Category: feelings

Best Feelings

godgoldngloryLeave a comment

Because I always tend to write negative blogs, I figured that this week I’d try to write about something positive. So, here is my list of the best feelings in the world.

Making someone genuinely laugh, being so happy you can’t even explain it, sneezing, listening to music in the car and lip-syncing along, seeing the waiter bring your food out, looking out the window in the morning to fresh snow, laughing so hard you can’t breathe, sitting down after spending hours cleaning, when ALL your knuckles crack with relatively no pain, relaxing after being extremely productive, late night drives (bonus points if with music), taking a shower after practice, sleeping in after you deserve it, receiving unexpected gifts, climbing into clean sheets with freshly shaved legs, having really deep/ long conversations, taking your heels off, getting a good grade on an assignment you thought you did bad on, Christmas morning, holding hands with someone special, singing in the shower, cozying up when it’s cold outside, when you like your fit and you get compliments, waking up and realizing you still have a couple hours to sleep, getting told that you’re missed, screaming songs in the car with your friends, when your cats want to cuddle, being proud of something you cooked/baked, taking a photo with someone you love, when your food is hitting the exact right spots, eating ice cream while on a walk, when your notes for school look really good an aesthetic, getting lost in a book, those head scratcher things, and super duper long hugs.

Sneezing: 10 Reasons, Causes, and Triggers

PC: https://www.houstonent.com/hs-fs/hubfs/blog%20images/why%20do%20i%20sneeze%201.jpg?width=1600&name=why%20do%20i%20sneeze%201.jpg

Minecraft is the best game

leapingwaterLeave a comment

I have played a plentiful amount of different types of video games in my life time. From horror games to Sims 4, I have tried out quite a few genres. However, Minecraft is my favorite. Minecraft is a game where players can do just about anything: build, go on adventures, farm, and much more. I think I first started playing Minecraft and watching other people play it on youtube around 4 years old, starting with pocket edition on my iPad mini and moving up to a computer eventually. The hours I have spent on this game in total is kind of concerning as I am now sixteen years old. I still have the same love for the game, even though I don’t always have much time to play it during the school year. I have made so many memories and gotten so much closer to my friends by playing this game. I used to be on the phone for hours talking to my friends and playing it with them during quarantine. I know its a literal video game, but it goes to show based on the amount of time I have spent playing it how it really does not get boring. You can live your own little life in a world of blocks and do just about anything you want.

pc:https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CnrJMo5WcAQbBPX.jpg

The World

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

The world is just actually so beautiful. The colors flood through the ocean, the mountains, to the empty plains. The blossoming flowers, bloom over the mountaintops. The sun rising turns the sky a flume of pinks purples and oranges. The admirable ocean blue hues. The twinkle of the waves as they break along the shoreline. At night the stars light up the sky creating a pattern and light shining down on the quiet night. The sun shining at the perfect angle to light up the perfectly imperfect flower. The wind blowing the grass of the field where the horses run. While the rain pours it pounds down on the wet cement the clouds create a gray glare along the wet world. The pollution us humans bring are destroying the beauty of the quiet earth we love.

PC:Me

Gratitude and Gore

poofypuffyLeave a comment

Recently I’ve been realizing how much I have. I have everything. Right now, I feel like whatever I want to do with my life I have the means to do it. If I want to become an engineer, I can go to school for engineering. If I want to become a doctor, I can go to school and pursue a degree in that, not that I want to because med school sounds too intense and expensive for me. Also, I get really queasy. One time, this facial reconstruction surgeon showed me a bunch of before and after pictures from procedures and they were really disgusting and I passed out. In my defense, he was showing some pretty gross stuff- people with deconstructed eyeballs, two little girls who had their faces mauled by pit bulls, a girl who had a tumor in her head that made her eye stick out of her head, a man that got his scalp pulled off by a machine, a video where he pulled a nail out of a man’s face, etc. That’s a bit of a tangent but I meant that I have the privilege of being able to choose my occupation, my education, etc. I’ll obviously be in debt after college (unless I get a full ride) but I still have the privilege of going to college when so many people don’t even have the luxury of literacy. Wherever I want to go, I feel like I have the means to do it and I kind of feel guilty about how much freedom I have, because I didn’t do anything to deserve any of it. So many suffer so much and work so much harder than I do and never get the opportunities that I get, which feels so wrong. Therefore, my goal is to pay forward everything I’ve been given. 

