If I leave home, these are a few things I will miss about it:
My sister. It is scary knowing that she will keep growing and changing as a person, and I won’t be able to see her everyday to see that happen.
The weather. 40s and 50s is cold enough for me. I can’t imagine going about your day when it’s any colder than that; the image of walking around outside, going places, while your face and hands hurt from the cold is kind of sad.
Friends. There are still so many things to do together, and it feels there will never be enough time.
The food.
The mountains. When I first came here, my parents oohed and ahhed at the scenery, but I never saw what the big deal was. Now, I feel there is something comforting and familiar to feel wrapped up in the hilly earth. The places where everything is flat feels so lonely; in even large cities built in flat middle-of-nowhere desserts, you can look out on the horizon and see nothing. It almost feels cut off from the world. However, I imagine those cities are more closely knit internally.
It was actually the best experience I’ve ever had. If you don’t know what SLDC is I’ll explain it.
It’s the student leadership and diversity conference, otherwise known as the POCC (people of color conference) At the conference we talk about things that normally aren’t addressed at our PWI’s (Primarily white institutions) We talk about microaggressions, inappropriate comments, or jokes, codesiwtching, and being proud of our culture. We have amazing inspirational strong guest speakers, who talk about their experiences as people of color. We have family groups that intermingle everybody of all races, cultures, sexualities, and ethnicities. They are huge groups of about 70 people. Home groups are smaller groups in our family groups where we can talk about topics more in-depth. We address things like abortion laws, cancel culture, and socioeconomic status. It is safe to say all these people were on a totally different level of maturity that isn’t in most teenagers. Not only that but they understood what it was like being in a PWI and related to the problems we went through. When I thought I was the only person going through this stuff at least 20 other people spoke up about similar if not the same experiences.
It wasn’t all serious talks and guest speeches. We didn’t sit for hours listening to one guy speak over and over. we would joke around, laugh, rap, dance, and party. The guest speakers would rap their speeches reaching into the depths of your soul.
It was life-changing.
I met the most amazing people ever. I got a whole new familia. My affinity group, the Latinx group, the loudest best most fun group, was probably the highlight of my trip. I met the most amazing people, I came out of my shell and was dancing with everyone. we had our own dance party at dinner which continued into our affinity group time right after. I have never felt so at home. I never wanted it to end.
alas it did, I cried a lot. The closing ceremony was a lot. One of the main speakers had us do an exercise where we found people we love, people who changed our lives, and people who made our experience. I didn’t last two seconds without crying. People came up to me thanking me for dragging them into the dance circle and teaching them to dance. I cried while hugging people I literally met two days ago. i probably cried for hours that day, my friends all made fun of me. I miss them.
I plan on using what I learned there to make OVS better. Making people aware, it’s hard but I’m working on it.
When I was fifteen, I kept telling myself that I would have my license as soon as I turned sixteen. However, I didn’t start driver’s ed until I turned sixteen. I took months to start it, forget about it, and then finish it. I took the permit test two weeks ago, which was four months after I finished driver’s ed. However, I finally got behind the wheel and drove around a parking lot for the first time! Thirty seconds in I told my dad there was no way I would ever drive on the street. I don’t think I drove faster than ten mph at any point; the fact that people drive at seven times that speed every day baffles me. Driving reminded me that cars are completely operated by people (most of the time). Sitting in a car or seeing cars moving everywhere every day seems so natural and instinctive that everything almost seems automatic; it feels as if the cars move on their own the way that clouds or birds do.
I spent Thanksgiving this year in Mammoth. I essentially did nothing and that in itself was amazing. I got to catch up on family time including going on hours of dog walks with my mom. I also loved seeing that there was finally some snow on the ground.
I’m not sure if it’s surprising to me or not but the highlight of Mammoth was going to see the new Hunger Games movie with my family. What was surprising was how much my brother enjoyed the movie. That was something I didn’t expect. I’ve always loved watching all the Hunger Games movies but my brother hadn’t even seen all the movies in the series. Since watching the Prequel I’ve successfully gotten him to watch them all; As his sister, this is a big accomplishment.
The best part of the movie though was when my mom emulated every Karen in the world and told 3 annoying girls to stop talking. The greatest thing about this spectacle was the way multiple other random people in the movie theater joined in and told them to be quiet.
Being a dormer you really start to appreciate the time spent with your family because it unfortunately becomes few and far between.
The enthusiasm for watching movies then continued throughout break as my parents and I later watched the movie NYAD. I liked the movie but I did find the main character rather annoying. She was so intense and abrasive the entire time. I wouldn’t want to be friends with her. Despite my feelings about her, the movie was great. My mom loved it the most out of the three of us; she loves movies about crazy athletic achievements.
It’s not your fault, I know we are both very busy.
