Author: yrreskrap

The Past is in the Past

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It’s true. Sometimes, we just have to let go.

Life is a learning process. Learning about our limits, our purpose, our favorite types of candy, our soul mate, our best friends. We have been learning from the very beginning. We absorb the most knowledge in the first five years in our life. We learn how to recognize faces. We learn how to walk. We learn to smile when we are happy and frown when we are not. We learn from experience, from our mistakes.

 

But we also learn about avarice, heartache, anger, prejudice, hatred, poverty, and murder. And through the years and our experiences, these unwanted emotions begin to build, some changing us for the better, others blinding us from the positive things in life.

That is why I love this quote so much.

We must leave the past in the past. I am not saying that we must forget about our past completely. No. That would be unwise at the least; the past is what defines us and makes us individuals. It is our past that helps us learn and grow. But it is equally important to learn to move on, recognize our faults, and realize that tomorrow is different from yesterday and even today.

Leaving the past behind may be the hardest part, but life should not be bogged down by our past but rather influenced and benefitted from it.

What A Month.

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October.

And I’m already feeling the symptoms of senioritis.

A stress-packed conglomeration of college applications, standardized testing, school, cross country meets, and more college applications.

The first day of October commenced with a good early morning dosage of standardized testing. Yes, the SAT’s. However, I don’t remember ever sleeping so long (9 hours) during my five-year stay at Ojai Valley School.

I was also assigned four reading journals and an essay this week for AP Literature. How I am going to finish those assignments, I have yet to figure out but I will get it done.

My next big event is this upcoming Wednesday. At Thacher, I am running in a cross country meet. As well as on the Wednesday after that and (surprise surprise) the Wednesday after that. This is my first time running cross country and I am nervous. I don’t know what to expect. All I know is that the course will be three miles but I guess I will find out in three days exactly how it will be.

On October 22, I will be taking the ACT…in Oxnard. Which means that I will be waking up at five o’ clock, getting breakfast somehow, driving down to make it by 7:45 a.m. to register and take the test.

Two days before that, I will have figured out my SAT score from the test I took yesterday.

One day before, October 21, I would have found out whether or not I have become a finalist in the Questbridge National College Match program. This is my most important deadline and I expect myself to be checking every moment of the day for a notification from the program telling me whether or not I have made it. If I do make the program, I will be able to be offered a four-year full scholarship at the schools of my dreams, Williams College and Amherst College. I am anxious. I had been working on my essay for months. With the help of my mentor, Fred Alvarez, and my college counselor, Dave Edwards, I turned in my final product. Hopefully, my work has paid off.

The last weekend of October is also Parent’s Weekend here at OVS. I will be very busy having conferences with my teachers and having a seminar on that Sunday.

The UC Application is also up online as of yesterday. I need to get started on that soon because I will not have the time to work on them on the upcoming weekends.

As overwhelming as this month seems to me, I know that I need to take things one step at a time. If I bombard myself with all of these events at once, I know the quality of my work will be compromised. I just need to pray to the man up above for a break, big or small, so that my college stresses could be relieved soon. My senioritis isn’t helping either. 249 days until graduation!

Rhinestones, Studs, and Designer Bags

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Fashion.

Fashion is like a sin. It’s an art form–a method of self-expression and distinction. It can empower you, release you, bemuse you. Fashion is meant to mesmerize and provoke. It’s wonderful. But it also comes at a price.

Now by price, I mean two things.

Lets begin with the literal meaning:

Take a look at this Hermes Birkin Bag. It’s the most expensive bag in the world. It’s diamond encrusted (a whopping 2,182 shiny ones) and one of a kind. Now, does this handbag look like its worth $1.6 million?

Some might say yes.

Now, here’s fashion at a price…again:

This is not beautiful. This isn’t even human. Regardless, many models strive to be skinny and suffer a disease called anorexia. Research states that up to 40% of models may have eatings disorders.

Why do people pay the price? It’s all in the name of fashion. Fabulous, glamorous, sinful fashion taken too far.

NOW TO END ON A HAPPIER (catchier) NOTE:

You Are My Sweetest Downfall…

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I am obsessed with the song Samson by Regina Spektor. Ask my roommate, she knows.

What I love the most about the song is not the beautiful, velvety vocals but the lyrics (to be specific, the meaning behind them).

