shower thoughts

The entire day, I have been thinking about what to write and what to say. Quite frankly, I have nothing to say. So here is everything that has been swallowing me alive this week:

  1. This week, I have exhausted my opinions and today, I feel indifferent about all those previous feelings.
  2. Being a Libra, one of my qualities, more like flaws, is that I am indecisive. Sometimes, I cannot make a decision even if my life depended on it and that scares me as I apply for college.
  3. I am so excited to vote next year.
  4. I am done with the cliches that I hear in music and see on TV. Why can’t the world be real with me?
  5. How much water is too much water to drink?
  6. The sun is literally going to cook me alive and sunscreen will not stop it.
  7. Why did all my teacher’s decide to give me tests in the same week? Just wondering.
  8. I believe that we are not alone in this universe and I want to be the one to truly prove that.
  9. The world is crumbling under our feet and so many people are careless about it.
  10. Clouds are crazy.
  11. I am a consumer and I hate it.
  12. Even though its 100 degrees, I want to be in a hot tub.
  13. Is it okay if my conditioner is my best friend?

This is a brief look inside my brain and conscience this week.

Photo Credit: i-love-png.com

Decisions, Decisions

The past few months have been a game of waiting and then a game of choosing. I applied to 7 colleges, and received acceptances from 5 – Chapman University, California Lutheran University, Sonoma State University, San Jose State University, and UC Merced.

All of these schools seemed like good options to me. A few of them were closer to home than others, and I was just a little unsure if that was something that I wanted or not. I decided against San Jose State and UC Merced for a few different reasons. But there was one college I really wanted to go to, and that was Chapman.

I’ve known many people that have gone to Chapman, and they all love it there. It’s in a great location, the education is great, the campus is beautiful, and the people are extremely nice. The one downfall is that it costs about $58 thousand each year to attend. When I received my acceptance letter, I was a bit worried that I wouldn’t get financial aid. But I waited, and waited, until my financial aid letter came. And, unfortunately, my fears came true when I was only offered loans as financial aid. I knew that my family wouldn’t be able to afford that much money for 4 years.

Because of my unfortunate incident with that school, I had to look at the rest of my choice. I knew two of them were out, so it was basically a choice between Sonoma State and Cal Lutheran (Located in Thousand Oaks near LA). They both seemed like really great schools, neither of them were too big, and students seemed to really like both of them. Sonoma is much closer to my house. But, Sonoma is a public school with 5 thousand more students than Cal Lutheran. I visited Sonoma in January, and the one thing I noticed and absolutely loved were the dorms. They were like miniature apartments. They are probably the nicest college dorms I have been in. I visited Cal Lutheran just this past week, and although the dorms were not as nice, the campus was very pretty. I talked to a former student of OVS, and she seems to really like the time she has spent there. She said that the teachers were extremely helpful and that the classes are pretty small – the average class size is below 30, while I know Sonoma state has up to a few hundred in certain classes.

Even after I visited both, I still was unsure what I wanted. Sonoma meant I could visit my friends at home and family much more often. Cal Lutheran meant that I could go to LA and visit my friends that live down here, and also I felt like I would get more help with schoolwork if I needed it.

I was having such a hard time deciding that I went to my good friend for help. She knows a lot about college in general, and had a hard time deciding for herself, so I figured I’d ask how she did it and what her advice was. She asked a question that made it really clear for me that I hadn’t thought of; “Where will you thrive?” I thought for a while and realized that in a school of 9,000 people, even thought considered “small” compared to many universities, I felt that Cal Lutheran would really help me learn more and challenge myself to a point where I will succeed and feel extremely accomplished about it. I started to feel like I would get lost at Sonoma and let me responsibilities slip away from me.

So, that night, I called my parents and talked to them about my decision. Since Cal Lutheran gave me $14,000 dollars per year through a scholarship, it ends up costing about the same (though a little bit more) than the public tuition of Sonoma State, which was a great thing to know. Even though my family is well-off financially, my dad is paying for 2 other kids to go to college, and has paid for 4 years of my private education here at OVS.

In no time, I had paid my enrollment fee and housing deposit for California Lutheran University. I have officially decided where I am going to college and have committed! I was so excited that I even treated myself to a Cal Lutheran sweatshirt, something I felt kind of dorky doing but felt it was appropriate for such a major decision in my life.

Honestly, I was a bit nervous that I was making the wrong decision, but now I feel very confident in it. I feel like it is a very strong and welcoming community that I will fit well in. And, of course, if I end up just hating it – which I completely doubt – I can always transfer somewhere else.

In short, I’m just so glad I have made the decision and committed. The next 4 years of my life are set for me now. Even thought I had initially wanted to attend a different school, I am starting to think that this one will be just as good if not better. I’m a bit nervous to start my first year of college but I’m also excited at the same time. I can’t wait to see what this experience brings me.

