Category: feelings

Change

progstenLeave a comment

It’s that time of year again when school is coming to a close. For some, this is something to celebrate as summer is just around the corner with no school work weighing them down, no test to spend all night studying, and more time to focus on all the hobbies they have been missing out on.

For those people feeling this way, the change is small.

Some, however, are starting to feel a new kind of weight befall them as the days slowly start to count down. As each lunchtime passes and each period goes by, the looming sense of an end to an era is starting to form around their minds. Some parts of them wish that they could spend just a few more moments in this fleeting time of their lives surrounded by friends and memories, while the other part is ready to move on. As time continues, these two parts pull on each other, causing more and more emotions to come forth as time passes.

For these people, the change is big.

There is no cure for change, but without change, there is no growth; without growth, there is no future. Change isn’t something to be stopped because it’s what makes you, and one day, you will return to those places of your past and appreciate all that’s brought you change.

but I still remember.

urmom8beanLeave a comment

I still remember our car rides and all the songs we’d sing. I still remember our ice cream trips. I remember our spot and walks on the beach. I still remember our humor and how angry it would make Mom. I still remember our basketball practices, and you coming to every game. I still remember looking for you at church and running up to you to give you peace when you came. I also remember the brunches and donuts we would have after. I still remember you showing off your bike pictures, and the videos of you calling out my uncle at the top of the mountain. I still remember going to my tias house and how much they loved seeing you. I still remember how happy you made everyone when we went to Mexico. I remember how happy you made anyone you met. I still remember how much you cared and how heavily you loved. I still remember how much you ate and how much you loved it. I still remember how nervous you’d get when we’d go swimming, and how you wouldn’t let me go in the deep end in case anything happened. I still remember how you couldn’t swim. I still remember teaching you, and even when you were scared you still cracked jokes. I still remember your stories of ovs at night. I still remember your voice, I have all your voice messages saved. I still listen to them. I still cry every time. I still remember your smile and your laugh.

I still remember you. te amo

tu hija

Story pin image
PC: me

it’s been a while

urmom8beanLeave a comment

It’s been a while since it happened, and it still doesn’t feel real.

I still feel like I can pick up the phone and call you and you’ll answer. I still think you’re sitting in that room. I still think you’re going to send me a voice message asking how I am. I still think I’ll see you at graduation, that somehow you’ll magically get better and surprise me by sneaking in and sitting in the audience. I guess the end of the year is keeping me distracted. I have so much to do, to think about that I don’t really have time to think about anything else. It’s rarely silent in my mind. Which is what feeds into the delusion that you’re still here. The silence is what truly is the death of me. Nothing to think about just you. That’s why I try and go out, and focus on other things. The condolence letters have slowed down a lot, but your celebration of life is coming up. People are starting to forget, I don’t think I can or ever will. Summer is coming and I’m still not sure where I’m going to college. Everything is ending and It’s scary. I wish you were here, I wish we had one more car ride, one more hug. It’s been a while and I miss you every day a little more. Te amo.

tu hija

Time Passing - Astro Cruise by BenHeine ...
PC: https://www.deviantart.com/benheine/art/Time-Passing-Astro-Cruise-956142765

flower

graypenguinLeave a comment

Flowers make me feel good about myself. One drawback, however, is that flowers in the U.S. are very expensive. If it were true, I would buy flowers every weekend when I go to town and put them in my room. Also, considering the temperature and the fact that they are placed in a room, fresh flowers don’t last very long, so I am a little reluctant to buy them. However, I feel better when I put flowers in my room. The other day a friend of mine gave me a dried rose. Just by placing them in the room, they brighten up the room at once. Another reason I like flower bouquets is that they are made from various kinds of flowers. It is nice to receive a bouquet from someone, but another good thing about flowers is that you can arrange them with the recipient in mind. Another interesting point is that each flower has its own meaning in the language of flowers. Gerbera as a whole means “mystery and sublime beauty” in the language of flowers. The language of flowers also changes depending on the color, and in the case of roses, there is a meaning depending on the number of roses. These may be small romances for us as well. My mother’s birthday and Mother’s Day are coming up soon, so I want to give her a bouquet of pink flowers.

pc;https://hanajiro.myshopify.com/products/bq-g0035-s

The Card

poofypuffyLeave a comment

You got a card in the mail the other day. 

It was from a couple at your church. It said “Behind you, all your memories. Ahead of you, all your dreams. May all your dreams come true.” 

The front of the card had a little graduation cap on it. They are congratulating you on your graduating, after your parents sent them a graduation invitation. 

You didn’t really understand why your parents sent out the invitations to so many people, because you don’t think they were actually requesting those people’s presence. It was more of an announcement that you were graduating. Your parents said you would understand when you’re a parent. 