It tells the story of Samson through the eyes of Delilah, his deceitful wife. Samson was blessed by God with incredible strength (he could even kill a lion with his bare hands). With that strength, Samson fought off wicked people and God was pleased. Samson was good. He was obedient and he loved God. So, God promised Samson his strength as long as he never cut a hair off his head.

Delilah had given into sin by accepting the bribes of the Philistines. Blinded by money, she sought to find Samson’s ultimate weakness and to bring about his downfall. Every night, he incessantly asked her husband where his shortcomings lied. But every night, Samson gave her the wrong answer. After being given the answer, Delilah called the Philistines to her house to attack her husband, just to have Samson fight them off.

Finally, one night, Delilah got to him. She had told him that if he truly loved him, he would confide in her.

and he did.

Samson lost his hair that night and Delilah sold her husband to the Philistines. Tied to a pillar in their palace, Samson watched as the Philistines celebrated with a feast. Samson, deceived, guilt welling up in his chest cavity, prayed to God for one last chance. He asked for forgiveness and he asked for his strength. And for the last time, Samson got up and used his power to break the pillar that he was tied against, killing all inside the building, including himself.

This story is particularly moving to me because it shows how easily mankind can fall into sin’s trap. Everyday, the story of Samson lives on in every one of us. We are the deceived but more often, we are the deceivers.

Once you branch off from the straight path, like a tree that has grown crooked, you can never go back and straighten in out again. The past will always remain in the past. But life’s goal is to turn back once a mistake has been made. You must live and learn. Let the present be something you will never regret.

the endless circle the endless circle the endless…

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It’s funny. I didn’t think that I’d find such depth and meaning in my summer reading.

 

A Confederacy of Dunces
Image via Wikipedia

 

I was assigned four books over this past summer, one of them being Toole’s The Confederacy of Dunces. In reading this book, it opened up my eyes of the vicious circle that has been plaguing our society since the birth of mankind and undoubtedly will do so for eternity (or, in my mind, the Rapture).

People want to be viewed by others a certain way. They portray themselves accordingly depending on who their audience is. As shown through the main character of Ignatius J. Reilly, one might strive for acknowledgment but receive nothing but judgement in return.

Prejudice is a instantaneous reaction, an almost inbred behavior. It may take your brain a few seconds to scan a stranger before you feel like you already have a grasp of the kind of a person he or she is.

People, whether conscious of the fact or no, put on a guise in order to recreate themselves. Most people describe going off to college as a time to “start with a clean slate.” This is essentially people putting on a new persona. You are given the opportunity to leave your past behind. So you used to be the girl who was too shy to approach anybody? Well now that same girl is the first to introduce herself at her new college. You are allowed to break the binding chains of the stereotypes that you had been associated with during these chance times. And in this vicious cycle, there are many opportunities to change.

We are afraid to be judged (on different levels of course) yet, we judge almost all we see. The circle feeds on insecurities, on fears, on secrets and it generates even more. Just as Van Gogh‘s potentials were never realized (at least not until after his death) and Ignatius’ motives were misinterpreted, humanity will always reject what is not the norm. And, in one way or the other, people will always strive to live up to the standards of their peers.

The Last Blog

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This is my last blog of the year-the last blog as a junior.

So should I write about?

Well, I can write about almost anything. About how my friends are leaving in a eight days, or how maybe I found out that I became president. I could write about how I will be going to Chicago this summer for a medicine forum. Or I could talk about unicorns and how much I ABHOR butterflies. Ick.


But, I feel like my last blog should be more substantial than my usual potpourri. My final blog should be more.

This blog (my last blog) is a tribute to a very special person. A teacher to be more specific.

I have had him teach me in a subject every single year that I have been here at Ojai Valley School Upper Campus.

The greatest thing about this man is that he knows when and how to push me to my greatest potential. I don’t think I have learned more about my own limits than I have when I was learning from this teacher.

He has an interesting way of teaching. History, which is the subject he teaches, happens to be the subject I hate the most. But, when I learned it from him, it was my favorite subject. It was because of his humorous way of teaching that engaged all of his students and made everybody love taking his class. But this teacher is not just jokes but he knows when to be serious and knows motivate his students to do their best.