Countdown


I CAN HARDLY HANDLE IT!!!!
I’m getting so anxious there are no words to describe the feeling.
So anxious and crazy and excited and nervous that I can hardly focus.
I want graduation to come; even though I’m going to miss this place like crazy, there will be the most amazing feeling when I walk across that stage and officially become a college student. I will officially have made it to a place in life that I had serious doubts about a few times in my past.
Oh, and I guess that going to Cabo with 7 of my closest friends doesn’t exactly suck either, huh? 😉

So, due to this slight mental chaos that I’m having, I’m going to have a random blog.

First, I wanted to start by sharing a video and singing duo that I find to be just utterly fantastic.


They call themselves Jayesslee, two twin sisters named Janice and Sonia. They have so many covers of songs that have millions of views on Youtube, so the’re pretty popular. Their harmonies just make me want to melt… And I can’t stop listening to this specific one. I highly recommend anyone and everyone to listen to their stuff!

Secondly, I’m just getting so nervous waiting for my last college decision. I’m so pleased with the schools that I got accepted into (and a little bit disappointed with the ones I was rejected from). But most of my friends have already received their Chapman letters of acceptance, and I’m getting very antsy – I JUST WANT TO KNOW! I checked online on the website, and it says that my decision letter has been mailed out already, so it’s just a matter of time… Unfortunately I’m not the most patient person on the planet.

And last, I know that they are over about 2 months away, so I still have time, but I am already stressing out over the AP tests. Man, am I glad that I dropped out of a few of the AP classes I had been taking in the beginning of the year and lightened my load. Now, I only have AP Psych and AP English as opposed to 5 total as I had in the beginning. Still, I feel like these will be really difficult tests and I’m definitely no where near as prepared as I’m hoping to be. One of these weekends I’m going to have to do some serious looking into what the tests are going to expect.

For now, I’ll just keep looking ahead to the good things in my future like graduation and Cabo!!!!! Hopefully it will help the time pass faster, because as of now, it feels like everything is going by so slowly, I can hardly stand it.

A Time for Change.

Change is healthy.

Today, before I left the dorms for the Ojai Farmer’s Market, I made a spur of the moment decision to change my room around. My bed has been rearranged. My dresser once cluttered with various cosmetics and toiletries is now bare, my small pink and white refrigerator brandishing those same perfumes and toothbrushes.

It feels good.

I spent a large part of my day cleaning and reorganizing and reopening and removing. I usually feel a need for this sort of change at the end of the school year in the dormitories.

Today was different though.

As I am beginning to sum up my five years at Ojai Valley School, writing the last pages of my high school days, priming for the next chapter of my life, I am slowly growing more anxious, scared, and unsure.

What is undeniable is my insatiable desire to graduate. 

I don’t know what it is. A part of me does not want to leave, knowing how much I will miss this place, a part has been growing since September. I guess I am scared to leave this small hill that blessed me with so many happy, great memories but, I think I am too scared to leave the people I love so much behind.

But time is surely passing by faster this year…

I only wish that I make sure this year is great. I am happier than I ever was with my friends and the people I surround myself with. And I want to leave feeling elated and proud.

COLLEGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now that is what I cannot get off my mind. Where will I GO!? I find out the results of my Early Evaluation application to Wellesley College. But after that, I have another dreaded MONTH of waiting for results. Goodness gracious. The college process is absolutely dreadful. Hopefully, great news will unfold in the upcoming weeks!!

Wish Me Luck.

 

FOUR MORE DAYS !!

OKAY.

I KNOW I SAID I WOULDN’T THINK ABOUT IT UNTIL AFTER I FIND OUT THE RESULTS BUT…

i just cant.

ALKEJFIOSDJFLSEMNFOALDKCM!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY!?
I feel like these four days are killing me.

On December 1st, I will receive two emails from Williams and Amherst, letting me know whether or not I have been accepted. I don’t know what time the emails will come which makes things worse for me! I will be checking every five minutes on that day! Will it come at noon like the last email? If so will it come at noon Eastern Time? Would that make it arrive in my inbox at nine?

I am scared because Williams and Amherst are one of the nations top colleges. Williams is rated #1 in Forbes Best College List and #1 liberal arts schools in U.S. News and World Report Best College List. Amherst is #4 on Forbes and #2 in U.S. News and World.

Williams College is a small school of just over 2,000 students with an acceptance rate of 20 percent. SDLKFJSDLJF. So 20 out of 100 students that apply get in. 80 get a rejection.

Amherst is even worse. It has an acceptance rate of 16. So in this case, 84 would get the boot.

What I am scared the most about is, like I said in my previous blog, whether or not I will hate the isolation. I am scared that I will hate being in the middle of nowhere (being three and a half hours away from Boston) and find myself hating the weather too!

I think too much.

I am both dreading and waiting for Thursday to come.

God, please choose the right school for me.