Tag: Blogging

Clavicular

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Recently, on my TikTok for You page, I’ve been getting a lot of videos about the guy called Clavicular, who looks maxes. He seems really scary, but he is kind of valid. He has done tons of injections, and something called bone smashing, where he hits himself in the face with a hammer, and I thought he was just really psychotic, but somehow everything he has done has juristically changed his appearance. The second he reached his “ascension”, which is reaching his prime, he blew up. He was kicked out of college because of his looksmaxing, and even though his life felt ruined in the moment, he became successful for looksmaxing. His career is just based on rating people and trying to get his rating up, but I’m lowkey really invested. His next part of his ascension is his double-jaw surgery, and I hope it goes well and that he doesn’t botch his face.

“Hammer Tool” by Design by Matt/ CC0 1.0

Driver Education

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I didn’t know driver’s ed would be so hard. I imagined it would be a few paragraphs to read and then take a test about it. It’s much worse than that; there are so many subjects and so many paragraphs about them that you have to read, which are hard to memorize. I haven’t even started practicing actually driving on the road yet, which I know will be so nerve-racking. I get that once you get comfortable with driving, it eventually becomes easier and turns into muscle memory. Everyone I talk to about driving says it’s not a big deal once you get the hang of it, but I’m not sure I ever will. I really want to drive, and I can’t wait until I can start practicing, but I just know I’m not gonna be a great driver. Anytime I’m driving with someone else, I always try and figure out how they’re so comfortable with every button, turn, or exit. I know how I feel is also how most people feel, but honestly, I have no hope in myself.

“Driving Car” by Matheus Bertelli/ CC0 1.0

First Semester

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I thought senior year was going to go by super slow. But we are almost done with the first semester, and I realized that soon I won’t be a high schooler anymore.

College applications have taken up so much of my time, I kind of forgot to slow down and take in the moment. This morning, I caught myself thinking about the future and not focusing on styling my hair. It was probably because I got so little sleep last night, but I keep finding myself thinking about things that are beyond my control. I need to remind myself to take in my surroundings and enjoy the present moment.

I’m scared for the future after high school. I’ll be mostly on my own, living somewhere even farther from home, surrounded by many new people. I shouldn’t be too scared, it is going to be like dorm life times 100. Even the smallest school I am applying to is 10 times bigger than our school. I’ll also learn how to balance a job between all my activities and classes. I’ve had a job before, but those positions have all been temporary and taken place during breaks.

I’m as ready as I can be for college while still remembering to take in the little moments that make up life!

credit: Pinterest

Californians in rain

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Usually, when it rains in California, everyone wears hoodies, jeans, leggings, or tennis shoes. Almost no one wears rain jackets, rain boots, or umbrellas because we’re so used to constant sun and dryness. In other states like Hawaii, Florida, and Louisiana, rainfall happens more often, so they know what to do; instead of Californians, who have no idea how to deal with rain. In other states that get more rain, people think it’s normal to just take a walk in the rain without noticing or being bothered. When people from California find out it’s raining, it turns to war, school gets canceled, everyone stays inside, and the heater is turned on. California only gets a couple of rainy days out of the year, so for the short time we spend suffering when we’re also remembering that the rain can be helpful in some cases. The rain can be nice when indoors because we can be warm and have free rain noise to fall asleep to.

“Raining Raindrops” by Pete Nowicki/ CC0 1.0

Life after high school

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I’m not sure what my plan is when I graduate from high school. The only thing I’m sure I’m doing is leaving Ojai. I don’t want to leave California, but I just want to go somewhere not too far. Santa Barbara or Los Angeles would be my top choices for choosing a college and a place to live. I could still visit Ojai, but I wouldn’t have to live here. I feel like I would have a lot more freedom if I left this town, and I would get to know more people. I know college for me isn’t soon, but it’s something that’s always on my mind. I can’t wait to be independent and on my own for most of my time. The thought of moving away from my family and friends here scares me a little, but it’s something almost everyone does, and I know I’ll get used to it at some point. My biggest fear is that I won’t end up liking the college that I’ve decided on and have to stick it out for however long I go for. Leaving a place that I’m so familiar with is a scary thought because it means I will have to familiarize myself with another area all over again. I can’t comprehend the fact that a big part of my future depends on what I choose to do in high school. I have to remind myself that I’m not the only one making a decision that decides my future, because everyone else is figuring out what they want to do just like me.