Mr. Alvarez, you are not only my favorite teacher, but you are my coach and one of the people I look up to. You are great and I am happy that I was fortunate enough to take your classes every year. Thank you for being such an excellent teacher and for motivating me to always do my best. I can’t wait for journalism next year, during my senior year. Haha hopefully, you will be able to put up with my major college stress and senioritis.

I Can’t Believe It.

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I can’t believe it.

In a matter of days, the seniors will be on that stage, giving their speeches and receiving their hard-earned diplomas. They will be wrapping up their four years of high school and go onto college as freshmen.

And I will become a senior.

God, it’s just so hard to wrap my head around.

It feels like just yesterday when I was 14, braces-clad, and had just come out of eighth grade. High school was so new to me. These three years escaped me.

It’s funny how four years make the perfect stretch of time to help students learn, grow, and move onto the next stage of their life. Freshman year I felt totally unprepared-I was still shocked that I was actually in high school.  Sophomore year, I felt like I was still a freshman and I didn’t (or couldn’t) realize that I was growing up and that I was more mature than I was the year before. This year, I still can’t believe that two years of my high school has past and gone and that I am already almost three quarters of the way done. I will be a senior and write college essays in my sleep until!

That means:

I will be heading tables at dress dinner.

I will be making announcements at milk & crackers.

I will be writing college essays.

I will be taking the SAT‘s again.

I will probably lose hair.

I will be graduating.

I will be in college.

I still can’t believe it. I don’t suppose I will until I am on that stage next year.

Relay For Life 2011

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“Just one more year.”

May 14, 2011, Ventura, California, Relay for Life.

It is approximately 9:00 am in the cold parking lot of Buena High School in Ventura. The yellow bus unloads its passengers, yielding the start of the day. Slowly, students crawl out, it was too early for them. But the grey, salty breeze shifts cool between their sleeves and awaken the tired students. The day had begun.

A loud voice could be heard on the loud speakers, announcing highlights of the event. Schools were commended for their outstanding fundraising. First, the honorable mentions, soon followed by the bronze teams. Then came the silver teams. My school, our school, Ojai Valley School, had been recognized as a silver team for raising so much money. In our school of just under 100 students, we managed to raise  $3,060. It was a great start to our day.

The empty track was broken by a mass of survivors, clad in the same purple shirts. Among the many survivors was OVS AP psychology teacher, John Valenzuela. He made his way around the track while our school gathered at one corner and shouted words of encouragement to him, our screams choked with tears, because we had all seen him battle through this scary disease and we had won this battle together. He put his hand over his heart and we all knew what he felt.

Throughout the day, students walked around the track, bought food, and even partook in a wedding between a survivor and the love of his life.

That night, some of our students stayed overnight and endured heavy rains, cold, and hunger but came back with smiles. And at the end of the day, all I could think to myself was “just one more year.”

Just Another Poem.

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It’s strange, it’s different.

It’s not the same.

Yesterday, I was holding the key to my heart.

Today, I am letting the empty memories slip through my fingers.

One big mistake, buried under silence. One mistake. That’s all it took to pull that loose string, and unravel the monster within.

Lies, lies, and broken ties. Trust is gone, trust is gone.

But still, beneath it all, I don’t want to move on. It doesn’t feel right.

Moving along, following his steps, mixed feelings, uncertainty, rest.

Until.

AP Week and My Mom

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Sometimes, I think my mom should’ve been born my little sister. I love her to death but sometimes she can be very dogmatic.

This weekend is Mother’s Day and my mom has been meaning to come up and take me away for Saturday and bring me back on Sunday. However, the thing is the weekend that she wants to come is the weekend between the two AP weeks.

Furthermore, that weekend is a packed weekend for me. Friday, I would have just finished my APUSH exam. Saturday, I would have taken three SAT II tests. That Sunday afternoon, I would be taking a AP Biology final just to take a AP Biology exam the following day.

My mom wants to take me out to dinner and stay at a hotel with me during this hectic week, only to make it more hectic and taking time away from studying. The funny thing is, this is the first time that my mom has wanted to take me out for Mothers’s Day while I was away at boarding school. The one time that she wants to take me out is the busiest time of my academic career.

I told her I cannot do this weekend. However, she refuses to understand the pressure that is mounted on my shoulders.

Sigh.