Category: emotions

2025?

purcyLeave a comment

It’s almost 2025. That’s the year I’ve been looking forward to all my life. I’m not so sure I’m excited anymore. Yeah, college is exciting, but I’m not ready to finish high school. Anyway, I’ve finished and submitted all my college applications. It’s a funny feeling because everyone around me is so ready to graduate, and they all have something to work towards. I don’t have a career I’m excited about or a dream college. The only thing I have been working towards is a D1 team and now I know I won’t be on one. I’m afraid because when I don’t have something to work towards I start to wander again. I feel like a zombie. I don’t want to lose my focus. Everything is moving so fast and I can’t believe it’s almost 2025. There are so many things I would do if I had more time. I better fit it all in quickly because there are 78 more days until 2025.

PC: PinterestUser

The Moon’s a Fonder Friend to Me

scarlettoharaLeave a comment

Would I need to have you admit

It could have been anyone – anyone – else

To make peace with the growth you made for me

My mind remembered paths back then

But the moon was new as a maiden voyage and –

I never gave an ample thought 

To where your hand was taking me

A derelict shack with only ravenous eyes

They’d say I should’ve been anywhere else

But that desperation made me 

Wonder if you were broken like me

And then I did recognize the musk

There is that rusting and hopeless ennui

You said my best refuge was apathy

And in the end, “you let me be”

You boasted on the courage of my honey,

Of the loneliness piercing your mind.

Mouth slick, you said – I’m the last angel you’ll send away?

Because I let some layman hoard my empathy

Remain a porcelain face.

Be stabbed through a belly’s pit.

Fluttering lips taught your whispers over my cries

As you went on to embalm each part of me

One day I stopped with bearing all your doubt

I should’ve had anyone – anyone – else

Gnawed legs do fit gnawed light stumbling through the leaves

I yearn to crack at every stride – I get to choose

“You laid in the bed they made for you”

That’s the first worthy thing that’s been said in his world

Because you are a fonder “friend” to me

I love you more than he, the sun

Suffering each fiery beating he sends your way

And you haven’t a spark to respond

Yet look how you shine with the light you’re given

I follow behind – what else will I do?

Maybe I learn to thrive, from what you did

Would I love her soft glow with no ravenous glower

But the best lesson I learned from you

Is that I could have been anyone

Anyone else

“Moon Tree” by Bonnie Moreland/ CC0 1.0

(“My first kidnapping victim left me for the moon.”

“That’s rough, buddy.”)

Fall

kittenqueen3Leave a comment

This morning I got my first pumpkin spice chai tea from Starbucks. The moment I took a sip I felt fall in the air. Don’t get me wrong I love summer more then anything, but there is something about fall that I find calming. After a long hot summer, the temperature starts to go down, Friday night football starts up, and most importantly Halloween and Homecoming. Fall has always been one of my favorite seasons I can finally start wearing comfy hoodies and sweats and get a hot chai before school. It’s not super cold yet but the summer heat is coming to an end. I associate a lot of things with fall but the most important one has to be pumpkins. I love pumpkins whether it’s carving them or having a pumpkin pie. There is something about Fall that is just comforting and I am so happy it finally cools down.

PC:”Orange Pumpkins” by Corey Blaz/ CC0 1.0

Journalism

shallahan#1moochLeave a comment

Obviously I am in Journalism. I joined because I like the teacher and I thought it would be a fun class where I had a lot of control over what I do. After the first day I thought this is going to be so easy. And so far it has been pretty calm but it is easy to forget due dates and blog posts because there no teacher yelling at you about assignments and things like that… well sometimes there is but most of the time you have to be on top of yourself. Clearly I’m not. I came into to journalism thinking all I really needed to do is Interview Mr. Kuelling and start on my story, then with 30 minutes left in class I realized I have a blog post to do. Overall I’m happy in Journalism and I think it’ going to be a fun but challenging class.

photo credit – https://ubuntunarratives.wordpress.com/2018/05/11/on-writing-from-anger/

License

kittenqueen3Leave a comment

I have been wanting my license since I before I can remember, and I was confident I was going to get it. I passed my permit test first try and I barely studied so I felt confident in the fact I could get my license. From both my friends and family I have received compliments for my good driving. I went to the DMV confident in my abilities but then I failed. I failed because I didn’t look over my shoulder when making a right turn into the DMV. I was, to say the least extremely upset when I failed because the driving instructor literally told me to make this right turn very suddenly and I was not prepared. When you fail your test you have to wait 15 days to wait before you can retake it. So I’m taking my test again on September 26 and I will definitely look over my shoulder this time.

