Tag: Blogging

Overwhelmed

uwucutiepatootieLeave a comment

Lately, I have been struggling with keeping up with my homework. I have been sick for the past week and focusing on school has been really hard for me. I took the past two days of school off and now I am even more behind. I have an essay, project, and test due next week, along with all of the homework I haven’t done from this week and I don’t even know what to do. I am missing even more school next week to go on a mandatory camping trip with my school and I’m going to fall even more behind. I still feel exhausted and not fully healthy and thinking about starting the hours and hours of homework I need to catch up on is horrifying. I have only missed a day and a half of school this whole school year until this week and I feel like because I’ve been sick, I have mentally missed a week of school even though in reality I have only missed two days. I hope that I feel better before my camping trip or else my week will get so much worse.

“Free stressful business woman working“/ CC0 1.0

I’ve been doing okay.

urmom8beanLeave a comment

Honestly, I have been, or I’d like to believe I have. I think I have. At this point, I’m not sure who I’m trying to convince.

I feel like I have a lot on my plate a lot coming up, but I know I just have to take care of them one by one. Senior pages, scholarships, final auditions, songs a lot of cultural events. Most of those things I’ve put on myself but I don’t know I guess I’m just trying to prove something. Like I want to leave my mark, and hopefully be remembered. The best way to put this is a quote from one of my favorite movies.

“I think I have this thing where I need everybody to think I’m the greatest, the quote-unquote Fantastic Mr. Fox. And if people aren’t knocked out and dazzled and slightly intimidated by me, I don’t feel good about myself.” – Fantastic Mr. Fox by Wes Anderson.

Of course, I don’t need people to be knocked out, dazzled, or intimidated but I at least want to be memorable. Anyways I’ve been doing better in track. I ran pie without walking, and although my legs are in so much pain it feels good to work hard.

I’ve been standing up for myself more, even if it scares me. Ive been building boundaries and I’ve defended myself more. I’m learning to not take everything to heart because its a waste of time. Its harder with closer friends, and while on your period.

School is coming to an end, and summer is looking to be very fun. College desicisons are almost here, but its all coming at the same time which is a little nerve racking. I just hope I make it, I just want to graduate.

All this to say, even with troubles and bad parts i’ve been doing okay.

the curious room / bongjoonsho: Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009) dir. Wes...
PC:https://blackhyena.tumblr.com/post/642571185378459648/bongjoonsho-fantastic-mr-fox-2009-dir-wes

p.s. The pic looks sad but its the scene with the quote also its very pretty 🙂

the days are slow.

urmom8beanLeave a comment

Slow enough for me to notice more things.

I like being quiet, but I don’t want to be boring.

I overthink too much about what to say and how they react after I say something.

It’s been a little worse lately but what I have noticed the most is how I don’t like being treated rudely.

Whether it be accusing me of stuff I didn’t do or mocking me. I don’t like it, and it’s even weirder because I don’t start it. Yet it always turns into an aggressive comment back to me. I usually don’t have the energy for it, and I hate how extra those comments are. What’s the point of being mean?

Now, I’m not saying I’m a saint either, but if it’s with my friends, I don’t think I’ve ever initiated the aggression. I think it may be a misunderstanding. I’m not always going to respond in a happy, bubbly tone, but that doesn’t mean I am angry. I just don’t have enough energy. I wish they were nicer.

I have noticed how off I have been, the slow decline

The days go by slower because I keep looking back. I’m afraid that as soon as I look forward and back again, I’ll already be at the end.

Amazon.com: Please Slow Down Sign, 12-Inch. X 18- Inch. Metal : Industrial & Scientific
PC:https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=3b8ed53ba39f614b&q=slow&tbm=isch&source=lnms&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjNnLWWxrCEAxUjIEQIHbD2B9QQ0pQJegQICxAB&biw=1440&bih=813&dpr=2#imgrc=Tz-7te2LNd8t3M

math

kittenqueen3Leave a comment

Growing up I used to enjoy math, sometimes I ask myself what happened. Now I dread math and it is definitely my least favorite subject. The answer to my earlier question is that it got harder just like most subjects. I currently am trying to get a math tutor and I want to improve my grade. Every time I do homework I want to cry I don’t get it. I miss when I used to be excited to go to math and learn but now I dread it. I’m planning on meeting with my teacher during my free block and hopefully, this helps. I think I have forever lost the joy I used to feel there are too many steps now and I just get frustrated. The one good thing is that I am most definitely not going to college for anything math-related. I’m trying to find a study group and hopefully, that will help.

PC:”Math Equation” by Snufkin/ CC0 1.0

My Galentines

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

Over the weekend I hosted a Galentines Day. It was supposed to be in my backyard but the weather was soooooo cold. With the weather being so cold I decided to switch the party to inside. It was a smaller group with about 11 or 12 girls. I decorated the table in hues of pink and white. I put together big and small bouquets of pink and white flowers. I am pretty happy with the outcome of the party too. I set up and practically put the party together myself. I am super proud. There would have been more stuff I would have liked to add but overall it was a success. The dinner was the definition of girl hood. Something I do wish might have happened differently is my chocolate fountain. I accidentally used the wrong type of chocolate so it hardened when it was supposed to fountain out. I love pink so much. And I love flowers so much. #PERF

