Category: emotions

Excited for Christmas Break

graypenguinLeave a comment

I recently got a plane ticket to go home for Christmas break, and I am very excited about it. I spend roughly 1/4 of the year with my family, but I still miss them very much because I have to live away from them for the other 3/4 of the year. Living away from my family in the dorms has made me appreciate them more.
I would like to write a little about what I am looking forward to on my next vacation.
The first thing I am looking forward to is my family’s annual tradition of visiting a shrine called Fushimi Inari in Kyoto during the year-end and New Year holidays. Also, on January 1st, the whole family gets together for Osechi, a dish that is served as a drop-off from the gods after the Japanese New Year. I like to spend time with the whole family and talk about the events of the year. I also receive New Year’s money from my family. This is one of the joys of the New Year in Japan. I also look forward to watching TV with my family and going to Hatsumode (New Year’s visit to a shrine) when the date changes from December 31 to January 1. The year-end and New Year’s holidays in Japan are a bit busy, but I look forward to spending a lot of time with my family.
Secondly, I am looking forward to meeting with friends. One of my friends just got accepted to a university today and is looking forward to spending a few more months in high school. So my friend and I are planning to go on a little trip.
I am also in the process of getting my driver’s license, so I am looking forward to going driving with them.
Winter break is only two months away. I am most looking forward to seeing my family. I will use the winter break as motivation to study hard.

pc;me

So much to do, I hope I go to college

poofypuffyLeave a comment

College applications are so much work. So many adults will go “Guess how many colleges I applied to?” and you know they’re going to say one but you ask how many and they smile and hold up one finger and say “One!” kind of smugly. It kind of sucks how so many people apply to so many schools, so that the same super qualified people get into a lot of schools and make it that much harder those of us that didn’t cure cancer or win the Olympics. Why is the whole process so extensive? It’s just so much information, writing, time, and in some cases so much money just to get a little rejection email.

This Saturday, I need to write a supplemental and a half, review and submit an application, play a volleyball game for some strange reason, and finish two paintings for a deadline in AP Art.

I can’t wait to be done. I already submitted two applications, but there are still other things like test scores and recommendation letters that I have to send. Then, for scholarship money I have to do in-person interviews out-of-state during school because they only have certain dates, but I’ll probably try because it’s for a full ride and I’m only applying to three colleges anyway.

Picture credit: https://research.collegeboard.org/

Sports

leapingwaterLeave a comment

I have never really been interested in sports, especially when I was younger. I never played a sport seriously, nor did I have any interest in watching it either. I think the reason why I overall completely avoided sports was because I felt like I couldn’t do it. I felt like every time that I tried to play sports in elementary school I just didn’t have the “skill.” This was a pretty negative way of thinking. I didn’t want to try. I didn’t have any motivation to, just because I thought I was not going to improve if I was not good at it immediately. This caused me to not branch out and try to find something I liked, which actually applied to other areas in my life involving skill as well. I simply lost motivation way too easily. When Covid hit and online school started, I hardly ever exercised. I thought sports weren’t for me. When I first joined my current school, I was nervous about all of the sports options. There were so many things that I hadn’t tried before. I heard many of the girls in my grade that were joining volleyball, and because I didn’t know what else to do, I joined it as well. When I first began to play volleyball, I was very discouraged. I started putting more effort in, and even though I was so terrible, I enjoyed it. I was excited to go to practice. I would talk to parents about it, and how happy and nervous I was to play in a real game. It is my third year playing volleyball, and although I am still in the JV team (and not good at all), I am so thankful that I first tried playing it.