“stack old suitcases“/ CC0 1.0

Dreams

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Today I learned that dreams typically only last 45 seconds to 5 minutes. I started to wonder how many dreams we have in a full night of sleep. My dreams usually feel longer than they typically are, even though most of the time I can’t remember them. On some nights, I don’t dream at all, and I wonder if it’s because I just can’t recall them when I wake up, or my mind is just blank. Dreams can feel like they last forever because of our perception of time when we’re asleep. I have a theory that we dream of something before it actually happens, and that’s where we get the feeling of deja vu from. Things like social media and trauma can also affect how we dream because it’s not necessarily something we’re always thinking about when we’re awake, but when our brain is resting, it has more time to process what’s in the back of our minds. Nightmares are a different type of dream that triggers negative emotions and fear when we sleep. Usually, nightmares are easier to remember after waking up because of how bizarre they can be, and they can also affect sleep patterns due to the fear or fast heartbeat if you wake up from them.

“Dream catcher“/ CC0 1.0

November 1st

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I don’t think I’ve written more in my life than in the past few weeks. I had eight college deadlines on November 1st, and I decided to complete my work at the last minute. I just submitted half of my college applications, and I’m honestly done. I feel like the amount of work students do building up to applying to college is enough. Going through a tedious process of reviewing everything I’ve done with my life over the past eighteen years, with a word limit, feels impossible. I’m trying to manifest that I will get into lots of colleges, but I’m also not delusional. I missed one of the best weekends of the year, sick and doing college work, and I just hope that I get good karma from this. On top of all of this college work, I keep forgetting that I actually have school work, but that seems more like a tomorrow problem.

“Working Typing” by Bench Accounting/ CC0 1.0

Four Day Weekend

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This past weekend was a four-day weekend, meaning we had Friday and Monday off from school. I really needed this weekend, and I’m glad we had it. Since we have from the start of the school year up until thanksgiving break until we have any long breaks off, the weeks have been long. I always miss the weekend a little when school starts because it’s a nice break from using my brain. I have a feeling this week is gonna be hard to go back to because of our random 4 days off from school, even though it’s not that long, it’s still something. Every time school has some sort of time off, it’s frustrating to stay ahead in my classes because I don’t think about school or homework on breaks or weekends. This weekend gave me a chance to catch up with friends and not have to stress about my school situation, which brought me a better mood than usual. I felt more energized, and I got a lot done with the time I had free, and even though I did a lot this weekend, I still feel like I had enough time to relax as well. This weekend, I learned that I can’t let stress control my life, and I should be controlling it instead, and it made me realize not everything is a chore.

“Relaxed Man” by Bruce Mars/ CC0 1.0

Studying

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I’ve learned this year that actually taking time to study has helped my grades a lot. Usually I’ll go over my notes and pray for the best, but I regret it the morning of the test when I don’t know most of the answers. Last night I scanned the internet trying to figure out the best way to study so that I can actually retain the information in my brain up until I take the test. One thing that I found very helpful which made me confident on taking my test was writing flash cards with key terms and definitions on the back. I think that tactic worked the best for me because I was writing down what I needed to know and also quickly studying it over and over again. When I took my test I was more confident in my answers than I usually am and if I was unsure about an answer it’s because I didn’t even think of going back and studying the topic. The worst thing I can do when I’m studying is study in a group, especially if its my friends because either I cant focus or I’ll procrastinate it until I’m alone. Procrastination is usually what sets me back to being my fullest potential school wise. I’ll put every piece of school work off to the side for later and end up having to stay up late trying to get it done. I think I’m doing myself a favor giving myself less stress when I leave it to do later but instead I’m setting myself up for failure. I wouldn’t mind staying up late to study, but the only reason it doesn’t work for me is because I cannot focus when I’m the slightest bit tired so I end up going to sleep and putting it off even longer. Hopefully I don’t fall off track this year because if I do it’s over for me.

“Student School” by Tamarcus Brown/ CC0 1.0

Halloweekend

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Halloween is one of the most fun and stressful moments of life. This year it’s terrible because I have to balance out celebrating Halloween and also finishing up college work. The most difficult part of Halloween is figuring out outfits. Whenever I open TikTok or Pinterest to find inspiration, they are either over worn outfits, ugly, or too much. All the excellent ones are always worn a million times, but I also don’t want to wear something that no one would understand. Another obstacle is wanting to wear the same costume as your friend. I always tell myself that I will have my outfits planned and bought before summer ends, but this never happens. I’ve already used one of my costumes, but I have three other ones that are ready. This is genuinely shocking because usually I just figure things out really last minute, but I had to stop worrying about it and get it done, just like I need to do with college work.

“Halloween Pumpkin” by Skitter Photo/ CC0 1.0