This weekend, Archer and I babysat 30 kids at the Ventura Yacht Club. At first, there was silence. A few well-behaved kids showed up and watched TV, while others were encouraged to color with crayons. That lasted for about 20 seconds as we were then introduced to Harrison. Harrison was maybe 6 years old and had a gold Armani watch on his wrist. His one job was to terrorize Archer and me for the next 3 and a half hours. When getting to know Harrison, I tested his spelling, and he spelled money “muny”. He then tied Archer’s legs together and began to kick his shins as hard as he could. Archer fell to his knees, and Harrison successfully stole his phone, only to be disappointed when he couldn’t get past the lock screen. Out of frustration, he threw Archer’s phone, where it landed 1 foot from the edge of a cliff with the Ventura Harbor below. Harrison then became obsessed with beanbags and threw one in a little girl’s face, and she began to cry. We told him to apologise to her, and halfway to her, he forgot and ran away. We then caught Harrison with a cup of Shirley Temple and a straw. Harrison was intelligent beyond his years and put the straw to his mouth and then poured the cup onto himself, thinking his lips were on it. When it was time to leave, Harrison cried and couldn’t go until I promised him the next time he could kick me as hard as he wanted to.

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