I have applied to three schools so far, and I don’t plan on applying to more. One is the school my dad went to. Another one is a school I toured and loved when visiting family. One sends me an admission decision in December, but two of them are rolling decision. I got an acceptance during Spudfest, and I got the acceptance to the second school today! I was tired this morning because I woke up at five, but I was wide awake after I got the acceptance. I was over the moon about it the whole day, because I’ve been imagining myself leaving home and going off to college, and now it seems like so much more of a concrete reality. The fact that one chapter of my life is ending and another will start soon is staring me in the face. That truth is now unquestionable and undeniable. I can’t wait.
Just putting it out there, this is not me trying to be emo. However, recently, I have been thinking about the purpose of a lot of things that we as humans do. Like, what is the point? Why, in my case, am I stressing myself out so much this year by taking hard classes? I can still have a future with a simpler Moodle home page, but I so intensely crave the academic validation I get through seeing a good grade next to a hard class. But, at the same time, there is genuinely no point to a lot of any of it. Such a philosophy can also be applied to other aspects of life. It can even go as far as what is the meaning of life, which is a whole separate rant. I don’t know, I just have been feeling lately, with everything I do, that I theoretically have no reason to be doing it. I guess I always just revert back to “do everything to live my life to the fullest doing things that make me happy.” It’s not a horrible place to be, but I just can’t shake the feeling that there is more for me out there than simply graduating high school, going to college, starting to work for the next 50 years of my life, retiring, and that’s it. I don’t know, I always ask myself why that seems to be the trajectory of life that a lot of people fall into. Just seems a little monotonous to me. But, if not that, then what?
If you were to tell me even a few years ago that I would no longer be living with my family in my childhood house, I would simply not believe you. I never even knew I was going to be attending boarding school until the very start of my eighth-grade year. For the longest time, I had the preconceived notion that I would follow the path of most of the kids my age; make the transition from middle to high school seamlessly by attending the high school in the area. However, as the time came closer and closer for me to make a decision, I had a sudden shift in my mindset. For my entire life, I had been stagnant. I lived in the same house I grew up in my entire childhood in the same small town, attended the same school I had since I was three in Pre-K 3, and pretty much had the same life with the same friends, family, hobbies, etc. Something my eigth grade year clicked in me, and I wanted change.
Now, I am normally the type of person who strongly dislikes change, as it is often uncomfortable for me. This probably has something to do with my childhood before attending OVS. Regardless, I interestingly felt a strong urge nearing the end of my elementary and middle school career to get out. So, I research schools in Southern Califronia, as I had always loved the area from the few vacations my family took when I was younger. You probably know the rest. I applied, got in, and now I am here.
Now this being my third year living on campus, I have overcome some of the major struggles in adjusting to such a drastically different way of life. At the start, it was quite challenging for me to adapt to a lot of what it takes to live in a dorm setting. Everything from my day-to-day interactions to my morning and night routines went through drastic changes. I also don’t constantly have my mom, who is the most important person in my life, physically there to support me. Such circumstances have taught me to be drastically more independent and hold my ground as an individual person.
I’m not saying I have learnt everything, as that is simply impossible being my age. Still, I do believe I have grown as a person in ways I wouldn’t have if I was still at home attending high school in my childhood town. I have learnt how to share my space better (something I needed being an only child), work better with others, respect people’s space, and overall be more independent. I think that will hopefully give me a head start in college, as I am already accustomed to dorm life. Regardless, I am still incredibly grateful for the experience and am excited to see where it can help me in the future.
I have never really been interested in sports, especially when I was younger. I never played a sport seriously, nor did I have any interest in watching it either. I think the reason why I overall completely avoided sports was because I felt like I couldn’t do it. I felt like every time that I tried to play sports in elementary school I just didn’t have the “skill.” This was a pretty negative way of thinking. I didn’t want to try. I didn’t have any motivation to, just because I thought I was not going to improve if I was not good at it immediately. This caused me to not branch out and try to find something I liked, which actually applied to other areas in my life involving skill as well. I simply lost motivation way too easily. When Covid hit and online school started, I hardly ever exercised. I thought sports weren’t for me. When I first joined my current school, I was nervous about all of the sports options. There were so many things that I hadn’t tried before. I heard many of the girls in my grade that were joining volleyball, and because I didn’t know what else to do, I joined it as well. When I first began to play volleyball, I was very discouraged. I started putting more effort in, and even though I was so terrible, I enjoyed it. I was excited to go to practice. I would talk to parents about it, and how happy and nervous I was to play in a real game. It is my third year playing volleyball, and although I am still in the JV team (and not good at all), I am so thankful that I first tried playing it.
Also, at the end of September, my best friend and I went to go see a baseball game that she invited me to. I have actually been to one baseball game when I was younger, but I can’t remember very much about it. My best friend first invited me to go during the summer, and we were so excited and ready for the day to come. When we arrived, just being in the environment with so many people passionate about this sport made it all the more exciting. We got into the stadium, and my best friend bought both of us matching jackets! I hadn’t even seen the baseball field yet and I was so happy. I had such an amazing time there watching the game with my best friend who made it even more special, and there was even a fireworks show afterwards. I’m really happy that I have come to appreciate not only playing sports, but watching them too.
