Tag: love

Cloudy day……

graypenguinLeave a comment

The most popular weather may be sunny, but for me, clouds in the sky make me happy.

One of significant factor that captivates me about cloudy days is the ever-changing canvas they paint above us. Unlike clear blue skies, where the sun rules with its unyielding brilliance, clouds offer a dynamic display of character. Each day, the sky becomes a work of art, with clouds as the artists.

What I find most appealing is the unpredictability of it all.Clouds can change their shapes at whim and sometimes look like animals. It is as if they are trying to tell us something. These constant changes fascinate me, and I look up at the sky intently. Many people do not find clouds alone to be that fascinating, but the sky becomes a living, breathing entity that tells its own story.

Cloudy days remind me that change is a beautiful and essential part of life. They teach me to appreciate the transience of moments and the artistry of the natural world. I am grateful for these unpredictable cloudy skies, for they remind me that beauty can be found in the impermanence of life and in the constantly changing patterns of the world above.

pc;me

pc;me

I have noticed

urmom8beanLeave a comment

Things I have noticed around me as of recent. I noticed how his eyes are blue at first glance but when you look closer they have the smallest tint of sage green hugging his pupil. I noticed how whenever she enters a room the whole atmosphere changes. I noticed how he always checks up on me even when i’m the older one. I’ve noticed how her beautiful blonde curly hair has honey gold locks blending in with the others. I’ve also noticed that she look magnificent in white and it pairs beautifully with her gorgeous smile. I’ve noticed how energetic he is and how he puts 110% into everything he does. I’ve noticed the JV teams and how unbelievably proud I am of them. I’ve noticed their energy, love, and laughter, on and off the court. I’ve noticed how much she grown and how beautiful she is inside and out. Ive noticed how quiet she’s been. I’ve noticed how much i’ve missed having him here, and how he will eventually leave. i’ve noticed how quick the year is going, and life wont be the same. I’ve noticed there is a chance I don’t ever see these people again, and how much i’ll miss them when they leave. Will they miss me? I’ve noticed the end of things volleyball, first quarter, and very soon Halloween. I’ve noticed the end of high school, and how I will never be with the same group of people ever again. I’ve noticed how much I love them, and how much happiness they bring to my life. I’ve noticed the importance of them in my world, and how it won’t ever be the same without them. I’ve noticed how unprepared I am to leave, even when i’ve been so ready. Ive noticed the memories, the first ever volleyball practice, humanities class, dances, and them. The people who have been with me for my whole life. The ones I grew up with, the ones I wish I could continue growing up. I’ve noticed the beautiful sunsets on to of that glorious hill. I’ve noticed how fast the years have gone. I’ve noticed how much i’ll leave behind. but also…

I’ve noticed a little piece of everything in me, that i’ll always have no matter where I go.

PC: https://www.ovs.org/campus-life/outdoors/upcoming-trips/

blog of my life

graypenguinLeave a comment

When I write a blog every week, I feel like I spend more time wondering what to write about than I do writing. I am already wondering what I will write about next week.

But that aside, this week I would like to write a little about my past. Every time I write this blog I am reminded of my elementary school. Because I kept a one-page notebook diary every day from the first grade to the sixth grade. I cried when I was little because I was chased by farm animals, and I started washing my own hair at the age of 1.5 years old because I wanted to imitate my older sister in everything. I grew up with a lot of love from my teachers in kindergarten. I attended an all-girls school from elementary school until the summer after my freshman year of high school. My memories of elementary school were about trying different things. I did many things at school, such as being a member of the class council and student body president. My favorite class was physical education. I took first place in physical fitness two years in a row. The thing I looked forward to most on weekends was going on the trapeze with my friends. In junior high school, I gave up ballet, which I had been doing since I was two and a half years old, and started playing soccer. This was a big change for me, as every weekend and every vacation was filled with soccer. However, soccer was my youth, and I can’t count the number of things I gained from it. Also, the short-term study abroad program I mentioned in middle school was a big reason why I am here in the U.S. now, and it has changed my life. I lead a rather mundane life, but the people I have met have been wonderful and have enriched my life.

I am very much looking forward to the people and environments I will meet in the future. To be honest, I am dreading the preparation for college. lol

pc;https://www.sugiyama-u.ac.jp/primary/assets_c/2014/12/curriculum_feature_learning04-thumb-530xauto-207.jpg

I hope all is well

urmom8beanLeave a comment

I hope all is well with you, and you’re doing fine.

Even though each day with you was a huge waste of time.

I hope all is well with you, and you’re happy with life.

Even when you brought only pain, struggle, and strife.

I hope all is well with you, because you were so sweet.

Even when you ended up rotting all my teeth.

I hope all is well with you because we were never meant to be,

But in reality I hope all is not well and you come crawling back to me.

