College is coming. I have realized that I waited a bit too long to start my extracurriculars. I did some things in my sophomore year, but the colleges that I want to get into need far more than what I have accomplished. Even though it’s a hard process, I think I can do it. My ability to get into the colleges I really want relies solely on my shoulders, and it’s up to me to make my dream come true. People aren’t lying when they say that you need to start doing stuff freshman year. Other people around me seem to not care as much, and I end up thinking that I might be stressing myself out. However, I know what I want to do, and I know what I need to do in order to get into good colleges, and that’s up to me. I need to stop worrying about what everyone else is doing.
In my head, I am still a 13-year-old girl who just discovered makeup and spent my weekends at home with my family. In reality, I’m a 16-year-old girl with my driver’s license and I spend most of my free time with my friends. People have always told me “high school flies by” but why did it actually. How am I going to be deciding where I want to live in a year from now. What do you mean I won’t live at home anymore and I won’t be surrounded by the people I’ve grown up with. What if I don’t like where I end up or I get homesick. I have always wanted to leave Ojai but now I’m facing the reality of leaving all my best friends and it has left me distraught. I’ve begun to look at colleges but the thought of being all on my own is very scary. I can barely make a meal and do my laundry. I have such a big fear of being independent. I don’t like being alone I rather be with my friends or family and the thought of college heavily terrifies me.
It’s almost 2025. That’s the year I’ve been looking forward to all my life. I’m not so sure I’m excited anymore. Yeah, college is exciting, but I’m not ready to finish high school. Anyway, I’ve finished and submitted all my college applications. It’s a funny feeling because everyone around me is so ready to graduate, and they all have something to work towards. I don’t have a career I’m excited about or a dream college. The only thing I have been working towards is a D1 team and now I know I won’t be on one. I’m afraid because when I don’t have something to work towards I start to wander again. I feel like a zombie. I don’t want to lose my focus. Everything is moving so fast and I can’t believe it’s almost 2025. There are so many things I would do if I had more time. I better fit it all in quickly because there are 78 more days until 2025.
I must be missing something. I feel like I have finished my college applications. I mean I have all of my writing done and it’s all final drafts. I’m proud of my work and feel like I’m ready to submit it all. I finished all of my questions and input my grades. I did extra stuff that I didn’t have to and I looked over and revised it all. I even toured almost every college on my list. Everyone said that applying was the most stressful part of high school but I think I must have over prepared for the stress this summer. I’m joining the volleyball team because I have so much extra time. I love it don’t get me wrong, but I’m just confused. I even wrote all of the Personal Insight essays before I realized there were only four. I don’t feel myself getting senioritis like everyone says. I must have just not had as many supplemental essays as anyone else. who knows. At least I get to do volleyball though.
I feel like the system of college applications is so interesting. It’s crazy how much time, effort, money, and well-being people put into working towards the standard of what is considered a “solid” application. There are so many aspects of one’s application, too, that require so much of everything listed above. First, of course, are the grades. GPA, AP Test scores, and SAT/ACT scores are all big factors in how a student is portrayed academically, which I think is such a lame system. Basically, even if a student performs well in an in-class environment and puts in a bunch of effort in their homework and learning the material, ultimately, a lot of it depends on whether or not they are a good test taker. If not, because so many of the massive assessments of one’s grade are based on how well they perform on tests, a good student may seem on the outside to be one who barely puts in time and doesn’t care about their academic standing. Next is the college essay. I have heard too many horror stories about how the best writers come out with pretty awful essays that do not represent them well as writers or even as a person, just because of the stress the system puts one under to come out with such a magnificent piece of writing. On top of the grades and essays, you have all of the many extracurriculars. If you weren’t already burnt out trying to put in effort for school as well as lead a normal social life and give yourself time to rest, there are a million other things that “good and successful” students that want to get into a top-notch college should be doing with their time. Some of those include being in Student Council, a part of school programs such as Student Leadership or Dorm Prefects, participating in in-school programs such as Journalism or Yearbook, varsity or club sports, community service hours, and even holding a stable part-time job on top of it all. In my mind, it just seems like so much pressure to put on teenagers, half of them are not even sure what they want to do the rest of their lives. So now, they are putting in everything they have just to get accepted into the best university or college they possibly can. And the thing is, half of those top-notch places are not even worth the hype, at least in my opinion. So many people are striving to get in just because of the name or the reputation that barely holds any weight in the long run. I feel like I could talk about this process for actual hours, but it is something I am passionate about just considering it is such a big part of my and a lot of people’s lives around me.
