Category: writing

My future plan.

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

To think about what the future holds is daunting. The me one year ago would have no idea what to think of my life today. As everyone gets older life gets harder. Loved ones pass, and people come and go in the lives we all have. As a person who overthinks so much, I of course already have a blueprint of the future I want for myself. I spend hours on Pinterest scrolling through the lives of others building up a plan. My future life will have to be aesthetic duh…just kidding. The future I want for myself does consist of “perfection,” but the faults in life will bleed through ruining the idea of a “perfect” life. This is how I want it. Of course, I will like for my life to be cute but I want others around me to realize not everything in life is perfect and everyone has their own faults and issues occuring. Anyway, enough with reality. I romanticize what college I will attend, leading into my lifelong career to support the family I want for myself. I am not really sure where I want to live but I have many ideas. Maybe somewhere the leaves will turn brown and at the least an hour or two away from some form of a beach. Something extremely personally important to me in my plan is for my kids to not have to go through childhood as I did. With this I want to take my skills I have now implement my skills into things for college and create the best life I can give to myself. Anyways since I have been sick I have been on Pinterest a lot so I have been obv making a Pinterest board about it so I thought I would write about it. Bye!

PC: me

I hope all is well

urmom8beanLeave a comment

I hope all is well with you, and you’re doing fine.

Even though each day with you was a huge waste of time.

I hope all is well with you, and you’re happy with life.

Even when you brought only pain, struggle, and strife.

I hope all is well with you, because you were so sweet.

Even when you ended up rotting all my teeth.

I hope all is well with you because we were never meant to be,

But in reality I hope all is not well and you come crawling back to me.

Just trying my hand at some poetry and honestly its all up to interpretation. What do you think it’s about? Love maybe? I’m not sure if i’m being honest. I feel like in a way it’s an homage to the type of love thats now becoming normalized. Except it’s not because there is no respect or honor in this short poem. The love normalized now is terrible, but it’s been engraved in our brains since we were children.

He’s mean to you because he likes you.

I’ve never understood it. Why would he hurt me if he likes me? It’s never truly clicked, which I’m glad it never did. I think we have to stop normalizing this. If he treats you right, he likes you. If he buys you flowers, he likes you. If he genuinely tries, he likes you. That’s what should be said. In no way am I speaking from experience, nor is this some cry for help. Just my short opinion.

Story pin image
PC: me

So much to do, I hope I go to college

poofypuffyLeave a comment

College applications are so much work. So many adults will go “Guess how many colleges I applied to?” and you know they’re going to say one but you ask how many and they smile and hold up one finger and say “One!” kind of smugly. It kind of sucks how so many people apply to so many schools, so that the same super qualified people get into a lot of schools and make it that much harder those of us that didn’t cure cancer or win the Olympics. Why is the whole process so extensive? It’s just so much information, writing, time, and in some cases so much money just to get a little rejection email.

This Saturday, I need to write a supplemental and a half, review and submit an application, play a volleyball game for some strange reason, and finish two paintings for a deadline in AP Art.

I can’t wait to be done. I already submitted two applications, but there are still other things like test scores and recommendation letters that I have to send. Then, for scholarship money I have to do in-person interviews out-of-state during school because they only have certain dates, but I’ll probably try because it’s for a full ride and I’m only applying to three colleges anyway.

Picture credit: https://research.collegeboard.org/

Feeling Butterflies

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

The butterfly effect is affecting my life. One small change and my whole life is different. New doors opened. New relationships are forming. And new butterflies flutter around in my life. The feeling as if butterflies are flying around inside of me. I feel like running through an open field of happiness. Sadness fled through the field at one point but now the field has drained. New things are coming into the field of happiness. There will always be flood and downpour but sunny days come of it. My mind and me urge to find the good in everything and everyone. I found the good. The good people come to those that wait. The good memories come to those who wait. Even if this is not the peak moment in life…Live as if it was. Feel the butterflies swarming inside of you when you try new things. Let the bad occurrences in life become the butterfly effect. Let the butterfly effect lead you to the happiness. From the butterfly effect comes with loss but a gain in the end. Recently the butterflies inside of me have been overwhelmed of nerves, excitement, and stress. The nerves come from new beginnings. The excitement comes from the recurring dates with the person who makes me so happy right now. And the stress comes from the problems all around. Personally the feeling of excitement or happiness is the best butterfly feeling. The butterfly effect causes the feeling of butterflies from within.

