(I first wrote this when I was around 13 or 14. It’s a bit disorienting to think that I was of the mind to write something like this, but this oldie is still a goodie.)
As I have said a couple of times I hate taking tests because I am like really bad at them and it is so degrading and stressful. Out of all my classes I am most worried about my chem final because I am so bad at chem and it is so hard. I have done terribly on every chem test I have taken so combining all that stuff into one test is so scary. Last year I did better on my finals than I expected but still this year I am in harder classes so it is going to be intense. Also, all my grades are on the brink so these tests will either make or break my grades which is terrifying. I slacked so much this semester and I am just now trying to make a comeback. Hopefully, I can clutch up and bring my grades up but that’s probably not going to happen so whatever. At least once I am done with my finals it will be summer and I won’t have to worry about school for a few months.
I actually forgot about blogs. I have been forgetting a lot recently, and I am not really sure why, either. Maybe it’s stress from AP testing or the excitement of summer coming. OMG. Speaking of summer, I just can’t wait any longer. I have so much anticipation. I don’t have any vacations planned, but I will be super busy anyway. I will probably go to some type of amusement park in LA or something. I will probably go shopping a lot too. I really wanted to go on a vacation but now that I am thinking about it I really don’t have any time. I think it will be kind of fun staying home and getting to see friends. I will have time to do things in Ojai I normally wouldn’t do. I think maybe I will emerge myself in the fun aspects of home. Unless my family and I decide to go on a last minute trip I need to make the most of it. It is weird to think I am going into my last year of school here at home. Once I graduate I will live somewhere else. Anyways this whole bridging process is so interesting.
My favorite part about this summer is going to Italy. Whenever I go there, I feel a sense of peace that I don’t feel anywhere else. I stay at my Italian stepmom’s family house in Puglia and her family is so nice to be around and always makes my trip so enjoyable. One of my favorite things about going there is that I can eat an insane amount of food, and gain no weight. The food there is processed and filled with chemicals like most food in America and whenever I overeat in Italy, I never feel sick. Whenever I come back home, food makes me feel sick for a week because I become used to the food in Italy. I start my mornings in Italy by eating lots of fruit, cake, and cookies for breakfast. I eat an insane amount when I’m there. I probably eat ten meals a day. Typically during the day, we will either go to the beach, swim in the pool or go out to town. The only issue is that it gets so hot over the summer so if I’m not at the beach or pool, I need to stay inside. At night, we occasionally go out to town or go to my stepmoms friends hotel for dinner. I have been to Rome, Puglia, and Bari but this summer will be the first time I’m going to Venice and the Dolomites. My stepmom doesn’t like Venice because it’s just filled with water and there really isn’t much to do, but we are only going there for one night and I’m just happy to see it. The Dolomites will be fun but I know that my dad will make me hike all day in the heat which will be intense.
Finals begin this Friday and I’m terrified. I can’t believe that the school year is coming to an end and I’m not prepared for any of my exams. This semester has felt so intense and finals aren’t necessary. I’m happy where my grades are and don’t want my finals to mess it up. Knowing myself, I probaly won’t spend a long time studying just because I’m already so fed up with school work. My first final is chemistry which is terrifying because I’m horrible at it. Luckily, I have one side of paper to use as a cheat sheet on the test, which will help a lot. I feel confident about my english final because half of it is vocab that I already know and the other half is two essays about a book which we can have during the test. I am terrified for my math final because I have been struggling all year. Once again, I am allowed a full page cheat sheet for math so it will be a lot easier. I’m hoping that my finals go well and don’t make a huge change on my grade.
The PSAT was so stressful as I have mentioned before I am not a good test taker and the format of the PSAT scares me. The questions start off the same and depending on if you get them correct they either get easier or harder. There are two sections math and reading, the reading is first and the math follows after that. I was doing fine during the reading section I got a little bored and sometimes just picked random answers because I didn’t want to read anymore. The math section was so hard and my questions started getting so easy I knew I was cooked. I recently got my score back and keep in mind the test is graded out of 1600 and I got a 1000 so goodnight. Each of the sections are graded out of 760 on my English I got a 540 which is ok. On math just like I predicted I got cooked and got a 460. Genuinely terrified to take the Sat and I hope I go to a test-optional school because my scores are so bad it’s not even funny.
All school year, doing my school work has been a difficult task for me to complete, but I always got my work in on time. Over the past month of school, I have become so delusional and I tell myself that I will do my homework all night, but once I’m tired, I tell myself that peace and self-care matter much more than doing my work. I still end up going to bed late every night because I tell myself that I will just do my homework later in the night. All of these assignments are catching up to me as the school year ends and I’m honestly just ready to end the school year now. Some of my teachers haven’t put my assignments into the gradebook so I don’t even know how much work I’m missing and it’s terrifying. I want to end the school year with good years but I am having so much trouble with getting myself to care about school. All I want is for it to be summer so I can sleep all day and not have to worry about my schoolwork constantly.
