I have never been that good at getting myself out of my comfort zone. As a child, this was extremely tough for me. My mum would encourage me to do things, but I would shy away from actually trying. Looking back, I really do wish I had pushed myself to try different things. Once I turned 16, I decided that I wanted to try and push myself out of this comfort zone more. Even starting with the little things, such as making myself go on rollercoasters, which I have always been afraid of. I now really love rollercoasters! (Except for the ones that go upside down like whaaat.) My best friend is a huge reason as to why I push myself to do things I am afraid of. She always helps me to have more confidence, which I am forever thankful for. Today I sang for the first time in front of people. I was really nervous, but the support from my friends and family helped me feel so much better. I hope that I can continue to do things that scare me, because so far, I haven’t regretted doing that.
Tag: life
Food
Food plays a major role in our lives. It gives us energy, nutrients we need to survive, it helps keep us strong, and helps us grow. Most importantly, food brings us happiness. I love food with my entire heart. Of course I have had phases, but I’ve always been (for the most part) open to trying new types of food. I was never a picky eater when I was younger, and I still really enjoy trying things that I haven’t before. I don’t like everything that I try of course, but I have found things that I love and can’t wait to have again. Another thing that I love is sharing a meal with someone. For my best friend and I, one of our favorite things to do is eat together. We love going out to try things, sharing snacks, or simply just making something in between studying. There is something so special about just sitting down with someone to eat a meal.
I have noticed
Things I have noticed around me as of recent. I noticed how his eyes are blue at first glance but when you look closer they have the smallest tint of sage green hugging his pupil. I noticed how whenever she enters a room the whole atmosphere changes. I noticed how he always checks up on me even when i’m the older one. I’ve noticed how her beautiful blonde curly hair has honey gold locks blending in with the others. I’ve also noticed that she look magnificent in white and it pairs beautifully with her gorgeous smile. I’ve noticed how energetic he is and how he puts 110% into everything he does. I’ve noticed the JV teams and how unbelievably proud I am of them. I’ve noticed their energy, love, and laughter, on and off the court. I’ve noticed how much she grown and how beautiful she is inside and out. Ive noticed how quiet she’s been. I’ve noticed how much i’ve missed having him here, and how he will eventually leave. i’ve noticed how quick the year is going, and life wont be the same. I’ve noticed there is a chance I don’t ever see these people again, and how much i’ll miss them when they leave. Will they miss me? I’ve noticed the end of things volleyball, first quarter, and very soon Halloween. I’ve noticed the end of high school, and how I will never be with the same group of people ever again. I’ve noticed how much I love them, and how much happiness they bring to my life. I’ve noticed the importance of them in my world, and how it won’t ever be the same without them. I’ve noticed how unprepared I am to leave, even when i’ve been so ready. Ive noticed the memories, the first ever volleyball practice, humanities class, dances, and them. The people who have been with me for my whole life. The ones I grew up with, the ones I wish I could continue growing up. I’ve noticed the beautiful sunsets on to of that glorious hill. I’ve noticed how fast the years have gone. I’ve noticed how much i’ll leave behind. but also…
I’ve noticed a little piece of everything in me, that i’ll always have no matter where I go.
I am going to college!
I have applied to three schools so far, and I don’t plan on applying to more. One is the school my dad went to. Another one is a school I toured and loved when visiting family. One sends me an admission decision in December, but two of them are rolling decision. I got an acceptance during Spudfest, and I got the acceptance to the second school today! I was tired this morning because I woke up at five, but I was wide awake after I got the acceptance. I was over the moon about it the whole day, because I’ve been imagining myself leaving home and going off to college, and now it seems like so much more of a concrete reality. The fact that one chapter of my life is ending and another will start soon is staring me in the face. That truth is now unquestionable and undeniable. I can’t wait.
Picture Credit: Steinar Engeland
What’s The Purpose?
Just putting it out there, this is not me trying to be emo. However, recently, I have been thinking about the purpose of a lot of things that we as humans do. Like, what is the point? Why, in my case, am I stressing myself out so much this year by taking hard classes? I can still have a future with a simpler Moodle home page, but I so intensely crave the academic validation I get through seeing a good grade next to a hard class. But, at the same time, there is genuinely no point to a lot of any of it. Such a philosophy can also be applied to other aspects of life. It can even go as far as what is the meaning of life, which is a whole separate rant. I don’t know, I just have been feeling lately, with everything I do, that I theoretically have no reason to be doing it. I guess I always just revert back to “do everything to live my life to the fullest doing things that make me happy.” It’s not a horrible place to be, but I just can’t shake the feeling that there is more for me out there than simply graduating high school, going to college, starting to work for the next 50 years of my life, retiring, and that’s it. I don’t know, I always ask myself why that seems to be the trajectory of life that a lot of people fall into. Just seems a little monotonous to me. But, if not that, then what?
