Tag: love

Mothers

myfatcats2Leave a comment

Mothers are the foundation of who we are. The number of times that I’ve gotten the saying “you act just like your mom” proves this to be true. They are our caretakers. They are there for us in the hardest times. They don’t sugarcoat something we need to hear. They say the things that you don’t want to acknowledge, but they only say this because they love you. I love my mother. My mother is the foundation for my existence. If I were given the choice to choose a mother, every time, and in every universe, I would choose her. My mom often doubts herself and her capabilities to parent, but I don’t think she understands that I wouldn’t be where I am today if she weren’t my mom. I love her so much, and I’m not ready to move away for college. But, knowing my mom, she’s going to make it feel like nothing has changed. She will call every day, send me gifts, and probably make a surprise visit, because just like how I can’t stand to live without her, she can’t stand to live without me. I love my mom so much, and I know she loves me. 

PC- google

Giving Thanks

Halos_击Leave a comment

In around 4 days (by the time I’m writing this), Thanksgiving will be here. Known for its turkey, family, and the unison of the pilgrims and the natives (oof, wish it went down like that), it’s a good season overall.

There are a lot of people to thank this season. Here are the people and things I’m grateful for:

  • My younger brother, William. You’re honestly one of the funniest 8-year-olds I’ve ever met. You always look up to me, and I try to be a good role model for you, even if I might not seem like the best influence of an older brother. Playing video games and watching TV shows, you will forever be the best person to do that with.
  • My mom and my dad, for supporting me no matter what, even if you don’t necessarily understand me. I know you’ll love me no matter what, and even through tough times and difficult decisions, I’ll still love you. Whether it be on the boat, at a concert, or in another country together, I will love you guys for supporting me and loving me.
  • My girlfriend, Evelyn. In 6 days, it will mark our 8 months together. I’m grateful that you will understand me and love me no matter what I do, and listen to me and my interests for hours on end. I love making gifts for you and going on dates, showing you pictures of my dog, laughing with you, and sitting in silence. Looking forward to the future with you.
  • My dogs, past and present. Hobson, Emma, Rincon, Pidus, Mondo, and my puppy, Snoop. I wish that you could understand me and how much I love you and how you were always there for me. Hobson, I’m gonna miss your grave when I move out. Snoop, you might be a piece of crap sometimes, and taking my socks out of my room, but you’ll always be amazing even when I move out of the house for college. Emma, Rincon, Pidus, and Mondo, I know that you guys are working dogs, but you’re very special in my heart.
  • Music, in general. Music was always there, helping me go through the toughest times of my life, and helping illustrate and make everything have a story.
  • All my friends who don’t go to OVS. Even if we might not see each other that often, you guys will always be in my heart, and if you need me, I’m always open.
  • All my friends who go to OVS. I can always rely on you guys for anything, whether listening to random crap that happens in my life, hanging out with each other every other weekend during breaks, or messing around for fun.
  • Cartoon Network, for shaping my childhood.
  • Mr. Alvarez, for helping me discover my love of writing and expressing myself through words, and for Humanities, a class that sparked my interest in philosophy and changed my life.
  • And last but not least, my struggles. My struggles made me realize that I’m gonna make it further than I would’ve ever gotten, motivating me to become better than I am now.

I’m just overall grateful for everything that’s happened to me leading to this moment, both the good and the bad. I’m happy that currently I have a roof over my head and a full stomach every night.

P.C, – Pinterest

Sleep

myfatcats2Leave a comment

I love sleep, but no matter how much I get of it, I’m always tired at school. That may just be a me problem, but I don’t know. The feeling of being tired is so good yet so bad at the same time. When I’m about to go to sleep, being tired is the best thing, but when I’m tired and I can’t sleep, it’s the worst. Aside from actually sleeping, nighttime is the best time of day. When you look up at the sky, the stars radiate throughout the whole night. Every star is unique in its own way, also the constellations are beautiful. The fact they we are just on a floating rock in the middle of nowhere is so crazy to me. Anyway, back to the original point, sleep is amazing. Everything about and surrounding it is amazing. Sleep rejuvenates my body, most of the time, except for when classes are boring. But sleep is great, it’s necessary for everyone, and is the best feeling ever. I love love LOVE sleep.