Picture Credit: Tom Barret

Another camping trip

pottymouth818Leave a comment

The last couple of days I was on a camping trip at the Salton Sea. I had a good time because everyone on the trip was upperclassmen, primarily seniors. I don’t hate the freshmen, I just don’t want to be around them. 

The best part about the trip was destroying myself by falling onto a cement plank and into a pile of thick mud (made up of chemicals and fishbones) that smelled like horse doo-doo. Kate had been filming me on the swing and I was calling her name to try to get her attention to film me jumping off of it when the seat slipped out from under me. I twisted straight off the swing, contorting my back, and landed in the most perfect place. I  don’t remember the last time I fell so hard and so out of nowhere; I never saw it coming. 

The trip was also good because the weather was nice. At night having the weather be pleasant makes a huge difference.  I usually get anxious when I have to stress about bulky layers and staying warm, but this time that wasn’t the case. I wasn’t worrying about when the weather would get to me. 

A final contributor to this good time was the fact that it was only two days long. I didn’t feel like I had to hunker down and prepare for war. It was a quick trip that I was just able to simply enjoy. 

Camping is also a great time because I always love talking to people on my trip. 

Overall it was a great trip and I’m glad I was on it.

“Tent Camping” by Ben Duchac/ CC0 1.0

New Winter

pottymouth818Leave a comment

I’m excited for Christmas this year because I’m almost guaranteed a white Christmas. My family has recently bought a new house in Mammoth. This house is a house where everyone gets their own room so that means less fighting and everyone getting their own personal space. Since it’s large enough for my parents to be convinced we’ll be able to enjoy it, we’re packing up and spending Christmas in Mammoth; hence the white Christmas. I’m hoping that we’ll all be able to enjoy Christmas and the entirety of winter in Mammoth without stepping on each others’ toes. Everyone could fit into our old place but I have a feeling that the new house will be a much more inviting place for the whole family.


Since we’re going up for both Thanksgiving and part of Christmas break, I’m also hoping that I’ll really be able to improve my snowboarding skills. Last year I randomly decided that I wanted to Snowboard so I went all in and bought all the gear and now it’s too late to go back. So far, I’ve actually liked the process of learning how to snowboard significantly more than skiing. I don’t regret my decision at all.


I’ve never been a pro at anything on the mountain, I’m the type of person who would get in your way. To me it’s never been competitive, the whole thing is a joke in the best way possible. When I want to go fast I do, but I thoroughly enjoy face-planting in the snow by trying tricks I know I will never be able to accomplish and taking my time on the way down. Long story short, I’m looking forward to a fun winter.

“Snow Winter” by FOCA Stock/ CC0 1.0

Starbucks

uwucutiepatootieLeave a comment

I don’t think that it is possible to understand my love for Starbucks unless you are just the same amount of psycho about it as I am. Getting Starbucks is so different compared to getting food or a drink from anywhere else. I have gotten so much of it over the years that it feels like a second home. It is so fast to order and its just so good. I understand if people over the age of forty don’t love it, but if you are around my age, you are literally insane if you don’t love Starbucks. You don’t need to be unique and say that you like a gross underground cafe just to be different. I will admit that there are some really disgusting Starbucks drinks but for the most part, they are so good. I’ve never gotten any food from there that I don’t like. If I buy food from anywhere else I feel like I’m spending money, but Starbucks feels like a tax. There is just no life for me without Starbucks in it.

“Starbucks Coffee” by Tim Gouw/ CC0 1.0

when I leave

urmom8beanLeave a comment

I know I’ve been writing alot about the end but it has been clouding my mind lately, and I need to do these anyway. So here I go.

I’m not ready and I never will be. Why does it all have to end? I hate how I didn’t enjoy my younger years more. I wish I would have. I don’t even remember the last time I went trick or treating, what was I even dressed as? These things are stuck in my head as I feel like I’m wasting time. Why do I have to be in school when I could be out in the world living.

Living. Why?

Why does it end? Why can’t I do what I want for the years I am here? Considering we only live once, why am I wasting it here? I should be across the world singing my heart out on a stage. I should be performing every single hour. Why do I want more? These questions will most likely never be answered or changed.

What am I going to do?

I’m scared.