“Cars Traffic” by Nabeel Syed/ CC0 1.0

Collage applications

purcyLeave a comment

I must be missing something. I feel like I have finished my college applications. I mean I have all of my writing done and it’s all final drafts. I’m proud of my work and feel like I’m ready to submit it all. I finished all of my questions and input my grades. I did extra stuff that I didn’t have to and I looked over and revised it all. I even toured almost every college on my list. Everyone said that applying was the most stressful part of high school but I think I must have over prepared for the stress this summer. I’m joining the volleyball team because I have so much extra time. I love it don’t get me wrong, but I’m just confused. I even wrote all of the Personal Insight essays before I realized there were only four. I don’t feel myself getting senioritis like everyone says. I must have just not had as many supplemental essays as anyone else. who knows. At least I get to do volleyball though.

PC: College Flags and Banners Co.

Humanities

shallahan#1moochLeave a comment

Humanities is a freshman class at OVS taught by the wonderful terrifying Mr. Alvarez. I was the only student in the whole class to have all tens on all of my reading journals in both semesters. I had a love-hate relationship with that class, but now that I’m a Sophomore and I’m not in the class anymore I’ve started to miss it. Luckily I still get my weekly fill of Mr. Alvarez because I’ve joined journalism.  I like how we have jumped straight into writing, but i’ve never really done any writing like this so it’s a little confusing. So far journalism has been pretty good. Clearly I like the teacher, but I also like the students. I’m the only Sophomore in journalism which is a bit intimidating. So this is my first blog post and there is still so much I don’t know. I just turned in my first story and I’m already starting on my second. Hopefully I’m doing this right… 

Photo credit https://www.ovs.org/academics/high-school/high-school-faculty/

Falling Leaves

scarlettoharaLeave a comment

(I first wrote this when I was around 13 or 14. It’s a bit disorienting to think that I was of the mind to write something like this, but this oldie is still a goodie.)

These green leaves

In their impetuous youth

Would spend their year of life

On watching humans live

The lives they never could

It was a wonder seeing them

Them, showing off their longevity

To choose their ways, to choose their fates

To weave their strings of life themselves

When leaves are blown adrift in wind

It’s helpless to resist, they say

In spring they envy cherry blossoms too

Off white small petals that would die in weeks

But even if it sounds too crazy, know

That blossoms rave so bravely in death

That their plight’s much more celebrated, cared

And have the simple leaves been loved before?

For leaves, they’re doomed

For brevity

For nothing in

Their future but

Repeating their

Colossal faults

Till end 

Then they’re

Tumbling

Down to

Earth

Bobbing and weaving and dancing through the air

Trying to be flames

With their brittle, brown carcass

To shine before the end

To roots centuries old

Bony and formal and cold

That leaves had always flown above before

They were weaving for a new fate.

But now it lies dead.

All because of what they were.

Not even to see the crescendo of freeze.

“Leaves Fall” by Kelly Ishmael/ CC0 1.0

Bad/Good Days

leapingwaterLeave a comment

I’ve always thought of happiness as something that comes and goes too easily and quickly. Some of the bad days feel like they will never end, and it also feels like good days will not come again. When the good days would come all I would be thinking about is how they are only temporary. I’ve learned that ups and downs are sort of what life is about. How would I know what a good day is like if I hadn’t ever had a bad day? I’ve come to learn that we cannot always control situations, and how they work out, but we can control how much we let things affect us. Taking a step back and thinking, “Hm…does this thing really have to ruin my day?” can be a simple enough thing, but implementing it into life really can help you stop overthinking and enjoy the possibility of the best day ever!

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Yapping

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

I actually forgot about blogs. I have been forgetting a lot recently, and I am not really sure why, either. Maybe it’s stress from AP testing or the excitement of summer coming. OMG. Speaking of summer, I just can’t wait any longer. I have so much anticipation. I don’t have any vacations planned, but I will be super busy anyway. I will probably go to some type of amusement park in LA or something. I will probably go shopping a lot too. I really wanted to go on a vacation but now that I am thinking about it I really don’t have any time. I think it will be kind of fun staying home and getting to see friends. I will have time to do things in Ojai I normally wouldn’t do. I think maybe I will emerge myself in the fun aspects of home. Unless my family and I decide to go on a last minute trip I need to make the most of it. It is weird to think I am going into my last year of school here at home. Once I graduate I will live somewhere else. Anyways this whole bridging process is so interesting.

PC:ME