Miami was a surprise to me. It’s a city I hadn’t thought much about before, but it amazed me. I didn’t expect to see such clean and pleasant streets and city atmosphere. For some reason, I always thought of Miami as some kind of village or something similar. However, the city turned out to be very pleasant to me. Being there reminded me of the years when I lived in Cyprus. I think all resort cities have such a serene flair. I really liked the beach near which we stayed. The sand was clean, and the water had warmed up to a state where I could swim in it. The only thing that disappointed me was the condition of my skin in Miami. Usually, when I’m at home, I have a diet routine and all the skin care products. While traveling, I just ate everything, as if the rules set by my dermatologist didn’t exist at all. I ate sweets and fatty foods, drank sodas and juices which make my skin break out lol. Now, I need to quickly restore my skin, eating rhythm, and workouts. I wish myself luck.
I am changing and cannot understand the nature of my changes. At the beginning of the year, something happened to my consciousness, and I began to make decisions that I would have never made before. I gave up all my bad habits, which was not easy, but I managed to do it and continued to work on myself. I took up sports and started going to the pool again. But not only did my physical habits change, my consciousness began to undergo a kind of transformation.
I started to question again how I feel about myself in society and in my body. I realized that for a long time, I’ve been hiding a large part of my personality because it doesn’t fit into the society in which I currently find myself. I tried to assimilate and be part of society, but it just never worked for me. I am chasing something that doesn’t belong to me and just wasting energy on it. I shouldn’t chase; I should attract the people and events that I deserve.
Also, I once again questioned what I would like to do in the future. It’s a difficult question, but now I have something like a life plan for the next year. This pleases me, and my plans look intense, but I understand that it will not only be fun, I will have to work very hard again to achieve what I want. But I’m not afraid of hard work, so I’m ready to do everything I can to achieve my goals.
Also, I’m worried about my appearance. Living in California, I started dressing in hoodies and sports pants. This style doesn’t suit me, and I feel lazy and unattractive. Also, I stopped doing facial massages and taking care of my hair sufficiently for it to look the way I want. In short, I started taking care of my appearance again, I see the first results, and it cannot but please me.
In general, unexpectedly for myself, I am undergoing a kind of transformation, and everything is moving in a good direction.
Usually, I try to write about something worthwhile, about my thoughts, feelings, or events that happened to me, and which would be interesting to share. But today is not that day; today, I want to talk about all sorts of nonsense that has been on my mind lately.
47 days. After precise calculations, I realized that I have exactly 47 days left to go to school. It seems like this number should be much larger, but definitely not in my case. I am the most vivid case of senioritis you can find on planet Earth. Immediately after receiving the acceptance letter from the university I wanted, unexpectedly even to myself, I just stopped worrying about what happens at school. I am absolutely calm about not doing homework, and it doesn’t bother me much. I won’t lie, I never really liked the process of studying in an American school, and the only reason why I truly strived and learned subjects was my admission to the university; now that the goal is achieved, the motivation is completely gone. In my case, trying to find opportunities to reduce my days spent in school buildings, I discovered that some camps take away as much as 5 days! I signed up for many, which significantly reduced my time spent at school this semester. I am glad that I have very little time left until the end of school. I won’t lie, I will be the happiest person on graduation day, during the ceremony I will definitely be crying, but not out of sadness but from overwhelming happiness.
The second thing I wanted to talk about is my sleep. Lately, I’ve been having terrible problems with sleep. I wake up every hour at night, and if I’m unlucky enough to start thinking about something that bothers me, then I can’t sleep for a couple of hours simply because I can’t stop thinking. It bothers me, but I can’t do anything about it.
Honestly, I have been, or I’d like to believe I have. I think I have. At this point, I’m not sure who I’m trying to convince.
I feel like I have a lot on my plate a lot coming up, but I know I just have to take care of them one by one. Senior pages, scholarships, final auditions, songs a lot of cultural events. Most of those things I’ve put on myself but I don’t know I guess I’m just trying to prove something. Like I want to leave my mark, and hopefully be remembered. The best way to put this is a quote from one of my favorite movies.
“I think I have this thing where I need everybody to think I’m the greatest, the quote-unquote Fantastic Mr. Fox. And if people aren’t knocked out and dazzled and slightly intimidated by me, I don’t feel good about myself.” – Fantastic Mr. Fox by Wes Anderson.
Of course, I don’t need people to be knocked out, dazzled, or intimidated but I at least want to be memorable. Anyways I’ve been doing better in track. I ran pie without walking, and although my legs are in so much pain it feels good to work hard.
I’ve been standing up for myself more, even if it scares me. Ive been building boundaries and I’ve defended myself more. I’m learning to not take everything to heart because its a waste of time. Its harder with closer friends, and while on your period.
