’m moving forward and doing better and then I just have the most minor setback that breaks all my progress. But what can i do but start over
OVS Journalism Blog 
You must be logged in to post a comment.