Tag: ojai valley school

I have noticed

urmom8beanLeave a comment

Things I have noticed around me as of recent. I noticed how his eyes are blue at first glance but when you look closer they have the smallest tint of sage green hugging his pupil. I noticed how whenever she enters a room the whole atmosphere changes. I noticed how he always checks up on me even when i’m the older one. I’ve noticed how her beautiful blonde curly hair has honey gold locks blending in with the others. I’ve also noticed that she look magnificent in white and it pairs beautifully with her gorgeous smile. I’ve noticed how energetic he is and how he puts 110% into everything he does. I’ve noticed the JV teams and how unbelievably proud I am of them. I’ve noticed their energy, love, and laughter, on and off the court. I’ve noticed how much she grown and how beautiful she is inside and out. Ive noticed how quiet she’s been. I’ve noticed how much i’ve missed having him here, and how he will eventually leave. i’ve noticed how quick the year is going, and life wont be the same. I’ve noticed there is a chance I don’t ever see these people again, and how much i’ll miss them when they leave. Will they miss me? I’ve noticed the end of things volleyball, first quarter, and very soon Halloween. I’ve noticed the end of high school, and how I will never be with the same group of people ever again. I’ve noticed how much I love them, and how much happiness they bring to my life. I’ve noticed the importance of them in my world, and how it won’t ever be the same without them. I’ve noticed how unprepared I am to leave, even when i’ve been so ready. Ive noticed the memories, the first ever volleyball practice, humanities class, dances, and them. The people who have been with me for my whole life. The ones I grew up with, the ones I wish I could continue growing up. I’ve noticed the beautiful sunsets on to of that glorious hill. I’ve noticed how fast the years have gone. I’ve noticed how much i’ll leave behind. but also…

I’ve noticed a little piece of everything in me, that i’ll always have no matter where I go.

PC: https://www.ovs.org/campus-life/outdoors/upcoming-trips/

Advanced Procrastination

kittenqueen3Leave a comment

Last night, I talked to my mom about how I used to be an academic weapon, and now I’m an academic victim. This is due to procrastination. I can make up the best excuses for not doing my homework. I used to just go on my phone, clean my room, or maybe make food. But recently, I have been getting advanced in my procrastination strategies. Now, instead of that, I will do an assignment from a different class instead of the one I need to do. I tell myself it’s not procrastinating because I’m getting work done. I actually need to stop doing this, especially with world notes, because it has caused me to do poorly on SAQs, and I also still haven’t done notes from like 2 weeks ago. Overall I’m pretty behind in all my classes, but at the end of the day, I usually get things in on time, but it’s extremely stressful. Last week we had a notebook check, and I was up till 3 a.m. doing notes. Anyway, it’s Thursday and this isn’t due until Friday so technically, I didn’t procrastinate this one.

“Png man running late“/ CC0 1.0

Feeling Butterflies

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

The butterfly effect is affecting my life. One small change and my whole life is different. New doors opened. New relationships are forming. And new butterflies flutter around in my life. The feeling as if butterflies are flying around inside of me. I feel like running through an open field of happiness. Sadness fled through the field at one point but now the field has drained. New things are coming into the field of happiness. There will always be flood and downpour but sunny days come of it. My mind and me urge to find the good in everything and everyone. I found the good. The good people come to those that wait. The good memories come to those who wait. Even if this is not the peak moment in life…Live as if it was. Feel the butterflies swarming inside of you when you try new things. Let the bad occurrences in life become the butterfly effect. Let the butterfly effect lead you to the happiness. From the butterfly effect comes with loss but a gain in the end. Recently the butterflies inside of me have been overwhelmed of nerves, excitement, and stress. The nerves come from new beginnings. The excitement comes from the recurring dates with the person who makes me so happy right now. And the stress comes from the problems all around. Personally the feeling of excitement or happiness is the best butterfly feeling. The butterfly effect causes the feeling of butterflies from within.

