Author: riceandsoysauce4

2 A.M.

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There is a certain kind of chaos that hits at two in the morning. Not emotional chaos. More like a restless, slightly delusional urgency where my brain decides my entire life would make more sense if I moved my dresser three feet to the left.

It happens out of nowhere. I will be lying there, overthinking something pointless, and suddenly I am on the floor unplugging lamps and dragging furniture with the strength of someone who definitely should be asleep. It feels dramatic, but in a satisfying way.

The funny thing is that rearranging my room at that hour never feels overwhelming. It feels like clarity. My space turns into this physical version of my thoughts. Messy at first, kind of embarrassing if anyone walked in, but slowly starting to make sense as I move things around. A pile of clothes becomes less of a crisis. A crooked mattress becomes some kind of metaphor. Everything feels temporary and fixable.

I think that is why I love doing it. You cannot fix your whole life at two in the morning, but you can move your nightstand and pretend that counts. And honestly, sometimes it does. 

PC: Buzzfeed

5:34 A.M.

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The time is currently 5:34 a.m., and the temperature is sitting at a chilling 48 degrees. Unfortunately, I had to scramble my things together at the ungodly hour of 4:00 a.m. and step out into the biting cold to meet my driver. That said, I couldn’t be more excited to be heading home. Home, a place where the temperature still settles in the 70s and the ocean beckons with its warmth.

The flight isn’t terribly long, which gives me some downtime to work on my UC application. The PIQs don’t exactly fill themselves out, despite my hopeful expectation that they would. To speak plainly, I fear them. No, seriously, I am scared. It even makes me recoil to write the word “concrete.” I mean, I hate concrete. It is gray, dull, and brittle. Who wants to read about that?

Pulling myself back from that tangent, I am very grateful to have a week off from school, a rare chance to really focus on my college applications without the pressure of other deadlines. Hopefully, this week won’t shrink down to just two days, like most enjoyable weeks seem to do. Funny enough, the weeks that are grueling love to drag on, while the pleasant weeks fly by in a blink. I guess we will see.

PC: google

Break

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As Thanksgiving break rolls around, I can barely contain my excitement. Not only do I get a break from school, but I’ll also be able to see my family and friends. It has been over three months since I’ve seen my friends, which, for me, is way too long. I’ll finally get to eat soooo much food, which really brings the whole trip together. Stuffing is my favorite, along with mashed potatoes and turkey, but when everything is piled onto one big plate, it becomes pure deliciousness. I usually won’t eat breakfast or lunch on Thanksgiving Day to build the suspense, making it all that much better. I’m also excited because once we get back from Thanksgiving break, it will be so close to winter break, which is something I’m really looking forward to. I’m going to a resort in the mountains of Canada that can only be accessed by helicopter. We’ll get to snowboard, snowmobile, and play in the backcountry snow. It’s all very exciting.

PC: Google

Early Action

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After many nights of overwhelming stress and anxiety-filled days, I finally submitted my early action applications. November 1st haunted my thoughts, creeping up on me silently. I never felt ready to submit—always worrying that something was wrong and reading over my PDF hundreds of times. When I finally pressed the celebrate button, I watched the colorful confetti burst across my screen and felt a weight lift off my shoulders. Still, a hint of regret lingered as I reread my application, convincing myself that something I submitted must have been a mistake. I tend to overthink everything, but I’m learning that it’s out of my control now and that whatever happens is meant to be. On my whiteboard, I wrote in big, bold letters: “Rejection is redirection.” It’s a constant reminder to stay calm. I know the future holds a place for me—somewhere I’m meant to be—but it’s still hard not to wonder what those decisions will bring.

Pc: google

My favorite Foods

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Food makes me so happy, and I love trying new things, but these are my all-time favorites. Ahi sashimi, lilikoi, bread, acai bowls, pasta, mango, tacos, pho, cucumber salad, caprese salad, goat cheese, tomato soup with grilled cheese, and avocado toast. Some of them remind me of home, and others just make me feel good no matter what mood I’m in. I could honestly eat pasta or mango every single day and never get tired of them.

My favorite drinks are matcha, ginger lemonade, chai, yerba mate, smoothies, London fog, coffee, Mexican coke, and chamomile tea. I drink matcha when I need energy, chamomile when I want to relax, and smoothies when it’s hot outside. A London fog is my go-to on cold mornings, and nothing beats an ice-cold Mexican coke after a long day. I love how food and drinks can hold memories and comfort, reminding me of little moments from my past. 

