Category: sad

Feeling Butterflies

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

The butterfly effect is affecting my life. One small change and my whole life is different. New doors opened. New relationships are forming. And new butterflies flutter around in my life. The feeling as if butterflies are flying around inside of me. I feel like running through an open field of happiness. Sadness fled through the field at one point but now the field has drained. New things are coming into the field of happiness. There will always be flood and downpour but sunny days come of it. My mind and me urge to find the good in everything and everyone. I found the good. The good people come to those that wait. The good memories come to those who wait. Even if this is not the peak moment in life…Live as if it was. Feel the butterflies swarming inside of you when you try new things. Let the bad occurrences in life become the butterfly effect. Let the butterfly effect lead you to the happiness. From the butterfly effect comes with loss but a gain in the end. Recently the butterflies inside of me have been overwhelmed of nerves, excitement, and stress. The nerves come from new beginnings. The excitement comes from the recurring dates with the person who makes me so happy right now. And the stress comes from the problems all around. Personally the feeling of excitement or happiness is the best butterfly feeling. The butterfly effect causes the feeling of butterflies from within.

PC: Me

Hello Reader

urmom8beanLeave a comment

Once again I’d like to write a letter but to you instead.

Hello reader,

Nothing guarantees you read this, but if you do, then I hope you enjoy. I’d like to begin with a question: how have the past few months been? Either the start of high school or the beginning of college, maybe even just another fall season. Have they been good? This is a question I can answer very simply with no hesitation. Terrible. From what I have gathered from my fellow classmates, they feel the same way. Our final year, and this is what it has come to so far? Senioritis has hit the senior class hard this year. The moment in time when you have 3 essays and a blog post due by 12, and you’re running around campus scaring a little kid. But they are memories I will cherish and fondly look back on while in college.

Do you think you’ve lived a good life till now? A simpler question would be, if you died right now, would you be satisfied? I’m guessing probably not, but then again, you could be. What really gives us the fulfillment we need? Being popular? Being liked? It’s all kind of dumb if you ask me. Although I do understand the pressure of needing to be liked or accepted by your peers. It’s a concept I’ve learned to loathe.

Of course, I want to be liked by my class and others, everyone does. But why? Why give people that power over you? Why give anyone power in general? That was a lot of questions thrown out there. Take your time to answer them.

…

Okay, on to the next. How has your day been? What has been making you lash out? What’s been making you sad? What’s been bringing you joy? These questions seem so plain over text. How are you supposed to hear my sincerity, my intent through the text. You can’t.

Reader, if I can be totally honest, I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. All I know is I have my dream, my eternal sunset, and I’m not sure I’ll ever catch it. I tend to make life harder them it is, I think everyone does.

Anyways reader, I think I’ll leave you with a question: how do you want your life to go? I personally want to go down in history. I’ll remember this line and all of you, looking fondly at the sunset I’d finally caught.

Sincerely,

me.

Story pin image
pc: me

Goodbyes

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

Goodbyes are tough. Goodbyes are vigorous. Goodbyes are sickening. To say goodbye or not have the chance to say goodbye is going to be heavy either way. Losing a family member and not having the chance to say what you wanted to them creates guilt. The guilt that is felt when not having the chance to say goodbye is difficult. Depending on situations goodbyes differ from person to person. Personally within less than one month I did not get to say what I wanted to my lost family member but I did not get to say goodbye to my still living best friend in the time she knew I needed her. So this is my formal goodbye to each of whom I loved with my whole heart. I am going to begin with my goodbye to my uncle right now. My goodbye to my uncle is not an eternal goodbye but a goodbye till we see eachother again. I have no answers for when the time will be when I finally see you in heaven again but I know it will be good. So for now this is a goodbye and a remembrance that you will always be in my heart. I will forever think about your opinion on any boy I bring into my life in a more than friend type of way. On christmas 2022 I finally got the LED lights I had been begging for at my moms house. My uncle being who he is, only caring to make the kids in his life happy and hung my LED lights up for me to perfection and when I say perfection I mean like extremely perfect. The night my uncle died when the paramedics pulled him into my room and broke the LED lights he was so happy to hang for me breaks my heart. I do not normally cry about heavy topics around anyone especially my family. Talking to my mom about the broken LED lights and breaking down seems so stupid but it is truly what I think of when I think of his kindness and love for the people around him. Now my second goodbye to someone who is still alive and did not move away… Her and I did everything together. Where I went she went. Well that’s how it was for a while. There had already been hurt before the fallout but what the fallout did bring was disheartening. During the long winding roads of this friendship there was connection, disagreements, and love. I never got to say goodbye to our friendship but I never wanted to nor thought I would ever have to. Now that it has officially ended it is almost as if I have connected the dots. My friend would never be content with the friendship we had. There would always be better friends and I would always be her second pick. I was always there for her but was she always there for me? Does she feel the same hurt as I do? Was throwing a whole friendship out really worth it to her? I am not really sure to be honest. I would rather keep that question unanswered if I have to feel and hear the hatred and the violent words splurged again. The goodbye she gave makes me genuinely question everything. If she really valued the friendship we had would she have ended it in such an aggressive approach? I am not sure if it was purposeful but the ending of our friendship made me replay every moment as a slideshow. She cut me down to step on me as if I was something she could simply regrow once she needed me again, this time I will not resprout. I will not run back to her as I did every time before. Her words cut deep but my wounds healed back thicker. I can not live with the constant control and judgement she gave to me. But I can live with the memories we had together. I think this might have been the best moment and time to move on, to heal, and to grow. For each of us. I am not sure if she is as hurt by the situation as I am and forever will be but I have found the clarity to forgive and forget. I will forever think of her as my sister and I will forever think highly of her. For now, I am not sure were the future leads to. I am not sure if we will ever reconnect in a positive light but I want her to know I will always care for her and be happy for her even if she can not do the same for me. So for as of now and there seems to be an end at my words of goodbye. I am not sure if we will ever agree on who was in the wrong in our situation. I feel as if us parting was almost for the best, for each of us. I have so much more to say but in ways that are unable to express in any form. So with that I will consider this a goodbye to each of whom I wrote about and love to the world’s end. Goodbye.

