Author: yrreskrap

Dear Dad

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Daddy,

Words can’t begin to describe what you mean to me.

I don’t know what it is

about your voice.

maybe because the years

turned it so frail

and shaky.

Your hearty laugh

that one, so contagious

I don’t hear it as much.

But when I do,

words can’t describe how it makes me feel.

Dear Daddy,

Today, you told me

you were proud of me

and I knew you were speaking the truth 

because you are such an honest man.

It made me feel so good

when you told me that you knew

I’d get far

because of my heart and determination (I get it from you, you know).

Daddy,

you know how you tell me 

that the happiest moments 

are with me eating?

You’ve always loved watching me eat…

I’ll never forget that 아빠.

아빠, you are an amazing man.

You are honest and kind,

selfless and hardworking.

You gave up so much for me

You fought for me 

and you rarely ever, ever told a lie

아빠, God truly blessed me

with you 

and someday dad,

I’m going to marry somebody just like you.

You are the greatest man in my life

The only one that looks into my heart & truly understand

The one to see me as I was

You believed in me always

You loved me always, through it all…

I’m so sorry I wasn’t better

but I’ll be my best from now

You taught me so much

But the greatest lesson you’ve ever taught me was

how to love.

Thank you daddy.

Words can’t describe what you mean to me.

You’re the best

and you deserve all you want.

I love you 아빠.

Stay healthy and be always happy. 

Life’s A Beach.

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Usually I have an undeniable, irresistible desire for Korean food or home.

But this time, it’s the beach.

The weather has been beautiful lately here in Ojai. I mean, how lucky are we to have summer weather in the end of January?

It started with the semi-annual sale at Victoria’s Secret.

Discounts on swimsuits and free shipping on orders over $25!!

So I bought one and it arrived last Monday but since I was unhappy with it, I sent it back. Now, I have to wait until February for the new one!

NOW ALL I NEED IS SOME SAND AND A LOT OF OCEAN.

But I must have patience because being at a boarding school, I don’t have many chances to leave and head to the beach whenever I want to.

I JUST WANT SUMMER!!

Sometimes life’s a beach.

What Holds Me Together

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High above, amongst the stars,

God checked his watch,

and realized it was time.

Time to make a story,

my story,

mine.

He wove together a string of trinkets,

some rusty,

some silver,

some gold,

and some of precious stones.

Of those trinkets,

there were many places.

Houses and apartments,

studios

and condominiums.

Restaurants, schools, corners and alleys.

There was a bit of Mexico.

Koreatown, too.

Some wormy grass,

and golf courses where the deer roamed at night.

And of course,

tied closely to these homes,

was my mother’s cooking,

my father’s laughter,

my sister’s pranks.

And there were my fears.

My anxieties,

all intertwined with my passions,

my soul,

and whatever else that stirs me and moves me and lifts me..

My friends and enemies,

my lovers and ex-boyfriends.

Teachers, mentors, coaches, neighbors.

Mailmen, taxi drivers, pilots, a Marine.

There was much joy.

But,

there were also tears and hardship,

loneliness and strife.

Yelling and screaming,

punching and throwing.

The threads mangled and fried.

But soon enough,

God, with his knowing hands,

his fingers so gentle,

created a piece.

And those loose threads,

they all straighten out to create

one magnificent picture.

One that is unique.

One that is me.

mine.

Fat Sundays with Tom Cruise

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Huddled together.

Light cutting the darkness like blades

through the spaces between the blinds.

Our heads come closer to the screen,

our limbs intertwined.

A mess of blankets and

the overwhelming scent of Chinese food.

Golden Moon did it again.

Our stomachs are aching

but, we don’t mind.

Tom Cruise is almost dead,

Julia with a gun in her hand.

HE’S ALIVE!

We all let out a sigh of relief,

our hands let go of each others.

This is a good Sunday afternoon.

Surrounded by my friends,

just being fat and lazy.

I am so happy.

This is happiness.

“Friendship is a special kind of love.”

What’s Left Of Us…?

