Tag: life

College

kittenqueen3Leave a comment

In my head, I am still a 13-year-old girl who just discovered makeup and spent my weekends at home with my family. In reality, I’m a 16-year-old girl with my driver’s license and I spend most of my free time with my friends. People have always told me “high school flies by” but why did it actually. How am I going to be deciding where I want to live in a year from now. What do you mean I won’t live at home anymore and I won’t be surrounded by the people I’ve grown up with. What if I don’t like where I end up or I get homesick. I have always wanted to leave Ojai but now I’m facing the reality of leaving all my best friends and it has left me distraught. I’ve begun to look at colleges but the thought of being all on my own is very scary. I can barely make a meal and do my laundry. I have such a big fear of being independent. I don’t like being alone I rather be with my friends or family and the thought of college heavily terrifies me.

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sleep

shallahan#1moochLeave a comment

sleep

a cool soft hug

a purple hue

a twinkling star and a full moon

an open door that closes as soon as I shut my eyes

claws and spiders creep through my dreams

I never liked the darkness

or the quiet, but my mind has always made up for that

internal scars and past memories haunt my dreams

a nightmare, but its not, because it was never a dream

it was always just my life.

I stare up at the glow of the stars on my ceiling each night

thoughts running through my head

I can’t decide if I want to laugh or cry

but I know I want to sleep

I’m so tired but my mind never wants to rest

there’s to much to think about in this crumbling world, in my crumbling head.

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break

shallahan#1moochLeave a comment

I love break. Over this break I first went to the Mojave desert; with my mom my brother my brothers friend and me. We taught my brother’s friend Asher how to ride a dirt bike. we went on a ride every day with all our family friends. At night we sat around the fire playing games and telling stories. The Colborns were there too. Their son took me on a ride in their side-by-side and it was so cool to watch the dust fly by while we did donuts. Then we came home for one night and left in the morning for Bend Oregon. I drove part of the way with Asher and part of the way with my mom. once we got there I got to see all my Oregon friends. It was so much fun to be in the snow. I snowboarded for three days with my brother and his friends before I got hurt. then I just hung out with my friends and my cats. 

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getting hurt

shallahan#1moochLeave a comment

I’ve only broken one bone in my whole life. I had never had stitches until a few weeks ago. I’ve never had surgery or a cast. Even when I broke my heel I only had crutches for a week and a boot for a few months. When I fell and cut my leg open to the bone I stayed surprisingly calm. It had been a chill day of snowboarding through powder. I didn’t even realize it was cut at first. As soon as I noticed I told my brother’s friend to get ski patrol and called my mom. I told her I was going to the hospital and I needed stitches. Once the ski patrol got there they wrapped my leg. I almost passed out when I first saw it but I didn’t cry. I tried to stay rational because I knew I had to be an adult. The only time I cried was after I had been waiting for 2 hours to get stitches and they started to numb my leg with the needle. It didn’t hurt that bad, it was mostly just scary.

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Bits and Pieces

purcyLeave a comment

I hate that love is just a word someone made up. Nobody really knows what it feels like because it’s just a concept. Why can’t we have soulmates that we are drawn to like in movies and books? Falling in love with someone is not like a zing from Hotel Transylvania or a bond like in A Court of Mist and Fury. 

Life is lowkey insane concept if you actually think about it. Like, what do you mean thousands of years happened before I was born, and there will be so many after I die? I always feel crazy when I think about it, but for real, how do we know about the universe? How did we make things like light bulbs and phones out of rocks and dirt?

Is there a word for feeling lonely but also like you don’t want to talk to anyone? Because that’s how I feel all the time. I feel like I’m a pretty social person, but I don’t like being around people, and I also don’t like being alone. I also think that I’m a genuinely happy person, though, so maybe I just like to complain or something.

I have never felt so understood by anyone as I do by my best friend. I care about her so much and I feel like she can see all of the thoughts in my brain. I wish that I could take everything that hurt her upon myself because she doesn’t deserve anything that has happened to her. I am afraid that I will never meet anyone like her ever again so I am grateful for every second we spend together.