The butterfly effect is affecting my life. One small change and my whole life is different. New doors opened. New relationships are forming. And new butterflies flutter around in my life. The feeling as if butterflies are flying around inside of me. I feel like running through an open field of happiness. Sadness fled through the field at one point but now the field has drained. New things are coming into the field of happiness. There will always be flood and downpour but sunny days come of it. My mind and me urge to find the good in everything and everyone. I found the good. The good people come to those that wait. The good memories come to those who wait. Even if this is not the peak moment in life…Live as if it was. Feel the butterflies swarming inside of you when you try new things. Let the bad occurrences in life become the butterfly effect. Let the butterfly effect lead you to the happiness. From the butterfly effect comes with loss but a gain in the end. Recently the butterflies inside of me have been overwhelmed of nerves, excitement, and stress. The nerves come from new beginnings. The excitement comes from the recurring dates with the person who makes me so happy right now. And the stress comes from the problems all around. Personally the feeling of excitement or happiness is the best butterfly feeling. The butterfly effect causes the feeling of butterflies from within.
Once again I’d like to write a letter but to you instead.
Hello reader,
Nothing guarantees you read this, but if you do, then I hope you enjoy. I’d like to begin with a question: how have the past few months been? Either the start of high school or the beginning of college, maybe even just another fall season. Have they been good? This is a question I can answer very simply with no hesitation. Terrible. From what I have gathered from my fellow classmates, they feel the same way. Our final year, and this is what it has come to so far? Senioritis has hit the senior class hard this year. The moment in time when you have 3 essays and a blog post due by 12, and you’re running around campus scaring a little kid. But they are memories I will cherish and fondly look back on while in college.
Do you think you’ve lived a good life till now? A simpler question would be, if you died right now, would you be satisfied? I’m guessing probably not, but then again, you could be. What really gives us the fulfillment we need? Being popular? Being liked? It’s all kind of dumb if you ask me. Although I do understand the pressure of needing to be liked or accepted by your peers. It’s a concept I’ve learned to loathe.
Of course, I want to be liked by my class and others, everyone does. But why? Why give people that power over you? Why give anyone power in general? That was a lot of questions thrown out there. Take your time to answer them.
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Okay, on to the next. How has your day been? What has been making you lash out? What’s been making you sad? What’s been bringing you joy? These questions seem so plain over text. How are you supposed to hear my sincerity, my intent through the text. You can’t.
Reader, if I can be totally honest, I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. All I know is I have my dream, my eternal sunset, and I’m not sure I’ll ever catch it. I tend to make life harder them it is, I think everyone does.
Anyways reader, I think I’ll leave you with a question: how do you want your life to go? I personally want to go down in history. I’ll remember this line and all of you, looking fondly at the sunset I’d finally caught.
In my 16 years of life, I have lived in four different states. Florida, California, Louisiana, and Arizona. Living in these places has taught me many things, especially how different environments can affect you. I was born in Boca Raton, Florida, and I had only lived there until I was two and a half. The main things that I remember from living here were the extreme humidity and the really loud toads outside of our house. I know that is not much that I can remember, but I was very young when I lived here. I last visited Florida many years ago, but let’s just say I do not have much of a desire to return.
After living in Florida, I moved to Los Angeles, California. I have lived in California for most of my life, and I definitely know and love it most. Los Angeles is not always as glamorous as it looks in movies, (especially central Hollywood), but I still really have a love for it. There are so many spots in Los Angeles that just spark memories for me. It really is a special place that will always be in my heart no matter where I move to in my future.
I lived in Louisiana for 5 months every year for three years, and I moved there because my brother was cast in a TV show. Although I did make some great memories, I would not want to live there again. There is a lot of fried food there as well. I remember that I had refused to try crawfish the entire time that I lived in Louisiana, but unfortunately, on my last month living there, I realized how good crawfish tasted. I’m still sad about it.
Living in Arizona did not feel real to me at all. I lived in Scottsdale starting in 2017, and oh my gosh was it hot. I can just remember stepping outside and feeling like I was drying up from the heat and sun. There was also a dust storm when I lived there, which I found really cool as a ten-year-old. I do remember living in fear of jumping cacti, though. Whenever I went on a hike, I would try and get as far away from any cactus that I saw, which is really difficult in Arizona because they are everywhere. Arizona is a really beautiful place with great locations to visit, and I am very grateful that I got to live there for nine months.