I think we all are even if we can easily mask it. There’s always going to be that pit in my stomach whenever I think of the end. What happens? I don’t want to leave. I will miss my friends too much. What do they even really think of me? When I’m not near and they talk about me what do they say? What are they thinking about saying while reading this? I guess I shouldn’t waste time thinking about it but I can’t help myself. I mean they are my friends, right?

I’m going to miss everyone.

I don’t know why I’m scared. I mean I do, but why aren’t others? How do they live without the fear of leaving? Can they teach me? I guess not but I really do hope I move past this. Every time it happens, I just want it to end. I’ve been here before every feeling every word. Have I imagined it all? You’ll never know how freedom will feel if you never try to forget your past.

I just want to live and maybe I will, one day.

PC: https://tonedeaf.thebrag.com/hugest-stadium-gigs-of-all-time/list/guns-n-roses-at-calder-park-93/

My crippling addiction

progstenLeave a comment

A little over a year ago, I was introduced to something that would come to change my life, probably for the worse. At first, I thought it was something innocent and fun, however, it turned sour and harmful very fast. You might be wondering now what this addiction could possibly be. Is it alcohol? Is it vaping? Is it hard drugs? No. It’s Stardew Valley. Now Stardew Valley is a simple 2D game that is a fun and chill game to play where you can farm, forge, mine, fish, befriend villagers, and other calm and relaxing activities, but Progen, how could this chill and relaxing game ruin your life? I HAVE NO IDEA WHY. for some god-forsaken reason, I can not stop playing that stupid game no matter how hard I try it’s physically impossible i am just addicted to the small dopamine I get for completing the quest or when doing another task in the game. I really need to stop because my grades are slipping because of that game along with my mental health. 

https://www.google.com/search?q=stardew+valley+chicken&tbm=isch&chips=q:stardew+valley+chicken,g_1:transparent:wmKub7x8GBw%3D&rlz=1C5CHFA_enUS974US975&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjM3NSxpaGCAxVINkQIHejZA10Q4lYoAHoECAEQKg&biw=1600&bih=884#imgrc=DmoVHJCCoQQr8M

Girlhood

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

Girlhood is the best and the worst thing that can happen to anyone. I love girlhood so much, but I really hate girlhood at the same time. Girlhood is getting ready with your friends for something exciting, but girlhood is also not getting invited to things you really want to be at. Girlhood is screaming songs at the top of your lungs living like nothing else is relevant. Girlhood is having your late night hot tub talks with your best friends. What is girlhood? Girlhood is happiness, sadness, and everything else in between all mixed together. I feel as if I have not experienced enough in my life that events and people are stopping me. I want to experience girlhood with a group of friends who I enjoy being around. Sometimes finding the people is hard. As a teenage girl emotions are all over the place. One second you are having the best time of your life and the next you are wondering why you were not invited to something. Finding the best group of friends is the hardest part. Some girls are clicky and there is no way they will welcome anyone into anything they have going on. Others are too opened right from the start. And some you just are so unaware how to approach the situation. As someone who goes to a small private boarding school finding people is hard. There are the day students and the dorming students. Practically separate for me. The dorming students all live together so it is really hard to bond with them. I am also the only girl day student in my entire grade so that separates me off from them a bit. There is absolutely no connection. The senior class has some of the sweetest people you will ever meet but they are super hard to connect with besides a few who I actually have connected with. The connections made with some of the senior girls creates a stone in my path of navigating through girlhood. I went to a concert with 2 of the senior girls and just relating and bonding over music created a core memory in my path along girlhood. The bonds created with people while experiencing girlhood is undescribable. Recently my best friend and I have a fallout which was definitely a hardship through girlhood. After over a month of us on non speaking terms she stepped up and reached out to me. So many people are telling me so many different things. Some are saying “don’t be friends with her again,” some are saying, “you should definitely try to reconnect with her.” So of course I went to dinner with her. Right from the start it was immediately not awkward. We went to dinner and were at the dinner for 3 hours catching up on eachothers lives. Not talking to my best friend of 10 years for a whole month is crazy to think about. That is girlhood. The best friends that last a lifetime. The ones who stay even after the biggest argument and still love each other. That is what girlhood means to me. Everyone gets jealous over someone else’s life at some point in time but why waste time being upset over something that won’t matter later in life and just live in the moment. Some words I saw and will never forget are, “its everyone’s first time living to not just yours.”

PC: Me