PC – Pintrest

My Other Half

uwucutiepatootieLeave a comment

This year has been really sad for me because my person went to a different school. I still talk to her everyday and see her on weekends and even two times this school week, but I feel like I’m missing my other half. I remember my first day of school with her freshman year, looking around at my classmates confused. The second I laid my eyes on her I knew that we would click instantly. She walked up to me and instead of saying a kind greeting like “nice to meet you” she said “you look like the only normal person here.” That really summarizes her character. As we walked together she told me that she was going to wear the exact outfit I wore that day and I felt like that was an even bigger sign that we were so similar. Ever since that day, my relationship with her grew into something more powerful than a friendship, but a sisterhood. I feel like we can be really confusing and misread by most people, but I really don’t care because we understand each other. We don’t need to waste time explaining why we feel or acted in a certain way because we just get it. Sometimes I feel like we are telepathic. I have never had to think before saying something to her because we are both very direct with each other. Not all friendships are able to have this and some people would argue that we are bad influences on each other, but no one has made me grow more than she has because of her honesty. We don’t spend time with each other just to do interesting things or talk; her presence even in silence scrolling on our phones, brings me a sense of security and happiness that nothing else can compare to. I feel weird being here without her by my side. This past week I have caught myself dosing off the entire day just thinking about how much better life would be if she was here with me. I know that no one can replace her, so I will just finish the year with only a half of me.

“People Friends” by Clarisse Meyer/ CC0 1.0

Winter break

kittenqueen3Leave a comment

I am going to Colombia with my family this winter break to see my extended family for the week. I am so excited not only to see my family but also tan. Being tan makes me feel so much happier and healthier. Being tan is like its own makeup, a feeling no other can compare to. I love Colombia and seeing my family the food is amazing and it’s always a great trip. This year we are taking a trip to Isla Baru an island off the coast of Cartagena. I love going to all-inclusive resorts and relaxing all day. Tanning is like a sport to me it pushes my limits and feels like a lot of work. I often set timers to take “tanning breaks” where I get food, water and often find some shade. Being tan not only makes me happy but makes me look healthier and less sickly looking.

PC:”Beach Summer” by Flo Dahm/ CC0 1.0

Hey I Like My Dad

scarlettoharaLeave a comment

Yeah I’m going there. I am willing as a teenager to express gratitude, and other positive emotions. Because dang it, we have no predetermined purpose and cynicism has been trending since Franz Ferdinand was shot. While there are many people who would like to make our troubles worse by complaining, complaining and complaining in their everyday life, I would like to do something more helpful to myself by, perhaps, being satisfied with what I have in life. So here is a nice and accurate, but not exhaustive, list of the things I love that my dad does for me, since I know plenty of dads don’t bother with the least of what he does.

  1. He always drives six hours roundtrip to pick me up. It was only this year that he stopped taking days off work just to get me on Fridays, since his company didn’t like he was out of work so often.
  2. He gets me the best snacks. My dad works for H-Mart. That’s the company that tightened its leash on him, so he’s not exactly flowing in cash. But what he is flowing in is coupons. My dad never lacks in giving me free treats, the sorts I can never find in most grocery stores nowadays. I always wait to refill my childhood memories.
  3. He gets free Starbucks too, and always gives them to me.
  4. He gives me strategies for growing up. My dad sometimes felt like the bad cop growing up, especially when my sister and I were used to our mom doting on us. But it turned out parenting is a balance between the old adage of “you can do anything you set your mind to” and telling your children about those who seek to take that away from them. My mom is the dreamspinner, my dad is the postwar cynic. Huh, maybe I have to give those postmodern critics some credit.
  5. He has the oddest sense of humor. It’s not dad jokes exactly, but it’s hard to describe. It’s a little funky, maybe a bit something like out of a Taika Waititi production, which certainly explains my taste in media.

I’ve been worrying about what I could have left in the coming years. I consider myself an average, perhaps lucky person, but luck doesn’t run as far as it used to. I sense that if things were to go haywire there would be many fronts for “these unprecedented times” to attack me on, because I already see others being persecuted for those same things lol. But since half a person’s salt comes from their dad, I’m glad I have his principles and taste in comedy to weather the storm with.

PC: Google

Bits and Pieces

purcyLeave a comment

I hate that love is just a word someone made up. Nobody really knows what it feels like because it’s just a concept. Why can’t we have soulmates that we are drawn to like in movies and books? Falling in love with someone is not like a zing from Hotel Transylvania or a bond like in A Court of Mist and Fury. 