PC:me

I might be lactose intolerant

progstenLeave a comment

Since before I can remember I have been drinking milk at an almost concerning pace. I have no idea when why or how it started but I have always loved milk much more than the majority of the population so much so that in my house there were always at least 4 cartons of milk. For many years I would wake up ready to take on another day and just as some have their morning coffee I would have my morning warm milk. My mom would always bring me a glass of warm milk in the morning cooked for exactly (add time) seconds every morning. The milk would be delivered to me in this glass mug every day. Once lunchtime came around at the lower campus I would grab this small red cup and walk my way over from my seat to the milk dispenser. Once I arrived I would fill up the cup to the absolute limit walk on my red carpet walkway of past milk spills and sit back down in my seat. Once night rolled around it was another glass of warm milk, and on top of everything I had random glasses throughout the day. After doing this strict routine for many years I stopped drinking it as much for some reason. recently I decided to pick up a glass or two throughout the day. As I continued the day all was jolly until I got home where I had an emergency. As I struggled to make it through said emergency the thought crossed my mind “Why was I experiencing this?” that’s when one of my great fears crossed my mind. I could be lactose intolerant. Truly my life wouldn’t ever be the same as milk and milk-based products are some of my favorite. I have no true evidence that I am truly lactose intolerant however but I pray to any gods that are willing to listen in hopes that I’m not. 

PC: me

Egg tarts

poofypuffyLeave a comment

My favorite food is egg tarts.

I could do my capstone project on egg tarts. I could genuinely research different types of egg tarts for a year and then bake them. 

So far, Portuguese egg tarts (picture below) are my favorite because the puff pastry is flaky and crispy. Hong Kong egg tarts are good too, but I prefer the flaky western tart crust. Also, Hong Kong egg tarts don’t brown on top like Portuguese tarts.

Apparently, English egg tarts are also a thing, but they’re definitely less well-known, so I would guess they are not as good.

I’ve been craving egg tarts ever since I saw an Instagram reel with egg tarts in it, so I am going to Trader Joe’s today to see if they have frozen egg tarts. If they do I will buy a lot.

UPDATE: I spent the whole day looking for some today and didn’t find any. There was no egg tarts at Whole Foods, Trader Joe’s, Westridge, or Seafood City, which is really sad. Apparently, Trader Joe’s sells Portuguese tartlets with COD though. fish. You can buy egg tarts in LA, but that’s far.

Picture Credit: Nick Fewings

Slow Down

graceovsLeave a comment

I hate rushing. I love taking my time, being meticulous, and doing things to the best of my ability. Like when I cook slowly, plating the dish perfectly. I’m writing this blog post slowly, ensuring the words sound right. It’s time-consuming, but it’s undeniably satisfying.

I think we have an overcomplicated life because even as a 16-year-old my schedule is packed. I don’t have the time to be a perfectionist and that makes me sad. Maybe it’s a good thing I don’t give my 100% to everything, but at the same time, I hate the pace at which I’m forced to live.

My second-semester junior year burn-out has inspired me to write about this, because never have I felt the time crunch more. I procrastinate too, which as you can imagine, only forces me to rush more as deadlines approach.