Dorm Life
If you were to tell me even a few years ago that I would no longer be living with my family in my childhood house, I would simply not believe you. I never even knew I was going to be attending boarding school until the very start of my eighth-grade year. For the longest time, I had the preconceived notion that I would follow the path of most of the kids my age; make the transition from middle to high school seamlessly by attending the high school in the area. However, as the time came closer and closer for me to make a decision, I had a sudden shift in my mindset. For my entire life, I had been stagnant. I lived in the same house I grew up in my entire childhood in the same small town, attended the same school I had since I was three in Pre-K 3, and pretty much had the same life with the same friends, family, hobbies, etc. Something my eigth grade year clicked in me, and I wanted change.
Now, I am normally the type of person who strongly dislikes change, as it is often uncomfortable for me. This probably has something to do with my childhood before attending OVS. Regardless, I interestingly felt a strong urge nearing the end of my elementary and middle school career to get out. So, I research schools in Southern Califronia, as I had always loved the area from the few vacations my family took when I was younger. You probably know the rest. I applied, got in, and now I am here.
Now this being my third year living on campus, I have overcome some of the major struggles in adjusting to such a drastically different way of life. At the start, it was quite challenging for me to adapt to a lot of what it takes to live in a dorm setting. Everything from my day-to-day interactions to my morning and night routines went through drastic changes. I also don’t constantly have my mom, who is the most important person in my life, physically there to support me. Such circumstances have taught me to be drastically more independent and hold my ground as an individual person.
I’m not saying I have learnt everything, as that is simply impossible being my age. Still, I do believe I have grown as a person in ways I wouldn’t have if I was still at home attending high school in my childhood town. I have learnt how to share my space better (something I needed being an only child), work better with others, respect people’s space, and overall be more independent. I think that will hopefully give me a head start in college, as I am already accustomed to dorm life. Regardless, I am still incredibly grateful for the experience and am excited to see where it can help me in the future.
Sports
I have never really been interested in sports, especially when I was younger. I never played a sport seriously, nor did I have any interest in watching it either. I think the reason why I overall completely avoided sports was because I felt like I couldn’t do it. I felt like every time that I tried to play sports in elementary school I just didn’t have the “skill.” This was a pretty negative way of thinking. I didn’t want to try. I didn’t have any motivation to, just because I thought I was not going to improve if I was not good at it immediately. This caused me to not branch out and try to find something I liked, which actually applied to other areas in my life involving skill as well. I simply lost motivation way too easily. When Covid hit and online school started, I hardly ever exercised. I thought sports weren’t for me. When I first joined my current school, I was nervous about all of the sports options. There were so many things that I hadn’t tried before. I heard many of the girls in my grade that were joining volleyball, and because I didn’t know what else to do, I joined it as well. When I first began to play volleyball, I was very discouraged. I started putting more effort in, and even though I was so terrible, I enjoyed it. I was excited to go to practice. I would talk to parents about it, and how happy and nervous I was to play in a real game. It is my third year playing volleyball, and although I am still in the JV team (and not good at all), I am so thankful that I first tried playing it.
Also, at the end of September, my best friend and I went to go see a baseball game that she invited me to. I have actually been to one baseball game when I was younger, but I can’t remember very much about it. My best friend first invited me to go during the summer, and we were so excited and ready for the day to come. When we arrived, just being in the environment with so many people passionate about this sport made it all the more exciting. We got into the stadium, and my best friend bought both of us matching jackets! I hadn’t even seen the baseball field yet and I was so happy. I had such an amazing time there watching the game with my best friend who made it even more special, and there was even a fireworks show afterwards. I’m really happy that I have come to appreciate not only playing sports, but watching them too.
