Tag: mental health

This Week

Bl@ckBe@nsLeave a comment

Credit: Google

I think this week has been the worst week of my senior year so far.

Monday was fine; nothing really happened, it was a basic day. I went to my classes, went to sports, and hated that the weekend was so short and that I’m back at school. The homework was acceptably light, which made it better.

On Tuesday, I got up and got ready for the day. Unsurprisingly, an epidemic of sickness is currently occurring within the dorms. Everybody is either sick or getting sick, and not long, I know I’m going to be the next victim. But anyways, I didn’t have to go to all my classes since I had a volleyball gam.

Unfortunately, the volleyball game was in LA. We had to drive about two hours to get to the location, which was kind of annoying. We ended up getting there about thirty minutes early, which was kind of boring. Anyways, the. The team did really well. Although we lost pretty badly in the first and third sets, the second set was by far. The best set we’ve ever played, falling not far behind the rival team, losing only 22-25. I’m very proud of the team.

Wednesday is where it gets wobbly, not horrendous, but also not amazing. Honestly, I can remember most of it. Wait, yes, I do, it was actually pretty good because there was a town trip, which meant no sports. I actually did some work and got to relax. I did tutoring, which was easy because nobody showed up for English and History. I was really tired and was not able to focus on the task I was doing, so I watched a quick YouTube video. It kind of helped, but not really. I still felt really tired. After tutoring I went staright to bed.

Thursday was the worst. I woke up happy, because I was going to start my day with a free block, only to get it ruined by the notification” room check today.” It genuinely dampened my mood because, why out of all the days, is there a room check when I have my free block first? Anyway, I spent my free block in the bathroom because a teacher was checking the rooms ( turned out we could stay in the room while they did a room check). From there, my day spiraled. and progressively got worse.

Finally, Friday the one of the best days of the week. It is the final stretch of the week before the weekend. All my teachers didn’t assign weekend homework, which. I’m grateful for. So now I feel I can relax and fill out some more of my college requirements. Sadly, I know that once I shut my eyes, it will be Monday all over again.

License

kittenqueen3Leave a comment

I have been wanting my license since I before I can remember, and I was confident I was going to get it. I passed my permit test first try and I barely studied so I felt confident in the fact I could get my license. From both my friends and family I have received compliments for my good driving. I went to the DMV confident in my abilities but then I failed. I failed because I didn’t look over my shoulder when making a right turn into the DMV. I was, to say the least extremely upset when I failed because the driving instructor literally told me to make this right turn very suddenly and I was not prepared. When you fail your test you have to wait 15 days to wait before you can retake it. So I’m taking my test again on September 26 and I will definitely look over my shoulder this time.

“Cars Traffic” by Nabeel Syed/ CC0 1.0

Humanities

shallahan#1moochLeave a comment

Humanities is a freshman class at OVS taught by the wonderful terrifying Mr. Alvarez. I was the only student in the whole class to have all tens on all of my reading journals in both semesters. I had a love-hate relationship with that class, but now that I’m a Sophomore and I’m not in the class anymore I’ve started to miss it. Luckily I still get my weekly fill of Mr. Alvarez because I’ve joined journalism.  I like how we have jumped straight into writing, but i’ve never really done any writing like this so it’s a little confusing. So far journalism has been pretty good. Clearly I like the teacher, but I also like the students. I’m the only Sophomore in journalism which is a bit intimidating. So this is my first blog post and there is still so much I don’t know. I just turned in my first story and I’m already starting on my second. Hopefully I’m doing this right… 

Photo credit https://www.ovs.org/academics/high-school/high-school-faculty/

AP Chem, More Like AP Misery

godgoldngloryLeave a comment

I know junior year is supposed to be hard and all, but this is really my tipping point. Between three other AP classes, precalc, journalism, and being a yearbook editor, as well as other extracurriculars like being in Student Council, a dorm prefect, and in varsity sports, I have taken on a lot this year. All of these things are in addition to keeping up with my friends and family and also keeping myself in check.

Even though it’s a lot, honestly, I could do it. That is, if it weren’t for the class that could commonly go by the name of the course of satan himself.

Now, I have nothing against Mr. Driscoll; I love him. He’s super sweet, helpful, and knows what he is talking about. However, I don’t think the best teacher in the entire world could get me through that class. Again, this is not due to Mr. Driscoll, but as soon as I walk through the door of the chem lab, I am flooded with an immediate sense of grief. If I hear one more person talk about mass spectroscopy, thermodynamics, or stoichiometry, I don’t think I will make it to next week. I genuinely think everyone still in that class is some sort of superhero.

