Everything will work out. It’s a funny phrase if you think about it because you’re never really sure. No matter how much you prepare for something you never really know. I didn’t even get to finish my intro when Ben literally summed up what I was trying to say in one phrase.
Man makes plans and God laughs.
I think it’s now my favorite quote. I think it’s one of the most honest things said. It works for anything you believe in God, the universe, Jah whatever you believe they laugh at your attempts to control everything.
I don’t believe humans were ever meant to control everything no matter how hard we try it’s not the reason we are here. The people who try the most I think are often the saddest, because they try too hard and it doesn’t end up working. On the contrary, those who roll with the punches and let the wind carry them wherever it pleases are genuinely happier. At least that’s what most movies tell me.
I know everything will work out. I guess what I really mean is I was so unhappy trying to control everything, that now I’m doing a bit better. I’m letting them leave, letting go, not listening to what they say.
I really hope everything will work. I really really hope God, the universe, the higher power helps me out a little.
Man makes plans and God laughs, but I really hope he smiles instead.
I was told that I can indeed write all my blogs now and not write anymore, so that is the plan. Also, I am enjoying these.
Yogurt. I love yogurt. My mom always buys the really sweet kind, which is fine but I think I prefer Greek yogurt. My dad and I went to Vons after school yesterday and got some Greek yogurt. I couldn’t wait to eat it so I had some for dinner, and I put frozen goji berries in it because we didn’t have any fresh blueberries or strawberries or anything. It was so good and I can’t wait to eat it for breakfast this morning.
Good food. I am grateful that my mom keeps a lot of good food in the house. I read (or heard?) one time about someone who received some amount of money after not having very much for a long time. They said the best part of being rich was that they could eat fruits that didn’t have mold on them. I am very grateful to have access to lots of tasty, un-moldy, and nutritious food.
Ceramics class. Having a class where you can make bowls and mugs and take them home is so cool. Not only are you taking home knowledge/a new skill, but you also get to take home custom-made bowls, mugs, or whatever you want to make. I want to try and get into the ceramics room more often so I can take advantage of this while I still can.
If I write way too many blogs now, maybe I can get to the point where I just don’t have to write any more blogs for the rest of the year.
Three things I am grateful for today
Feeling awake. I went to bed too late yesterday, because I needed to wake up early this morning. I thought I wouldn’t be able to do it but I did. I thought I would be tired and miserable today, and I am not. I actually feel very happy and awake, and I am grateful for that.
Pocky. I ate some chocolate-coconut pocky today and it was very good. I like sweet things. I don’t mean to eat a lot of sweets so often but they make me happy.
Lists. I used to not use lists, or I would try to write some down and then I wouldn’t use them. I got some to-do list sticky notes during secret snowflake and they are so helpful. I write a to-do list during school every day and consult it when I work on my homework at night. It’s gotten to the point where I feel lost when I’m trying to study without my sticky notes.
I tend to worry a lot. Do they still like me? Are we really friends? Will everything be okay?
Lately, college and school have been at the top of those worries. Along with other more personal stuff I’m not comfortable sharing here. I have to make it, survive my senior year, and graduate. After that then what, I have to get money to afford my school and then go through 4 more years of worries. Why do we do this?
I wish I had the money to travel and not worry about school and life. I wish could see the world, and experience a world without worry.
But even though I worry, I’m alive. I’ve survived this long. I’m fighting and staying afloat. Everything is stable, and everything (god, I hope and pray) everything will be okay. I have amazing friends who make me laugh so hard that I can’t breathe and start to cry. I have two legs that carry me through track practice, no matter how light-headed I get. I get so many opportunities each day and get to experience everything with my own two eyes. I get to have music, which is the only thing that I’ve given everything to, and I’ve gotten everything back.
I’m so lucky. Even in my current situation (which shall not be discussed) I still manage to go to school every day with a smile on my face. I take tests, do mock trials, and run track. I’m surviving. I’m living.
And even though I worry, I will not let that stop me.
PS The only thing that could stop me is college decisions so wish me luck!
This school year I have noticed that I have been a mess. I used to put my self-care over everything. I have fallen out of my routine and must start picking up my old habits because they used to bring me so much peace.
I used to be very strict about hair care. For my hair, I would always oil it before I washed my hair. I would specifically use rosemary and castor oil on my scalp and argan oil on my ends. I would leave it in for two hours in a claw clip and would use my scalp massager to stimulate hair growth. I would always go to bed wearing a silk cap to prevent gaining split ends. I was so psycho about it that I would refuse to let my hair rest on my pillow without my cap. I would never use heat on my hair to make sure I was getting dry hair with split ends. This year, I never oil my hair, use my silk cap, and use heat on my hair every day. I have noticed a significant difference in my hair and it feels so much more damaged.