School is coming to an end, and summer is looking to be very fun. College desicisons are almost here, but its all coming at the same time which is a little nerve racking. I just hope I make it, I just want to graduate.
All this to say, even with troubles and bad parts i’ve been doing okay.
I am running out of ideas to write about somehow, so I’m going to the old reliable of would you rather but this time, I am looking up some and then giving my answer for them, so here we go.
1. Would you rather have the ability to see 10 minutes into the future or 150 years into the future?
This is a pretty good one, but out of these two, I have to go with the ten-minute one because it’s more helpful in my life, and 150 years might be way longer than I will live, but it’s not long enough where I’m super interested in what’s going on. I would love to see the things of the future, but maybe it would be better if it was like 1000 rather than 150.
3. Would you rather team up with Wonder Woman or Captain Marvel?
It literally does not matter at all because I am a completely normal human, and both of them have superpowers, so I would not be helpful in fighting at all.
5. Would you rather find true love today or win the lottery next year?
Definitely the lottery because true love is not what I need at this stage in my life. It would be cool and all, but I would much rather have millions of dollars. Although if you asked me this question many years ago, I’m relatively sure that I would pick true love; however, if I am broke in the future, then I would still pick the money.
6. Would you rather be in jail for five years or be in a coma for a decade?
Defiantly in jail almost without question. I would hate to just not be able to do anything for years and have my body and all the work I have put into it just go away. plus, while in jail, I would probably get the crazy shredded since that’s the only thing I really could do. Also, I could read and just try to better myself for those five years. It would suck if it went on my record that I went to jail for five years since getting a job and stuff would suck, but being in a coma and not being able to move and just waking up one day and then everyone you know has changed so much after ten years. honestly, if I was homeless, I think I would try to get into jail with the least serious crime so I could get free living and food.
9. Would you rather have everyone you know be able to read your thoughts or for everyone you know to have access to your Internet history?
Definitely let everyone have access to my internet history because all you will find are super random questions like “How many crab species are there?” or something like that, but with thoughts, you really control them sometimes, although it would be funny to talk to everyone and force people to listen to what I have to say. At least that way all school accouncements will be easier for me. But also, there are so many crazy thoughts that I have and that everyone has so much knowledge of internet history.
10. Would you rather lose your sight or your memories?
This is a pretty good one because, on the one hand, if you lose your memory, you can still do everything, just all your memory would be gone, which is so so so so so so horrible, like maybe the worst thing ever, but you could re-learn who you are and what you love to do even If it would be different however if you lose you sight then everything you do in your life is going to change. For those who play sports, you can’t do that; for those who draw and do art, you can’t do that. You can’t drive or see amazing views. but if I absolutely had to pick, it would be memory.
My favorite thing to do is collect perfumes. I especially like floral scents. Among floral scents, I love the royal rose and jasmine scents. Many perfumes are artificial scents, depending on the company, but I prefer scents that are closer to nature. I have nearly 10 perfumes now, and I use different ones depending on my mood of the day. Recently, I have been wearing a rose-scented perfume by Dior. I like it because it is not too sweet and it refreshes me. It always takes me a while to find a new perfume. My friends always follow me whenever I find a new fragrance. Not long ago I was not a fan of woody scents. But FREDERIC MALLE’s L’EAU D’ HIVER has changed my perception of woody scents. The perfume smells so calming that I routinely put a spritz of it on my pillow before going to bed. I am very much looking forward to discovering the next new fragrance.
It’s been raining alot recently and while I love the rain it’s been a very hard thing to live with, especially with an outdoor school. I love a good rainy day alone in my room making legos and watching movies, but the procrastination went wild. I found myself wasting time on things I knew needed to be done. I can’t seem to find the motivation either. Senioritis is kicking my behind and the rain certainly doesn’t help. I did love the alone time in my room though. The peace and quiet, how I could just be me and not have to worry about anyone else or the constant comments. I did sleep in a lot though and the motivation was lacking, but I do really love the rain.
I’m ready to graduate, but
I will miss my friends. I always think about how I’ve known these people for years and yet I won’t return again next year to another orientation day with them. We won’t make fun of all the new freshmen and reminisce on how small we used to be, but I also couldn’t handle another round of freshmen. No offense but this year was definitely the last.
I’m not a runner, but
I actually ran today and I was so proud of myself. I felt amazing the rain and wind beating against my skin. The freezing of my skin as I ran through that rain, and the constant repetition of a single phrase in the back of my head. Don’t walk! and I didn’t I made it the whole run with not a single walk. There may have been a couple of very slow running in there but I made it and I couldn’t have been prouder. My friends cheered as I finished the run the smile on their faces matched the happiness and pride I had in myself. although yesterday was an easy run so let’s see if I still feel this way next week. I don’t want to give up, my stubbornness won’t let me. I want to run with my friends and spend the last sports seasons hanging laughing and running with them. I just can’t believe it took me this long to start.