PC: Me

Goodbyes

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

Goodbyes are tough. Goodbyes are vigorous. Goodbyes are sickening. To say goodbye or not have the chance to say goodbye is going to be heavy either way. Losing a family member and not having the chance to say what you wanted to them creates guilt. The guilt that is felt when not having the chance to say goodbye is difficult. Depending on situations goodbyes differ from person to person. Personally within less than one month I did not get to say what I wanted to my lost family member but I did not get to say goodbye to my still living best friend in the time she knew I needed her. So this is my formal goodbye to each of whom I loved with my whole heart. I am going to begin with my goodbye to my uncle right now. My goodbye to my uncle is not an eternal goodbye but a goodbye till we see eachother again. I have no answers for when the time will be when I finally see you in heaven again but I know it will be good. So for now this is a goodbye and a remembrance that you will always be in my heart. I will forever think about your opinion on any boy I bring into my life in a more than friend type of way. On christmas 2022 I finally got the LED lights I had been begging for at my moms house. My uncle being who he is, only caring to make the kids in his life happy and hung my LED lights up for me to perfection and when I say perfection I mean like extremely perfect. The night my uncle died when the paramedics pulled him into my room and broke the LED lights he was so happy to hang for me breaks my heart. I do not normally cry about heavy topics around anyone especially my family. Talking to my mom about the broken LED lights and breaking down seems so stupid but it is truly what I think of when I think of his kindness and love for the people around him. Now my second goodbye to someone who is still alive and did not move away… Her and I did everything together. Where I went she went. Well that’s how it was for a while. There had already been hurt before the fallout but what the fallout did bring was disheartening. During the long winding roads of this friendship there was connection, disagreements, and love. I never got to say goodbye to our friendship but I never wanted to nor thought I would ever have to. Now that it has officially ended it is almost as if I have connected the dots. My friend would never be content with the friendship we had. There would always be better friends and I would always be her second pick. I was always there for her but was she always there for me? Does she feel the same hurt as I do? Was throwing a whole friendship out really worth it to her? I am not really sure to be honest. I would rather keep that question unanswered if I have to feel and hear the hatred and the violent words splurged again. The goodbye she gave makes me genuinely question everything. If she really valued the friendship we had would she have ended it in such an aggressive approach? I am not sure if it was purposeful but the ending of our friendship made me replay every moment as a slideshow. She cut me down to step on me as if I was something she could simply regrow once she needed me again, this time I will not resprout. I will not run back to her as I did every time before. Her words cut deep but my wounds healed back thicker. I can not live with the constant control and judgement she gave to me. But I can live with the memories we had together. I think this might have been the best moment and time to move on, to heal, and to grow. For each of us. I am not sure if she is as hurt by the situation as I am and forever will be but I have found the clarity to forgive and forget. I will forever think of her as my sister and I will forever think highly of her. For now, I am not sure were the future leads to. I am not sure if we will ever reconnect in a positive light but I want her to know I will always care for her and be happy for her even if she can not do the same for me. So for as of now and there seems to be an end at my words of goodbye. I am not sure if we will ever agree on who was in the wrong in our situation. I feel as if us parting was almost for the best, for each of us. I have so much more to say but in ways that are unable to express in any form. So with that I will consider this a goodbye to each of whom I wrote about and love to the world’s end. Goodbye.

PC:me

Writing

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

I never really found writing at any time fun. Recently writing has captured and taken over my entire life. If you want to become a part of my thoughts my writing is where you should be. When I write I express the bad the good and the in-between of my feelings. Sometimes my feelings are extremely deep and sometimes they are me ranting about my love for Pinterest. I really have found a love for writing. I have recently found a love for words that explain how I feel descriptively. I am not sure what writing has opened up for me but it is weird. I love it. I love the feeling after I finish something I am really proud of but I feel disappointed when I can not put my all in the the words I put out for people to see. I want people to feel the same as how my writing expresses itself. Once I produce writing I am proud of I don’t really care what other people think of it. I like it. I don’t care if people think I am bad at writing because it is fun and therapeutic. When my fingers hit the keyboard words flow out like a rainstorm and the pattering of the keys sounds as if the rain is dropping on the roof of my house. Writing has opened my creative thinking and opened me up to a new world. I like writing with no plot at all just writing and ranting. When my fingers start to type my thoughts overrun the speed of my fingers. I keep thinking of more and more to write without becoming completely off-topic. I just can not say some of the things I write verbally so I type them instead. Anyways that is my rant on writing I love it.

PC:me

People

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

All I have to say to start this off is ugh people… I have no idea why, but everyone I put in my life creates issues. I can never do anything without feeling severely watched or judged. Any moment I do something I have to stop and think. Will this trigger anyone? Will anyone be mad? People in the world we live in are never satisfied. Can I be friends with this person or will someone think I am weird for that? To be honest I have no answers… And the closest I can get to the truth is you and I will always be judged. Someone will always be mad. And no one will ever be happy with the decisions that are made in life. Many people just get mad for no reason whatsoever. While others will continuously stand by and be happy because they want others to be happy as well. To be happy in this modern age we live to make others happy. Most of the time that is a lot of work. I will try my best to make the others around me happy but at some point, in time, I realize… they will never be happy with me or the decisions made. Even if it is for their benefit. People always will have something to say. And it does not matter if you asked them or not. Some people just can never mind their own business. People crave to create, hear, and see drama. Which every person can be guilty of. But at an indefinite time, does that not get old? Friends, relationships, judgment, and anger always circle back around. All of those things circle back. And that’s what life does. Life circles back. The reality of the world is no one will ever be 100% happy. No one can change my mind or my opinion. The world is imperfect. I am imperfect. And people are imperfect. So take this as my apology to all of the people in the world. I am sorry for the mistakes I have made. I am sorry for the mistakes other people have made. And I am sorry for those of you who can not see through the imperfections of life. 