But you really appreciated the card. You didn’t expect to like a card so much, but you did. 

“Ahead of you, all your dreams.” 

Your dreams, the product of your hard work, and all the little serendipitous moments to be encountered can only be waiting for you in your future, not your past, which works out really well, because that is the direction in which you are moving. 🙂

Picture Credit: Erica Steeves

FruitFruitFruit

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

I love fruit so much. I love that after a dip in the pool on a hot summer day, I get to take a bite of the freshest ice, cold piece of fruit. Fruit is just like amazing. You can make fruit into anything basically. You could make fruit a snack, a dessert, a drink, and literally so much more. I don’t think people understand the perfection that comes from one fruit. Fruit is honestly the food of happiness, think, fruit is colorful and juicy with a great taste. The only thing I cant decide on is what kind of fruit is my favorite. I really love watermelon, but then I think about a strawberry, and like OMG mangos at the perfect ripeness is like the best gift a person could ask for. I remember this one time when I was in Mexico, on a vacation, I would eat at least 8 mangos a day. The fact of the matter is fruit is the best and everyone should love it! Also fruit is so healthy for you!

PC:Me

Update

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

I have been procrastinating so much this month. The week before break I could not get any work done at all. This past week I procrastinated up to the day of my camping trip. Currently, I am procrastinating because I am just so tired. My goal is to try and finish everything I need to get done. Well that’s probably everyone who is in the same situation as me. I usually don’t procrastinate. I think I need summer. At this point my blogs are the rants that re on repeat in my head. I am also just so busy. But I have been trying to get to bed at more reasonable hours. Two nights ago I went to bed at 9:30 from exhaustion, and last night I went to sleep at 10. Those times are so unusual because I normally go to sleep at like 12 or 1 am. Another thing I have started to realize more recently is my room is never clean enough for me. I will clean it but still feel like there is clutter. Maybe I need to get rid of some stuff. I guess the dead flowers sitting across from me right now are not helping the situation. Anyways there’s my quick rant. Bye.

pc: me

Being Clumsy

leapingwaterLeave a comment

Being clumsy might be funny but it isn’t fun. Like I will literally crash into things all day long and get bruises and I won’t even know where they come from or realize I got them in that moment. To be honest, it’s frustrating, and I haven’t always been a clumsy person. It’s like- the more you get in your own head about it, the more clumsy you become. For example, if I’m carrying a lot of things, I think to myself, “Don’t drop them. Don’t drop them” and then guess what. I drop them. This is super embarrassing, but one time I was bringing out glasses to my parents and guests at a get-together at my house, and I tripped over the sliding door, shattering a few of the glasses. In front of everyone. It was not fun. I envy people who can do things so naturally with ease and not mess up. Maybe one day!

pc:https://www.shutterstock.com/image-photo/full-body-photo-young-clumsy-600nw-2260331251.jpg

Sitting on the rock under the oak tree

poofypuffyLeave a comment

I just noticed how nice the air smells. I think it is the smell of orange blossoms from outside the school gate. The wind is bringing the sweet flowery smell up the hill. I can hear the creek flowing. It is the sound of a hundred little crashing splashes overlapping into a constant white noise. I thought to write a thousand, but I feel the creek is small to be thrashing that much. The rock I’m sitting on is cold, but my cheeks are warm. As I write this, a wind is blowing across my face as if to cool it down. I am grateful for all this sweetness. The wind silently moves the leaves in the trees in a way that the trees don’t move so much as breathe, change. 

I don’t often appreciate things this way, but I wish I did. For some reason, I can only see the things in front of my face when I’m forced to consciously decide to. So many things in our modern lives are made to tune things out, and when the smothering noise fades, it’s easier to stuff our ears with cotton or pick up cymbals than to process the unpredictable or unpleasant.

Picture Credit: The Editorial Board of the University Society Boys and Girls Bookshelf (New York, NY: The University Society, 1920)

Caffeine

graypenguinLeave a comment

Caffeine is especially necessary during final exam week. However, I don’t wake up after drinking energy drinks from certain companies. This interferes with my school life. I usually drink coffee when I want to wake myself up, but it is almost more of a way to convince myself mentally that it’s working. As a matter of fact my mother also drinks nearly 10 cups of coffee a day because caffeine doesn’t work for her. Nervous people are characteristically sensitive to caffeine. Caffeine has an effect on the autonomic nervous system. It seems that not only Japanese people but also asian people are strong to caffeine in coffee. However, white people are weaker. Decaffeinated coffee is sold in about 50 times more varieties than in Japan. These are similar to the feeling that white are more resistant to alcohol than Japanese. To be honest, I don’t usually feel the need for caffeine, but I often wish I had something to wake me up when I want to sleep.

pc;https://thekitchencommunity.org/coffee-drinks/