Category: emotions

46

baka228Leave a comment

Usually, I try to write about something worthwhile, about my thoughts, feelings, or events that happened to me, and which would be interesting to share. But today is not that day, today, I want to talk about all sorts of nonsense that has been on my mind lately.

46 days. After precise calculations, I realized that I have exactly 46 days left to go to school. It seems like this number should be much larger, but definitely not in my case. I am the most vivid case of senioritis you can find on planet Earth. Immediately after receiving the acceptance letter from the university I wanted, unexpectedly even to myself, I just stopped worrying about what happens at school. I am absolutely calm about not doing homework, and it doesn’t bother me much. I won’t lie, I never really liked the process of studying in an American school, and the only reason why I truly strived and learned subjects was my admission to the university; now that the goal is achieved, the motivation is completely gone. In my case, trying to find opportunities to reduce my days spent in school buildings, I discovered that some camps take away as much as 5 days! I signed up for many, which significantly reduced my time spent at school this semester. I am glad that I have very little time left until the end of school. I won’t lie, I will be the happiest person on graduation day, during the ceremony I will definitely be crying, but not out of sadness but from overwhelming happiness.

The second thing I wanted to talk about is my sleep. Lately, I’ve been having terrible problems with sleep. I wake up every hour at night, and if I’m unlucky enough to start thinking about something that bothers me, then I can’t sleep for a couple of hours simply because I can’t stop thinking. It bothers me, but I can’t do anything about it.

pc: https://i.pinimg.com/736x/b4/1a/31/b41a319f9761af679eb450755ec3bb16.jpg

Change

progstenLeave a comment

It’s that time of year again when school is coming to a close. For some, this is something to celebrate as summer is just around the corner with no school work weighing them down, no test to spend all night studying, and more time to focus on all the hobbies they have been missing out on.

For those people feeling this way, the change is small.

Some, however, are starting to feel a new kind of weight befall them as the days slowly start to count down. As each lunchtime passes and each period goes by, the looming sense of an end to an era is starting to form around their minds. Some parts of them wish that they could spend just a few more moments in this fleeting time of their lives surrounded by friends and memories, while the other part is ready to move on. As time continues, these two parts pull on each other, causing more and more emotions to come forth as time passes.

For these people, the change is big.

There is no cure for change, but without change, there is no growth; without growth, there is no future. Change isn’t something to be stopped because it’s what makes you, and one day, you will return to those places of your past and appreciate all that’s brought you change.

it’s been a while

urmom8beanLeave a comment

It’s been a while since it happened, and it still doesn’t feel real.

I still feel like I can pick up the phone and call you and you’ll answer. I still think you’re sitting in that room. I still think you’re going to send me a voice message asking how I am. I still think I’ll see you at graduation, that somehow you’ll magically get better and surprise me by sneaking in and sitting in the audience. I guess the end of the year is keeping me distracted. I have so much to do, to think about that I don’t really have time to think about anything else. It’s rarely silent in my mind. Which is what feeds into the delusion that you’re still here. The silence is what truly is the death of me. Nothing to think about just you. That’s why I try and go out, and focus on other things. The condolence letters have slowed down a lot, but your celebration of life is coming up. People are starting to forget, I don’t think I can or ever will. Summer is coming and I’m still not sure where I’m going to college. Everything is ending and It’s scary. I wish you were here, I wish we had one more car ride, one more hug. It’s been a while and I miss you every day a little more. Te amo.

tu hija

Time Passing - Astro Cruise by BenHeine ...
PC: https://www.deviantart.com/benheine/art/Time-Passing-Astro-Cruise-956142765

I know

urmom8beanLeave a comment

I don’t want to lie to you, but you’ll probably never read this. But just in case.

I know I’ll be okay.

I know you heard that a lot from Mom. It was so hard for you and you got impatient, I could tell. I couldn’t imagine how difficult it was. Such an amazing, adventurous, lively person as you being confined to a small plain room with no view. Two plus years of being stuck staring at the same will, the same movies, the same people. I’m so sorry. I wish I could have done more, paid more attention, and been there more. You don’t truly miss things till they’re gone.

I know I’m going to graduate and although I don’t think I’ll make it, I know I will. It’s like I’m at the last 100-200 meters of a race and My lungs are giving out, my calves are cramping, and I’m just not sure I’ll make it. I always do, even if I’m dead last. I know I’ll go to some college and get some sort of job and I’ll make you proud. I will make you proud. at least I hope so. You were always such an inspiration, my biggest inspiration. I’ll speak to you every chance I get, and maybe one day you’ll respond. Mom says if I pray enough you will. I’m not sure how much I believe that, but I really hope it’s true. te amo, I love you.

tu hija.