Also, at the end of September, my best friend and I went to go see a baseball game that she invited me to. I have actually been to one baseball game when I was younger, but I can’t remember very much about it. My best friend first invited me to go during the summer, and we were so excited and ready for the day to come. When we arrived, just being in the environment with so many people passionate about this sport made it all the more exciting. We got into the stadium, and my best friend bought both of us matching jackets! I hadn’t even seen the baseball field yet and I was so happy. I had such an amazing time there watching the game with my best friend who made it even more special, and there was even a fireworks show afterwards. I’m really happy that I have come to appreciate not only playing sports, but watching them too.

pc: me

Feeling Butterflies

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

The butterfly effect is affecting my life. One small change and my whole life is different. New doors opened. New relationships are forming. And new butterflies flutter around in my life. The feeling as if butterflies are flying around inside of me. I feel like running through an open field of happiness. Sadness fled through the field at one point but now the field has drained. New things are coming into the field of happiness. There will always be flood and downpour but sunny days come of it. My mind and me urge to find the good in everything and everyone. I found the good. The good people come to those that wait. The good memories come to those who wait. Even if this is not the peak moment in life…Live as if it was. Feel the butterflies swarming inside of you when you try new things. Let the bad occurrences in life become the butterfly effect. Let the butterfly effect lead you to the happiness. From the butterfly effect comes with loss but a gain in the end. Recently the butterflies inside of me have been overwhelmed of nerves, excitement, and stress. The nerves come from new beginnings. The excitement comes from the recurring dates with the person who makes me so happy right now. And the stress comes from the problems all around. Personally the feeling of excitement or happiness is the best butterfly feeling. The butterfly effect causes the feeling of butterflies from within.

PC: Me

Hello Reader

urmom8beanLeave a comment

Once again I’d like to write a letter but to you instead.

Hello reader,

Nothing guarantees you read this, but if you do, then I hope you enjoy. I’d like to begin with a question: how have the past few months been? Either the start of high school or the beginning of college, maybe even just another fall season. Have they been good? This is a question I can answer very simply with no hesitation. Terrible. From what I have gathered from my fellow classmates, they feel the same way. Our final year, and this is what it has come to so far? Senioritis has hit the senior class hard this year. The moment in time when you have 3 essays and a blog post due by 12, and you’re running around campus scaring a little kid. But they are memories I will cherish and fondly look back on while in college.

Do you think you’ve lived a good life till now? A simpler question would be, if you died right now, would you be satisfied? I’m guessing probably not, but then again, you could be. What really gives us the fulfillment we need? Being popular? Being liked? It’s all kind of dumb if you ask me. Although I do understand the pressure of needing to be liked or accepted by your peers. It’s a concept I’ve learned to loathe.

Of course, I want to be liked by my class and others, everyone does. But why? Why give people that power over you? Why give anyone power in general? That was a lot of questions thrown out there. Take your time to answer them.

…

Okay, on to the next. How has your day been? What has been making you lash out? What’s been making you sad? What’s been bringing you joy? These questions seem so plain over text. How are you supposed to hear my sincerity, my intent through the text. You can’t.

Reader, if I can be totally honest, I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. All I know is I have my dream, my eternal sunset, and I’m not sure I’ll ever catch it. I tend to make life harder them it is, I think everyone does.

Anyways reader, I think I’ll leave you with a question: how do you want your life to go? I personally want to go down in history. I’ll remember this line and all of you, looking fondly at the sunset I’d finally caught.

Sincerely,

me.

Story pin image
pc: me

Places I have lived

leapingwaterLeave a comment

In my 16 years of life, I have lived in four different states. Florida, California, Louisiana, and Arizona. Living in these places has taught me many things, especially how different environments can affect you. I was born in Boca Raton, Florida, and I had only lived there until I was two and a half. The main things that I remember from living here were the extreme humidity and the really loud toads outside of our house. I know that is not much that I can remember, but I was very young when I lived here. I last visited Florida many years ago, but let’s just say I do not have much of a desire to return.

After living in Florida, I moved to Los Angeles, California. I have lived in California for most of my life, and I definitely know and love it most. Los Angeles is not always as glamorous as it looks in movies, (especially central Hollywood), but I still really have a love for it. There are so many spots in Los Angeles that just spark memories for me. It really is a special place that will always be in my heart no matter where I move to in my future.

I lived in Louisiana for 5 months every year for three years, and I moved there because my brother was cast in a TV show. Although I did make some great memories, I would not want to live there again. There is a lot of fried food there as well. I remember that I had refused to try crawfish the entire time that I lived in Louisiana, but unfortunately, on my last month living there, I realized how good crawfish tasted. I’m still sad about it.