I don’t think I could live without my phone. It’s genuinely so motivating. The first thing I do in the morning is check my phone, and the last thing I do is check my phone. There is nothing I spend more time on throughout the day than my phone. My mom is making me turn in my phone at 10:30 now because she says I’m a “screenager,” what she doesn’t understand is why I use it so much. I honestly don’t like people at my school very much there are a few good ones, but overall, most of my friends are out of school, and a lot live in Ventura. The people at OVS are just not similar to me, and I’ve never had a large group of school friends. I go to school and do my work and then go home, and that’s it. This is besides the point, my screen time, my most used application is Snapchat. I use Snapchat seven hours a day on average. The majority of my time on snap, I am communicating with my friends, and this is something that is extremely important to me. As a person who lives in Ojai and has no weekday free time, texting is what keeps my outside-of-school friendships alive. My weekly screen time average is 13 hours, and that’s probably an issue, but I love my phone. I can not live without music, and my Spotify screen time is one hour. My phone keeps me going, and I don’t know what I would do without it. I hope my mom forgets to take my phone.
Goodbyes are tough. Goodbyes are vigorous. Goodbyes are sickening. To say goodbye or not have the chance to say goodbye is going to be heavy either way. Losing a family member and not having the chance to say what you wanted to them creates guilt. The guilt that is felt when not having the chance to say goodbye is difficult. Depending on situations goodbyes differ from person to person. Personally within less than one month I did not get to say what I wanted to my lost family member but I did not get to say goodbye to my still living best friend in the time she knew I needed her. So this is my formal goodbye to each of whom I loved with my whole heart. I am going to begin with my goodbye to my uncle right now. My goodbye to my uncle is not an eternal goodbye but a goodbye till we see eachother again. I have no answers for when the time will be when I finally see you in heaven again but I know it will be good. So for now this is a goodbye and a remembrance that you will always be in my heart. I will forever think about your opinion on any boy I bring into my life in a more than friend type of way. On christmas 2022 I finally got the LED lights I had been begging for at my moms house. My uncle being who he is, only caring to make the kids in his life happy and hung my LED lights up for me to perfection and when I say perfection I mean like extremely perfect. The night my uncle died when the paramedics pulled him into my room and broke the LED lights he was so happy to hang for me breaks my heart. I do not normally cry about heavy topics around anyone especially my family. Talking to my mom about the broken LED lights and breaking down seems so stupid but it is truly what I think of when I think of his kindness and love for the people around him. Now my second goodbye to someone who is still alive and did not move away… Her and I did everything together. Where I went she went. Well that’s how it was for a while. There had already been hurt before the fallout but what the fallout did bring was disheartening. During the long winding roads of this friendship there was connection, disagreements, and love. I never got to say goodbye to our friendship but I never wanted to nor thought I would ever have to. Now that it has officially ended it is almost as if I have connected the dots. My friend would never be content with the friendship we had. There would always be better friends and I would always be her second pick. I was always there for her but was she always there for me? Does she feel the same hurt as I do? Was throwing a whole friendship out really worth it to her? I am not really sure to be honest. I would rather keep that question unanswered if I have to feel and hear the hatred and the violent words splurged again. The goodbye she gave makes me genuinely question everything. If she really valued the friendship we had would she have ended it in such an aggressive approach? I am not sure if it was purposeful but the ending of our friendship made me replay every moment as a slideshow. She cut me down to step on me as if I was something she could simply regrow once she needed me again, this time I will not resprout. I will not run back to her as I did every time before. Her words cut deep but my wounds healed back thicker. I can not live with the constant control and judgement she gave to me. But I can live with the memories we had together. I think this might have been the best moment and time to move on, to heal, and to grow. For each of us. I am not sure if she is as hurt by the situation as I am and forever will be but I have found the clarity to forgive and forget. I will forever think of her as my sister and I will forever think highly of her. For now, I am not sure were the future leads to. I am not sure if we will ever reconnect in a positive light but I want her to know I will always care for her and be happy for her even if she can not do the same for me. So for as of now and there seems to be an end at my words of goodbye. I am not sure if we will ever agree on who was in the wrong in our situation. I feel as if us parting was almost for the best, for each of us. I have so much more to say but in ways that are unable to express in any form. So with that I will consider this a goodbye to each of whom I wrote about and love to the world’s end. Goodbye.
I never really found writing at any time fun. Recently writing has captured and taken over my entire life. If you want to become a part of my thoughts my writing is where you should be. When I write I express the bad the good and the in-between of my feelings. Sometimes my feelings are extremely deep and sometimes they are me ranting about my love for Pinterest. I really have found a love for writing. I have recently found a love for words that explain how I feel descriptively. I am not sure what writing has opened up for me but it is weird. I love it. I love the feeling after I finish something I am really proud of but I feel disappointed when I can not put my all in the the words I put out for people to see. I want people to feel the same as how my writing expresses itself. Once I produce writing I am proud of I don’t really care what other people think of it. I like it. I don’t care if people think I am bad at writing because it is fun and therapeutic. When my fingers hit the keyboard words flow out like a rainstorm and the pattering of the keys sounds as if the rain is dropping on the roof of my house. Writing has opened my creative thinking and opened me up to a new world. I like writing with no plot at all just writing and ranting. When my fingers start to type my thoughts overrun the speed of my fingers. I keep thinking of more and more to write without becoming completely off-topic. I just can not say some of the things I write verbally so I type them instead. Anyways that is my rant on writing I love it.
OVS Journalism Blog 
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