But are we really? If I have the time to lay on the floor and scroll on my phone for hours, if I have the time to sit and do nothing everywhere- in lunch lines, in cars, in classrooms, shouldn’t I have found a moment for you? I should have and I’m sorry.
It’s not all my fault though. You lay on the same floor, scroll the same phone, stand in the same lines, sit in the same car, wait out the same classes. You should have found time.
I think sometimes, I just don’t like you very much. I’d just rather scroll on my phone and think about nothing than work through anything with you. You’ve let me down a lot, and sometimes I don’t even know if I trust you. You forget things that you really should have remembered, and you say things when you really should have kept your mouth shut. When I am feeling down, I play those things over and over again in my head sometimes, until I feel worse. But I know I shouldn’t. It’s not your fault you can’t be perfect all the time, even though sometimes I wish you were.
You are a person that is allowed to make mistakes, and sometimes that comes in the form of a lapse in memory or a slip of the tongue. I know you try to do what you think is right, and you have grown as a person and will continue to do so. It’s not fair for me to judge you so harshly, because I don’t judge anyone I love so harshly, and I, of all people, should have some love for you.
To think about what the future holds is daunting. The me one year ago would have no idea what to think of my life today. As everyone gets older life gets harder. Loved ones pass, and people come and go in the lives we all have. As a person who overthinks so much, I of course already have a blueprint of the future I want for myself. I spend hours on Pinterest scrolling through the lives of others building up a plan. My future life will have to be aesthetic duh…just kidding. The future I want for myself does consist of “perfection,” but the faults in life will bleed through ruining the idea of a “perfect” life. This is how I want it. Of course, I will like for my life to be cute but I want others around me to realize not everything in life is perfect and everyone has their own faults and issues occuring. Anyway, enough with reality. I romanticize what college I will attend, leading into my lifelong career to support the family I want for myself. I am not really sure where I want to live but I have many ideas. Maybe somewhere the leaves will turn brown and at the least an hour or two away from some form of a beach. Something extremely personally important to me in my plan is for my kids to not have to go through childhood as I did. With this I want to take my skills I have now implement my skills into things for college and create the best life I can give to myself. Anyways since I have been sick I have been on Pinterest a lot so I have been obv making a Pinterest board about it so I thought I would write about it. Bye!
I told Karin I’d write this and she probably thought it was a joke but well here I am.
Karin, this is for you (and for a few select others I trust you’ll know who you are)
where to even begin, at kindergarten, where I met most of you or first to fourth grade when even more of you came. In order to save time and well not completely destroy my hands, i’ll start with freshman year. I think it was my favorite year out of all of them.
Freshman year
Whether it was volleyball, lunch, or hanging out in the music room, we were never apart. My favorite group of people who I knew would be by my side till graduation. (and they still are) We were so different yet so alike and anything we did, as long as it was together, was a guaranteed good time. Walking to class while fighting the weather, shaving our heads, or talking about controversial topics in humanities, will forever be some of my fondest memories ingrained in my head.
How I’ll miss freshman year.
I could go on and on recounting every single memory reminiscing on the easy days, but I have to save somethings for graduation.
Sophomore year
The year when the academics picked up. Harder classes, more homework, pressure, it all piled up but it wasn’t a hard beast to tame. Of course, they were still by my side, and our group simply grew. We had the best adventures and the most fun memories. Performances, Camping trips, and night swims were some of the only times I’ve laughed that hard. When we first discovered Karin and Luc’s ability to change color, or how fast he could ditch us when danger approached. I have nothing I regret, only things i’ll miss.
How I’ll miss sophomore year.
Junior year
Not my favorite. 4/10, too much drama and homework. no further comments.
I will not miss junior year. I’m glad it’s over leave it in the past fr.
Senior year
Well, its only the beginning but I know it will be great. I’ve been counting the lasts. Last orientation day, last volleyball practice, last halloween dance, i’m not ready for college. If I’m being honest I don’t think I can do it without these people. I won’t be able to laugh along with Karin’s hilariously contagious laugh, or practice music with Liz and Karin. I won’t be able to joke with Mariana or catch up with Allyanna on my way to class. I won’t be able to play on the same team as Annie or any of them for that matter. I’m not ready to leave all these people behind. I don’t want it to be the end.
How I’ll miss senior year.
To be honest it hasn’t hit yet. I notice it’s the last time we are doing these things together but the sadness isn’t hitting. I just feel like we will do it all again next year, but we won’t.
This isn’t exactly how I’d thought this would be written but here it is.
I have never been that good at getting myself out of my comfort zone. As a child, this was extremely tough for me. My mum would encourage me to do things, but I would shy away from actually trying. Looking back, I really do wish I had pushed myself to try different things. Once I turned 16, I decided that I wanted to try and push myself out of this comfort zone more. Even starting with the little things, such as making myself go on rollercoasters, which I have always been afraid of. I now really love rollercoasters! (Except for the ones that go upside down like whaaat.) My best friend is a huge reason as to why I push myself to do things I am afraid of. She always helps me to have more confidence, which I am forever thankful for. Today I sang for the first time in front of people. I was really nervous, but the support from my friends and family helped me feel so much better. I hope that I can continue to do things that scare me, because so far, I haven’t regretted doing that.
