My love

I don’t think I could live without my phone. It’s genuinely so motivating. The first thing I do in the morning is check my phone, and the last thing I do is check my phone. There is nothing I spend more time on throughout the day than my phone. My mom is making me turn in my phone at 10:30 now because she says I’m a “screenager,” what she doesn’t understand is why I use it so much. I honestly don’t like people at my school very much there are a few good ones, but overall, most of my friends are out of school, and a lot live in Ventura. The people at OVS are just not similar to me, and I’ve never had a large group of school friends. I go to school and do my work and then go home, and that’s it. This is besides the point, my screen time, my most used application is Snapchat. I use Snapchat seven hours a day on average. The majority of my time on snap, I am communicating with my friends, and this is something that is extremely important to me. As a person who lives in Ojai and has no weekday free time, texting is what keeps my outside-of-school friendships alive. My weekly screen time average is 13 hours, and that’s probably an issue, but I love my phone. I can not live without music, and my Spotify screen time is one hour. My phone keeps me going, and I don’t know what I would do without it. I hope my mom forgets to take my phone.

Pc; Me

Emily Dickinson Poetry

I think Emily Dickinson’s “This World is Not Conclusion” is one of her most underrated poems. Here’s an analysis:

PC: https://pictures.dealer.com/l/longsubarusne/0206/e4cd7c82d5d22ed969b04975e716e254x.jpg

In “This World is not Conclusion,” the opening line asserts that the world we know and inhabit is not the only one and that death is not final. The statement ends with a full stop, in contrast to the hyphenated lines which follow. This difference signifies that the narrator is firm in his/her belief, which could be ironic, as the rest of the poem is concerned with doubt. Next, Dickinson describes a “Species” which “stands beyond –,”  to be “Invisible, as Music – / But positive, as Sound –”. This paradox suggests that the world may not be as rational as we would expect if music and sound can have opposite qualities. “It beckons, and it baffles – / Philosophy, don’t know – / And through a Riddle, at the last – / Sagacity must go – ” the poem continues. That which the narrator seeks both compels him/her to investigate and leaves him/her bewildered in the search for truth – another example of juxtaposition. No conventional intellect can answer the question of what happens when one dies. The poet writes that scholars have puzzled over this “Riddle” for centuries while other men have adopted religious faith, especially Christianity. But Dickinson says that sometimes this faith slips in a world becoming increasingly skeptical. When this happens to an individual, they will laugh at themselves a little, ‘correct themselves,’ so to speak, and blush in case anyone saw. To believe in something whose existence cannot be proven by any means, – in fact, can oftentimes be disproven – is embarrassing, the poet insinuates. People “[Pluck] at a twig of Evidence – / And [ask] a Vane, the way –.” The “twig of Evidence” metaphor describes how little proof there is, but could also imply that there is much more to be found – a whole tree from which the narrator has plucked but a twig. Conversely, the tree could bear information that invalidates the narrator’s belief system, but which they choose to ignore for that very reason. Dickinson’s intentions here are ambiguous. Also, the notion that a weathervane can tell “the way” is nonsensical because this device constantly changes direction. Perhaps the word “Vane” punningly suggests that truth-seeking is all in ‘vain’ and won’t produce any results. The final stanza reads “Much Gesture, from the Pulpit – / Strong Hallelujahs roll – / Narcotics cannot still the Tooth / That nibbles at the soul –.” This excerpt alludes to a Church service, and then concludes with a metaphor to communicate that no expression of faith can inhibit the doubt which “nibbles at the soul”. The poem as a whole explores the conflict between faith and doubt, especially when it comes to belief in an afterlife. It is up for interpretation as to whether this belief is well-founded or ill-considered.

an edgy poem like who am I to complain

DIRGE OF A BATTERED NATION

For this, the clay grew tall?

I think as political landscapes crumble

As the fast food employee,

with a college degree,

grumbles.

Into this?

Into the vision of empty factories and shattered glass

Into cafes where no longer,

We talk with one another.