I went on a camping trip and the whole experience was very upsetting. It was my first backpacking trip and my trip was supposed to be from Wednesday to Friday. We left Wednesday morning and made it to the beginning of the trail. I assumed the hike to the campsite would take about an hour and a half. Twenty minutes into the walk, my shoes were completely wet because we had to walk through four rivers with our heavy backpacks. Then, I face-planted two times in two minutes, so I was already injured and filthy. It was boiling and I was losing circulation in my arms because of my bag’s weight. There were so many bugs and I got so many bites. After about five hours, we finally made it to our campsite. It was still so hot and I was exhausted. The next day, we had a little breakfast and then went on a quick walk to a river. We stayed there basically all day and once we came back to our campsite we noticed that there was a forest fire smell. Twenty minutes later, the teachers on our camping trip told us that we had to leave because there was a fire. Quickly, all of us had to pack up our stuff and we left the campsite by 5:30. We were terrified that we weren’t going to leave the trail until 10:30 because it took us five hours to the day before. We walked fast and made it by 7:30. Once I got back to my dorm room, I was exhausted and so drained. My body had bruises, mosquito bites, and cuts. This camping trip was an extremely draining experience and I’m so glad that it’s over.
How can a question look so simple but be so difficult to answer? To be human, of course, is to be a part of a certain species, the homo sapiens, and to be a part of the genus homo, then the family Hominidae and so on and so on. But this doesn’t quite answer the question people have been looking for, and frankly, I won’t be able to give you an answer in this blog, but I will give you my best guess.
But still, we are left with the question of what it means to be human. Is it because we, as a human race, have consciousness and can develop thoughts that not only allow us to think about what’s happening now but project our thoughts into both the future and the past? Is it the ability to think of things that haven’t even happened or will ever happen? Is that it? Is it the creative minds of us humans that make us who we are? If that’s the case, then what about A.I., which has an equal ability to make up new scenarios and imagine things that don’t exist? Well, I guess we have the living part going for us, but still, it doesn’t quite work cause what happens when a gorilla gains the ability to think(Ishmael reference)? Then, we have lost the thing that makes us who we are.
One theory I liked was that as humans evolved, we lost some functions that other animals have in order to gain language. (This was seen in many tests with chimps, who have very fast reflexes and high-functioning short-term memory compared to us slow humans.) However, in return for giving up some of the basic survival functions, we gain the ability to speak and have language.
So why did we develop language? It was to share.
We developed language to share information. We shared information on the best places to get food, hunting tactics to use, the least dangerous place to stay for the night, and more. We share in order to survive, and that is what makes us human. While this is a nice way of thinking about it, once I thought for a little while more, I remembered that Homo sapiens aren’t the only species that share and work together to survive. If this was the requirement for being human, things like ants would be right there alongside us.
So, after watching a few YouTube videos on the idea, one stuck out to me that I liked the most. This idea was
“the thing that makes us human is the acknowledgment of being human”
this is not a direct quote, but I still have the idea, so I’m putting it in quotes. Essentially, the only thing that makes us human is acknowledging others’ humanity and your own. I believe that this is the truest answer I have come across, or at least the one I agree with most. If you recognize yourself as a human, that is what makes you human. However, throughout history and today, people are seen as lesser. whether it be in slavery throughout the history of the world or it is if your friend got a lower score than you did on a test, we all view others as lower. We all view ourselves as human; no matter how you put it, we are all people.
I don’t want to lie to you, but you’ll probably never read this. But just in case.
I know I’ll be okay.
I know you heard that a lot from Mom. It was so hard for you and you got impatient, I could tell. I couldn’t imagine how difficult it was. Such an amazing, adventurous, lively person as you being confined to a small plain room with no view. Two plus years of being stuck staring at the same will, the same movies, the same people. I’m so sorry. I wish I could have done more, paid more attention, and been there more. You don’t truly miss things till they’re gone.
I know I’m going to graduate and although I don’t think I’ll make it, I know I will. It’s like I’m at the last 100-200 meters of a race and My lungs are giving out, my calves are cramping, and I’m just not sure I’ll make it. I always do, even if I’m dead last. I know I’ll go to some college and get some sort of job and I’ll make you proud. I will make you proud. at least I hope so. You were always such an inspiration, my biggest inspiration. I’ll speak to you every chance I get, and maybe one day you’ll respond. Mom says if I pray enough you will. I’m not sure how much I believe that, but I really hope it’s true. te amo, I love you.
OVS Journalism Blog 
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