Life is lowkey insane concept if you actually think about it. Like, what do you mean thousands of years happened before I was born, and there will be so many after I die? I always feel crazy when I think about it, but for real, how do we know about the universe? How did we make things like light bulbs and phones out of rocks and dirt?

Is there a word for feeling lonely but also like you don’t want to talk to anyone? Because that’s how I feel all the time. I feel like I’m a pretty social person, but I don’t like being around people, and I also don’t like being alone. I also think that I’m a genuinely happy person, though, so maybe I just like to complain or something.

I have never felt so understood by anyone as I do by my best friend. I care about her so much and I feel like she can see all of the thoughts in my brain. I wish that I could take everything that hurt her upon myself because she doesn’t deserve anything that has happened to her. I am afraid that I will never meet anyone like her ever again so I am grateful for every second we spend together.

It would be so nice if food just didn’t taste like anything. I feel like I would be so much happier because I would eat so healthy. Nothing tastes so good that it makes me second guess that either. I am such a picky eater and I’m sick of choosing the thing I hate the least. I don’t know if that makes sense but basically, I just want to eat healthy and not have to deal with everything tasting and smelling so bad.

I wish I was really good at art. That would be such a cool skill to have.

PC: Google

Music

kittenqueen3Leave a comment

I need a new playlist right now. My music taste is very unique, I like different music depending on my mood I can go from listening to Gracie Abrams to Travis Scott. I like most genres of music, I just hate classical music because it makes me want to fall asleep. I have like 4 playlists of all different genres that I cycle through but I am getting very sick of my main rap playlist. I need to make a new one but I don’t know what songs to even put on it. I am at the point where I have overplayed songs way too much and now am sick of them. I’ve been trying to listen to my 2000 throwback playlist but now I am getting sick of that as well so now I’m listening to my country playlist again. I need to make a driving playlist and a crash-out playlist.

PC:WordPress

The Moon’s a Fonder Friend to Me

scarlettoharaLeave a comment

Would I need to have you admit

It could have been anyone – anyone – else

To make peace with the growth you made for me

My mind remembered paths back then

But the moon was new as a maiden voyage and –

I never gave an ample thought 

To where your hand was taking me

A derelict shack with only ravenous eyes

They’d say I should’ve been anywhere else

But that desperation made me 

Wonder if you were broken like me

And then I did recognize the musk

There is that rusting and hopeless ennui

You said my best refuge was apathy

And in the end, “you let me be”

You boasted on the courage of my honey,

Of the loneliness piercing your mind.

Mouth slick, you said – I’m the last angel you’ll send away?

Because I let some layman hoard my empathy

Remain a porcelain face.

Be stabbed through a belly’s pit.

Fluttering lips taught your whispers over my cries

As you went on to embalm each part of me

One day I stopped with bearing all your doubt

I should’ve had anyone – anyone – else

Gnawed legs do fit gnawed light stumbling through the leaves

I yearn to crack at every stride – I get to choose

“You laid in the bed they made for you”

That’s the first worthy thing that’s been said in his world

Because you are a fonder “friend” to me

I love you more than he, the sun

Suffering each fiery beating he sends your way

And you haven’t a spark to respond

Yet look how you shine with the light you’re given

I follow behind – what else will I do?

Maybe I learn to thrive, from what you did

Would I love her soft glow with no ravenous glower

But the best lesson I learned from you

Is that I could have been anyone

Anyone else

“Moon Tree” by Bonnie Moreland/ CC0 1.0

(“My first kidnapping victim left me for the moon.”

“That’s rough, buddy.”)

Journaling

purcyLeave a comment

My favorite journal lines:

I keep sucking air but it can’t fill my lungs. I feel like there’s no more air in the world.

When she tried to watch the board, her eyes would fog.

My mind likes to wander away to its own world far from reality.

She fought a silent battle behind a smile, not so much to hide her pain from others, but to hide it from herself.

She lay in bed trying to untangle her thoughts most of the time, or just to make them go away completely. Peace and quiet are foreign in her mind. She would try to read but the words would dance off the page like they were trying to run away.

She was afraid people wouldn’t understand her because she didn’t understand herself.

He noticed the tremble in her voice and the way she played with her bracelet. He could tell she was struggling. 

PC: manos_de_pietro