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Yesterday, a fascinating idea struck me as I ate breakfast in the cafeteria. As I was looking at the various awards in the display case (that will be handed out the day before GRADUATION), my eyes fell upon one award in particular. It is indeed, in my eyes, the ugliest award: a rock glued onto a metal platform.

 

But it made me think. And I talked to (thebrownguy) about this and I wanted to share this thought with you. I am curious to know what you feel.

What would happen if the world ended now?

If all that was left of us was dust and scraps and rocks attached to metal platforms, what would later civilizations think? Would they see our accomplishments? The progression we have made? The technological breakthroughs, the scientific knowledge, the intellectual beings we came to be?

Or would they see an obvious path to self-destruction? Would they see a failure to come together, an overuse of natural supplies, greed, ignorance, pride? Would they find a fallen people?

I don’ t know. I think it is a little bit of both. Maybe one more than the other.

First off, everything on the internet would be negligible to later civilizations because there will be no electricity or MacBook to bring it to life. Which again, I hold ambivalent opinions on because it nullifies a lot of academia and creativity our society holds. Beautiful bits of knowledge that are held in educational websites, news, recipes, photography, or even blogs such as the OVS Journalism Blog will be gone. However, I would be relieved because of all the negatives the cyber world has brought us. Such as bullying. Or self-image issues. The tabloids. Peer pressures and social standards.

Most of what knowledge we hold will be represented by print. And with the newspaper industry slowly falling apart due to our society’s thirst for instantaneous news reports, what we leave behind in print will be very little. Kindles and Nooks will mean nothing with a dead battery. But with what little we have, I believe we can draw inspiration and perhaps a chance for change.

And our carbon footprint. The huge problem that most people fail to see or don’t care to fix. We cannot come together to solve such a simple problem. And the ramifications of our indulgent lifestyles will be shown in our oceans and the weather. It will be proven in the industrialization and in the air. The later civilizations will see how wasteful we were. Hopefully, these people will also take the initiative to learn from our mistakes and live with a more sustainable, eco-friendly initiative.

However, more importantly, it made me think about what I have done in my life and what I can do to make a change. It made me realize how I could start with myself to make the world a better place, as cliche as that sounds. As for me, I am going to college in mere months and I believe that, with the willpower, I can do something.

Now the question I want to ask is: What will you leave behind?

My Fabulous Christmas Vacation!

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There is only one word that can describe my Christmas vacation.

Fabulous.

 

The foggy sensations of nostalgia that I felt for my home and the people I missed melted in those three weeks and its cavities were filled with warmth of family, friendship, love, and Christmas spirit. Only now, nostalgia has resumed its place in my heart, waiting for its release from my next encounter with my loved ones.

My sister had come home for the first time in over a year. I missed her dearly. Just having her presence in the house changes the entire mood and air of everything. We didn’t do anything extraordinary. We just stayed in the house and talked, did some errands, and ate good food around Los Angeles. Nothing over the top but nonetheless special.

Jin Soo Park. My brother from another mother, so to speak. Although I’ve only known him for a few  years, we have grown so close and always seems to connect on a level that makes me believe that we must be siblings. I saw him for the first time in almost a year and we gorged ourselves on Korean BBQ and shaved ice. We even roamed the local mall to find his secret santa gifts. But seeing him again was wonderful and I hope I could see him again before he heads off to a different state.

Last but not least, I got to spend a good amount of time with Kai. In fact, we spent the New Year’s together in New York City (NYE IN NYC)! I met more of his family, joining them on a day-long trip to Disneyland. I couldn’t have been happier anywhere else.

 

Ultimately, I am so grateful for my Christmas vacation. God brought to me the people I cherish the most, my parents, my sister, my brother, and my boyfriend. Altogether, with the Christmas music that dominated the radios, the lights that hung from the roofs of houses, and the red/green sweaters I saw made my Christmas vacation fabulous and precious.

Sigh of Relief

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If there is one thing that I can tell you about colleges, it is this:

BE ABSOLUTELY SURE BEFORE YOU SEND OUT ANY EARLY DECISION APPLICATIONS.