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Homesick

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Imagine going from the tranquil flows of crystal-clear water, lush towering mountains, and uncultivated lands to a place like Ojai. Look, don’t get me wrong—Ojai has its beauty, tons of it at that—but there is this feeling that the air in Hawai‘i gives me. I’m not just talking about the sticky humidity; I’m talking about the feeling of being so disconnected from the world. Miles and miles of deep blue depth surround you entirely, yet you are safe on a tiny island—and alive, more alive than anywhere else.

I have traveled to many places in the world and seen the serene beauty of each diverse landscape, but nothing will ever compare to my home. I know every pothole in the road and every path to the ocean. Store owners have watched me grow up from behind a register, and first-time introductions are a rare occurrence.

There is always this tugging feeling, like you are never quite comfortable anywhere else, when you are inescapably tethered to an island. It’s hard to explain such a strange feeling to someone who has never lived there, but I believe it’s a feeling that will never fully go away.

pc – rumi

Graduating

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When the day comes for me finally to receive my diploma, I won’t know if my life is ending, or just beginning.

I use to struggle trying to imagine a life after high school; college was always just a fantasy.

I remember when my brother applied to college, when he moved in, and then finally when he graduated. It was inspiring, and made me eager, but it never felt like an experience I was going to be able to touch.

Even though, a year from now i’ll be sitting in a dorm room at some mystery school, it still feels like something so far away. It’s scary how fast it’s coming; how little time we have left with the freedom of high school responsibilities.

I would like to think that going to college is the beginning of a whole new chapter, something new, fresh, and exciting. Graduating college on the other hand, now that’s the end of my life. I mean, i’m going to be an adult in just a couple months, but you once you are out of college, thats like real adult life, something i’m not excited for. Who am I if not a teenager girl?

PC: Google

LMU

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This weekend I toured a school that was never at the top of my list, but after visiting, became the center of my target. Loyola Marymount University (LMU) was exceptional, and honestly, there was nothing I didn’t favor. The school is located in Los Angeles, specifically in the Westchester neighborhood, about four miles north of LAX. A prime location. With the beach Playa Del Rey being only 2.6 miles away, I practically have the ocean at my fingertips (an absolute non-negotiable). LA has diverse and delicious food, offering so many options. Aside from the location, the campus itself stands out on its own. The beautiful architecture was alluring. And unlike previous schools I’ve toured, the size of it didn’t consume me. Classes consist of an average of twenty students, meaning your teachers know you not only by name, but by character as well. The ability to form relationships with professors can be tricky, or even impossible at larger schools, but not at LMU. I could genuinely go on and on about the utter perfection of this school, but I would begin to bore you at some point. If LMU is not on your list, I would highly advise you to reconsider adding it.

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Blank Mind: A Christmas Tribute

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I sat down to write this blog, but absolutely nothing came to mind. Instead, I procrastinated until the last minute… and still had nothing to write about. I tried brainstorming ideas, but everything felt too cliché or uninteresting.

So, I guess this post isn’t exceptionally exciting, but it’s all I’ve got right now.

That said, I’m really excited for Christmas. I love Christmas music—it’s so nostalgic. If I could listen to it all year, I would. (And honestly, sometimes I do.)

Well, now this post has somehow turned into being about Christmas, but I’ve run out of things to say about that, too. Hopefully, I’ll have better luck next week.

pc – google

Doomscrolling

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Last night, I sat down to write this blog when my phone buzzed. I tried to ignore it by muting my phone and telling myself I would look at it later, but I couldn’t resist. My intention was just to open it, respond to a few texts, and then go back to writing. Next thing I knew, an hour had passed, lost to scrolling through different apps and fulfilling my need for stimulation.

Is doomscrolling ruining our attention spans? We consume so much media in 10–20 second clips that it becomes harder and harder to concentrate on anything less stimulating.

Simple tasks that aren’t instantly rewarding feel impossible to complete. Students struggle to pay attention to lectures or to read long pieces of writing.

We have the option to scroll aimlessly, constantly fluctuating our emotions—but in real life, this option doesn’t exist. That’s why we so often give in to our addiction.

Our concentration skills are rapidly decreasing. In the future, the real world may feel too understimulating for us. At what point does “brain rot” become irreversible? And how soon will it come?

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