Just trying my hand at some poetry and honestly its all up to interpretation. What do you think it’s about? Love maybe? I’m not sure if i’m being honest. I feel like in a way it’s an homage to the type of love thats now becoming normalized. Except it’s not because there is no respect or honor in this short poem. The love normalized now is terrible, but it’s been engraved in our brains since we were children.

He’s mean to you because he likes you.

I’ve never understood it. Why would he hurt me if he likes me? It’s never truly clicked, which I’m glad it never did. I think we have to stop normalizing this. If he treats you right, he likes you. If he buys you flowers, he likes you. If he genuinely tries, he likes you. That’s what should be said. In no way am I speaking from experience, nor is this some cry for help. Just my short opinion.

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PC: me

Hello Reader

urmom8beanLeave a comment

Once again I’d like to write a letter but to you instead.

Hello reader,

Nothing guarantees you read this, but if you do, then I hope you enjoy. I’d like to begin with a question: how have the past few months been? Either the start of high school or the beginning of college, maybe even just another fall season. Have they been good? This is a question I can answer very simply with no hesitation. Terrible. From what I have gathered from my fellow classmates, they feel the same way. Our final year, and this is what it has come to so far? Senioritis has hit the senior class hard this year. The moment in time when you have 3 essays and a blog post due by 12, and you’re running around campus scaring a little kid. But they are memories I will cherish and fondly look back on while in college.

Do you think you’ve lived a good life till now? A simpler question would be, if you died right now, would you be satisfied? I’m guessing probably not, but then again, you could be. What really gives us the fulfillment we need? Being popular? Being liked? It’s all kind of dumb if you ask me. Although I do understand the pressure of needing to be liked or accepted by your peers. It’s a concept I’ve learned to loathe.

Of course, I want to be liked by my class and others, everyone does. But why? Why give people that power over you? Why give anyone power in general? That was a lot of questions thrown out there. Take your time to answer them.

…

Okay, on to the next. How has your day been? What has been making you lash out? What’s been making you sad? What’s been bringing you joy? These questions seem so plain over text. How are you supposed to hear my sincerity, my intent through the text. You can’t.

Reader, if I can be totally honest, I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. All I know is I have my dream, my eternal sunset, and I’m not sure I’ll ever catch it. I tend to make life harder them it is, I think everyone does.

Anyways reader, I think I’ll leave you with a question: how do you want your life to go? I personally want to go down in history. I’ll remember this line and all of you, looking fondly at the sunset I’d finally caught.

Sincerely,

me.

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pc: me

My love

kittenqueen3Leave a comment

I don’t think I could live without my phone. It’s genuinely so motivating. The first thing I do in the morning is check my phone, and the last thing I do is check my phone. There is nothing I spend more time on throughout the day than my phone. My mom is making me turn in my phone at 10:30 now because she says I’m a “screenager,” what she doesn’t understand is why I use it so much. I honestly don’t like people at my school very much there are a few good ones, but overall, most of my friends are out of school, and a lot live in Ventura. The people at OVS are just not similar to me, and I’ve never had a large group of school friends. I go to school and do my work and then go home, and that’s it. This is besides the point, my screen time, my most used application is Snapchat. I use Snapchat seven hours a day on average. The majority of my time on snap, I am communicating with my friends, and this is something that is extremely important to me. As a person who lives in Ojai and has no weekday free time, texting is what keeps my outside-of-school friendships alive. My weekly screen time average is 13 hours, and that’s probably an issue, but I love my phone. I can not live without music, and my Spotify screen time is one hour. My phone keeps me going, and I don’t know what I would do without it. I hope my mom forgets to take my phone.

Pc; Me

What I’m into these days

graypenguinLeave a comment

My latest addiction is acai bowls. My image of them was that of stylish LA girls eating them for breakfast. Acai bowls are full of nutrients and are known as a superfood. Acai also contains three times more iron than liver and 30 times more polyphenols than red wine. Therefore, it is effective in preventing anemia, aging, and lifestyle-related diseases. I first ate it in Hawaii when I was in the fourth grade of elementary school. At that time, I did not realize the appeal of shallow bowls. When I studied abroad in the U.S. in high school, near my school, acai bowls struck a chord with me. They are the healthiest of snacks, cold and happy.
My favorite toppings are strawberries, bananas, blueberries, granola, and honey.
These days I stock up on acai bowls every time I go out for the weekend. The number one drawback to these is that everything gets all tickly and hard in the freezer. But more than that, I’m a sucker for acai bowls. My dream is to visit different acai bowl stores while I am in the US.