PC: Me

Goodbyes

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

Goodbyes are tough. Goodbyes are vigorous. Goodbyes are sickening. To say goodbye or not have the chance to say goodbye is going to be heavy either way. Losing a family member and not having the chance to say what you wanted to them creates guilt. The guilt that is felt when not having the chance to say goodbye is difficult. Depending on situations goodbyes differ from person to person. Personally within less than one month I did not get to say what I wanted to my lost family member but I did not get to say goodbye to my still living best friend in the time she knew I needed her. So this is my formal goodbye to each of whom I loved with my whole heart. I am going to begin with my goodbye to my uncle right now. My goodbye to my uncle is not an eternal goodbye but a goodbye till we see eachother again. I have no answers for when the time will be when I finally see you in heaven again but I know it will be good. So for now this is a goodbye and a remembrance that you will always be in my heart. I will forever think about your opinion on any boy I bring into my life in a more than friend type of way. On christmas 2022 I finally got the LED lights I had been begging for at my moms house. My uncle being who he is, only caring to make the kids in his life happy and hung my LED lights up for me to perfection and when I say perfection I mean like extremely perfect. The night my uncle died when the paramedics pulled him into my room and broke the LED lights he was so happy to hang for me breaks my heart. I do not normally cry about heavy topics around anyone especially my family. Talking to my mom about the broken LED lights and breaking down seems so stupid but it is truly what I think of when I think of his kindness and love for the people around him. Now my second goodbye to someone who is still alive and did not move away… Her and I did everything together. Where I went she went. Well that’s how it was for a while. There had already been hurt before the fallout but what the fallout did bring was disheartening. During the long winding roads of this friendship there was connection, disagreements, and love. I never got to say goodbye to our friendship but I never wanted to nor thought I would ever have to. Now that it has officially ended it is almost as if I have connected the dots. My friend would never be content with the friendship we had. There would always be better friends and I would always be her second pick. I was always there for her but was she always there for me? Does she feel the same hurt as I do? Was throwing a whole friendship out really worth it to her? I am not really sure to be honest. I would rather keep that question unanswered if I have to feel and hear the hatred and the violent words splurged again. The goodbye she gave makes me genuinely question everything. If she really valued the friendship we had would she have ended it in such an aggressive approach? I am not sure if it was purposeful but the ending of our friendship made me replay every moment as a slideshow. She cut me down to step on me as if I was something she could simply regrow once she needed me again, this time I will not resprout. I will not run back to her as I did every time before. Her words cut deep but my wounds healed back thicker. I can not live with the constant control and judgement she gave to me. But I can live with the memories we had together. I think this might have been the best moment and time to move on, to heal, and to grow. For each of us. I am not sure if she is as hurt by the situation as I am and forever will be but I have found the clarity to forgive and forget. I will forever think of her as my sister and I will forever think highly of her. For now, I am not sure were the future leads to. I am not sure if we will ever reconnect in a positive light but I want her to know I will always care for her and be happy for her even if she can not do the same for me. So for as of now and there seems to be an end at my words of goodbye. I am not sure if we will ever agree on who was in the wrong in our situation. I feel as if us parting was almost for the best, for each of us. I have so much more to say but in ways that are unable to express in any form. So with that I will consider this a goodbye to each of whom I wrote about and love to the world’s end. Goodbye.

PC:me

Writing

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

I never really found writing at any time fun. Recently writing has captured and taken over my entire life. If you want to become a part of my thoughts my writing is where you should be. When I write I express the bad the good and the in-between of my feelings. Sometimes my feelings are extremely deep and sometimes they are me ranting about my love for Pinterest. I really have found a love for writing. I have recently found a love for words that explain how I feel descriptively. I am not sure what writing has opened up for me but it is weird. I love it. I love the feeling after I finish something I am really proud of but I feel disappointed when I can not put my all in the the words I put out for people to see. I want people to feel the same as how my writing expresses itself. Once I produce writing I am proud of I don’t really care what other people think of it. I like it. I don’t care if people think I am bad at writing because it is fun and therapeutic. When my fingers hit the keyboard words flow out like a rainstorm and the pattering of the keys sounds as if the rain is dropping on the roof of my house. Writing has opened my creative thinking and opened me up to a new world. I like writing with no plot at all just writing and ranting. When my fingers start to type my thoughts overrun the speed of my fingers. I keep thinking of more and more to write without becoming completely off-topic. I just can not say some of the things I write verbally so I type them instead. Anyways that is my rant on writing I love it.

