I hate rushing. I love taking my time, being meticulous, and doing things to the best of my ability. Like when I cook slowly, plating the dish perfectly. I’m writing this blog post slowly, ensuring the words sound right. It’s time-consuming, but it’s undeniably satisfying.
I think we have an overcomplicated life because even as a 16-year-old my schedule is packed. I don’t have the time to be a perfectionist and that makes me sad. Maybe it’s a good thing I don’t give my 100% to everything, but at the same time, I hate the pace at which I’m forced to live.
My second-semester junior year burn-out has inspired me to write about this, because never have I felt the time crunch more. I procrastinate too, which as you can imagine, only forces me to rush more as deadlines approach.
Thank god summer is on its way. For the first two weeks, I will rest, relax, and move through my days in slow motion, soaking up every minute.
In “This World is not Conclusion,” the opening line asserts that the world we know and inhabit is not the only one and that death is not final. The statement ends with a full stop, in contrast to the hyphenated lines which follow. This difference signifies that the narrator is firm in his/her belief, which could be ironic, as the rest of the poem is concerned with doubt. Next, Dickinson describes a “Species” which “stands beyond –,” to be “Invisible, as Music – / But positive, as Sound –”. This paradox suggests that the world may not be as rational as we would expect if music and sound can have opposite qualities. “It beckons, and it baffles – / Philosophy, don’t know – / And through a Riddle, at the last – / Sagacity must go – ” the poem continues. That which the narrator seeks both compels him/her to investigate and leaves him/her bewildered in the search for truth – another example of juxtaposition. No conventional intellect can answer the question of what happens when one dies. The poet writes that scholars have puzzled over this “Riddle” for centuries while other men have adopted religious faith, especially Christianity. But Dickinson says that sometimes this faith slips in a world becoming increasingly skeptical. When this happens to an individual, they will laugh at themselves a little, ‘correct themselves,’ so to speak, and blush in case anyone saw. To believe in something whose existence cannot be proven by any means, – in fact, can oftentimes be disproven – is embarrassing, the poet insinuates. People “[Pluck] at a twig of Evidence – / And [ask] a Vane, the way –.” The “twig of Evidence” metaphor describes how little proof there is, but could also imply that there is much more to be found – a whole tree from which the narrator has plucked but a twig. Conversely, the tree could bear information that invalidates the narrator’s belief system, but which they choose to ignore for that very reason. Dickinson’s intentions here are ambiguous. Also, the notion that a weathervane can tell “the way” is nonsensical because this device constantly changes direction. Perhaps the word “Vane” punningly suggests that truth-seeking is all in ‘vain’ and won’t produce any results. The final stanza reads “Much Gesture, from the Pulpit – / Strong Hallelujahs roll – / Narcotics cannot still the Tooth / That nibbles at the soul –.” This excerpt alludes to a Church service, and then concludes with a metaphor to communicate that no expression of faith can inhibit the doubt which “nibbles at the soul”. The poem as a whole explores the conflict between faith and doubt, especially when it comes to belief in an afterlife. It is up for interpretation as to whether this belief is well-founded or ill-considered.
When I was a baby, my Nonna would take me to the community pool while my parents were at work. When I was five, she made me a Christmas advent calendar with quilted pockets she filled with chocolates. When I was ten, she passed down her most prized childhood possession to me: a troll doll complete with hand-sewed outfits.
She loves her dog, Ella, like nothing else. Each morning I spend at Cosy Cottage, she makes me a fruit bowl with (slightly unripe) apricot, nectarine, grapes, blueberries, fresh raspberries, and maybe gooseberries from the garden. We once labored hours over a puzzle of London during an especially rainy week. She built Big Ben and I pieced together the Thames.
I love my Nonna. When I have grandkids, I’ll bake them chocolate cake with her recipe and these memories will come flooding back.
I listen to so much music that I move through phases and genres fast, but I have a playlist dedicated to my all-time favorites, and hopefully, timeless songs I can always treasure.
Take it Easy My Brother Charles by Jorge Ben Jor: I was (and still a little) a big fan of old Latin music. It started with Bossa Nova, but then I discovered Jorge Ben Jor and by extension the best album in the world: “Jorge Ben” (all bangers in there), my Brazilian exchange friend tells me only old people listen to this kind of Portuguese music but that doesn’t change the fact that this song is really catchy, has a unique melody, and killer vocals. Helps me relax a lot too.
Spring by Saint Etienne: This is probably the song I’ve been listening to for the longest on this list. I first discovered it around when covid hit and I’ve never once got sick of it. It really is its own genre- I really really wish I could find more songs like this. It’s a little like TV Girl but feels more analog and has higher quality/effort in production.
My October Symphony by Pet Shop Boys: I totally discovered this song by accident and I’m really glad I did. The opening instrumentals to this song are heaven. I used to listen to this song constantly: in the car, walking, shopping, getting ready, making food, cleaning.
19th Floor by Joy Crookes: I love this woman’s voice. This song makes you feel like you’re in a Bond movie or something, it’s so dramatic and gorgeous. It’s like Amy Winehouse x cinematic orchestra.
