Tag: Caring

Distance

faithfulomnivoreLeave a comment
Image via Shelovesmagazine.com

All I’ve ever wanted is to be close to you.

I used to think we were, but I also used to think that you told me everything. I thought you trusted me. It wasn’t until recently that I found out I was wrong.

I’ve always been aware of just how different we are but that never mattered to me. I would do just about anything to relate to you. The older I get the more I understand that we are different people.

Your friends are nothing like my friends and for the past four years it seems like you would rather be with them than with me whenever possible. Why do you choose to be close with certain people, why do you try so hard to be like them?

Sometimes I feel like we’re making progress, and then the next day I feel like you’re more distant than ever.

I want you to care about me. I want you to like me. And I know that you do, but you show it so rarely that I almost always forget.

So when you do little things like not inviting me places or blocking me on social media – things that normally wouldn’t bother me coming from people I don’t care about – it feels like betrayal.

Even when you are so unkind and when you act like you don’t care, I always forgive you. Maybe I shouldn’t be so quick to forgive, but I want you to accept me so badly that I pretend not to be bothered.

Sometimes I think you don’t have very good judgement and it scares me. I worry that you don’t take care of yourself. I worry about you more than you know.

When you let me in it means the world. When you shut me out it makes me feel like I don’t matter. And you don’t even realize it.

Maybe it will be better when we’re older. Maybe I’ll just have to accept that we’re different people, that we have different goals and different views. Maybe I just care more than you do, maybe I shouldn’t care so much.

But I do care. I always will.

Taking things for granted

rangerthecatLeave a comment

People take others for granted much too often in their lives.

I have been a culprit of it one too many times. And it is a hard thing to come to terms with.

I wish people would realize that there is no harm in telling someone you care each and every day, but there is more harm than imaginable in doing the exact opposite. There isn’t a time you will regret letting someone know that you appreciate them – no matter who they are to you – but there will always be a time you will regret holding your tongue when all you wanted was to let them know you cared.

It was your 21st birthday on Monday. And, even though I was not as close with you as some people were, I wish I could have wished you happy birthday, seen your smile, and spent a little time with you. I cared about you. You were important to me. And I will regret not telling you that for the rest of my life because I will never have the chance to tell you that again.

Happy birthday, Mikey. I know that if you were here, you would take absolutely no person and nothing else for granted; you weren’t the kind to do that. And if I am to take just one thing from knowing you, I will take that.

I hope everything is going well in paradise. I think of you more than you know.

The Invention of Caring.

YourcupateaLeave a comment

love

As I stood watching my sister and mother embrace for the last time, I couldn’t help but feel touched. Tears streamed down their faces and they hung to each other in an attempt to cherish their last moments together.

Just like that first day when she kicked and screamed to go to play group, her first day at school, and her first fulltime job, my sister was again crying unwilling to leave our mothers side. Except this time the 11 hour flight left them separated by distance.

A phone call can mean so much but when you know someone’s so far away your heart yearns for that person to be next to you, filling the gaping hole that waits in their place.

A mother is not just someone you went to school with, or someone who you met on train, or even just a relative. She is someone who you grew inside and was nurtured by. She is the person that taught you to walk, took you to school, made you pack lunches. She is the person that loves you unconditionally no matter what.

Those days that I hear my sister cry because she misses our mums cooking or even just misses her company is heart wrenching. Tears down a phone line hurt and cut both my mum and sister to pieces, but tears face-to-face damage them so much deeper.

Watching my sister and mother embrace for the last time, I couldn’t help but to care.