Into fist fights that end in shootings and knifings

Born into this?

Into hospitals so expensive, it’s cheaper to die

Into a land that shakes with explosions

And vibrates with each war cry

Walking and living through this

Dying because of this

The republica fell,

and the clay grew tall

PC: https://i.pinimg.com/564x/ec/ff/c5/ecffc50318e785fc353bbaee14e915bc.jpg

best movies by actor

These are not my favorite actors, just actors that have been in a lot of movies I’ve seen.

Tom Hanks: Terminal- great story, made me cry when Forrest Gump didn’t. Great performance, and a convincing accent to me. Really unique plot and an interesting antagonist.

Daniel Day-Lewis: There will be Blood- honestly this performance is the reason I decided to write this blog. Some of the best acting from an already incredible actor. Many powerful scenes in this movie.

Willem Dafoe: The Grand Budapest Hotel- I mean what a cool character, that scene with the fingers. Anytime he was in a scene it was more interesting. Also, John Wick was a good movie with him in it- but not really because of him. I notice Dafoe is in a lot of movies I watch but rarely plays a big role in them (besides Spidermen).

Leo: The Departed- probably a controversial pick but a terrific cast and director. It’s intense and funny, Leo really delivered. At its core, this movie’s characters are what make it special, you really feel like you know them and you’re invested in their fates.

De Niro: Raging Bull

Pacino: Scent of a Woman

pc: https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BMTkxMjE3MjgwNF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMTcwNjExNA@@.V1.jpg

Two down Three to go

How did I even get this far behind on blog posts this is crazy. Steely Dan is so fire. I mean Do It Again is just such a head bopper, how does one even create something so in tune with the human spirit? Not to mention the other songs on that album, I can’t remember the name right now but you know the songs I’m talking about. Speaking of music, I really wish I could consume more of it, I actually would like to be able to absorb it, like through my skin, idk I feel like it never sounds high quality enough. I want my body just like be the music. When I die I just want to be a sound frequency, probably of a Steely Dan song, well not really, I definitely would take a while to decide what song I want to be after this life. Maybe A Milli by Lil Wayne that song is excellent. Or White Ferrari which is actually like a mid-song but the way it looks on the oscilloscope makes up for all the averageness of the track itself. Ok, I’d say that’s about one hundred and fifty words so I’ll stop just talking nonsense.

Blog Post??

Hello and welcome back to Emanuel’s blogs. One hundred and fifty words of free thought so that he doesn’t get zeros on them. He being me, I am he, there is only me. Anyway, I love garage sales, it’s like modern-day exploring. Today I got a carabiner watch and a point-and-shoot camera. The camera is a Canon Powershot SD600 I like the way it looks and feels in my hand. It has a tiny viewfinder which I think is cool. I don’t have a charger for it but Ben does so I’ll go over to his house after work and pick that up probably.

I’m so done with school, I know this is a fairly universal feeling for seniors in their last month of Highschool but holy moly it’s getting to be a lot. Something about listening to the junior talk about college as if it’s the most important thing ever really bothers me. Like why are they so keen to change who they are to fit into a school, every single one of them is incredibly smart and industrious and interesting but for some reason they have this competitive, verging on toxic, view of the college process. Like if they would just be themselves they would probably do better than when they all freak out about how to curate the application to a school.

Some of my Favorite Things Recently Pt. 2

1. People watching. I love to go to the coffee roasters downtown on a Sunday afternoon, order a hot drink, and pick out a seat at the bar facing the window. It’s the perfect view from which to watch scenes of life play out before me. Old people, young people, tourists, locals, skateboarders, shoppers, artists, and school children, are all going about their day; oblivious to my pair of eyes through the glass.

2. The song “Find My Way” by Frances & Simone. I saw them play live last weekend and have been streaming their one song released on Spotify nonstop. The harmonies are so beautiful.

PC: https://i.scdn.co/image/ab67616d0000b273ccd6c3751584055037daf3bf

3. This chai peanut/almond butter my mom discovered. SO SO GOOD. The other day I made a slice of toast, slathered it on, and topped it off with granny smith slices, cinnamon, and a drizzle of caramel – Michelin Star worthy.

