Love

To think about love terrifies me. The scary thing about love is that you never know when it is coming or when it is about to end. To my mind the scariest fragment of love is whether I get to have the experience of loving another or another loving me. For the majority of people this is not something that is in the line of thinking on a regular basis. The ongoing want and urge to have the ideal teenage love as if we were starring in our own movie with nothing to fright because we have each other to hold on too. Immaturity gets the best of us during these situations. At this age, in this generation, the little things are considerably left unnoticed. Where has all of the innocence gone? Now we have to worry whether the person we desire has opened our snap or text message rather than opened our hand written letters sent through mail. The meaningful moments within love have simply disappeared. Do I look good enough to snap him right now? Runs through my head like a bullet. Where have the simple walks through the park retired too? Now all the meaningfulness has taken a leave. The falling asleep on accident while admiring the world’s beauty has changed, to the falling asleep watching a rated R movie with no thoughts at all. No simple conversations, just silence. The silence that comes along with the “love” of this generation is not as peaceful or calm as it once was. What happened to the innocence of painting together with the one you like while the sunsets below the mountain tops? What happened to the stargazing on a picnic blanket in a large open field? Where has the love in the world gone? And then one day you wake up and suddenly realize real love is gone and life is not like the movies. Life is not like how it was decades ago. Life has changed and love has developed into a scary step into the long road of life.

Photo Credits:Me

Clara Pt. 2

Clara and I met on orientation day of our junior year – she, a tanned exchange student from Brazil, and I, a nervous transfer from a school thirty minutes away. We sat next to one another in the media lab, logging into our school emails, and began to chat. “When’s your birthday?” she asked randomly, in an attempt at small talk. I told her “today.” She looked at me incredulously, decided I was joking, realized I was not, and then burst into wonderful, elated laughter. It was at this moment that I knew we were going to be friends.

Over the school year, we started to spend classes, breaks, weekends and even an entire break together. Clara saw me at my best and at my worst and loved me through it all. She was my number one cheerleader, especially when I ran for school president.

But it’s not just me and her other friends that Clara extends her love to. It’s to the unlikely people, the not reciprocating people, and the probably undeserving people that she does also. She wrote the boy that bullied her a heartfelt letter at the end of term, for example.

Clara’s love knows no bounds because she sees the beauty in everyone and everything, and it’s this that makes her so beautiful herself.

PC: Me

Clara Pt. 1

My mom has always said I have the most amazing talent for choosing friends. And I might have to agree. Because my friend Clara has got to be one of the most incredible people I have ever had the privilege of knowing.

PC: Me

Clara does everything to the extreme. When happy, embarking on a hike in the Santa Barbara wilderness, she grins and belts out songs off-key. When sad, saying goodbye to her roommate, she sobs as if they will never see each other again. When anxious, writing English paper at two AM, she twists her hair into knots over and over and over again. When excited, telling a story to friends at lunch, her voice climbs and she leaps up from her chair. When afraid, having spotted a spider inside the tent, she screams like nobody’s business. And when she loves, she loves endlessly.

An open letter to my freshman self

Ok, this is actually so dramatic, I’m not even graduating yet.

Well, here we are – my last blog. I’ve survived my last semester as a junior, my APS are over, and summer vacation is imminent. So, I’ve had about a week to do nothing but sit around and reflect on the last three years of my life, including the lessons that I’ve learned along the way. Honestly, I’m no old wise seasoned senior sage- I probably should wait until this time next year to do this.

get your priorities straight

There are always a million things to worry about at high school. You’re trying to do well in classes, maintain a fulfilling social life, live a healthy lifestyle, participate in extracurriculars, and whatever else. There are only so many hours in the day, and simultaneously thriving in these areas is pretty much impossible (in my personal experience). When you’re being pulled in so many directions, it’s crucial that you have your priorities in order, because something always has to give. These priorities can shift from year to year, even day to day.

