It’s late evening of November 30th. Tomorrow, I will find out if I get the scholarship to go to college. Surprisingly to myself, I am at peace. I mean, if I get rejected, I can always apply the standard way through the common app and still qualify for many scholarships. If that does not go well either, Ventura community college has a 100% acceptance rate. If I am the reason they modified it to 99%, I can always go work in McDonald’s. If I mess that up, well, I have always fancied the idea of experiencing what it’s like being an Amish. As you can see, the possibilities are endless. Sure, not all of them offer unlimited access to hot shower, but maybe that’s for the better. And even if get accepted into one of the colleges, it does not change the fact that one day I will turn into dust and none of that is going to matter. Gotta keep things in perspective. So, I will see what happens and have some fun with the path I have to take.
Over six weeks ago, I hurt my ankle during the first play of the last flag football game of the season. The injury left me unable to perform one of the most basic human tasks – run. This meant major restrictions on much of the physical activities. For the first time in my life, I felt crippled – not able to do what I so earnestly longed to. The recovery, therefore, has been painfully long and frustrating. Not once had I placed my foot in the most unbearable way. Not once had I regretted that dire game. But my foot has healed! And now it was time to play against Newbury Park, one of the best soccer teams in the league. This was both the first official game of the season and my first game since recovering. I am playing as a middle back. The game is far from over, and every pass counts. The opposing team is rolling the ball towards our half. We are dropping back to protect the goal. The player with the ball is only 20 feet in front of me. He passes the ball to his teammate, and I intercept it. With all my strength, I kick the ball towards their goal. And drop down from the pain in my ankle. I have hurt it. Again.
I watch the window as I sit at work. Waiting for someone to come in on this cold, wet day. Watching outside for even the shortest time, I notice so many different people. A pair of friends walk by, bags in their hands, and I wonder how long they have been friends. A langer family walks by like a flock of geese piled together to keep warm. The kids turn to peer in the windows of the shops. The lights for the holiday season make the darkness of the night brighter. I watch a cold, frail woman lug her big wagon full of everything she has, walk by without a jacket to keep her warm through the crisp winter. A man runs by frantically, looking scared, did something happen in town I think silently to myself. No, nothing happened he must have been in a rush for something I know as a couple passes happily hand in hand smiles on both faces. A little girl and her mom walk by the little girl had a toy in her hand. Admiring the toy her mom looks down admiring the girl. I sit and I wait. No one has walked by again. No one has come in my work in a while. It is probably because I work at an air-conditioned ice cream shop in this keen weather. Cars fly by the windows as I still wait for my last person to write about. Maybe it will be a young family? Maybe a large friend group? How about an old couple holding on to one another? I am unaware. I hope it isn’t one of those people who walks slowly past the window and stares in the shop not planning on walking in. It is a tall slim man. He has a headlamp on his head and is in a warm looking pile of clothes. Where is he walking to? Does he take a walk every night? Does he have a family waiting for him to start eating dinner with him? We will never know. The beauty of people watching. We won’t ever know what people are doing. Where they are going to. Why are they here? My last description because someone just walked by. A sad looking man in blue. He strolls by and it fascinates me to ponder on why this man is so sad and alone.
On November 29, I woke up and connected my phone to my speaker and noticed Spotify wrapped came out. I was excited at first, but I realized my disappointment at this same time last year. I personally believe Spotify wrapped is hacked for two reasons. First, on my top artists list, I had 21 Savage, who I never listen to unless he is featured on a Drake song. I personally listen to a lot of Zach Bryan and Lana Del Ray, and I believe they should have been there instead of 21 Savage. Secondly, I believe I listened to way more minutes because I always listen to music when doing homework, getting ready, showering, eating ,biking and often have aux in the car. The one thing I do like about Spotify Wrapped is everyone posts it and it gives sorta a insight in peoples lives. The music people listen to say a lot about them and Spotify Wrapped is a good way to learn a little about people you don’t know.
