Day: May 7, 2024

but I still remember.

urmom8beanLeave a comment

I still remember our car rides and all the songs we’d sing. I still remember our ice cream trips. I remember our spot and walks on the beach. I still remember our humor and how angry it would make Mom. I still remember our basketball practices, and you coming to every game. I still remember looking for you at church and running up to you to give you peace when you came. I also remember the brunches and donuts we would have after. I still remember you showing off your bike pictures, and the videos of you calling out my uncle at the top of the mountain. I still remember going to my tias house and how much they loved seeing you. I still remember how happy you made everyone when we went to Mexico. I remember how happy you made anyone you met. I still remember how much you cared and how heavily you loved. I still remember how much you ate and how much you loved it. I still remember how nervous you’d get when we’d go swimming, and how you wouldn’t let me go in the deep end in case anything happened. I still remember how you couldn’t swim. I still remember teaching you, and even when you were scared you still cracked jokes. I still remember your stories of ovs at night. I still remember your voice, I have all your voice messages saved. I still listen to them. I still cry every time. I still remember your smile and your laugh.

I still remember you. te amo

tu hija

Story pin image
PC: me

it’s been a while

urmom8beanLeave a comment

It’s been a while since it happened, and it still doesn’t feel real.

I still feel like I can pick up the phone and call you and you’ll answer. I still think you’re sitting in that room. I still think you’re going to send me a voice message asking how I am. I still think I’ll see you at graduation, that somehow you’ll magically get better and surprise me by sneaking in and sitting in the audience. I guess the end of the year is keeping me distracted. I have so much to do, to think about that I don’t really have time to think about anything else. It’s rarely silent in my mind. Which is what feeds into the delusion that you’re still here. The silence is what truly is the death of me. Nothing to think about just you. That’s why I try and go out, and focus on other things. The condolence letters have slowed down a lot, but your celebration of life is coming up. People are starting to forget, I don’t think I can or ever will. Summer is coming and I’m still not sure where I’m going to college. Everything is ending and It’s scary. I wish you were here, I wish we had one more car ride, one more hug. It’s been a while and I miss you every day a little more. Te amo.

tu hija

Time Passing - Astro Cruise by BenHeine ...
PC: https://www.deviantart.com/benheine/art/Time-Passing-Astro-Cruise-956142765

Is beauty only skin deep

purcyLeave a comment

I always think about that one episode of Girl Meets World where Farkle and Smackle debate about whether Beauty is only skin deep.  I always thought that that was inspirational, but I think about the way that I feel naked without my nails on or my eyelashes. I think about the way that other people will perceive me if my outfit isn’t good enough. I feel like my personality is uglier if my hair is messy.  What is outside of my body seeps in through my skin and affects my soul. It affects the way that I project myself. I speak differently if I’m wearing a dress, than if I’m wearing sweatpants. I make different decisions if I’m wearing mascara rather than fake lashes. Smackle won the argument by saying that beauty is only skin deep but I believe that if I looked different I would be a fully different person. We act according to how we have been treated our entire lives and we are treated based on our looks because that is the first thing that people notice about us.

AP test

kittenqueen3Leave a comment

Recently we have been preparing for the AP test in AP World History. This is so scary to me because I am not a good test taker and I do not like having a time limit. Time limits stress me out and I rush through my work resulting in my work not being the best it can be. Which in turn disappoints me. Last year during my history class final I put a sticky note over the time limit. This is the first time I have had to take a cumulative test in high school. To be so honest I barely remember what we learned back in August so the fact all that information will be in one test is so intimidating. There is a few sections to the test but the most scary for me is the multiple choice. I am always stuck between two answers and whenever I realize it’s been the same letter a few times I get very weary. I always feel like there is no way the answer is C three times in a row. The test is may 15th so wish me luck and next year I will write about my experience and my score.

PC:”Pencil and test paper“/ CC0 1.0

Why Do We Run?

bigfootLeave a comment

While volunteering for the Mountains 2 Beach Marathon, and seeing runner after runner desperately reach for water, I wondered this very question—“why do we run?”

Why do we do the very thing that is considered punishment for many athletes for our own pleasure?

Why, despite the blisters and the stitches and the aches, do we start that Strava run?

Why do we get on that starting line, knowing that in a few minutes, you’ll be wishing you didn’t?

To be honest, I wish I had an answer.

In more ways than one, running humbles you. It humbles you when you realize that all the pain is caused by simply putting one foot in front of the other. 

But I guess that’s what I like about running—the simplicity.

Out there, it’s just you and your running shoes. Sure, you could invest in the newest Nike ZoomX VaporFly and the Mojave Run Plus Sports Headphones, but by no means do you have to to start running. Anybody can run(mostly). 

Sometimes though, I do regret getting myself into this. Like during this run, for example. 

PC: my strava