I know the stress of college will expand as I get closer to college applications. It is only the beginning, and I am stuck in a back-and-forth comparison on whether or not colleges will think I am worthy enough. I am scared I will make the wrong decision. What if I am not qualified enough to be apart of the career I want? What if I hate the major I choose? I have known what I have wanted to be and do since middle school. I know I will make the right decision but it is so scary. What if I hate the location of where I decide to attend? What if my roommate is terrible? All of these a fears of the common student looking into colleges. I have so many questions, some have answers and some I won’t know until I get to that point in my life. What if I fall in love with a college and it matches my life long goal, but I am rejected? How will I feel? How will this impact my final decision. Currently I am stressed about what teachers write the best, who likes me the most, who knows me for who I am and will write something that matches me in the most authentic way. Any slip in my studying and I can mess up everything. Not enough community service and I won’t be an option next to another applicant. What colleges will I feel safe at? What is the crime rate in this area? My stress levels rise as I see the crime rates of an area I felt so safe in. I turn around and feel the shivers, will I be safe without my family around me? Will I even want my family close to me? Do I want to experience something new, something out of my comfort zone? I feel so young, but I am so close to adulthood. The steps to college are scary and stressful. I have so many doubts but I am so excited. I can’t wait to leave the town I live in and experience something purely for me. So many fears to face, but so many opportunities elsewhere. I know I am ready, but the fear inside of me is holding me back. How do I block out the voice in my head telling me I won’t make it. How do I remember to focus on the voice telling me about the amazing life I want for myself and the things I want to create with that? I know I am not the only one thinking about these topics, and I know I won’t be the last. The application process is a repetitive cycle of teenages wondering if we are capable of what we want for ourselves, but what we make of the process is what will determine the future we will have.
I just realized college is just four more years of school.
Yes, logically I knew that. There are a lot of things that I think you can understand logically, but emotionally it doesn’t hit you for a while.
I kept romanticizing college and finishing high school in my head- going somewhere new (a big city!!), meeting new people, living closer to people I know, participating in cool programs at my college…
But I was just filling in some important dates on my calendar, and when I wrote “First Day of Class” I realized that at the heart of all the shiny new things is the reality that college is still school. I am going to go to wake up and go to class where I will sit and listen to a teacher talk. I will do homework and study and take tests.
But actually writing this I am changing my mind. Yes, it will be school. But it will also be learning more independently. I can shape my class schedule to my personal schedule and not vice versa. I will be living on my own(ish) and taking classes that interest me (and some that are less interesting). Actually, thinking about that I am really excited. Right now I really do like CompSci and I am excited to take classes on that. Living more independently is very exciting to me.
I am going to be in so much debt after college. I’ve gotten a good chunk of institutional aid, and I am still waiting on federal and state aid, but the way things are shaping up currently, I will likely be in six-figure debt at the end of my education.
That’s pretty crazy. I don’t pretend to be any kind of expert in finances or anything, but I’m pretty sure 100k is a pretty unfavorable number of anything to owe.
Do I have it better than someone else? Of course. I know there are people out there paying the full sticker price of college or going to a school that charges a lot more in tuition. I’m grateful I am in the circumstances I am in. However, I’m still going to be in a lot of debt.
How did it get to this point?
Yes, I chose to go to this school, being fairly aware of the cost.
But I mean on a larger scale. In a news report, they said that in the past, a college education had a pretty big percent chance (I don’t remember what, but it was probably 80-90 percent) of helping the graduate make more in the future. However, today, college graduates have about a 50 percent chance of doing better, just because the cost of college is so high that the debt cancels out the benefit in the job market. Isn’t that crazy? You flip a coin. If it’s heads, your college education helped you in the long run. If it’s tails, you just shot yourself in the foot (financially).
I tend to worry a lot. Do they still like me? Are we really friends? Will everything be okay?
Lately, college and school have been at the top of those worries. Along with other more personal stuff I’m not comfortable sharing here. I have to make it, survive my senior year, and graduate. After that then what, I have to get money to afford my school and then go through 4 more years of worries. Why do we do this?