When I was fifteen, I kept telling myself that I would have my license as soon as I turned sixteen. However, I didn’t start driver’s ed until I turned sixteen. I took months to start it, forget about it, and then finish it. I took the permit test two weeks ago, which was four months after I finished driver’s ed. However, I finally got behind the wheel and drove around a parking lot for the first time! Thirty seconds in I told my dad there was no way I would ever drive on the street. I don’t think I drove faster than ten mph at any point; the fact that people drive at seven times that speed every day baffles me. Driving reminded me that cars are completely operated by people (most of the time). Sitting in a car or seeing cars moving everywhere every day seems so natural and instinctive that everything almost seems automatic; it feels as if the cars move on their own the way that clouds or birds do.
Now, I’m not trying to get canceled nor reported, but I have very strong feelings about the way some teachers teach and I want to express them here. !!Disclaimer!! This is not directed toward any specific teacher or group of teachers affiliated with any particular school. Now that that’s out of the way, let me rant.
First off, one of the most annoying things on earth is when a teacher complains about the amount of work they have to grade and how difficult it is. I have a great suggestion for you! Maybe don’t assign so much work!! How do you think I felt doing it? Probably just as if not more bad than you feel now that you have to grade it. And don’t rebuttal with, “Oh, they have so many other students’ work to grade :(.” Sorry but not my problem maybe think about that when assigning such horrendous amount of work. Also, they act like I don’t have other classes’ work to do on top of the ungodly amount of horrific assignments I’m getting from their class.
Next, one thing I absolutely don’t understand at all is why teachers assign work over weekends and VACATIONS. IT’S CALLED A VACATION FOR A REASON. It’s not called, “Week Of School Where You’re Technically Not In School But Half Of Your Teachers Are Going To Assign Homework Like You Are.” Clearly it’s not called that, so what are we doing here? Also with weekends, like we for real just never get a break from doing work. ALSO, one thing that grinds my gears so so hard is when teachers give you – technically – a whole week and weekend to do something, but it’s an assignment that is entirely impossible to do during the week on top of the regular weekly spread for homework. So obviously I’m going to have to do it over the weekend, but if I complain, I just the same response of, “You had the whole week to do it.” LIKE SHUT UP I OBVIOUSLY DIDN’T.
Anyway, I guess I can end this off by ranting about teachers who don’t know how to teach. Again, not targeted toward any individual in particular, but sitting at your desk making us all watch a video of some random guy on Youtube explain the lesson is not teaching. In order to properly teach, you actually have to teach. It’s a mindblowing concept, I’m aware, but I’m sure you got it. And then, it’s the same teachers that don’t do anything the whole class and just sit there watching us get more and more confused by some random video that have the audacity to assign like 40 pages of reading or like 50 problems or something, all due the next day.
I know this was very aggressive, but I felt the need to really speak my mind in general, especially considering my last blog was so positive. As I’ve said before, thank you for listening to my Ted Talk and have a nice day.
I spent Thanksgiving this year in Mammoth. I essentially did nothing and that in itself was amazing. I got to catch up on family time including going on hours of dog walks with my mom. I also loved seeing that there was finally some snow on the ground.
I’m not sure if it’s surprising to me or not but the highlight of Mammoth was going to see the new Hunger Games movie with my family. What was surprising was how much my brother enjoyed the movie. That was something I didn’t expect. I’ve always loved watching all the Hunger Games movies but my brother hadn’t even seen all the movies in the series. Since watching the Prequel I’ve successfully gotten him to watch them all; As his sister, this is a big accomplishment.
The best part of the movie though was when my mom emulated every Karen in the world and told 3 annoying girls to stop talking. The greatest thing about this spectacle was the way multiple other random people in the movie theater joined in and told them to be quiet.
Being a dormer you really start to appreciate the time spent with your family because it unfortunately becomes few and far between.
The enthusiasm for watching movies then continued throughout break as my parents and I later watched the movie NYAD. I liked the movie but I did find the main character rather annoying. She was so intense and abrasive the entire time. I wouldn’t want to be friends with her. Despite my feelings about her, the movie was great. My mom loved it the most out of the three of us; she loves movies about crazy athletic achievements.
It’s not your fault, I know we are both very busy.
But are we really? If I have the time to lay on the floor and scroll on my phone for hours, if I have the time to sit and do nothing everywhere- in lunch lines, in cars, in classrooms, shouldn’t I have found a moment for you? I should have and I’m sorry.