Fastlove, Pt. 1 by George Michael: I know, George Michael? Well, his songs are actually really good believe it or not, and this one is really catchy especially the more you listen to it. Gotta get up to get down! Also, the part when he’s like “In the absence of security” the bass is really really good.
Feels Like Summer by Childish Gambino: This is honestly the only Gambino song I like, but I really love it. I listen to it whenever it rains, I love the chords, beat, and guitar strumming in the back. Combined with the reverbed vocals- the energy on this song is really its own category.
Jezebel by Sade: In my opinion, Sade has one of the best voices in the industry. All of her songs are perfect, but I especially like Jezebel because It perfectly shows off everything Sade is good at in terms of vocal prowess and style. It’s one of those songs you have to be patient with and listen to all the way through. The instrumentals are also really unique (synth, standing bass, sax).
These are not my favorite actors, just actors that have been in a lot of movies I’ve seen.
Tom Hanks: Terminal- great story, made me cry when Forrest Gump didn’t. Great performance, and a convincing accent to me. Really unique plot and an interesting antagonist.
Daniel Day-Lewis: There will be Blood- honestly this performance is the reason I decided to write this blog. Some of the best acting from an already incredible actor. Many powerful scenes in this movie.
Willem Dafoe: The Grand Budapest Hotel- I mean what a cool character, that scene with the fingers. Anytime he was in a scene it was more interesting. Also, John Wick was a good movie with him in it- but not really because of him. I notice Dafoe is in a lot of movies I watch but rarely plays a big role in them (besides Spidermen).
Leo: The Departed- probably a controversial pick but a terrific cast and director. It’s intense and funny, Leo really delivered. At its core, this movie’s characters are what make it special, you really feel like you know them and you’re invested in their fates.
I’m at work right now. It’s pretty boring. The weird thing about working here is that you actually don’t have to do any work at all. I’m just sitting here wasting time on Instagram and Craigslist; endlessly scrolling mass consuming irrelevant content. Anyway, I decided I should probably do real work so I don’t get zeros on all my blog posts, or worse, get shamed by Alula in the group chat. I know these only need to be one hundred and fifty words (see what I did there ) but I seem to be completely adverse to doing them. I never want to make bad content so I procrastinate but by pushing them off to the last minute I end up making bad ones anyway. I think this one is long enough, so I’ll see you in a couple minutes when for the next one.
So I rolled my ankle the day before the league final track meet- an event I’d been looking forward to all season. All my life, there’s been a pattern. I will have roughly 4 days where everything is just fabulous and going my way, life is terrifically smooth and easy but it abruptly comes to an end, followed by an equally long period of just comically terrible rotten awful luck! And this eternal pendulum swings between luck and misery, creating balance in my polarized life.
It’s gotten to the point that I will recognize whatever “phase” I’m in and alter my behavior because of it. If I realize I’m in a bad luck week I will be more cautious and weary of what I’m doing. It’s like a legitimate phenomenon, really, if there are any scientists out there totally out of things to study, this could be it.
Right now, I am definitely in that bad luck phase. My computer just died while I was getting the charger for it WHILE typing this, I am getting bug bites too, and I accidentally spilled a drink on my piano earlier this evening. I realize these are serious first-world problems and it could be so much worse, but dealing with all these little annoyances really makes me mad enough to write a whole blog post about it. You’re not going to believe this- but my first draft of this wouldn’t even save so I had to start over!
To be honest I don’t know if I actually believe in luck or not, but what I do know is I either have it all or not even a smidge.
There are only 7 more weeks of school until summer and I am so ready. This is what my perfect summer day looks like: I start off the morning reading in bed, then make myself a delectable smoothie bowl. I get ready – shower, pick out an outfit, brush my teeth, and put on some mascara and sunscreen. I work on my French course a little bit and do the NYT mini in the hammock outside. Before it gets too hot I might go on a bike ride in the meadow with Siya or Tomoki or them both. We make avocado toast and fresh lemonade for lunch.
PC: Me
Next, I drive to the beach, listening to Spotify’s Daily Drive (which mixes your favorite tracks with daily news and is my new favorite thing.) I meet up with friends here – let’s say Ula and Melia – and we sunbathe and swim and body-surf and laugh. We probably hit a thrift shop and pick up a burrito on the way back, before staying up all night together.
Imagine rainfall, accompanied by the sound of warm piano slowly picking away at the layer of your sorrows, that’s how I feel when I play Laura by Erroll Garner. It’s a song I’ve been learning lately, and one of the hardest and technically challenging songs I’ve tackled this year- but most rewarding. The arpeggios are INCREDIBLE.
the rain last week made me want to go back to playing more moody jazz. Pieces with really pretty and new york city-type chords. Songs like Almost Blue (Chet Baker), and Scenery (Ryo Fukui).
amore mio aiutami by Piero Piccioni is perhaps one of the most beautiful songs I learned on the piano. I can’t stop playing it. Another one like it is Lujon by Heny Mancini
I found one of my Dad’s old Billy Joel books, and I’ve been playing the music (that I could play) in there too. Billy Joel is the master of complex and heavenly chord progressions. I especially liked Just the way you are, and The Stranger (interlude).
Surprisingly, George Michael and Sade’s songs, although very slow, are a blast to play on the piano. Their melodies are so satisfying to play.
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