PC:Karin

Beauty Standards

kittenqueen3Leave a comment

In the time we are in now women’s beauty standards are a thing that deeply confuses me. Body image is a growing problem among teenagers with 35-57% of teen girls having an eating disorder. Many teens strive to have a perfect hourglass body in the hope of being more appealing to boys or more content with themselves. In the eyes of boys if girls are too skinny they are anorexic or they should go eat a burger. If they are slightly chubby there are pig and should eat a salad. Clothing is another very controversial thing if they show too much of their body they’re a s**t but if they dress conservatively then it’s assumed they don’t have a good body. Social media plays a huge role in this. Teens scroll on social media and often compare themselves to others who appear to have the perfect body and life. If there is one thing I have learned as a teen it is things usually aren’t as perfect as they are displayed on people’s socials. No one wants to post a picture where they believe they don’t look fit. Photoshop is a thing commonly used by teens and also contributes to eating and body issues. Girls will edit their bodies in the hope of fitting the impossible beauty standards. Then when they look in the mirror and compare it to their edited photo they want to look like the photo and often develop mental health issues such as body dysmorphia.

PC:”Palm hand drawing, vintage body“/ CC0 1.0

Time moves faster

urmom8beanLeave a comment

Time is going by way too fast. 

How come we can’t remember memories from 5 years old and younger. Is it because it went by too fast?

Why does our memory go away? Where does it go?

I hate forgetting things, I never truly forget everything. I just forget what happened but never forget how it made me feel. It is more frustrating because people ask me what they specifically said or did to me and unless there’s a powerful emotion connected to the words I only remember the feeling.

I remember the feeling of starting school in elementary. I remember the feeling of the cold wind nipping at my skin as I ran around the playground. I remember the feeling of dancing with my dad and the frustration of forgetting a word in English or Spanish. I remember the feeling of listening and singing Bruno Mars songs at the top of my lungs.

I remember the first day of freshman year, but that seems so long ago. Sophomore and junior year went by too fast. Now I’m at the end of my senior year last sports season. I might have just had my final basketball game and ended it with a buzzer beater. This month was long and this week was even longer, but something tells me it won’t stay this way.

My final play, my final game, my last year.

Bye bye stock vector. Illustration of cartoon, people - 45256525
PC:https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=d07f85f75a168a72&q=bye+bye&tbm=isch&source=lnms&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjju-Wrlo2EAxXSI0QIHXwnA9gQ0pQJegQIDBAB&biw=1440&bih=813&dpr=2#imgrc=QPJOkCUm6KLC5M

Stress

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

I am so stressed. I have so much homework. I need a week to wind down and relax. I need, at the most 3, hours to get cozy and watch a movie without the ongoing stress and headache caused by school. I want to enjoy hanging out with my friends, but in the back of my mind, homework is lurking. Tears jolt down the faces of students like me. The winter weather, mixed with the massive amount of work, creates the feeling of sickness. The headaches caused by stress just make fewer chances of doing the work that is necessary. Do I get the work done? Yes. But in the end, I got 3 hours of sleep, woke up late, had no breakfast, less social life, and less time to work on self goals and interests. While I write this, I do have a headache. And I do want to go to sleep because it is 10:10 PM. But I still have notes, essays, and readings. Everyone says it’s a part of growing up, but if that’s the case, then I would rather stay the age I get to enjoy my time with friends, playing games, and running around outside.

pc: me

My Romantic Film Aesthetic

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

I could talk about romance for hours. The idea of teenage love, unexpected love, enemies to lovers, and so many more. I honestly could not pick my favorite romance movie. There are also so many different types of romance movies. There are rom coms, cheesy movies, and ones that crush your whole idea of falling in love as a whole. If I had to choose between movies like The Notebook, Dear John, 10 things I Hate About You, How to Loose a guy in 10 days, Anyone but You, Titanic, Mamma Mia, and Where the Crawdads Sing I could not pick what one was my favorite. The amount of money I would pay to rewatch any of those movies again for the first time. The feeling of watching a new romantic movie that is actually good for the first time is like the best feelings of mixed emotions. I wish there were newer movies that matched the feeling the older romance movies give. Also watching a romantic movie on a rainy day gives so much comfort.

PC:Me

My Birthday

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

Yesterday was my birthday. While I always look forward to my birthday, I was not as excited this year. I thought it was just the same feeling I get during all of the holidays. As I grow up my excitement parishes little by little. I didn’t ask for anything this year. I wanted a surprise. So I woke up not expecting much but my day was amazing. I walked down the stairs to leave for school. Balloons, flowers, and presents sit on the counter waiting for me! The love I have for getting flowers is unmatched. I had a combination of all my favorite flowers in 4 separate vases. I opened up my gifts fast, and then I left for Starbucks. Music blares as I drive to Starbucks; it’s a fairly nice day, which makes me happy, too. When I get to school, a special someone waits for me. He walks over to my car and hands me a bouquet he put together himself with a note and a handmade card. The simplest gifts I realized make me the happiest. Then one of my friends walks up to me with another flower bouquet! I walk up the hill with messages flowing into my phone. Once I get to lunch, I am shocked to find my mom and her coworker walking up to my table with balloons and a whole box of donuts. To say I was shocked is an understatement. I go home and relax before my birthday dinner with my friends. My dinner was perfect and not awkward which I was worried about. The simplest birthday I have had, in the end, was the best birthday I have had. My birthday still isn’t completely over. I still have a few family birthday dinners to go to!

pc: me