I recently got a plane ticket to go home for Christmas break, and I am very excited about it. I spend roughly 1/4 of the year with my family, but I still miss them very much because I have to live away from them for the other 3/4 of the year. Living away from my family in the dorms has made me appreciate them more. I would like to write a little about what I am looking forward to on my next vacation. The first thing I am looking forward to is my family’s annual tradition of visiting a shrine called Fushimi Inari in Kyoto during the year-end and New Year holidays. Also, on January 1st, the whole family gets together for Osechi, a dish that is served as a drop-off from the gods after the Japanese New Year. I like to spend time with the whole family and talk about the events of the year. I also receive New Year’s money from my family. This is one of the joys of the New Year in Japan. I also look forward to watching TV with my family and going to Hatsumode (New Year’s visit to a shrine) when the date changes from December 31 to January 1. The year-end and New Year’s holidays in Japan are a bit busy, but I look forward to spending a lot of time with my family. Secondly, I am looking forward to meeting with friends. One of my friends just got accepted to a university today and is looking forward to spending a few more months in high school. So my friend and I are planning to go on a little trip. I am also in the process of getting my driver’s license, so I am looking forward to going driving with them. Winter break is only two months away. I am most looking forward to seeing my family. I will use the winter break as motivation to study hard.
Goodbyes are tough. Goodbyes are vigorous. Goodbyes are sickening. To say goodbye or not have the chance to say goodbye is going to be heavy either way. Losing a family member and not having the chance to say what you wanted to them creates guilt. The guilt that is felt when not having the chance to say goodbye is difficult. Depending on situations goodbyes differ from person to person. Personally within less than one month I did not get to say what I wanted to my lost family member but I did not get to say goodbye to my still living best friend in the time she knew I needed her. So this is my formal goodbye to each of whom I loved with my whole heart. I am going to begin with my goodbye to my uncle right now. My goodbye to my uncle is not an eternal goodbye but a goodbye till we see eachother again. I have no answers for when the time will be when I finally see you in heaven again but I know it will be good. So for now this is a goodbye and a remembrance that you will always be in my heart. I will forever think about your opinion on any boy I bring into my life in a more than friend type of way. On christmas 2022 I finally got the LED lights I had been begging for at my moms house. My uncle being who he is, only caring to make the kids in his life happy and hung my LED lights up for me to perfection and when I say perfection I mean like extremely perfect. The night my uncle died when the paramedics pulled him into my room and broke the LED lights he was so happy to hang for me breaks my heart. I do not normally cry about heavy topics around anyone especially my family. Talking to my mom about the broken LED lights and breaking down seems so stupid but it is truly what I think of when I think of his kindness and love for the people around him. Now my second goodbye to someone who is still alive and did not move away… Her and I did everything together. Where I went she went. Well that’s how it was for a while. There had already been hurt before the fallout but what the fallout did bring was disheartening. During the long winding roads of this friendship there was connection, disagreements, and love. I never got to say goodbye to our friendship but I never wanted to nor thought I would ever have to. Now that it has officially ended it is almost as if I have connected the dots. My friend would never be content with the friendship we had. There would always be better friends and I would always be her second pick. I was always there for her but was she always there for me? Does she feel the same hurt as I do? Was throwing a whole friendship out really worth it to her? I am not really sure to be honest. I would rather keep that question unanswered if I have to feel and hear the hatred and the violent words splurged again. The goodbye she gave makes me genuinely question everything. If she really valued the friendship we had would she have ended it in such an aggressive approach? I am not sure if it was purposeful but the ending of our friendship made me replay every moment as a slideshow. She cut me down to step on me as if I was something she could simply regrow once she needed me again, this time I will not resprout. I will not run back to her as I did every time before. Her words cut deep but my wounds healed back thicker. I can not live with the constant control and judgement she gave to me. But I can live with the memories we had together. I think this might have been the best moment and time to move on, to heal, and to grow. For each of us. I am not sure if she is as hurt by the situation as I am and forever will be but I have found the clarity to forgive and forget. I will forever think of her as my sister and I will forever think highly of her. For now, I am not sure were the future leads to. I am not sure if we will ever reconnect in a positive light but I want her to know I will always care for her and be happy for her even if she can not do the same for me. So for as of now and there seems to be an end at my words of goodbye. I am not sure if we will ever agree on who was in the wrong in our situation. I feel as if us parting was almost for the best, for each of us. I have so much more to say but in ways that are unable to express in any form. So with that I will consider this a goodbye to each of whom I wrote about and love to the world’s end. Goodbye.
OVS Journalism Blog 
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