18

pinkcube18Leave a comment

I’m turning eighteen very soon.

It’s exciting, yet I feel like I am losing the security of youth. This is my last chance to live guilt-free as a dependent before I look upon myself as an adult who must do adult things.

I will be held accountable and have obligations (more so than I already do.)

I can vote.

I can go to prison.

I can adopt a cat.

I will now be one of the “grown-ups” I never thought I’d be. I will still be seen as a “kid,” though the number to my name proves my maturity when people find it convenient. I’m old enough for financial shame. Adults will look at me as a young teenager in the hierarchy of age, yet call me an adult when I make a mistake. I’ll have been alive for eighteen years. I’ll no longer be grouped with the “children” at family Christmas parties.

But I’m still in high school. I’m living at home. The title of “adult” on government documents makes no difference to my level of maturity. I will be a true functioning adult when I move away to college. I will soon become independent, but for now, I am happy where I am – finishing high school with my supportive family.

Turning 18 – The Beginning Of Adulthood – The Paper Cut
Image Credit: Dorian Chase, The Paper Cut

Dance with me

brachiosaurus15Leave a comment

The wind whipped sand into my face

as I walked eagerly towards the sea

the soles of my feet being searing like meat on a crackling grill of sand

but I didn’t notice because i knew what the water has in store

my foot soon touches the ocean water

the water splashed innocently over my skin

suddenly a tingling chill shoots up my toes, wraps my leg and takes hold of my chest

i step back, for a split second, from the icy creature

that looked at me with a dangerous glare

before throwing all sense out the window

and running like a child into a toy store

through the shallow waters

gliding my board through the surf

I, not so gracefully, mounted my board

landing with a thud of excitement

finding my window in between sets

I tighten my ab muscles a sink into the water with my hand

taking long, slow, methodical strokes

Making it past the break i sit up on my board

the afternoon wind blows sea spray up into my nostrils

forcing me to breathe in the oceans salty breath

forcing me to admit and secum to its power

waves role under me like moving hills

bouncing and rocking the liquefied surface that I sit on

I see my chance

a wave approaches

it starts to break to the right

paddling, scooping and urging my board to move forward

I feel the weight of the board lifted and taken by the wave

my knees drag among the top of the grainy foam board for an instant

then i spring to my feet

my knees become springs that anchor me to the board

that anchors me to the sea

the once icy beast has now become my dance partner

we tango, gracefully, down the beach

I reach my hand out as i am gliding down the wave

and feel the energy of the earth

the wave had been a single pulse

a single heartbeat from the bottom of the sea

it carried me, nurtured me, and give me safe passage back to the land

that my feet are so familiar with

but quickly the wave comes to a halt

throwing me from my board

and smushing me into the sand

submerging my body

the icy creature then again glared at me

before being drawn and pulled back into the sea

i was not offended that i had been pushed off the wave

but honored that it had accepted me and danced with me

I gathered my board

and watched all of the little pieces of negativity that i had burdened

now shattered by the sea and swept off with the creature

I left the sandy paradise

reborn

Photo Found on Wikipedia

found at sea

icaruswithwarmwingsLeave a comment

I leaned against the slippery wet rubber of my raft

drifting endlessly into bitter infinities

as the wind lashed, the cold bit, the darkness enveloped,

and the wet seeped in from all sides, 

I looked across the ever changing ocean and saw that warm incandescent light

like an embers in a sea of ash

and just barely when the waves willed it

i could see into the ship that radiated your warmth

into the tiny window with a light on

into the entire world of you

writing a to-do list

pc: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/535013630705414606/

Fall in Ojai

smalltownhumanbeingLeave a comment

Now that it is October I now feel the need to wear warm cloths, drink hot tea throughout the day, and I expect the scent of pumpkin spice to fill the air.

But we live in Southern California, where we spend the beginning of October in a wave of one hundred ten degree heat and smoke filled skies from wildfires raging across the state.

The trees don’t turn colors from that end of summer green to stunning shades of orange, red, and brown. Instead, the leaves either are scorched from the blazing heat or they simply fall to the ground with no colorful exit.

