Category: feelings

Usually i try to write

baka228Leave a comment

Usually, I try to write about something worthwhile, about my thoughts, feelings, or events that happened to me, and which would be interesting to share. But today is not that day; today, I want to talk about all sorts of nonsense that has been on my mind lately.

47 days. After precise calculations, I realized that I have exactly 47 days left to go to school. It seems like this number should be much larger, but definitely not in my case. I am the most vivid case of senioritis you can find on planet Earth. Immediately after receiving the acceptance letter from the university I wanted, unexpectedly even to myself, I just stopped worrying about what happens at school. I am absolutely calm about not doing homework, and it doesn’t bother me much. I won’t lie, I never really liked the process of studying in an American school, and the only reason why I truly strived and learned subjects was my admission to the university; now that the goal is achieved, the motivation is completely gone. In my case, trying to find opportunities to reduce my days spent in school buildings, I discovered that some camps take away as much as 5 days! I signed up for many, which significantly reduced my time spent at school this semester. I am glad that I have very little time left until the end of school. I won’t lie, I will be the happiest person on graduation day, during the ceremony I will definitely be crying, but not out of sadness but from overwhelming happiness.

The second thing I wanted to talk about is my sleep. Lately, I’ve been having terrible problems with sleep. I wake up every hour at night, and if I’m unlucky enough to start thinking about something that bothers me, then I can’t sleep for a couple of hours simply because I can’t stop thinking. It bothers me, but I can’t do anything about it.

PC: me

Overwhelmed

uwucutiepatootieLeave a comment

Lately, I have been struggling with keeping up with my homework. I have been sick for the past week and focusing on school has been really hard for me. I took the past two days of school off and now I am even more behind. I have an essay, project, and test due next week, along with all of the homework I haven’t done from this week and I don’t even know what to do. I am missing even more school next week to go on a mandatory camping trip with my school and I’m going to fall even more behind. I still feel exhausted and not fully healthy and thinking about starting the hours and hours of homework I need to catch up on is horrifying. I have only missed a day and a half of school this whole school year until this week and I feel like because I’ve been sick, I have mentally missed a week of school even though in reality I have only missed two days. I hope that I feel better before my camping trip or else my week will get so much worse.

“Free stressful business woman working“/ CC0 1.0

England

leapingwaterLeave a comment

I haven’t been back to England in about a year and a half. I usually go every year, and for this years summer I plan to hopefully go back! England is such a beautiful place, and I have always loved it so much. From busy London with it’s beautiful architecture, to the quiet countryside, it is truly lovely every time I go. Aside from my dad, mum, and brother, the entire rest of my family lives in or around Europe, especially England. When I visit, I usually go in June, July, and the beginning of August. At the time when I arrive, for the first few weeks my cousins are still in school. I really enjoy this time, though, because each morning I go and spend the day with my grandma and granddad at their house in the more of a city part of England. I always catch up with my grandma while my grandad spends hours tending to his garden, whilst I eat all of the delicious pastries and food that she always makes. After spending a few weeks in north-central England, I take the train down to west sussex to visit my grandfather on my dads side, in the countryside. He originally moved to this house when my dad was a little boy, and it was constructed in 1709. It’s a beautiful home, with a little vegetable garden, pool, and lots of space to run around in the grass, which I did a lot when I was younger with my older brother. I’m really looking forward to going back again this summer.

pc: me

Golf

graypenguinLeave a comment

Golf is generally useful for many things. It is a great sport that you can continue to play even as you age for future business. I started playing golf when a family member of mine was a golfer and told me that if I couldn’t play golf during our summer vacations, he wouldn’t take me with him. I started playing golf because of that little thing, and now it is my favorite sport to play. Originally, my motivation for golf was to drive a golf cart. However, now my motivation to play golf is to score well. This year, for the first time in my life, I competed in a golf tournament. Although my score was not good, I was more honored to be able to experience it for the first time in the United States. My driver has been good lately, so I would like to improve my putter. I would like to practice more and be able to play all the holes under 100.