This past week, I have been pursuing other options for classes to take if I drop out of AP Chem. After much thought, I have decided to transfer to AP Bio. Now, I know AP Bio doesn’t sound all that different from AP Chem, but it is for me. I just have this deep-rooted and indescribable hatred for chemistry that cannot be applied to anything else. I’m not exactly sure what ionic compound demon possessed me when I was choosing my classes last year.

Anyhow, it doesn’t matter anymore, as I am out of that class forever. I will never be haunted by intermolecular forces and chemical reactions again. I am free.

Sad Asian Student Clutching Head After Failed Experiment In Chemistry Class. Disappointed Asian Student Carrying Out Experiment In Chemistry Class. Vector Flat Design Illustration. Square Layout. Royalty Free SVG, Cliparts, Vectors, and
https://www.google.com/search?q=chemistry+sad+class&tbm=isch&ved=2ahUKEwif863ozL2BAxUfI0QIHcW_BCIQ2-cCegQIABAA&oq=chemistry+sad+class&gs_lcp=CgNpbWcQAzoFCAAQgARQ0wdYlw1ghA5oAHAAeACAAUaIAZsCkgEBNpgBAKABAaoBC2d3cy13aXotaW1nwAEB&sclient=img&ei=djUNZZ_gLp_GkPIPxf-SkAI&bih=803&biw=1470&rlz=1C5CHFA_enUS917US917#imgrc=aQow0fyf_WhZLM

A Theory on Eating Disorders

graceovsLeave a comment

My fascination with eating disorders was sparked when one of my closest friends developed severe anorexia several years ago. She almost died before getting the right treatment. Thankfully, she has recovered now, but her illness really got me thinking. I’ve come up with this theory, and someone is yet to prove me wrong. It’s this – everyone is a victim to disordered eating.

I know what you’re probably thinking: “No, not me, I don’t starve myself.” But it’s not just anorexia I’m talking about. I don’t just mean any eating disorder that you’ve heard of or that has a label for. In fact, maybe it’s not a full-blown eating disorder at all, but some level of disordered eating. There are these little quirks people have with their diets, which may not reach the extent of malnutrition, but nonetheless prevent an entirely healthy relationship with food.

PC: To the Bone (movie) https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BYWIxZmU5ODctZGVmYi00NTViLTgxZTctMTE5YzJiMTI4MGVmXkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyMTE0NTczNDAz.V1.jpg

I’ll give you some examples because you can’t have a theory without evidence. My grandmother weighs out her muesli each morning to the recommended serving, a friend of mine feels guilty to be eating if she hasn’t exercised that day, and my dad forces himself to polish off every morsel left on his plate. I’ve noticed parents who never stray from their healthy foods, a boy at my school who loads his plate with hamburger patties in order to “bulk up”, and a long list of girls my age who skip breakfast because they apparently don’t feel hungry in the mornings. The list goes on and on.

24/7 Anxiety (Yay)

treefroggyLeave a comment

Trigger warning for anxiety, OCD, and violent intrusive thoughts

I have been so anxious lately and nothing has been helping. Everything makes me anxious. Talking to people makes me anxious, being near people makes me anxious, people’s expectations make me anxious, and even thinking about those things makes me anxious. Knowing how behind I am in school makes me anxious, and thinking about how I’m disappointing people by not being my normal self is making me anxious, and feeling like I have no one who really likes me at school is making me anxious. It’s making me anxious that my birthday is coming up, and I don’t know what I’m going to do with myself when I become an adult next year. Even being alone in my room makes me anxious because I’m just avoiding my anxious thoughts and the thought of having anxiety makes me anxious.

So yeah, literally everything is making me anxious.

My obsessive thoughts are not helping. Most of it is stuff like people are going to die because of the socks I picked out, my family will get into a car crash because I used the wrong color pen, or that I didn’t step on an equal amount of cracks with both feet and so now my leg is going to get amputated. I get super anxious about everyday actions causing harm to people I love or to myself. I can’t avoid the anxiety even if I’m not thinking about other people and their thoughts of me, because even my brain has turned against me. It’s really hard to keep the obsessive thoughts away, and not doing the compulsions that come with them gives me so much anxiety that it’s overwhelming.

Basically, it feels like I’m in a sinking ship and nothing is working to help me learn to swim and nobody is hearing me when I ask or scream for help and everybody hates me. Anyways.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:SMirC-thumbsup.svg

The Ups and Downs with Life

elephantlover2035Leave a comment

As time went on, my emotions started to grow into something not so pretty. My thoughts and feelings followed me everywhere, even when I wanted nothing to do with them. I was trapped and claustrophobic. I would come home from school and sit in silence, and do nothing. My motivation was gone, my happiness was fake, and my mental health was non existent. Sometimes it would hurt to cry because the mental pain I was in.