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Goodbyes

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

Goodbyes are tough. Goodbyes are vigorous. Goodbyes are sickening. To say goodbye or not have the chance to say goodbye is going to be heavy either way. Losing a family member and not having the chance to say what you wanted to them creates guilt. The guilt that is felt when not having the chance to say goodbye is difficult. Depending on situations goodbyes differ from person to person. Personally within less than one month I did not get to say what I wanted to my lost family member but I did not get to say goodbye to my still living best friend in the time she knew I needed her. So this is my formal goodbye to each of whom I loved with my whole heart. I am going to begin with my goodbye to my uncle right now. My goodbye to my uncle is not an eternal goodbye but a goodbye till we see eachother again. I have no answers for when the time will be when I finally see you in heaven again but I know it will be good. So for now this is a goodbye and a remembrance that you will always be in my heart. I will forever think about your opinion on any boy I bring into my life in a more than friend type of way. On christmas 2022 I finally got the LED lights I had been begging for at my moms house. My uncle being who he is, only caring to make the kids in his life happy and hung my LED lights up for me to perfection and when I say perfection I mean like extremely perfect. The night my uncle died when the paramedics pulled him into my room and broke the LED lights he was so happy to hang for me breaks my heart. I do not normally cry about heavy topics around anyone especially my family. Talking to my mom about the broken LED lights and breaking down seems so stupid but it is truly what I think of when I think of his kindness and love for the people around him. Now my second goodbye to someone who is still alive and did not move away… Her and I did everything together. Where I went she went. Well that’s how it was for a while. There had already been hurt before the fallout but what the fallout did bring was disheartening. During the long winding roads of this friendship there was connection, disagreements, and love. I never got to say goodbye to our friendship but I never wanted to nor thought I would ever have to. Now that it has officially ended it is almost as if I have connected the dots. My friend would never be content with the friendship we had. There would always be better friends and I would always be her second pick. I was always there for her but was she always there for me? Does she feel the same hurt as I do? Was throwing a whole friendship out really worth it to her? I am not really sure to be honest. I would rather keep that question unanswered if I have to feel and hear the hatred and the violent words splurged again. The goodbye she gave makes me genuinely question everything. If she really valued the friendship we had would she have ended it in such an aggressive approach? I am not sure if it was purposeful but the ending of our friendship made me replay every moment as a slideshow. She cut me down to step on me as if I was something she could simply regrow once she needed me again, this time I will not resprout. I will not run back to her as I did every time before. Her words cut deep but my wounds healed back thicker. I can not live with the constant control and judgement she gave to me. But I can live with the memories we had together. I think this might have been the best moment and time to move on, to heal, and to grow. For each of us. I am not sure if she is as hurt by the situation as I am and forever will be but I have found the clarity to forgive and forget. I will forever think of her as my sister and I will forever think highly of her. For now, I am not sure were the future leads to. I am not sure if we will ever reconnect in a positive light but I want her to know I will always care for her and be happy for her even if she can not do the same for me. So for as of now and there seems to be an end at my words of goodbye. I am not sure if we will ever agree on who was in the wrong in our situation. I feel as if us parting was almost for the best, for each of us. I have so much more to say but in ways that are unable to express in any form. So with that I will consider this a goodbye to each of whom I wrote about and love to the world’s end. Goodbye.

PC:me

Soccer

graypenguinLeave a comment

The thing I have been most passionate about is soccer. I started playing soccer in Junior high school with my friends, and it has helped me grow in many ways. One of them is to have a goal and never give up until the end. I was very clumsy in kicking, lifting, and everything else I did for the first year. However, I went out to the field and practiced from 8:00 in the morning with the goal of lifting more than 100 times during the year, and I was able to lift more than 700 times in a row. The other thing is leadership skills. I became the captain of the soccer team and took on the role of organizing everyone. At first, I was unfamiliar with many things and had a hard time talking to people, but now I can talk to people on my own. Soccer has given me not only a sense of fun and maintenance, but it has also helped me grow as a person.
I am not sure now if I will play soccer this winter season, but soccer is my youth and I would like to continue to play it.

pc:me

Reflecting

leapingwaterLeave a comment

Since we have been back at school so far, a lot has happened. The first week of school consisted of meeting an incredible amount of new people from all grades, getting back into dorm-living, and and having an overwhelming amount of homework. There was a camping trip last week, and now we are just approaching the end of the second academic week. I’ve been loading my plate up a lot recently, and I’m not quite sure if its the right thing to do. However, this stressful-ish energy has been motivating, in a way. It’s exciting because it reminds me of how many opportunities that high school can provide.

However, I feel as if school has been rushing past me all too quickly. I’ve been to many schools in my life, and lived in many places. It feels sometimes as if my life is on autopilot and I cannot slow down. Only yesterday does it feel like I was scrappily coloring, eating my peanut butter and jelly sandwich that had been tossed around in my bag, and coming home begging my parents to have more time to play Minecraft. Now, I’m held up to a standard, where everything in my life is more complex.

I know, thats quite literally what growing up is about, but I feel like it has all gone by too quickly. I might never get back living in such simpler times, where the only thing to worry about was what color crayon I was going to use, but I will always appreciate and feel grateful for how those moments shaped me and led to me becoming the person who I am now, and who I will continue to become in the future.

pc: me