Living in Arizona did not feel real to me at all. I lived in Scottsdale starting in 2017, and oh my gosh was it hot. I can just remember stepping outside and feeling like I was drying up from the heat and sun. There was also a dust storm when I lived there, which I found really cool as a ten-year-old. I do remember living in fear of jumping cacti, though. Whenever I went on a hike, I would try and get as far away from any cactus that I saw, which is really difficult in Arizona because they are everywhere. Arizona is a really beautiful place with great locations to visit, and I am very grateful that I got to live there for nine months.

pc:https://debraleebaldwin.com/wp-content/uploads/Cholla-backlit.jpg

What I’m into these days

graypenguinLeave a comment

My latest addiction is acai bowls. My image of them was that of stylish LA girls eating them for breakfast. Acai bowls are full of nutrients and are known as a superfood. Acai also contains three times more iron than liver and 30 times more polyphenols than red wine. Therefore, it is effective in preventing anemia, aging, and lifestyle-related diseases. I first ate it in Hawaii when I was in the fourth grade of elementary school. At that time, I did not realize the appeal of shallow bowls. When I studied abroad in the U.S. in high school, near my school, acai bowls struck a chord with me. They are the healthiest of snacks, cold and happy.
My favorite toppings are strawberries, bananas, blueberries, granola, and honey.
These days I stock up on acai bowls every time I go out for the weekend. The number one drawback to these is that everything gets all tickly and hard in the freezer. But more than that, I’m a sucker for acai bowls. My dream is to visit different acai bowl stores while I am in the US.

pc;https://www.darngoodveggies.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/Acai-Smoothie-Bowl-7.jpg

Goodbyes

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

Goodbyes are tough. Goodbyes are vigorous. Goodbyes are sickening. To say goodbye or not have the chance to say goodbye is going to be heavy either way. Losing a family member and not having the chance to say what you wanted to them creates guilt. The guilt that is felt when not having the chance to say goodbye is difficult. Depending on situations goodbyes differ from person to person. Personally within less than one month I did not get to say what I wanted to my lost family member but I did not get to say goodbye to my still living best friend in the time she knew I needed her. So this is my formal goodbye to each of whom I loved with my whole heart. I am going to begin with my goodbye to my uncle right now. My goodbye to my uncle is not an eternal goodbye but a goodbye till we see eachother again. I have no answers for when the time will be when I finally see you in heaven again but I know it will be good. So for now this is a goodbye and a remembrance that you will always be in my heart. I will forever think about your opinion on any boy I bring into my life in a more than friend type of way. On christmas 2022 I finally got the LED lights I had been begging for at my moms house. My uncle being who he is, only caring to make the kids in his life happy and hung my LED lights up for me to perfection and when I say perfection I mean like extremely perfect. The night my uncle died when the paramedics pulled him into my room and broke the LED lights he was so happy to hang for me breaks my heart. I do not normally cry about heavy topics around anyone especially my family. Talking to my mom about the broken LED lights and breaking down seems so stupid but it is truly what I think of when I think of his kindness and love for the people around him. Now my second goodbye to someone who is still alive and did not move away… Her and I did everything together. Where I went she went. Well that’s how it was for a while. There had already been hurt before the fallout but what the fallout did bring was disheartening. During the long winding roads of this friendship there was connection, disagreements, and love. I never got to say goodbye to our friendship but I never wanted to nor thought I would ever have to. Now that it has officially ended it is almost as if I have connected the dots. My friend would never be content with the friendship we had. There would always be better friends and I would always be her second pick. I was always there for her but was she always there for me? Does she feel the same hurt as I do? Was throwing a whole friendship out really worth it to her? I am not really sure to be honest. I would rather keep that question unanswered if I have to feel and hear the hatred and the violent words splurged again. The goodbye she gave makes me genuinely question everything. If she really valued the friendship we had would she have ended it in such an aggressive approach? I am not sure if it was purposeful but the ending of our friendship made me replay every moment as a slideshow. She cut me down to step on me as if I was something she could simply regrow once she needed me again, this time I will not resprout. I will not run back to her as I did every time before. Her words cut deep but my wounds healed back thicker. I can not live with the constant control and judgement she gave to me. But I can live with the memories we had together. I think this might have been the best moment and time to move on, to heal, and to grow. For each of us. I am not sure if she is as hurt by the situation as I am and forever will be but I have found the clarity to forgive and forget. I will forever think of her as my sister and I will forever think highly of her. For now, I am not sure were the future leads to. I am not sure if we will ever reconnect in a positive light but I want her to know I will always care for her and be happy for her even if she can not do the same for me. So for as of now and there seems to be an end at my words of goodbye. I am not sure if we will ever agree on who was in the wrong in our situation. I feel as if us parting was almost for the best, for each of us. I have so much more to say but in ways that are unable to express in any form. So with that I will consider this a goodbye to each of whom I wrote about and love to the world’s end. Goodbye.

