I think everyone needs to get their driver’s license. There’s so many people recently that have been telling me that they don’t have their license, but having it is so freeing. The first time I drove by myself was such a new feeling. It’s so convenient to just be able to drive yourself wherever you want instead of having to bike or walk. And the first time you drive your friends is so much fun. I just had my first drive by myself and my first drive with friends last week during break and it made me realize how much fun it is. I guess it is really hard to get your license in California, but it’s so worth it to go through the course. I was super lucky to get mine in Oregon because you don’t have to do any drivers ED, just to study by yourself a little bit. Everyone says driving gets boring after a while but I can’t imagine that right now.

pc:https://www.pinterest.com/pin/556405728978545092/

I wish I remembered my dreams more often. I think dreams are so beautiful no matter if they are happy or sad or scary. I love how dreams only make sense in pictures but not in words because that is how my brain understands things the best. Of course I understand words because we are groomed that way for our whole lives, but I live for seeing and feeling and experiencing. I have always been told that I am not book-smart or even that I’m stupid, but that is okay because I am dream-smart. I understand things by the way they look and move and breathe and feel. I crave to see things in my dreams rather than to read them in books. I think that is why I love to decorate my room. I would rather look at my walls and see the things I love than to look down at my phone or a book or homework. 

photo cred: me

I love “Gilmore Girls” so much. I have probably watched it seventeen times. I love the way they talk and I just love them so much. It’s the only show I’ve ever watched that doesn’t feel like work. Logan is my favorite of all the boys. I like Jess a lot but he’s really short so idk. Dean is good but idk I just like Logan the most. Paris really annoys me but even she is smart and interesting. I hate it when she’s dating the professor idk why it just really bothers me. Even though I hate it, the season is still so good. Paris is super weird in the movie sequel but I guess it’s a good plot twist. Loralai is my favorite character. She is hilarious and so much fun. Jason is my favorite guy for her to be honest. I think the way they broke up was super weird but it’s so interesting. I do really like Luke but I don’t know there’s just something about it like there’s something off. Anyways, I would do anything to watch it for the first time again. I hope everyone watches it at some point.

.https://www.pinterest.com/pin/936608053733567346/

I don’t understand memory. Why don’t we get to choose what we remember and what we forget. I just think it’s weird that I remember every word to every song I listened to as a kid but not the formulas for my chem exam. I don’t remember a lot from living in Seattle except a few flashbacks. I remember when someone broke into the house I was born in, I could see the broken door and my mom’s face when she saw it. I remember crying when we moved out. I remember breaking my leg on the stairs. I had a bright pink full-leg cast, and all of my preschool friends drew on it. I remember when I got my brand-new rainbow bed. I remember having a dream in the same bed where I could fly. I remember when I was still close to my sister, and she taught me how to eat spaghetti. And I remember moving to Bend. That’s what I think about most. Everything changed when we moved. I think for me it changed for the better, but we moved away from my grandparents, who we now see once a year. It’s crazy to me how time goes by, and we forget things that were once so important.

Sometimes I wonder what other people are thinking. I wonder if it is the same way that I think; do they look out the window and wonder how the trees feel? What secret does the wind flowing through their leaves tell? Do plants feel jealous of those more colorful or more exotic? Do they feel as people do toward each other? Does the earth feel the same emotions as me? Does it feel happiness and anger and sadness and stress? Do the sun and moon celebrate each other’s differences, or is that why they stay separate? I wonder if they really judge me like I think they do. Do they pray that I don’t sit with them when I walk in the room? Is it valid that I am afraid of what others will think of my hair or my makeup or my outfit when I get ready for the day? Should I continue to regret the embarrassing things I’ve done or said? Or has everyone already forgotten. Sometimes I want to ask people what they are thinking. I want to question them about what they think of the trees and the wind and the plants and the earth and the sun and moon, but most of all, what they think about me. 

I really felt when Rue said Cassie “fell in love with every guy she ever dated.” because maybe I don’t understand love but I do believe in it. I have fallen in love with every guy I ever dated and even some that didnt love me back. That’s not to say they deserved it or even wanted it. I don’t know if it’s that I am too sensitive or that I just get attached. I also don’t know if that’s good or bad because I think it’s good to put yourself out there but it hurts so much more to realize you fell in love with someone who is hurting you. I absolutely believe in love at first sight. I don’t think enough people act on it though. I think people should be bolder with things like that, including me. In fact, that was my new year’s resolution. To be bolder and more confident. 

photo and quote credit: Euphoria

Lana del ray

Gold jewelry

Lipstick – lip gloss – chapstick

New nails

Sunsets

Bows

Fluffy blankets

Starbucks pumpkin drinks

Astrology 

Claw clips

Hoop earrings

Clean sheets 

The color pink

Fun sunglasses

People who don’t make you tired 

Dried flowers

Poetry

Willow trees 

Tanning

Sushi 

Pajama pants

Vintage – thrift stores

Country music 

Stuffed animals

Fridays

Clean socks 

Stanley ice water

A new lash set

Legos

Getting ready with girls

Purses

Hot chocolate 

Greta Van Fleet – Heat above – Light my Love

Christals

Decorating

Good mirrors

Surfing 

Painting on walls

Rain 

Movies

Gilmore Girls 

Watermelon sour patch kids

Spotify wrapped 

Ultra sunrise monster

Polaroid pictures

Cleaning

Hastin

Journaling 

High heels

Eyeliner

Glitter

Angel numbers

Avocado toast

Perfume 

Sol de janeiro 68

Purple shampoo

Weddings

Coffee shops

Tarot cards

Chewing gum

Plants 

Pintrest 

Everything showers

Candles

Shopping 

Hoodies

Baby tees

Rings

Pickles 

Headphones

Highlighter

Sleeping

The ocean

Baggy jeans

Snow

Uggs 

Bracelets

Why do all my teachers assign projects at the same time? Like for real how are they about to expect us to complete 6 final projects in one week. I don’t mind doing a project but why would they make it so that we have something worth 15% of our grade impossible to finish on time. I think that’s why this year has gone by so fast for me because I never have enough time to get everything done. I don’t understand how I’m getting so much homework. The thing is none of my classes give a substantial amount of homework but they all give some. It’s not usually super hard, it’s just time consuming. I feel like I understand the content, and I have plenty of support and the ability to get help but I just have to spend an insane amount of time getting it done. We’re on the home stretch. One more week.

I love spotify wrapped so much. I hated it last year but that was because I was embarrassed about mine. This year it is literally so good. So many people hate that others post them on their stories and stuff but I love looking at them because it tells you so much about that person. It’s so much fun to see how many minutes I listened to and what podcasts I kept up with the most. It makes you recap over all the music you listened to all year and forgot about. I see why people hate it but I just don’t and my wrapped playlist is my new favorite. I love how many different genres it is and that it’s all songs I know really well. I hate looking for new music, it feels like a chore to me and spotify just made a super long playlist with every song I actually like on it and it’s so easy to listen to.

photo cred: me

I can’t believe how stressed out I am about school. My to-do list is hours long and I havent even started college research. I knew my junior year was going to be hard but I had no idea I would have this much to do. School doesn’t even feel like it’s going by slow anymore because I am so stressed out about meeting deadlines. I used to feel like I was waiting forever for school to be over each day and each year but now that I don’t have nearly enough time to get everything done. The embarrassing part is that I’m only taking one AP class. All the other juniors are taking full AP schedules and don’t act nearly as overworked as I do. I feel so stupid because maybe my homework isn’t as hard as i think and it’s just too hard for me to focus on it.