Sometimes I find myself wishing our little town of Ojai experiences all the beauties and wonders of the “typical” fall, but I then remember what fall is like in our quaint town.

Fall is going to the farmers market early on Sunday mornings and starting to see the seasonal fruit and flowers being sold change and the abundance of fresh pies made from apples and pumpkins. It is going to the grocery store and seeing big bins of pumpkins fill the sidewalk and overtake the porches of houses. It is going to the local pumpkin patch and riding on the old tractor around the corn field. It is watching the most incredible sunsets of the year.

So no, we may not have the stereotypical fall with the cold weather and shades of orange that fills the treetops, but we have our own beautiful version of it in our small Southern California town.

Image credit: https://www.pinterest.it/

Food at OVS

elephantlover2035Leave a comment

It has been a month since I arrived on campus, and so far I have had some pretty good meals. I enjoy the fact that there is always a fruit or vegetables option during the meals.

Most mornings for breakfast the cafeteria has eggs, bread, and a meat option. I really enjoy all the different types of bread they have to offer, but they add butter before they toast the bagel. this makes the bagel feel greasy, but they are still delicious, nonetheless.

Photo Credit: OVS.org

I do not have any complaints about what they serve, they have options for everyone. One of my favorite foods they serve at the caf is the tofu, it is perfectly cooked and has an amazing sauce.

The juice selection is top tier as well. The lemonade is the best in my opinion, but many of my friends think it is the Orange Passion Fruit juice.

I am also very happy that they have sriracha, because I have it with all my meals.

What makes you happy?

brachiosaurus15Leave a comment

“My friends”

“The smell of my grandmas sweater”

“Yerba”

“Watching the Sun sink behind the horizon”

“Hot coco by a fire”

“Hearing the crowd cheer at a ball game”

“Listening to music by myself”

“Driving around with nowhere to go”

“Eating cake”

“Catching a perfect wave”

“Brushing my horse”

“Feeling accomplished”

“Seeing my brother get home from collage”

“Flying on planes”

“Crying for joy”

“Getting an A”

“Kissing my wife”

“Hugging my kids”

“Finishing a painting”

“Thinking about fishing with my dad”

“Making my friends laugh”

“When I got glasses for the first time”

“Watching my child be born”

“Stargazing”

“Running Cross-county”

“Gardening in my home planted garden”

“Watching others be happy”


Each individual finds happiness, or has experienced happiness in many different ways. From the smallest things to the most life changing moments people feel happy.

For me I find happiness in the Ocean and the Forest, my family’s love, and in my friends laughter.

I encourage you to think about what makes you happy, big or small.

Special Thanks to all of the anonymous contributors that made this list of happiness possible.

Image Found on WordPress and created by Dr.Autumn W. Farr

Under my bed

brachiosaurus15Leave a comment

Hey I say

to the monster under my bed

hello he said

to the little girl above his bed

I was a little nervous to talk to a monster

he was slimy and gross

and his eyes were too close

there were spikes protruding out of his back

he looked at me like I was a snack

he didn’t have hands Or feet

He kinda just sat there on his seat

he was a little nervous to talk to a human

she had hair coming out of her head

and she say ONTOP of the bed

Her skin was not purple or blue,

it was an odd sight

this little girl was white

Scared they both were

the little girl said

goodnight sir

pulling the covers over her head

as he retreating under her bed

they said goodnight

To the frightful sight

why not to call me a bigot

icaruswithwarmwingsLeave a comment

To whoever called me a bigot on instagram,

I understand where you are coming from, I must seem pretty awful to you. I am sorry you feel that way, I wish it wasn’t so. I wish I didn’t mess up too. But I really want to talk about your point because I feel like we can all benefit from thinking more deeply about what your words mean to people like me. So, I thought maybe I should propose a little thought experiment:

So, lets presume for a second that I am a bigot, that I am intolerant of other cultures, of races that arent white (although I am brown,) of gay people, of transgender folk, and of women. And I was trying to adjust my image so some college would admit me, would it be a good thing to reprimand me for trying to seem less intolerant? Presumably showing me that there is no way I can fit into a society that you live in. Maybe I would feel hurt and I would confide in communities which tell me that my bigotry is okay. Is that what you want?  Or, on the other hand, would it be better to tell me, a bigot, that I had improved and that I am a better person, to offer me acceptance and forgiveness, which would probably encourage me to continue on a path that would eventually lead me to abandon my bigoted views and instead embrace diversity and inclusion. 