pc:https://www.npr.org/2023/05/08/1160319153/golf

Do grades matter

progstenLeave a comment

This is a question that I ask myself almost daily. Personally, I have been in an environment for most of my life that deems grades to be an important and necessary part of my life. I want to be successful in my life and future career. So, I have mostly believed that no matter what, as long as I get good grades, I will be fine in whatever is thrown at me in my life. However, I have never been able to get “good grades” from the school I go to standards. So, for a while, I believed that I was going to struggle in my life once I got to college and once I got into the “real world,” but I have started to change my views over these past few years. Is the reason I have started changing my views due to the fact that my grades never got up to what I see as good? There’s a chance of that, but mainly, it is because whenever I focus on school and grades, I see a trend in my overall life going in a downward trajectory, which is not the way you want it to go. I did some light research ( a Google search) and found that only half the people who get degrees were able to secure a full-time job in the field they studied, and 16 percent were unable to secure a job. The rest are all into somewhere in between either getting a part-time or switching fields fully cause they couldn’t find a job. So, back to the original question on hand: do grades matter? Well, I am going to say It depends. I know that this is the easy way out when it comes to the answer, but it all really depends on what you want to do. If I were to ask a doctor or someone aspiring to be one from their perspective, I’m sure grades impacted a large part of their life because it allowed them to pressure their passion, but if I were to ask this same question to someone who plans to do a trade, start their own business, become a pro athlete, or a job that doesn’t a full degree, then they might answer differently. Ultimately, this is about whoever is reading this perspective, and in my case, I’m the one reading, so I personally don’t believe in grades as I think it’s more important to enjoy life, and if the pursuit of grades is taken away from that, don’t pressure them.

I’ve been doing okay.

urmom8beanLeave a comment

Honestly, I have been, or I’d like to believe I have. I think I have. At this point, I’m not sure who I’m trying to convince.

I feel like I have a lot on my plate a lot coming up, but I know I just have to take care of them one by one. Senior pages, scholarships, final auditions, songs a lot of cultural events. Most of those things I’ve put on myself but I don’t know I guess I’m just trying to prove something. Like I want to leave my mark, and hopefully be remembered. The best way to put this is a quote from one of my favorite movies.

“I think I have this thing where I need everybody to think I’m the greatest, the quote-unquote Fantastic Mr. Fox. And if people aren’t knocked out and dazzled and slightly intimidated by me, I don’t feel good about myself.” – Fantastic Mr. Fox by Wes Anderson.

Of course, I don’t need people to be knocked out, dazzled, or intimidated but I at least want to be memorable. Anyways I’ve been doing better in track. I ran pie without walking, and although my legs are in so much pain it feels good to work hard.

I’ve been standing up for myself more, even if it scares me. Ive been building boundaries and I’ve defended myself more. I’m learning to not take everything to heart because its a waste of time. Its harder with closer friends, and while on your period.

School is coming to an end, and summer is looking to be very fun. College desicisons are almost here, but its all coming at the same time which is a little nerve racking. I just hope I make it, I just want to graduate.

All this to say, even with troubles and bad parts i’ve been doing okay.

the curious room / bongjoonsho: Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009) dir. Wes...
PC:https://blackhyena.tumblr.com/post/642571185378459648/bongjoonsho-fantastic-mr-fox-2009-dir-wes

p.s. The pic looks sad but its the scene with the quote also its very pretty 🙂

My first driving

graypenguinLeave a comment

I drove on the road for the first time in my life this past Monday. The first time I drove a car was this past winter break when I circled the parking lot with my mom. It was a very short drive, but my mom was screaming that she was going to be killed. I thought to myself that the passenger in the car must be many times more scared than the driver. My parents told me to go to the second driving school after I returned to my home country because it is much easier to get a driver’s license in the U.S. than in my home country. Driving on the road for the first time was scarier than I had imagined. The scariest part is when a car follows behind you. I was worried that I might cause trouble for the people behind me because I was driving at half the speed limit for the first time. I finally got the hang of it about 20 minutes after I started. I was still very nervous about driving but it was super fun. I am already looking forward to my next driving lesson. I can’t wait to get my driver’s license so I can go out driving with my family and friends.

pc;https://www.the-sun.com/motors/5550926/learner-drivers-free-driving-lessons-disabled-motability-scheme/

MORE WOULD YOU RATHER!!!!

progstenLeave a comment

I am running out of ideas to write about somehow, so I’m going to the old reliable of would you rather but this time, I am looking up some and then giving my answer for them, so here we go.

1. Would you rather have the ability to see 10 minutes into the future or 150 years into the future?

This is a pretty good one, but out of these two, I have to go with the ten-minute one because it’s more helpful in my life, and 150 years might be way longer than I will live, but it’s not long enough where I’m super interested in what’s going on. I would love to see the things of the future, but maybe it would be better if it was like 1000 rather than 150.