pc: me
Feeling Butterflies
The butterfly effect is affecting my life. One small change and my whole life is different. New doors opened. New relationships are forming. And new butterflies flutter around in my life. The feeling as if butterflies are flying around inside of me. I feel like running through an open field of happiness. Sadness fled through the field at one point but now the field has drained. New things are coming into the field of happiness. There will always be flood and downpour but sunny days come of it. My mind and me urge to find the good in everything and everyone. I found the good. The good people come to those that wait. The good memories come to those who wait. Even if this is not the peak moment in life…Live as if it was. Feel the butterflies swarming inside of you when you try new things. Let the bad occurrences in life become the butterfly effect. Let the butterfly effect lead you to the happiness. From the butterfly effect comes with loss but a gain in the end. Recently the butterflies inside of me have been overwhelmed of nerves, excitement, and stress. The nerves come from new beginnings. The excitement comes from the recurring dates with the person who makes me so happy right now. And the stress comes from the problems all around. Personally the feeling of excitement or happiness is the best butterfly feeling. The butterfly effect causes the feeling of butterflies from within.
PC: Me
Hello Reader
Once again I’d like to write a letter but to you instead.
Hello reader,
Nothing guarantees you read this, but if you do, then I hope you enjoy. I’d like to begin with a question: how have the past few months been? Either the start of high school or the beginning of college, maybe even just another fall season. Have they been good? This is a question I can answer very simply with no hesitation. Terrible. From what I have gathered from my fellow classmates, they feel the same way. Our final year, and this is what it has come to so far? Senioritis has hit the senior class hard this year. The moment in time when you have 3 essays and a blog post due by 12, and you’re running around campus scaring a little kid. But they are memories I will cherish and fondly look back on while in college.
Do you think you’ve lived a good life till now? A simpler question would be, if you died right now, would you be satisfied? I’m guessing probably not, but then again, you could be. What really gives us the fulfillment we need? Being popular? Being liked? It’s all kind of dumb if you ask me. Although I do understand the pressure of needing to be liked or accepted by your peers. It’s a concept I’ve learned to loathe.
Of course, I want to be liked by my class and others, everyone does. But why? Why give people that power over you? Why give anyone power in general? That was a lot of questions thrown out there. Take your time to answer them.
…
Okay, on to the next. How has your day been? What has been making you lash out? What’s been making you sad? What’s been bringing you joy? These questions seem so plain over text. How are you supposed to hear my sincerity, my intent through the text. You can’t.
Reader, if I can be totally honest, I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. All I know is I have my dream, my eternal sunset, and I’m not sure I’ll ever catch it. I tend to make life harder them it is, I think everyone does.
Anyways reader, I think I’ll leave you with a question: how do you want your life to go? I personally want to go down in history. I’ll remember this line and all of you, looking fondly at the sunset I’d finally caught.
Sincerely,
me.
Places I have lived
In my 16 years of life, I have lived in four different states. Florida, California, Louisiana, and Arizona. Living in these places has taught me many things, especially how different environments can affect you. I was born in Boca Raton, Florida, and I had only lived there until I was two and a half. The main things that I remember from living here were the extreme humidity and the really loud toads outside of our house. I know that is not much that I can remember, but I was very young when I lived here. I last visited Florida many years ago, but let’s just say I do not have much of a desire to return.
After living in Florida, I moved to Los Angeles, California. I have lived in California for most of my life, and I definitely know and love it most. Los Angeles is not always as glamorous as it looks in movies, (especially central Hollywood), but I still really have a love for it. There are so many spots in Los Angeles that just spark memories for me. It really is a special place that will always be in my heart no matter where I move to in my future.
I lived in Louisiana for 5 months every year for three years, and I moved there because my brother was cast in a TV show. Although I did make some great memories, I would not want to live there again. There is a lot of fried food there as well. I remember that I had refused to try crawfish the entire time that I lived in Louisiana, but unfortunately, on my last month living there, I realized how good crawfish tasted. I’m still sad about it.
Living in Arizona did not feel real to me at all. I lived in Scottsdale starting in 2017, and oh my gosh was it hot. I can just remember stepping outside and feeling like I was drying up from the heat and sun. There was also a dust storm when I lived there, which I found really cool as a ten-year-old. I do remember living in fear of jumping cacti, though. Whenever I went on a hike, I would try and get as far away from any cactus that I saw, which is really difficult in Arizona because they are everywhere. Arizona is a really beautiful place with great locations to visit, and I am very grateful that I got to live there for nine months.
pc:https://debraleebaldwin.com/wp-content/uploads/Cholla-backlit.jpg
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