Last year, I struggled a lot with acne. My skin would look horrific and then it would begin to clear up and break out bad again. It was a never-ending cycle. I had listened to what my dermatologist told me exactly but it didn’t seem to work. There wasn’t one day I would miss my skincare, even when I would go on camping trips. I wouldn’t put any makeup on my face because I was concerned it would make breakouts worse, even how badly I wanted to cover it up. I refused to touch my face without freshly washed hands. I always wore sunscreen when I would go out. I finally switched to a different dermatologist months ago and it has significantly improved my skin. Now that I rarely break out, I don’t take as good a job with my skin. I use makeup products on my face that aren’t that clean and I don’t clean my face three times a day anymore. During the day, I rest my face on my pillow although it isn’t freshly washed which is something I never would have done last year. I never wear sunscreen now. Although my skin isn’t bad anymore, I’m not taking good care of it and overtime I will be able to see it’s damage.
There is so much more self-care I used to do last year that I don’t do as often now. I am an a very clean person still, but putting my self-care first gave me clarity in my life and brought me joy.
I remember when I was little my dad said to me, “Isn’t it funny how there are all of these people here, and we know nothing about them?”
It’s obvious, I know, but it always comes to my mind whenever I am in an airport, sitting and waiting at my terminal, people-watching. Not specifically airports, but really any crowded place. There are so many others around, and none of their faces I have ever seen before. I do not know their story, or their names, where they are going, or why. Are they traveling to see their family? Are they on a work trip? There is an extremely low chance of me ever seeing them again. It really goes to show how insignificant we are as humans (I know this sounds intense). We are so small in a world so big. Everyone has their own individual stories and future paths. Maybe the person we sit next to on the bus could be having the best day of their life, and maybe the person we were in the elevator with was having the worst day of their life. The thing is, we can’t ever know at first glance.
I could sit for hours and talk about everything I love. When someone sits with me and relates with me it makes me even happier. Finding people who appreciate the same things as me is so refreshing.
Organizing: I find it funny that I love to organize so much. I love coding my assignments and taking everything out of my drawers to put them right back in the same place just slightly neater. I think this is rooted in the feeling of everything being perfect after I am finished. Organizing helps me to focus and concentrate while finding a sense of calmness from the aftermath.
Pinterest: I love love love Pinterest. After a long school day, I can relax with a movie and scroll on Pinterest. There is something about the romanticizing and goal setting that just really connects with me as a person. I can see the aesthetics and blessings I have by posting my own photos and finding things that match my personality. Anyways I love Pinterest.
Music and Movies: Whether the weekend is just beginning or the weekend is ending I always can have music to listen to or a movie to watch. I can listen to music while falling asleep or as something to make me feel less lonely while driving around. I can listen to music with my friends and we can all be having the best time ever or I can listen to music and reconnecting with myself. Movies are just so entertaining. Nothing beats the feeling of watching an amazing movie for the first time. If I could there are so many movies I would watch again and get the same feeling I had the first time I ever watched it. Anyways my favorite movies are so calming to lay down in bed with a snack and watch. Some movies heal my inner child while some teach me things I can really use while growing up.
Matcha, Chai, and Water: There is literally nothing like waking up dehydrated and having a glass of ice-cold water. I really just love matcha and chai. There’s nothing matcha and chai really do for me except taste so good. I also love lemonade. But only if the lemonade is like really good. California has some of the best lemonade compared to other places in my opinion. Same with matcha and chai. Matcha and Chai are my pick me ups throughout my days. I am tried, I can get a matcha or chai. I want something to boost my energy, I can have a matcha or a chai. I really love making my own matchas when I have time. Its honestly therapeutic. And I havent found how to make chai yet but thats something I am really interested in learning.
My future: I am the biggest romanticizer I know. Something I definitely think about on a daily is my future. What college will I end up at? Will I be successful in the career I eventually pursue? Where will I live? I love asking myself these questions. Now tying my future to my obsession with Pinterest, can I make my goal of life on Pinterest a reality? Or will I be someone who has a highschool sweetheart that I can grow old with? I would like to say I will and I want to. So I just love picturing my future life. Something I will work for years on achieving.
Homes: I want to go to college for architecture, interior design, or both. I would really want these topics to relate to homes and houses. Being able to learn how to create something I love so much is my dream. I really want to be able to take what I have in my mind and apply it to something I love. I really love going on long car drives and just looking at homes that are truly someones art piece in a way. I want to be able to have the gift to create and area where people will live together, grow up in, and somewhere a family or a person can travel back to and call home.