3. Would you rather team up with Wonder Woman or Captain Marvel?

It literally does not matter at all because I am a completely normal human, and both of them have superpowers, so I would not be helpful in fighting at all.

5. Would you rather find true love today or win the lottery next year?

Definitely the lottery because true love is not what I need at this stage in my life. It would be cool and all, but I would much rather have millions of dollars. Although if you asked me this question many years ago, I’m relatively sure that I would pick true love; however, if I am broke in the future, then I would still pick the money.

6. Would you rather be in jail for five years or be in a coma for a decade?

Defiantly in jail almost without question. I would hate to just not be able to do anything for years and have my body and all the work I have put into it just go away. plus, while in jail, I would probably get the crazy shredded since that’s the only thing I really could do. Also, I could read and just try to better myself for those five years. It would suck if it went on my record that I went to jail for five years since getting a job and stuff would suck, but being in a coma and not being able to move and just waking up one day and then everyone you know has changed so much after ten years. honestly, if I was homeless, I think I would try to get into jail with the least serious crime so I could get free living and food.

9. Would you rather have everyone you know be able to read your thoughts or for everyone you know to have access to your Internet history?

Definitely let everyone have access to my internet history because all you will find are super random questions like “How many crab species are there?” or something like that, but with thoughts, you really control them sometimes, although it would be funny to talk to everyone and force people to listen to what I have to say. At least that way all school accouncements will be easier for me. But also, there are so many crazy thoughts that I have and that everyone has so much knowledge of internet history.

10. Would you rather lose your sight or your memories?

This is a pretty good one because, on the one hand, if you lose your memory, you can still do everything, just all your memory would be gone, which is so so so so so so horrible, like maybe the worst thing ever, but you could re-learn who you are and what you love to do even If it would be different however if you lose you sight then everything you do in your life is going to change. For those who play sports, you can’t do that; for those who draw and do art, you can’t do that. You can’t drive or see amazing views. but if I absolutely had to pick, it would be memory.

pc: https://parade.com/.image/t_share/MTkwNTc1OTY1NjYyMTYwNzY0/would-you-rather_questions.jpg

the days are slow.

urmom8beanLeave a comment

Slow enough for me to notice more things.

I like being quiet, but I don’t want to be boring.

I overthink too much about what to say and how they react after I say something.

It’s been a little worse lately but what I have noticed the most is how I don’t like being treated rudely.

Whether it be accusing me of stuff I didn’t do or mocking me. I don’t like it, and it’s even weirder because I don’t start it. Yet it always turns into an aggressive comment back to me. I usually don’t have the energy for it, and I hate how extra those comments are. What’s the point of being mean?

Now, I’m not saying I’m a saint either, but if it’s with my friends, I don’t think I’ve ever initiated the aggression. I think it may be a misunderstanding. I’m not always going to respond in a happy, bubbly tone, but that doesn’t mean I am angry. I just don’t have enough energy. I wish they were nicer.

I have noticed how off I have been, the slow decline

The days go by slower because I keep looking back. I’m afraid that as soon as I look forward and back again, I’ll already be at the end.

Amazon.com: Please Slow Down Sign, 12-Inch. X 18- Inch. Metal : Industrial & Scientific
PC:https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=3b8ed53ba39f614b&q=slow&tbm=isch&source=lnms&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjNnLWWxrCEAxUjIEQIHbD2B9QQ0pQJegQICxAB&biw=1440&bih=813&dpr=2#imgrc=Tz-7te2LNd8t3M

My Galentines

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

Over the weekend I hosted a Galentines Day. It was supposed to be in my backyard but the weather was soooooo cold. With the weather being so cold I decided to switch the party to inside. It was a smaller group with about 11 or 12 girls. I decorated the table in hues of pink and white. I put together big and small bouquets of pink and white flowers. I am pretty happy with the outcome of the party too. I set up and practically put the party together myself. I am super proud. There would have been more stuff I would have liked to add but overall it was a success. The dinner was the definition of girl hood. Something I do wish might have happened differently is my chocolate fountain. I accidentally used the wrong type of chocolate so it hardened when it was supposed to fountain out. I love pink so much. And I love flowers so much. #PERF

PC:Karin