PC:me

People

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

All I have to say to start this off is ugh people… I have no idea why, but everyone I put in my life creates issues. I can never do anything without feeling severely watched or judged. Any moment I do something I have to stop and think. Will this trigger anyone? Will anyone be mad? People in the world we live in are never satisfied. Can I be friends with this person or will someone think I am weird for that? To be honest I have no answers… And the closest I can get to the truth is you and I will always be judged. Someone will always be mad. And no one will ever be happy with the decisions that are made in life. Many people just get mad for no reason whatsoever. While others will continuously stand by and be happy because they want others to be happy as well. To be happy in this modern age we live to make others happy. Most of the time that is a lot of work. I will try my best to make the others around me happy but at some point, in time, I realize… they will never be happy with me or the decisions made. Even if it is for their benefit. People always will have something to say. And it does not matter if you asked them or not. Some people just can never mind their own business. People crave to create, hear, and see drama. Which every person can be guilty of. But at an indefinite time, does that not get old? Friends, relationships, judgment, and anger always circle back around. All of those things circle back. And that’s what life does. Life circles back. The reality of the world is no one will ever be 100% happy. No one can change my mind or my opinion. The world is imperfect. I am imperfect. And people are imperfect. So take this as my apology to all of the people in the world. I am sorry for the mistakes I have made. I am sorry for the mistakes other people have made. And I am sorry for those of you who can not see through the imperfections of life. 

pc: me

A Letter

urmom8beanLeave a comment

write a letter to your younger self.

Dear ___________,

i haven’t yet made it, but hopefully I will. School just started and its already been a lot but what else did I expect, a calm year ? No, unfortunately not but then again its only the beginning. My only hope is I make it into my dream college and can pay for it.

this is the typical things I would expect in a letter maybe more personal updates but i’m not going to write those here.

To be honest i’m sure my younger self would be a little disappointed but who knows. She would be so happy if I could get into college. maybe i should re-do my letter.

hey

I haven’t gotten into college and its a lot more stressful then i thought it would be. My advice start applying to scholarships as early as you can. You’re in some trouble but hopefully we’ll be able to pull ourselves out of this mess. There is one thing I should say to you,

I’m sorry, i’m so so so sorry.

anyways thats all 185 words later

8 Pigeon Clipart Images! - The Graphics Fairy
pc: https://thegraphicsfairy.com/carrier-pigeon-image-letter/

Imagine

urmom8bean1 Comment

Your mom.

No, I’m just kidding. On a more serious note, I really do want you to imagine something. Imagine a guy named Paul, and all Paul wants to do is follow his dreams and go to NASA Academy. NASA Academy is perfect for Paul, whose only dream is to be an astronaut. However, NASA Academy is very expensive, and Paul does not have the money. What is Paul to do? Should he give up on his dream?

Now, I’m not being too fair to Paul. Yes, there are schools that have astronomy classes, so why not just go to one of those? It’s like telling a kid you’re taking him to Dojo Boom and giving him a trampoline. Not those big ones where you can do flips, but the small ones made for 3-year-olds. You know, the ones that say on the box “3-8 years old.” Here’s a visual if you need

Fold & Go Trampoline (TM) - The Original Toy Company
PC: https://www.theoriginaltoycompany.com/59609/fold-go-trampoline-tm

Back to Paul, now it’s not necessarily the worst thing ever. Your kid gets to jump around, and Paul gets to see the stars—through a telescope… instead of flying among them. What would you tell Paul? Seriously would you look him in the eyes and tell him to jump on some small trampoline? I have to move away from the trampolines.

To make this even harder what if i told you Paul needs space to live. Not like in a literal sense but in a way that his life would be meaningless without it. You can only ever truly understand if you’ve love something so unconditionally, so purely, so passionately. I can’t expect you to understand if you’re going to college for a job. Paul is going to college to live, to give his life meaning. Who knows maybe Paul is just being difficult, dramatic, extra. I guess most dreamers are. Paul will have to choose, and thats if Nasa even accepts him. Ha! Paul hasn’t even been accepted and he’s worried about everything else. Heres another thing about Paul, he stresses too much but we all do… right?

I’ve definitely gone over the 150 word mark so I guess, Im done.

Clara Pt. 2

graceovsLeave a comment

Clara and I met on orientation day of our junior year – she, a tanned exchange student from Brazil, and I, a nervous transfer from a school thirty minutes away. We sat next to one another in the media lab, logging into our school emails, and began to chat. “When’s your birthday?” she asked randomly, in an attempt at small talk. I told her “today.” She looked at me incredulously, decided I was joking, realized I was not, and then burst into wonderful, elated laughter. It was at this moment that I knew we were going to be friends.

Over the school year, we started to spend classes, breaks, weekends and even an entire break together. Clara saw me at my best and at my worst and loved me through it all. She was my number one cheerleader, especially when I ran for school president.

But it’s not just me and her other friends that Clara extends her love to. It’s to the unlikely people, the not reciprocating people, and the probably undeserving people that she does also. She wrote the boy that bullied her a heartfelt letter at the end of term, for example.

Clara’s love knows no bounds because she sees the beauty in everyone and everything, and it’s this that makes her so beautiful herself.

PC: Me