Month: June 2024

Finals

kittenqueen3Leave a comment

As I have said a couple of times I hate taking tests because I am like really bad at them and it is so degrading and stressful. Out of all my classes I am most worried about my chem final because I am so bad at chem and it is so hard. I have done terribly on every chem test I have taken so combining all that stuff into one test is so scary. Last year I did better on my finals than I expected but still this year I am in harder classes so it is going to be intense. Also, all my grades are on the brink so these tests will either make or break my grades which is terrifying. I slacked so much this semester and I am just now trying to make a comeback. Hopefully, I can clutch up and bring my grades up but that’s probably not going to happen so whatever. At least once I am done with my finals it will be summer and I won’t have to worry about school for a few months.

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Bad/Good Days

leapingwaterLeave a comment

I’ve always thought of happiness as something that comes and goes too easily and quickly. Some of the bad days feel like they will never end, and it also feels like good days will not come again. When the good days would come all I would be thinking about is how they are only temporary. I’ve learned that ups and downs are sort of what life is about. How would I know what a good day is like if I hadn’t ever had a bad day? I’ve come to learn that we cannot always control situations, and how they work out, but we can control how much we let things affect us. Taking a step back and thinking, “Hm…does this thing really have to ruin my day?” can be a simple enough thing, but implementing it into life really can help you stop overthinking and enjoy the possibility of the best day ever!

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Yapping

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

I actually forgot about blogs. I have been forgetting a lot recently, and I am not really sure why, either. Maybe it’s stress from AP testing or the excitement of summer coming. OMG. Speaking of summer, I just can’t wait any longer. I have so much anticipation. I don’t have any vacations planned, but I will be super busy anyway. I will probably go to some type of amusement park in LA or something. I will probably go shopping a lot too. I really wanted to go on a vacation but now that I am thinking about it I really don’t have any time. I think it will be kind of fun staying home and getting to see friends. I will have time to do things in Ojai I normally wouldn’t do. I think maybe I will emerge myself in the fun aspects of home. Unless my family and I decide to go on a last minute trip I need to make the most of it. It is weird to think I am going into my last year of school here at home. Once I graduate I will live somewhere else. Anyways this whole bridging process is so interesting.

PC:ME

The words in my head

purcyLeave a comment

I wonder what people would think of me if I said the words that are always burning through my head. I wonder if my friends would resent me if they knew what I was really thinking. I feel trapped inside my skull and I am always trying to claw my way out. The voice in my head is so loud and powerful that I sleep only to silence it. I feel like I am trapped in my body with my anxiety and depression and ADHD. They scream at me and each other constantly. I hide from them within myself although I can’t get away. I fight them for every word that comes out of my mouth every letter that I write and song I sing. I don’t let them come up to the surface because they are not who I am. I understand that they are no reflection of me, but they live inside my body like another personality. I feel as though they are crawling me towards death and I use all of my strength to hold them back. I fight constantly to stay in the moment.