I wish I had the money to travel and not worry about school and life. I wish could see the world, and experience a world without worry.
But even though I worry, I’m alive. I’ve survived this long. I’m fighting and staying afloat. Everything is stable, and everything (god, I hope and pray) everything will be okay. I have amazing friends who make me laugh so hard that I can’t breathe and start to cry. I have two legs that carry me through track practice, no matter how light-headed I get. I get so many opportunities each day and get to experience everything with my own two eyes. I get to have music, which is the only thing that I’ve given everything to, and I’ve gotten everything back.
I’m so lucky. Even in my current situation (which shall not be discussed) I still manage to go to school every day with a smile on my face. I take tests, do mock trials, and run track. I’m surviving. I’m living.
And even though I worry, I will not let that stop me.
PS The only thing that could stop me is college decisions so wish me luck!
I could sit for hours and talk about everything I love. When someone sits with me and relates with me it makes me even happier. Finding people who appreciate the same things as me is so refreshing.
Organizing: I find it funny that I love to organize so much. I love coding my assignments and taking everything out of my drawers to put them right back in the same place just slightly neater. I think this is rooted in the feeling of everything being perfect after I am finished. Organizing helps me to focus and concentrate while finding a sense of calmness from the aftermath.
Pinterest: I love love love Pinterest. After a long school day, I can relax with a movie and scroll on Pinterest. There is something about the romanticizing and goal setting that just really connects with me as a person. I can see the aesthetics and blessings I have by posting my own photos and finding things that match my personality. Anyways I love Pinterest.
Music and Movies: Whether the weekend is just beginning or the weekend is ending I always can have music to listen to or a movie to watch. I can listen to music while falling asleep or as something to make me feel less lonely while driving around. I can listen to music with my friends and we can all be having the best time ever or I can listen to music and reconnecting with myself. Movies are just so entertaining. Nothing beats the feeling of watching an amazing movie for the first time. If I could there are so many movies I would watch again and get the same feeling I had the first time I ever watched it. Anyways my favorite movies are so calming to lay down in bed with a snack and watch. Some movies heal my inner child while some teach me things I can really use while growing up.
Matcha, Chai, and Water: There is literally nothing like waking up dehydrated and having a glass of ice-cold water. I really just love matcha and chai. There’s nothing matcha and chai really do for me except taste so good. I also love lemonade. But only if the lemonade is like really good. California has some of the best lemonade compared to other places in my opinion. Same with matcha and chai. Matcha and Chai are my pick me ups throughout my days. I am tried, I can get a matcha or chai. I want something to boost my energy, I can have a matcha or a chai. I really love making my own matchas when I have time. Its honestly therapeutic. And I havent found how to make chai yet but thats something I am really interested in learning.
My future: I am the biggest romanticizer I know. Something I definitely think about on a daily is my future. What college will I end up at? Will I be successful in the career I eventually pursue? Where will I live? I love asking myself these questions. Now tying my future to my obsession with Pinterest, can I make my goal of life on Pinterest a reality? Or will I be someone who has a highschool sweetheart that I can grow old with? I would like to say I will and I want to. So I just love picturing my future life. Something I will work for years on achieving.
Homes: I want to go to college for architecture, interior design, or both. I would really want these topics to relate to homes and houses. Being able to learn how to create something I love so much is my dream. I really want to be able to take what I have in my mind and apply it to something I love. I really love going on long car drives and just looking at homes that are truly someones art piece in a way. I want to be able to have the gift to create and area where people will live together, grow up in, and somewhere a family or a person can travel back to and call home.
Travel: I could probably talk all day about everywhere I want to travel and why. I have been grateful enough to get the chances and opportunities I have to travel. I love seeing different places and how different people live. The beauty of the world is in the most silent places. Listening to the birds sing and the wind blows against my skin or watching the blue waters sway back and forth. I get to go to Mexico in October and help a family build a house and immerse myself in the style they live in. Probably my top place to travel to is switzerland just for the natural beauty. But for the best experience I would want to travel somewhere I can volunteer and make connections to make people happy. I could do this by studying abroad or volunteering for a summer. Another traveling experience I want to emerge myself in is study abroad. Being able to make friends and meet people from other cultures is something I really love about the world.
Anyways that’s what I love and want for my life! PS: I love flowers, friendship, and family too!
OVS Journalism Blog 
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