Father and young daughter shadows on boulder. silhouette concept photo

PC:https://www.vecteezy.com/free-photos/dad-and-daughter-silhouette

flower

graypenguinLeave a comment

Flowers make me feel good about myself. One drawback, however, is that flowers in the U.S. are very expensive. If it were true, I would buy flowers every weekend when I go to town and put them in my room. Also, considering the temperature and the fact that they are placed in a room, fresh flowers don’t last very long, so I am a little reluctant to buy them. However, I feel better when I put flowers in my room. The other day a friend of mine gave me a dried rose. Just by placing them in the room, they brighten up the room at once. Another reason I like flower bouquets is that they are made from various kinds of flowers. It is nice to receive a bouquet from someone, but another good thing about flowers is that you can arrange them with the recipient in mind. Another interesting point is that each flower has its own meaning in the language of flowers. Gerbera as a whole means “mystery and sublime beauty” in the language of flowers. The language of flowers also changes depending on the color, and in the case of roses, there is a meaning depending on the number of roses. These may be small romances for us as well. My mother’s birthday and Mother’s Day are coming up soon, so I want to give her a bouquet of pink flowers.

pc;https://hanajiro.myshopify.com/products/bq-g0035-s

Making Slime

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

When I was younger, I was obsessed with making slime. There was slime all over the carpets of my house. There was simply no escape. I would get gallons and gallons of Elmer’s glue along with either Tide laundry detergent or borax to make an activation. I eventually got really into making slime and my friend and I started an instagram account where we actually got a good amount of followers for not showing anything besides our hands clicking slime to be “satisfying”. Our videos were in fact not satisfying but actually super funny looking back on them. My best friend and I thought we were famous enough with 200 instagram followers to create a business… we were wrong. Eventually our families felt bad and would buy small containers of slime for 4 dollars and we would share the profits. Making crafty slime was my hobbie and to be fair I was really good at it. My friends and I would do trades and make eachother slime for presents. Slime was just a super positive aspect of my life. Eventually we all phased out of slime making onto tik toks and social media which in the long run definitely doesn’t benefit us, just our parents bank accounts. Because let me tell you craft supplies to make slime is not cheap… Anyways about a week ago I was scrolling on tiktok in the late afternoon like usual, when I came across a slime making video. I hadn’t seen one of these in ages and immediately sent it to my childhood best friend pleading for a slime sleepover like we used to have on the normal bases. She responded and now I know this plan needs to happen cause making slime is so positive and so fun! I couldn’t wait though and so I made myself a batch and I have been constantly playing with it, knowing I need to make more because why was 10 year old me better at creating a sticky blob of glue and borax together. Anyways #slime4life #DIYqueen #slimemasters707

PC:SnoopSlimes

The Card

poofypuffyLeave a comment

You got a card in the mail the other day. 

It was from a couple at your church. It said “Behind you, all your memories. Ahead of you, all your dreams. May all your dreams come true.” 

The front of the card had a little graduation cap on it. They are congratulating you on your graduating, after your parents sent them a graduation invitation. 

You didn’t really understand why your parents sent out the invitations to so many people, because you don’t think they were actually requesting those people’s presence. It was more of an announcement that you were graduating. Your parents said you would understand when you’re a parent. 

But you really appreciated the card. You didn’t expect to like a card so much, but you did. 

“Ahead of you, all your dreams.” 

Your dreams, the product of your hard work, and all the little serendipitous moments to be encountered can only be waiting for you in your future, not your past, which works out really well, because that is the direction in which you are moving. 🙂

Picture Credit: Erica Steeves

I love my advisory

leapingwaterLeave a comment

This week I went to dinner with my advisory, which has been long anticipated. We have been trying to have an advisory dinner since the beginning of the school year, but someone is always somewhere so it doesn’t work out. We went out to eat and had boba, then to the supermarket. There, my teacher told me that he wanted help cutting up his flowers he bought for his daughter, so we were finally able to visit his house. He has two cats which are so cute and I am so jealous of where he lives. There is so much land and the sun was almost going down so it was such beautiful lighting. I really had a great time and hopefully we will get to do some more dinners soon. We are lying to ourselves, though, that we can squeeze in three more in one month but who knows!

pc:me

A year left for my high school life…..

graypenguinLeave a comment

Every Friday I spend all day thinking about what to write on my blog, but I don’t really know what to write about. I don’t know what else to write about once I have written about what I like to do. Recently I have been talking with my roommate about what I want to do before I graduate from high school, and one of the things I want to do in the next year is to go on a trip to Thailand. She and I went on a trip to Japan together last year, and it made me realize that it’s not about where you go, but who you go with. What I especially want to do in Thailand is to eat delicious food. We have been really into Thai food for a while and would like to try some of the local flavors. We also want to go see animals and take a vacation. Besides going to Thailand, there are many other things I want to do before I graduate, such as going to sports games, going to concerts, and playing top golf. I have about one year left in my high school career. I want to enjoy to the fullest the things I can only do while I am still in high school.

pc;https://www.knt.co.jp/travelguide/kaigai/015/

Remember who you are!

leapingwaterLeave a comment

Hello whoever is reading this. You are alive. You are in a body that is working to support you. There is so much here for you to enjoy on this planet. Small things like that smell of cookies coming out of the oven, and big things like your future marriage (wink wink), or not.. if that isn’t your vibe…

You have more hikes to go on, and more sights to see! You have languages to learn, and foods to eat that you have never even tasted before! You have arguments to have and lessons to learn. You have cats to pet and birds to listen to sing outside of your window as you wake up in the morning. You have coffee to enjoy or continue to wait to find out if it really tastes good or not. You have rooms to decorate, and candles to light! You have stories to tell and songs to sing. You have people to tell you love them again and again and for them to say it back. You have hugs to give and adventures to go on. You have silly gifts you need to buy for your friends and photos to take. You have jokes to tell that will make you laugh until your stomach physically aches. You have a world with endless opportunities ahead of you. You just have to reach out and grab them for yourself.

There is so much for you here so don’t go anywhere yet!!! There is so much left to discover! Remember who you are and don’t forget it. You have no idea the effect you have on other peoples lives and all of the days you will continue to brighten.

pc:https://i.pinimg.com/564x/f8/05/b4/f805b4805eddbbdf404e6e4e083b8978.jpg