Thank god summer is on its way. For the first two weeks, I will rest, relax, and move through my days in slow motion, soaking up every minute.

PC: https://i.pinimg.com/564x/80/19/a7/8019a7c4ce0d25a67b1900f3b5f533a8.jpg

AnOtHeR BLoG POsT

Pete WebbLeave a comment

Oi Vey! Here we go again. For someone who dislikes writing these nuisances, I very much enjoy reading them. Except for that one dude who wrote about the way women smell like that’s pretty weird dog. Elizabeth, I think your bad luck might have to do with the fact that you had a drink on your piano, I’m pretty sure that’s sacrilegious or something. Alula be careful expecting this summer to be the best ever, high expectations have a tendency to let us down I recommend trying to just go with the flow rather than assuming what the future will be. I liked your Journey w/ Journalism post. I wish Mr. Alaverez mandated that we all wrote these like even the Journalism 2 students. honestly, I wish the whole school had to do them. I think the way people write in casual circumstances is a great view of their personality. Not that it’s a complete view of who they are but writing without revisions is like a way to see how people think and I find that super interesting. I wonder what people think of me and my writing, I definitely don’t put as much thought into these as other people do but I still think that they provide a view of me. I think the discussion about movies was my favorite Journalism class ever. It was probably one of the first things that made me think about how I’ll miss OVS. Last night, we were talking about how even though OVS is small and we often consider that a bad thing, it really forces you to interact with people you normally wouldn’t and I think that is fantastic. Like, and I’ve said this before, but there’s really nobody at the school I wouldn’t be absolutely opposed to hang out with outside of school. We really have an amazing collection of individuals here.

Two down Three to go

Pete WebbLeave a comment

How did I even get this far behind on blog posts this is crazy. Steely Dan is so fire. I mean Do It Again is just such a head bopper, how does one even create something so in tune with the human spirit? Not to mention the other songs on that album, I can’t remember the name right now but you know the songs I’m talking about. Speaking of music, I really wish I could consume more of it, I actually would like to be able to absorb it, like through my skin, idk I feel like it never sounds high quality enough. I want my body just like be the music. When I die I just want to be a sound frequency, probably of a Steely Dan song, well not really, I definitely would take a while to decide what song I want to be after this life. Maybe A Milli by Lil Wayne that song is excellent. Or White Ferrari which is actually like a mid-song but the way it looks on the oscilloscope makes up for all the averageness of the track itself. Ok, I’d say that’s about one hundred and fifty words so I’ll stop just talking nonsense.

My new PS4

junglebeats679Leave a comment

I picked up a new PS4 2 weeks ago, Throughout the last week and a half I’ve been spending too much time and money on this device. It’s been over two years since I had my last one, so I’ve been catching up on everything that I missed. Fifa has got to be one of my favorite games at the moment, I play it almost every day. Before almost every soccer match, I play a game of Fifa and envision myself doing the same thing I do in the game. I’ve also been playing a game called Overwatch, which I played for most of my childhood. This game was recently revised and now it is Overwatch 2 which has gotten some criticism because people loved the Original version. At first, I was opposed to the new game as I missed the nostalgic feeling that I got from the original Overwatch, however, as I play the game more I begin to appreciate the game more.

ps42

Photo Cred: What Hi-If

Summer

Pete WebbLeave a comment

Something is special about summer, it’s probably the almost total lack of responsibility but I like to think about the subtler parts like the way everything is always bright like an overexposed photograph. I love the way the sun casts shadows in the summer and how leaves perfectly block the suns beating rays making glowing green arrows that flutter in the wind. I love how the heat overwhelms you and forces you to jump in a pool or the ocean or maybe close the windows turn on the ac and watch a movie. I love eating snacks with friends and doing things too energetic for the stresses of the school year. I loved last summer when we went to the beach in the morning and started the day at the beach, or, after a hot day jumping into the cool seawater as the sun set or when it was pitch dark out yet the sand still held the sun warmth from the previous day. I loved the summer of covid. I’d sneak out for a ‘bike ride’ only to lounge at the river preserve for hours on end. I loved 8th-grade summer, that warm night in woodland hill sleeping on the living room floor with my dad, or the night after seeing my whole life packed into boxes in the foreign garage I now know so well. I’m glad I was here for summers, playing GTA and eating those sour candies, late nights in the RAV with the AC on, or learning to surf on the shitty red board. I’m scared about losing summer—being so caught up in my life that I forget to enjoy it. Still thinking about school, work, and money all while the sun glistens down and the tree makes its perfect shade. Im scared to be like my parents, unaware of how beautiful it is outside. Lost in my own head never letting out that final sigh, that feeling of needing nothing more and wanting nothing less. Im scared I was going to never have summer again. I don’t want to lose something special about summer.

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