This was my problem. I thought that I was absolutely sure when I applied to a binding agreement to Williams College and Amherst College. However, after I submitted my applications on September 30th, I visited Massachusetts and toured the campus of Williams. That was when post-application remorse began to settle.

The four hour bus ride from Boston to Williamstown scared me. My fear was being isolated for my college years and reliving my boarding school life not being to leave campus when I wanted to.

As the notification deadline drew closer, I grew more anxious, my confidence wavering in the two schools I applied early for. Soon, I was hoping I’d be rejected.

And here I am. My first two college notifications were rejections, but they were the greatest rejections I have received as funny as that sounds.

What I realized after being rejected was that more than the isolation, I feared the binding agreement the most. I wanted to be able to have a choice and sort through my different options instead of being bound to a single school. I wanted options.

My experience brings me to another point. College tours. Do them.

Even if it is an unofficial tour where you are walking without a guide or fellow student, I cannot stress how important it is that one grasps the vibe of the school you might potentially attend. More than the name of the school or the prestige, it is ultimately your happiness that will bring you success and a great college experience.

So, apply to many and choose. Don’t limit yourself to one school unless you are absolutely true.

FOUR MORE DAYS !!

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OKAY.

I KNOW I SAID I WOULDN’T THINK ABOUT IT UNTIL AFTER I FIND OUT THE RESULTS BUT…

i just cant.

ALKEJFIOSDJFLSEMNFOALDKCM!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY!?
I feel like these four days are killing me.

On December 1st, I will receive two emails from Williams and Amherst, letting me know whether or not I have been accepted. I don’t know what time the emails will come which makes things worse for me! I will be checking every five minutes on that day! Will it come at noon like the last email? If so will it come at noon Eastern Time? Would that make it arrive in my inbox at nine?

I am scared because Williams and Amherst are one of the nations top colleges. Williams is rated #1 in Forbes Best College List and #1 liberal arts schools in U.S. News and World Report Best College List. Amherst is #4 on Forbes and #2 in U.S. News and World.

Williams College is a small school of just over 2,000 students with an acceptance rate of 20 percent. SDLKFJSDLJF. So 20 out of 100 students that apply get in. 80 get a rejection.

Amherst is even worse. It has an acceptance rate of 16. So in this case, 84 would get the boot.

What I am scared the most about is, like I said in my previous blog, whether or not I will hate the isolation. I am scared that I will hate being in the middle of nowhere (being three and a half hours away from Boston) and find myself hating the weather too!

I think too much.

I am both dreading and waiting for Thursday to come.

God, please choose the right school for me.

Frustrated.

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GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Goodness, is it too much to give up one lunch of your day so that someone, somewhere could have a meal? So that maybe some animal could be saved. So that cancer research can be funded?

I am frustrated. Frustrated with the current predicament that student council is facing. We have proposed the idea of replacing one lunch meal at school for soup, salad, and bread so that the proceeds would go towards a charity of the student body’s choice. The underclassmen agreed to the idea. But the upperclassmen…that’s a different story.

A few people are concerned about not having a good lunch. They complain that lunch is bad enough already that they would not want to downgrade to a simple meal of soup.

But what astounds me is their view of community service. Community service is about giving, not about luxury. So why then, is giving up a single meal, one out of the 21 meals that they have a day, so difficult? All of the money goes straight to the charity. So why? Only good can come out of this experience.

To be continued. Hopefully, progress will come.

Butterflies, Again

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Fingertips feel numb. Palms feel cold. Stomach feels light. Head feels warm.

I welcome this unease.

Two become one from 2,000 to none in perhaps less than seven.

Which makes me worry. I don’t get hungry anymore.

I welcome this unease.

I won’t be unfaithful, but I might stray. I might stray. No, only for a minute. But it is always you. Something always brings me back to you…unwillingly, powerfully, endearingly, courageously, always.

I welcome this unease.

Let the butterflies consume my heart when I see you again. Let them take over. Let them feast. Feast until they have had their fill, and more. So it will last me until our next unspoken encounter.