It’s not all my fault though. You lay on the same floor, scroll the same phone, stand in the same lines, sit in the same car, wait out the same classes. You should have found time.
I think sometimes, I just don’t like you very much. I’d just rather scroll on my phone and think about nothing than work through anything with you. You’ve let me down a lot, and sometimes I don’t even know if I trust you. You forget things that you really should have remembered, and you say things when you really should have kept your mouth shut. When I am feeling down, I play those things over and over again in my head sometimes, until I feel worse. But I know I shouldn’t. It’s not your fault you can’t be perfect all the time, even though sometimes I wish you were.
You are a person that is allowed to make mistakes, and sometimes that comes in the form of a lapse in memory or a slip of the tongue. I know you try to do what you think is right, and you have grown as a person and will continue to do so. It’s not fair for me to judge you so harshly, because I don’t judge anyone I love so harshly, and I, of all people, should have some love for you.
For the first time since I came to the U.S., I am spending Thanksgiving with my friend outside of school. The thing I was looking forward to the most during this vacation was seeing my friend who graduated last year. When the holiday started, I thought it would be a bit long, as if I would have 10 days off, but now that it has started, I am surprised that it is already Friday. Friday is the deadline for this blog, which is a little depressing, but Friday and Saturday are my favorite days of the week, so I’m happy about that. To be honest, not going to school and not seeing my friends are the parts of the vacation I miss a little. This morning I went to Beverly Hills to see a friend who graduated last year. She was my roommate in my freshman year. She is very kind and has a beautiful heart. I was really looking forward to seeing her again. She usually goes to college about 5 hours away by car, so I can’t see her. We had lunch there. We had a variety of fish dishes, which were very tasty. After that, we walked around the area. There I bought a dog doll that I had been in love with for a while. I am sure I would have regretted not buying it, so I think I made the right decision. After that, we came home and made cabbage rolls. My mother’s cabbage rolls are one of her top 10 favorite homemade dishes. I couldn’t make it as well as my mother, but I was very happy that everyone liked it. After that, we watched a Korean drama while eating gelato, which I had been curious about for a long time. I was very happy to spend time with them after a long time. I hope to see her again soon.
Like the title says, I hate growing up. Losing another year but gaining one in age, one step closer to the end. You’re 18 now you get to vote, but also can get tried as an adult and go to jail. I can go to jail and be tried like an adult yet I’m still treated like a kid, I don’t understand.
One of the things I hate most about growing up is my birthday. Actually, I don’t really hate it, I guess it just never usually goes well. I stopped having parties when I was around 9 or 10 maybe earlier. After that, it just kind of became an afterthought. Something always happened at my party, that made it weird or awkward. In worse cases, people just forget. My Birthday has never really truly felt like “my day.”
One thing I do love doing is making my friends’ birthdays the best. I tell them “Happy Birthday!” every time I see them. I make sure everyone knows it’s their birthday and of course, I announce it to everyone, I love when people do that. I’ve held a couple of successful surprise parties and succeeded in distracting the birthday person long enough for others to decorate. Although I am really bad at gift-giving, and I always trust delivery companies way too much, I always remember the gift. I always try my best to make it a good day, but I don’t remember the last time I had one.
I missed out on my quinceñera which is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, because of covid. I’m turning 18, and I can’t even enjoy It because there is so much going on. The basketball game is canceled, my advisory dinner is also canceled, I can’t have a birthday dinner because no one can take me, and I have a huge audition the next day. On top of all that I have homework, a supplemental video, a story, and this blog post to write. Oh yeah and how can I forget I also have to apply to other colleges, learn my lines for the play, and practice for my audition.
Lucky for me I finished most of that early, but I’m still not very excited for my birthday. I’ve always wanted a huge surprise party, and even though I’m older and I would love money as a gift, I also love Legos. I’ve always wanted a charm bracelet, I love the Italian ones, and of course, earrings/ necklaces never hurt. Some friends remember and I love them for that. They text me early, bring or make my gifts, announce it to the school, they remember.
This birthday was okay one of the better ones actually. In no way am I calling anyone out or trying to make anyone feel bad, I just thought I’d get it all out. Anyway, I had to write about something, this made the most sense. I just hope one day I have a birthday that actually feels like one. One big celebration, maybe one day. 🙂
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