Author: shallahan#1mooch

every thought in my head at the moment

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Sometimes I just think I’m not real. Like I’ll just look around and be like what.

I literally go to sleep at like 7:30 and I’m still so tired. 

People have been asking me what colleges I’m thinking about and I’m just like I have no idea I’m only a sophomore. But honestly, I probably do need to start thinking about that.

I love having nails but it makes it so hard to live life lowkey. It is really hard to type but they give me so many oodles of happiness so it evens out.

I think my Starbucks gift card has unlimited money. I’m so confused because when I first loaded it into my app it said it had 10 dollars on it but the balance on it goes up every time I use it so I’m just confused.

Scout started driving me to school and it is so fun and amazing.

PC:Google

vocal stims

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Lately, there has been a TikTok trend going around where people post their “vocal stims” (clips of funny videos from TikTok that we quote) so here is me and scouts…

“Einstein goes away, I go away, so he’s not leaving because I know they can’t let me leave. I will go with that cat.” –

“Apple..” “no thank you.” “its gooood” “ok.” – enchanted

“no no its nice” ” thats is fantastic” – Hyperpigmentation

“I hate Vietnam” ” No Lily we don’t hate” “I hate Vietnaaam.” – Modern family

“aaah aa ahhhh aaa ahahoouuoo” – wicked

“I’m tired of this grandpa” “that’s to damn bad” – Holes

“You what happens to a good looking guy like me in jail? It rhymes with grape…. It rhymes with grape.” – 21 Jump street

” I ate my grandma, and it took a week cause she was absolutely humongous” – Moana

“I paid my bills, my bills are paid.” “Girl, you not pregnant, you just thirsty.” – 1000 pound sisters

“I cut my finger on my mom’s ring, I hope I can still dance.”

pc – google

Childhood

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i am overcome with missing people 

i miss my old self 

before life happened 

i miss my old friends 

i miss my old family

i miss the boys i used to love

i miss the smile on my innocent face 

but most of all i miss the feeling that came with that smile. 

i didn’t even know what was to come 

a ran around with bare feet, gapped teeth, and skinned knees 

but i never cared 

i never even noticed 

i miss those summers by the pool 

i miss the security of those hugs 

the way i melted into their arms 

i always wanted to grow up and i never understood why people said stay young 

but i get it now 

all i wish for is to go back 

back to the sun on my cheeks and the light in my eyes. 

Pc- my mom circa 2010

my bsf

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years ago I remember wondering if I would ever be the first choice 

would I ever find someone who I chose but also chose me

and I found her 

my best friend in the whole world

someone who I will choose every time 

and who I know will choose me too

she knows more about me than i know about myself 

when I look into her eyes I see myself in another life 

we fit together like pieces of a puzzle 

even though we are on different tracks of life we still found each other through the twists and turns and turns 

and we will find each other again 

not because we want to 

because we have to

my other half

my better half 

my soulmate

a mark I won’t ever be able to erase 

arms that will always be there to hold me

hands to wipe my tears when I can’t 

a mind to think what thinking before I think it 

and bright blue piercing eyes to look at me and tell me it will be okay 

pc: Me

snow

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I’ve always loved the snow. I’ve spent hours admiring its sparkle and purity. Going to the mountains was always a time of peace in my family. We all loved it; it brought us together. The smell of the mountain air and the trials of learning to snowboard and ski. My brother held my hands as I tried to balance down bunny hill. the condo we shared with friends. Every year, we came back. The weather would change and even the people sometimes, but the feeling stayed the same. The anticipation of the drive and the excitement of the first morning. The only times we were happy to wake up early were those mornings, that week, that place. Bruises from falling but we were still smiling. The sparkle in my young innocent eyes matched the sparkle in the snow. I think about these moments often, I breath in and smell the fresh air and the coldness on my cheeks.

pc – google

sleep

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sleep

a cool soft hug

a purple hue

a twinkling star and a full moon

an open door that closes as soon as I shut my eyes

claws and spiders creep through my dreams

I never liked the darkness

or the quiet, but my mind has always made up for that

internal scars and past memories haunt my dreams

a nightmare, but its not, because it was never a dream

it was always just my life.

I stare up at the glow of the stars on my ceiling each night

thoughts running through my head

I can’t decide if I want to laugh or cry

but I know I want to sleep

I’m so tired but my mind never wants to rest

there’s to much to think about in this crumbling world, in my crumbling head.

pc google

break

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I love break. Over this break I first went to the Mojave desert; with my mom my brother my brothers friend and me. We taught my brother’s friend Asher how to ride a dirt bike. we went on a ride every day with all our family friends. At night we sat around the fire playing games and telling stories. The Colborns were there too. Their son took me on a ride in their side-by-side and it was so cool to watch the dust fly by while we did donuts. Then we came home for one night and left in the morning for Bend Oregon. I drove part of the way with Asher and part of the way with my mom. once we got there I got to see all my Oregon friends. It was so much fun to be in the snow. I snowboarded for three days with my brother and his friends before I got hurt. then I just hung out with my friends and my cats. 

pc google

getting hurt

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I’ve only broken one bone in my whole life. I had never had stitches until a few weeks ago. I’ve never had surgery or a cast. Even when I broke my heel I only had crutches for a week and a boot for a few months. When I fell and cut my leg open to the bone I stayed surprisingly calm. It had been a chill day of snowboarding through powder. I didn’t even realize it was cut at first. As soon as I noticed I told my brother’s friend to get ski patrol and called my mom. I told her I was going to the hospital and I needed stitches. Once the ski patrol got there they wrapped my leg. I almost passed out when I first saw it but I didn’t cry. I tried to stay rational because I knew I had to be an adult. The only time I cried was after I had been waiting for 2 hours to get stitches and they started to numb my leg with the needle. It didn’t hurt that bad, it was mostly just scary.

pc google

christmas and finals

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The holiday break is coming up in just a week, but that also means finals. I’m really happy this year. After all, I won’t have a final on Thursday because I not taking a language this year. I’m also super excited for next week because my brother is bringing his cats down, which are actually my cats. I haven’t seen them in months, and I miss them so much. Anyway, back to finals, I’m super scared for my chem final. I feel like I have just completely forgotten everything I know about it. Also, I don’t understand why we have to have a final for AP World like we’re gonna have an AP test anyway, so I don’t understand why he is torturing us with a final, too. I love Christmas. I’m so bipolar in this blog. Hopefully, you can’t tell I’m just trying to meet the word mark… ok I’m here bye.

pc – google

more soccer

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We had another soccer game and we finally won!! We played Nordhoff JV and we won 8-0. It feels great to win and I really do think our team played well. Pretty much all the people who usually stay on the bench got some time in the game which they typically do. I played defense the whole time and the ball only went onto our side of the field probably less than 5 times. We have another game on Saturday against Cate, which we will most likely lose. If this is the only game we win all year at least it felt good. I like playing defense but midfield is my favorite. Wish the rest of my team luck against Cate this weekend because they might get demolished. I wish I could be there to help the team but I’m also excited for my horse show. I also think if I were to go I would definitely get hurt and it would just suck to go all the way to Carp on a Saturday just to lose.
PC:Google