keep exploring

They’ll tell you that your first year is all about exploration — and they’re not wrong. You should explore academic areas and social settings that push you out of your comfort zone. However, I’d challenge you to keep that same energy throughout your entire high school experience. It’s natural to branch out in your first year, but once you get settled, it’s easy to get a little too comfortable with your routine. OVS is full of amazing classes, interesting people, and unique opportunities, and I think we all wish that we spent more time exploring in the end, so do your future self a favor and spend some time expanding your horizons.

don’t be afraid of rejection

We, humans, can do anything – anything – but the fear of rejection is so powerful that it can make us step back from life in case we get hurt. That’s completely understandable. Completely. But we miss out on so much by doing that. I believe the key to having the confidence to expand your comfort zone is realizing that rejection isn’t that bad- and it really won’t matter by tomorrow. My advice is to focus on what you’re getting out of this opportunity you are scared to take advantage of. And rejection isn’t so bad, it will hurt for like a day and ultimately, it will get you closer to your goals anyway. It’s good to be vulnerable every once in a while.

pc: https://i.pinimg.com/736x/6d/21/7c/6d217c808a5a531b222cd0b38c930d1b.jpg

Slow Down

I hate rushing. I love taking my time, being meticulous, and doing things to the best of my ability. Like when I cook slowly, plating the dish perfectly. I’m writing this blog post slowly, ensuring the words sound right. It’s time-consuming, but it’s undeniably satisfying.

I think we have an overcomplicated life because even as a 16-year-old my schedule is packed. I don’t have the time to be a perfectionist and that makes me sad. Maybe it’s a good thing I don’t give my 100% to everything, but at the same time, I hate the pace at which I’m forced to live.

My second-semester junior year burn-out has inspired me to write about this, because never have I felt the time crunch more. I procrastinate too, which as you can imagine, only forces me to rush more as deadlines approach.

Thank god summer is on its way. For the first two weeks, I will rest, relax, and move through my days in slow motion, soaking up every minute.

PC: https://i.pinimg.com/564x/80/19/a7/8019a7c4ce0d25a67b1900f3b5f533a8.jpg

Emily Dickinson Poetry

I think Emily Dickinson’s “This World is Not Conclusion” is one of her most underrated poems. Here’s an analysis:

PC: https://pictures.dealer.com/l/longsubarusne/0206/e4cd7c82d5d22ed969b04975e716e254x.jpg

In “This World is not Conclusion,” the opening line asserts that the world we know and inhabit is not the only one and that death is not final. The statement ends with a full stop, in contrast to the hyphenated lines which follow. This difference signifies that the narrator is firm in his/her belief, which could be ironic, as the rest of the poem is concerned with doubt. Next, Dickinson describes a “Species” which “stands beyond –,”  to be “Invisible, as Music – / But positive, as Sound –”. This paradox suggests that the world may not be as rational as we would expect if music and sound can have opposite qualities. “It beckons, and it baffles – / Philosophy, don’t know – / And through a Riddle, at the last – / Sagacity must go – ” the poem continues. That which the narrator seeks both compels him/her to investigate and leaves him/her bewildered in the search for truth – another example of juxtaposition. No conventional intellect can answer the question of what happens when one dies. The poet writes that scholars have puzzled over this “Riddle” for centuries while other men have adopted religious faith, especially Christianity. But Dickinson says that sometimes this faith slips in a world becoming increasingly skeptical. When this happens to an individual, they will laugh at themselves a little, ‘correct themselves,’ so to speak, and blush in case anyone saw. To believe in something whose existence cannot be proven by any means, – in fact, can oftentimes be disproven – is embarrassing, the poet insinuates. People “[Pluck] at a twig of Evidence – / And [ask] a Vane, the way –.” The “twig of Evidence” metaphor describes how little proof there is, but could also imply that there is much more to be found – a whole tree from which the narrator has plucked but a twig. Conversely, the tree could bear information that invalidates the narrator’s belief system, but which they choose to ignore for that very reason. Dickinson’s intentions here are ambiguous. Also, the notion that a weathervane can tell “the way” is nonsensical because this device constantly changes direction. Perhaps the word “Vane” punningly suggests that truth-seeking is all in ‘vain’ and won’t produce any results. The final stanza reads “Much Gesture, from the Pulpit – / Strong Hallelujahs roll – / Narcotics cannot still the Tooth / That nibbles at the soul –.” This excerpt alludes to a Church service, and then concludes with a metaphor to communicate that no expression of faith can inhibit the doubt which “nibbles at the soul”. The poem as a whole explores the conflict between faith and doubt, especially when it comes to belief in an afterlife. It is up for interpretation as to whether this belief is well-founded or ill-considered.