It would be so nice if food just didn’t taste like anything. I feel like I would be so much happier because I would eat so healthy. Nothing tastes so good that it makes me second guess that either. I am such a picky eater and I’m sick of choosing the thing I hate the least. I don’t know if that makes sense but basically, I just want to eat healthy and not have to deal with everything tasting and smelling so bad.

I wish I was really good at art. That would be such a cool skill to have.

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My room

kittenqueen3Leave a comment

Throughout my life keeping my room clean has never really been a priority until this summer. Growing up my family always mocked me about my room being messy and I shrugged it off. They never understood how overwhelming my room was to me I would just look around and see the piles of clothes on the floor growing and my messy vanity along with my nightstand full of an assortment of opened drinks and snacks. During the summer I went through a rough patch and one day decided to deep clean my room. This took an entire day but at the end of it all I felt so accomplished and slept so soundly. I realized that having my room be a sanctuary in the chaos of my brain was extremely relieving. I began maintaining my room and making it a daily priority. There’s something about coming home after a long stressful day to a nice clean room and being able to just decompress and relax that nothing compares to.

“Room Chairs” by Norbert Levajsics/ CC0 1.0

christmas and finals

shallahan#1moochLeave a comment

The holiday break is coming up in just a week, but that also means finals. I’m really happy this year. After all, I won’t have a final on Thursday because I not taking a language this year. I’m also super excited for next week because my brother is bringing his cats down, which are actually my cats. I haven’t seen them in months, and I miss them so much. Anyway, back to finals, I’m super scared for my chem final. I feel like I have just completely forgotten everything I know about it. Also, I don’t understand why we have to have a final for AP World like we’re gonna have an AP test anyway, so I don’t understand why he is torturing us with a final, too. I love Christmas. I’m so bipolar in this blog. Hopefully, you can’t tell I’m just trying to meet the word mark… ok I’m here bye.

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Basketball

fastasianLeave a comment

After the first league basketball game against Westmark, I wrapped up the match with 4 points, 4 rebounds, 4 assists, and 3 steals. It was a solid team effort, and we came out on top with a convincing victory, 46-27. The game started a bit slow for us in the first quarter, as we struggled to find our rhythm. However, the team stepped up together, and we tightened our defense significantly. One of the highlights was our incredible performance in the third quarter, where we managed to shut down Westmark completely, not allowing them to score any points. By the time we reached the fourth quarter, we had established a comfortable lead. This allowed our freshmen players to get their first playing time in the season, gaining experience and confidence. Overall, it was a satisfying start to the league with a record of 1-0, and I look forward to building on this momentum in our upcoming games since it is always great to start the season with a win.

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more basketball

fastasianLeave a comment

We finished the tournament last week, and our team was in 4th place. The record is 2-2 now. In one of the losses, we lost to a buzzer-beater 3 down at the half court after coming back from down by 18 points. It was the 3rd game in the tournament on Wednesday. I had a bad game, posting 5 points and 6 rebounds. However, we will play them again in the season. We should beat them next time with different refs and new systems and plays. We finished the tournament with a win against Beacon Hill posting 8 points and 2 rebounds. Throughout the tournament it was not the best performance, I only averaged 6.8 points per game and 3 rebounds per game. The season starts today playing against Westmark. The goal is to get as many rebounds as possible minimize turnovers and start the season with at least 15 points.

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were just kids

purcyLeave a comment

All I do is study all the time. I need to do something thats not study. I wake up go to class till lunch and then get like an hour break and go back to studying. Then I study during flex and go work out and guess what? I have two more hours of studying to do. How do they fill our time like that? I don’t even have any college apps anymore. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to add that to my list right now. Sure I like organizing things and taking notes and I don’t mind the homework usually, but seriously enough is enough. At some point, they could just lay off us a little bit right? I’m trying not to stop caring about school and everything but it’s so hard. All I want to do is sleep and my life has never felt so planned out and repetitive. I’m grateful for my education, but it doesn’t always have to feel like work. For once can we just learn something fun and then go home and enjoy our lives?

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