pc: me

Experiencing Girlhood

elephantlover2035Leave a comment

Girlhood is so pure. It is the feeling of sitting in silence on your floor going through your camera picking what photos to post on Pinterest. It is the feeling of turning off auto-capitalization on your phone. Girlhood is beautiful. It is doing everything on the floor- homework, getting ready, even eating- rather than sitting on a chair. Somehow, the floor is more inviting. Girlhood is dying your hair blue with the help of all the friends you made in college, and it turns out terrible, but it was not really about the end product at all, just the experience. Girlhood is borrowing clothes and switching outfits with each other when one outfit feels better for that person’s vibe. It is friendships that consist of talking all night long or watching Gilmore Girls until someone ends up falling asleep. It is a universal experience that women of all ages experience. Nothing beats the feeling of tanning all day at the beach and then getting a nice cold treat after. Or the feeling of becoming friends with someone because they complimented your outfit. Girlhood is simple, but yet impactful. The debriefs, the coffee chats, and even the 3-5 pm naps, it is all part of girlhood. It is using the restroom together at a party and holding their hair back when they throw up. It is supporting them through everything and working together to write texts that will either damage you forever or get you to fall in love with them. It is painting your fingers dark cherry red and taking pictures of the sunset. Girlhood is getting a beverage at a cafe and always taking candid pictures of your friends. It is uploading photos from your digital camera at the end of the day and sending them to everyone, waiting excitedly to see their reaction. Girlhood is messy, it is painful, and it is colorful.

IMG_5087
pc: me

Love

justthatonegirll1 Comment

To think about love terrifies me. The scary thing about love is that you never know when it is coming or when it is about to end. To my mind the scariest fragment of love is whether I get to have the experience of loving another or another loving me. For the majority of people this is not something that is in the line of thinking on a regular basis. The ongoing want and urge to have the ideal teenage love as if we were starring in our own movie with nothing to fright because we have each other to hold on too. Immaturity gets the best of us during these situations. At this age, in this generation, the little things are considerably left unnoticed. Where has all of the innocence gone? Now we have to worry whether the person we desire has opened our snap or text message rather than opened our hand written letters sent through mail. The meaningful moments within love have simply disappeared. Do I look good enough to snap him right now? Runs through my head like a bullet. Where have the simple walks through the park retired too? Now all the meaningfulness has taken a leave. The falling asleep on accident while admiring the world’s beauty has changed, to the falling asleep watching a rated R movie with no thoughts at all. No simple conversations, just silence. The silence that comes along with the “love” of this generation is not as peaceful or calm as it once was. What happened to the innocence of painting together with the one you like while the sunsets below the mountain tops? What happened to the stargazing on a picnic blanket in a large open field? Where has the love in the world gone? And then one day you wake up and suddenly realize real love is gone and life is not like the movies. Life is not like how it was decades ago. Life has changed and love has developed into a scary step into the long road of life.

Photo Credits:Me

Traveling

leapingwaterLeave a comment

This summer, I traveled somewhere that I had never been before. Being in an entirely new place was incredible to me. The sites. The sounds. The people. The culture. The overall difference in atmosphere from where I usually am was a major shift for me. I absolutely loved everything. Everywhere I went, from something as simple as (i know it sounds funny) an alleyway to something major like a landmark was so amazing to see. Traveling far away from what I am familiar with was nothing short of life changing. I am so grateful for my time there, as I did not want to leave once my time had come. I hope that I can return there some day in the near future. This location truly was the most gorgeous place I have ever visited. The part of my trip that really made it special was spending time with my friend. We made so many memories together that I will cherish forever. “Home” is not always a place, but a person.

pc: me

Fall in Love

justthatonegirllLeave a comment

When the leaves turn crisp, brown, and fall I know something is coming… My favorite season. The start of what seems like new beginnings. When the leaves crumble and resprout so do I. In the fall the air is fresh of cinnamon, pumpkins, and pie. The beginning of the holidays with family and friends resume once again. Pumpkin tea with a side of Gilmore Girls. Outfits become cuter as the layering begins for the fast coming winter. A cute scarf to go with the most perfect pair of ugg slippers is almost as fall as it gets. As much as I love winter(only because of christmas and my birthday) I do love fall a little extra. The thought of being cozied up in a warm delightful bed watching seasonal movies and special episodes of my favorite shows. Cooking and baking with my favorite soul, as we watch the rain pour down through the window we briskly pour the batter into the pan. Another anticipated rainy day. As the fireplace crackles and the rain patters I read the most enrapturing book. As I lay in bed thoughts flood through, thoughts of love, romanticizing, and adoration. The way a faultless fall finishes must intend falling in love.

PC: Both by me.