4. Writing poetry in the shower. I trace stanzas in the fogged-up glass of the shower door, watching my words melt away, and it feels incredibly therapeutic. Take my word for it, this is the best use of the time you have spare while waiting to rinse the conditioner out of your hair.

5. Lists! This is no new development. I’ve always loved them, especially to-do lists. They provide organization, create a routine, let me plan out my day, help me manage my time, and hold me accountable for what I said I’d do. What’s more, checking off a task makes me feel so productive. Even if a task is a small feat, my to-do lists incentivize and reward.

my recent poems

“An Old Farmer’s Smile” 

The dirge of a battered life

Wrinkles his weathered face, 

A life of work and little grace, 

But in his eyes, there is still a fire, 

And his smile is warm, like summer mires.

He surveys his earthy prize,

It speaks of love and toil and pride, 

Of hard-won peace that can’t be denied, 

For the dirt and sweat of his daily chore,  

So when you see that farmer smile, 

Take a moment, stay a while, 

For his happiness is worth a fortune, 

And his simple smile, a true accomplishment.

“A Bird’s Last Look”

The bird takes flight, with a weary sigh

Against a sky of blue, he soars high

His eyes take in, the world below

So much to see, he doesn’t know

Where to go, what to do

With just one life,

So he dips and dives, on graceful wing

A dance of life, a symphony to sing.

And as the sun sets in the west

The bird slows down, his time at rest

One final look, at what he’s known

Before he’s gone, and off he’s flown.

PC: https://i.pinimg.com/564x/c3/e9/4c/c3e94c419a65a59ae365fabcf16f6459.jpg

Just Write

Ella makes me write blog posts

she says “just write”

i don’t want to

Im not very good

One Hundred and Fifty words

That’s not even that much

but I can’t get it out

words and words

I can’t just stop

I need to hit the limit

for me to be on top

is that it yet,

hold on, let me check

dammit that’s sixty-four

I guess here are some more

I don’t get it

Second semester senior

and I’m still stressed

Even this poem’s a mess

Still have more to do

Im getting blue

Face puffed

mouth stuffed

With some Journalism snacks

Brought by Fred Alvarez

and his pesky crew

that’s me, and probably you

Who reads these anyway

probably just Ella Shoot

If you’ve gotten this far

I guess, Good for You

not that good tho

cause you have to read this bit

poems are not my strong suite

after this thing, Freddy gonna give me the boot

Oh that’s one sixty-four

I went over

so at least there’s no more

well all I did was “just write”

sorry if you read it

you’re a good bloke

Poetry Pt. 4

dear [me],

i love the freckles that dapple your collarbone,

your double-jointed bent-backward elbows

i love the scar under your chin

and your dark unruly eyebrows

i love the blister you wear on your ring finger from holding a pencil wrong

i love your frizzy hair on rainy days

your voice cracks in the chorus of our song

i love how you speak to yourself when no one’s around

how you stumble over words when people are

i love how you sit slouched over at the table

and only ever play taylor swift in the car

i love the way your nose wrinkles when you laugh at your own jokes

but you loving yourself

is the thing i love most.

yours truly,

mine forever,

lulabean.

untitled V

i put salt on watermelon

to make it taste sweeter.

i wonder if all these tears

will one day make my happiness taste sweeter too.

starlight

the brightest stars are the closest to burning out.

maybe they already are

but you’re too far from them to know it.

PC: https://i.pinimg.com/564x/54/50/5d/54505ddc465e76fb4dd4797bf971faff.jpg

a curious sensation

they shouldn’t call it falling in love. 

i feel like i’m floating.

the falling part comes later

and some might call it heartbreak.

i hold my poems like a mirror

i read my handwritten stanzas back to myself

and i’ve never felt both so expressive and so understood.

i hear you,

you see me.

i’m staring through my soul with this magic we call poetry.