Travel: I could probably talk all day about everywhere I want to travel and why. I have been grateful enough to get the chances and opportunities I have to travel. I love seeing different places and how different people live. The beauty of the world is in the most silent places. Listening to the birds sing and the wind blows against my skin or watching the blue waters sway back and forth. I get to go to Mexico in October and help a family build a house and immerse myself in the style they live in. Probably my top place to travel to is switzerland just for the natural beauty. But for the best experience I would want to travel somewhere I can volunteer and make connections to make people happy. I could do this by studying abroad or volunteering for a summer. Another traveling experience I want to emerge myself in is study abroad. Being able to make friends and meet people from other cultures is something I really love about the world.
Anyways that’s what I love and want for my life! PS: I love flowers, friendship, and family too!
Miami was a surprise to me. It’s a city I hadn’t thought much about before, but it amazed me. I didn’t expect to see such clean and pleasant streets and city atmosphere. For some reason, I always thought of Miami as some kind of village or something similar. However, the city turned out to be very pleasant to me. Being there reminded me of the years when I lived in Cyprus. I think all resort cities have such a serene flair. I really liked the beach near which we stayed. The sand was clean, and the water had warmed up to a state where I could swim in it. The only thing that disappointed me was the condition of my skin in Miami. Usually, when I’m at home, I have a diet routine and all the skin care products. While traveling, I just ate everything, as if the rules set by my dermatologist didn’t exist at all. I ate sweets and fatty foods, drank sodas and juices which make my skin break out lol. Now, I need to quickly restore my skin, eating rhythm, and workouts. I wish myself luck.
I am changing and cannot understand the nature of my changes. At the beginning of the year, something happened to my consciousness, and I began to make decisions that I would have never made before. I gave up all my bad habits, which was not easy, but I managed to do it and continued to work on myself. I took up sports and started going to the pool again. But not only did my physical habits change, my consciousness began to undergo a kind of transformation.
I started to question again how I feel about myself in society and in my body. I realized that for a long time, I’ve been hiding a large part of my personality because it doesn’t fit into the society in which I currently find myself. I tried to assimilate and be part of society, but it just never worked for me. I am chasing something that doesn’t belong to me and just wasting energy on it. I shouldn’t chase; I should attract the people and events that I deserve.
Also, I once again questioned what I would like to do in the future. It’s a difficult question, but now I have something like a life plan for the next year. This pleases me, and my plans look intense, but I understand that it will not only be fun, I will have to work very hard again to achieve what I want. But I’m not afraid of hard work, so I’m ready to do everything I can to achieve my goals.
Also, I’m worried about my appearance. Living in California, I started dressing in hoodies and sports pants. This style doesn’t suit me, and I feel lazy and unattractive. Also, I stopped doing facial massages and taking care of my hair sufficiently for it to look the way I want. In short, I started taking care of my appearance again, I see the first results, and it cannot but please me.
In general, unexpectedly for myself, I am undergoing a kind of transformation, and everything is moving in a good direction.
I have been to many Broadway musicals, but until today, I had never seen Moulin Rouge. To be honest, I can confidently say that this performance is one of the most vivid memories of my life.
The softly dimming lights turned into complete darkness. When the lights go out in the auditorium, the audience’s hearts usually flutter in anticipation of the show. People in the audience cough or open their snacks. This time, there was a crushing silence in the room. The moment the lights went out, the world froze, and the dense walls of the theater cut off the audience from the ceaselessly noisy NYC, immersing them into a new world—a world of love, secret meetings, power struggles, and unrestrained and non-stop performance.
People have always strived to feel alive. In ancient times, in pursuit of this feeling, thrill-seekers resorted to death fights. Some found it thrilling to watch others die, for watching someone else’s death makes the observer’s blood run faster, adrenaline intoxicates, and sharpens the sense of life in vivid colors. A prime example of humanity’s love for bloody entertainment is the mega-popular gladiator fights. Both commoners and the elite always sought out such spectacles.
Like many, I chase the feeling of pure consciousness and the sharpness and reality of life. In search of this feeling, many resort to drugs, clubs, etc. These are destructive methods of experiencing the sensation of life, yet they work just as well as gladiator fights did.
I found myself in a feeling of absolute reality during the performance. Intense emotions, from tears to laughter, made me feel alive. I had not felt this sensation for a long time, and I was glad to experience it again.
OVS Journalism Blog 
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