PC:me

Writing

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

I never really found writing at any time fun. Recently writing has captured and taken over my entire life. If you want to become a part of my thoughts my writing is where you should be. When I write I express the bad the good and the in-between of my feelings. Sometimes my feelings are extremely deep and sometimes they are me ranting about my love for Pinterest. I really have found a love for writing. I have recently found a love for words that explain how I feel descriptively. I am not sure what writing has opened up for me but it is weird. I love it. I love the feeling after I finish something I am really proud of but I feel disappointed when I can not put my all in the the words I put out for people to see. I want people to feel the same as how my writing expresses itself. Once I produce writing I am proud of I don’t really care what other people think of it. I like it. I don’t care if people think I am bad at writing because it is fun and therapeutic. When my fingers hit the keyboard words flow out like a rainstorm and the pattering of the keys sounds as if the rain is dropping on the roof of my house. Writing has opened my creative thinking and opened me up to a new world. I like writing with no plot at all just writing and ranting. When my fingers start to type my thoughts overrun the speed of my fingers. I keep thinking of more and more to write without becoming completely off-topic. I just can not say some of the things I write verbally so I type them instead. Anyways that is my rant on writing I love it.

PC:me

Top 3 Animals

leapingwaterLeave a comment

These are not necessarily in order of which animals I love the most, because they are all amazing.

  1. Giraffe – Giraffes are so silly. When having this conversation the other day with a friend, it was a surprise to them that Giraffes are my favorite animal. They have always been my go to answer to that question for as long as I can remember. My grandma has lived in South Africa for a lot of her lifetime, and every time that she would come back and visit me should would bring me a hand carved wooden giraffe. They started out small but she started to bring even bigger wooden giraffes that literally were a half the size of me. Giraffes look so cute when they run, please go look it up on youtube. Also, what a strange animal, they are kind of like long-necked horse- camels.

pc: https://www.awf.org/sites/default/files/styles/species_hero_d_1440x750_/public/Website_SpeciesPage_Giraffe01_Hero.webp?h=ba6751a8&itok=MPx-Qjkl

2. Capybara – This summer, I got the chance to see two capybaras up close and personal when traveling to Japan. They are a friend of all animals. They are also known to be extremely caring, social, and gentle creatures. Capybaras have gained an insane amount of popularity recently, and are loved by people all over the world. They are the worlds largest rodent, and they can even stay underwater for 5 minutes. Overall, they are amazing creatures that are brilliant to see in real life. I highly recommend going to Moff Animal Cafe in Japan.

pc: Towako Hiramatsu

3. Red Panda– Red Pandas are not actually related to Giant Pandas, but are actually more closely related to the family Mustelidae, which includes otters, wolverines, and weasles. They look like cat-bears. They are adorable and they even sleep in their tail, which they use to warm themselves up. With their sweet faces and lovable personality they are the perfect animal for this list. I hope that one day I can see one in real life again.

pc:https://redpandanetwork.org/get/files/image/galleries/15_facts_header.png?resize=1920×0&crop=1920×1040