My Nonna

When I was a baby, my Nonna would take me to the community pool while my parents were at work. When I was five, she made me a Christmas advent calendar with quilted pockets she filled with chocolates. When I was ten, she passed down her most prized childhood possession to me: a troll doll complete with hand-sewed outfits.

She loves her dog, Ella, like nothing else. Each morning I spend at Cosy Cottage, she makes me a fruit bowl with (slightly unripe) apricot, nectarine, grapes, blueberries, fresh raspberries, and maybe gooseberries from the garden. We once labored hours over a puzzle of London during an especially rainy week. She built Big Ben and I pieced together the Thames.

I love my Nonna. When I have grandkids, I’ll bake them chocolate cake with her recipe and these memories will come flooding back.

^ A quilt that reminds me of my grandma. PC:https://i.pinimg.com/564x/ad/82/92/ad8292685e528dec6b0f86d199d3357e.jpg

an edgy poem like who am I to complain

DIRGE OF A BATTERED NATION

For this, the clay grew tall?

I think as political landscapes crumble

As the fast food employee,

with a college degree,

grumbles.

Into this?

Into the vision of empty factories and shattered glass

Into cafes where no longer,

We talk with one another.

Into fist fights that end in shootings and knifings

Born into this?

Into hospitals so expensive, it’s cheaper to die

Into a land that shakes with explosions

And vibrates with each war cry

Walking and living through this

Dying because of this

The republica fell,

and the clay grew tall

PC: https://i.pinimg.com/564x/ec/ff/c5/ecffc50318e785fc353bbaee14e915bc.jpg

best movies by actor

These are not my favorite actors, just actors that have been in a lot of movies I’ve seen.

Tom Hanks: Terminal- great story, made me cry when Forrest Gump didn’t. Great performance, and a convincing accent to me. Really unique plot and an interesting antagonist.

Daniel Day-Lewis: There will be Blood- honestly this performance is the reason I decided to write this blog. Some of the best acting from an already incredible actor. Many powerful scenes in this movie.

Willem Dafoe: The Grand Budapest Hotel- I mean what a cool character, that scene with the fingers. Anytime he was in a scene it was more interesting. Also, John Wick was a good movie with him in it- but not really because of him. I notice Dafoe is in a lot of movies I watch but rarely plays a big role in them (besides Spidermen).

Leo: The Departed- probably a controversial pick but a terrific cast and director. It’s intense and funny, Leo really delivered. At its core, this movie’s characters are what make it special, you really feel like you know them and you’re invested in their fates.

De Niro: Raging Bull

Pacino: Scent of a Woman

pc: https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BMTkxMjE3MjgwNF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMTcwNjExNA@@.V1.jpg

One final post… I think

This is the fifth post I’ve written in one sitting, I’m pretty sure this makes me up to date… I’ll ask Alula since she seems to be the only one counting. I think I’m going to clean my room after work today. It desperately needs it, fortunately for me I love cleaning my room, I think the transition from a complete mess to a space that people want to be in is spectacular. It’s not even just the before and after, I really like picking this up, organizing, and throwing things away like the whole process is good.

Ok, im back at home, it’s like 8:30, I’m not going to clean cause im tired but I think I’ll do some work in the morning and then finish it off tomorrow night. I’m going to watch Scent of a Woman and see if it’s actually good, prob won’t be. Alright, I think that’s just about enough words and I don’t really want to be doing homework anymore so I’ll see you next week. Maybe. More likely in a couple weeks when I have to catch up on a bunch again.