I hate lying, but
I can’t tell people they are bad at something. I feel terrible about it but I don’t want to seem bitchy about it either. I’m sorry but you are not as good as you think you are. I’m not saying I’m the best, god knows I don’t think that but I don’t act like I can. plus if you tell someone else they are bad at something it becomes a whole thing and they accuse you of jealousy or thinking you’re better, but trust me I’m the farthest thing from jealous. I don’t think I will ever be able to tell the truth when it comes to that, I’m not sure how people do it. I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I don’t want you to embarrass yourself.
I want to pursue music, but
what if I’m not good enough. actually rewind I know I’m not good enough, I love singing don’t get me wrong but the music business is cutthroat you either have it or not. Do I have it? I don’t know, I feel like my friends just hype me up but paired with the section above what if they’re just lying? We will see. I couldn’t dream of living without music, but do I have what it takes. Well, I do have my father’s stubbornness so I know I’m not going down without a fight. hopefully, I make it, and these blogs are not recovered by the paparazzi.
I would love to keep writing, but it’s 12: 30 am and I’m ready to go to sleep.
I remember walking along the edge of the pier, the sound of the sea drowning out my thoughts, and the warm breeze creeping under my T-shirt. It was 3 a.m., and I turned to my friends with the question, “Is anyone thinking of going home?” I could clearly see in their eyes the answer was “no.” I remember how soft music played from the speaker. I remember, as I gazed at the endless and clear sky, seeing a shooting star. That time, I made a wish to be happy, and to this day, every time I see a shooting star, I always wish for happiness. Although I had no plans to sleep, I still put in my night retainers (back then, I never knew where I’d end up at night, so I always carried the retainers in my purse). My lisping voice, due to the discomfort in my mouth, triggered a wave of laughter among us.
Dawn gradually claimed its rights, filling the quiet waterfront with sunlight. At exactly 5 a.m. I found myself in the warm Mediterranean Sea, watching the sunrise that ignited a new day with my best friends. I vividly remember the smell of the sea that day, it was bright and fresh. The wind blew in my face while I laughed as my friends tried to drag me under the water. At that moment, there was absolutely no one around us. We were the violators of silence in the early morning of a sleepy seaside town. Only the sun could judge us for our recklessness, as it became the sole witness to our mischief. At that moment, it seemed that all that existed in the world was us, the sea, the sun, and the music playing in the background.
We climbed out of the water as the song “Show Me The Way. by Vintage Culture” played for the tenth time. In a frenzy of laughter, happiness, and impunity, we began to dance, wet and slippery, stepping on each other’s feet.
I remember how my wet hair clung to my shoulders and face, how the mosquito bites on my legs hurt. I remember the look of happiness on my best friend’s face. I remember the smell of the sea mixed with a sense of carefreeness. I remember the dawn, the most beautiful dawn I had ever seen.
At that moment, wet and happy, I did not realize that it was my last evening with my friends, the people I loved so deeply. In the morning, when I returned home tired, wet, and salty, I received an email informing me that I had been accepted into a then-unknown small school in California.
To this day, I miss the fresh smell of the sea, the warm wind, and the music from the speaker. I miss the dawn terribly. I miss being happy.
I had my first driving lesson and it was kind of discouraging. I feel like I just can’t drive. All I did was drive around a neighborhood for like an hour and a half and park a couple of times. I always feel like the car is in a different place than it actually is, which makes it hard to drive it where I want it because I never know where it really is. And I can’t remember anything about the road rules or anything from driver’s ed except not to park on a crosswalk and to stop at stop signs. I just kind of freeze up behind the wheel and can’t think straight. But actually when I drove on my own with my dad in a parking lot before the lesson I felt fine, so maybe it was just the instructor’s constant stream of passive-aggressive comments throughout the lesson that’s getting me all nervous.
How come we can’t remember memories from 5 years old and younger. Is it because it went by too fast?
Why does our memory go away? Where does it go?
I hate forgetting things, I never truly forget everything. I just forget what happened but never forget how it made me feel. It is more frustrating because people ask me what they specifically said or did to me and unless there’s a powerful emotion connected to the words I only remember the feeling.
I remember the feeling of starting school in elementary. I remember the feeling of the cold wind nipping at my skin as I ran around the playground. I remember the feeling of dancing with my dad and the frustration of forgetting a word in English or Spanish. I remember the feeling of listening and singing Bruno Mars songs at the top of my lungs.
I remember the first day of freshman year, but that seems so long ago. Sophomore and junior year went by too fast. Now I’m at the end of my senior year last sports season. I might have just had my final basketball game and ended it with a buzzer beater. This month was long and this week was even longer, but something tells me it won’t stay this way.
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