Photo credit: Joey Guidone

I was getting better. I wanted, no I needed to get better. I talked with someone, a couple someones, and I worked on my mental health. I started feeling bursts of happiness and motivation. These feelings that I have not felt in a long time. I thought I was getting better, I thought life was treating me well. Until it was not.

This time I understood what I was feeling, and I wanted it to stop. I did everything I could to get better, and I knew it was going to be a long process with setbacks. I was kind to myself, as well as patient. It took a while, and I still have ups and downs, but I am getting better. It is a day-by- day process.

I am finally able to say that I’m truly happy with life.

Pressure of Life

elephantlover2035Leave a comment

Life is hard. Life is not fair. Life has many ups and downs, especially growing up.

Once you reach a certain age, responsibilities pile up and you are expected to become more self-reliant. The teenage years are rough- balancing school, friendships, and family life. Then add the prospects of mental health and relationships.

Mental health is really important and life could take a toll on one’s mental health. Anxiety due to school and other things. Depression or sadness due to life and the tolls that life brings onto someone.

photo credit: Medical News Today

Relationships, friendships, and romantic relationships are really hard to navigate during the teenage years. Finding a connection that works is hard, and is really important to keep one sane.

School is very stressful. Teachers and parents put pressure on students and kids to do well in school, so they can do well in life. Students and kids also put pressure on themselves to get into great colleges.

Life is full of ups and downs, full of scary and fun moments.

Reflecting on the past

smalltownhumanbeingLeave a comment

Recently I have found myself looking back and reflecting on life before March 13, 2020.

Prior to that date, i was busy being social, going out with people, even sharing drinks from friends waterbottles. But today, that all seems so bizzar.

Its crazy how much seven months can change someone.

I now can’t seem to remember how life was before we had to wear masks or make sure we obsessively washed our hands.

I am now so used to making sure I put my mask on before I enter a building or if I am around people, but why was it so easy to completely re-program the way I live my life.

I do miss the days where I did not have to think twice about approaching someone. I miss long hugs with friends and family that you haven’t seen in a long time. I miss meeting someone for the first time and shaking their hand. I miss being in a room with people all together and seeing smiling faces. I miss it all.

I miss life before March 13, 2020. It was simpler and there seemed to be less evil in the world, even if that was not the case.

Art credit: peakpx.com

Statistics

mypetlobster11 Comment

Everyone on my mom’s side suffers from depression. Some members on my dad’s side are alcoholics and suicidal.

Addiction is 50% genetic and 50% due to poor coping skills.

Depression is 40% genetic and 60% environmental.

Due to this, I am 90% screwed.

Mental health is something that has affected my life for years and will continue to.

When I was thirteen I was diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and OCD.

By fourteen I was engulfed in an eating disorder that controlled and altered my life. My eating disorder was a blend of all evils, a coping skill for all my problems.

I hated my body, felt out of control in many aspects of my life, experienced great anxiety around food, and believed people would love me if I was skinny.

Starving myself fixed my problems, or at least I thought it did. I lost weight rapidly. I felt in control when I refused to eat. I got hooked in my ways.

But like for all things, the high only lasted so long… Even after losing sixty pounds, being underweight, and having every rib and bone in my spine visible, I still looked in the mirror and thought I was fat. My anxiety began to get worse, the panic attacks were hourly occurrences, and my heart began to fail due to the lack of calories and nutrients. I felt out of control once again, so I restricted even more.

It was a vicious cycle, and it continued… leaving me falling deeper into darkness, insanity, and sadness.

By the summer of that same school year, I was in the hospital. My struggles with mental health were close to taking my life.

Years have gone by now, and much has changed.

I no longer cope with anxiety and depression by restricting my food intake, I no longer weigh 80 pounds. I’m back in school, back in sports, and am much more emotionally stable.

But some things haven’t.

I still have anxiety attacks weekly, I still hate my body and worry about weight, and I am still extremely insecure and it affects how I act (making me seem full of myself when in reality I just need someone to reassure me that I’m not absolute shit). And lastly, I still feel out of control around food. I am unable to stop myself around certain types of food and it scares me.  I feel like my previous ability to say no to food has disappeared, and it scares me. I feel like I have gone from starving my self to binging. It scares me a lot.

I need to find balance and balance is hard to find.

Due to statistics and my past, mental health is something I am going to have to deal with for the entirety of my life.

I don’t like this, but I can’t change this. So every day I strive to find healthy ways to cope with the way my brain thinks, the emotions I feel, and my general outlook on life because I believe, with effort and dedication,  everyone has the opportunity to be happy, no matter how hard it may be.

Photo via usablilygeek.com