Now, presume for just a moment that I am not, in fact, a bigot. That I am someone who genuinely has learned from my mistakes. I am someone who has been educated and now has an understanding of both sides of the story, I am someone who is trying to make a difference in this world, to teach other people that don’t understand the impacts of their actions the importance of forethought and understanding of other peoples. Would it be a good idea to tell this person that they are a bigot? Showing them that maybe despite their 180º that no one will ever accept them within a diverse community. Showing them that they are permanently canceled and they may never be able to rejoin your part of society. Maybe I would internalize this and come to the conclusion that no longer should I try in vain to be a good person and instead sink back into my past. Into the uneducation that led me to make my mistakes in the first place. Is this the impact you want to have with your post?

I think you intend to do good by calling me out. I really do. I think you are trying to do something to benefit communities which I hurt. To defend them in some way, by not letting me return to society easily.  But I think you need to think more deeply about the repercussions of your actions.

Luckily, I know I am not a bigot, I know that the pain I caused my peers at —— was a result of my uneducation, not of prejudice. I know I posted those things in satire. I know that the mistakes I made were not because of hatred but because of stupidity. And I also know that the people in my life who I respect and love are of the same opinion. So I won’t seep into the recesses of hatred and intolerance,  I will continue to do my best to make this world a better place. But that is luck. If I didn’t know any of that, your words could have done real harm. Real harm to communities that you think you are helping by calling me out. So, once again, in the best interest of the communities you think you are defending, don’t call me a bigot.

 I am not one. 

PC: wikimedia commons

P.S. 

I tried to frame this argument as objectively as I could, but I still feel like I need to address my feelings a little bit. You really hurt me by calling me a bigot. I feel like someone who has tried my best to not only try to learn from my mistakes but to actively try to make others not fall into the mistakes that I made. I know that the actions I have taken after ——— have done good in this world and in the communities that I am a part of. And for that to be met with your post and comment really hurts me, I know that is probably not worth much in your eyes but I still felt like my feelings needed to be acknowledged.

The Beach

elephantlover2035Leave a comment

I have been anticipating this day since last Friday. I was getting my hopes up and I did not want to be let down. When the campus had to switch to the stricter rules again I thought the beach trips were canceled.

We loaded up the van and started going on our way. We stopped to get burritos for dinner from Don Lalo’s Burritos, I ordered a steak burrito.

Photo Credit: californiabeaches.com

Once we got to the beach, all of us laid down our towels and started heading to the water. We played and swam in the waves until we were tired.

A couple people were playing volleyball and the rest of the group played Spike Ball. We sat out and ate some snacks before heading back in the water.

We played around a little more in the water and then came in for dinner. The whole group conversed and ate their burritos. Many people saved them since they were large.

Overall, today was a good day at the beach.

Crafting in Quarantine

pinkcube18Leave a comment

It’s not often that I find the time to build something for the sake of building it. The beginning of summer left us all with hours to fill and few options for how to fill them. I took the opportunity to begin what I call my longest project ever. I spent three weeks of quarantine building a dollhouse with no plan of what I would do with it or where I would store it.

I tested my dusty geometry skills by planning an outline for the house and cutting out big shapes of foam board. The wallpaper quickly went up and I spent my afternoons creating mini furniture and decorations. With each addition to the house, I gained a new skill in a new medium. I worked with wood, cardboard, paint, clay, wire, and fabric. Having a long term project gave every day a purpose, and I have spent every week since then creating new things to fill my time.

Art Credit: NCW Libraries